People randomly disappearing

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Lecrae

Guest
#1
#1
I just don't understand this, so I want to know if any other people here have had similar experiences. I'm talking both romantic relationships and friendships. Things will be going great - you guys have been talking a lot and/or for a long time, and suddenly the other person withdraws and they ignore your messages. You never hear from them again, even though you've tried reaching out to them multiple times (in a non-clingy/non-threatening way, of course). Things were going good, and you know for a fact that you didn't say anything to upset them. You know that your breath didn't stink, or you didn't have any BO to scare them off. You gave them space when they needed it, and you talked when you wanted to. The topics of conversation were always humorous, with an occasional rant/talking from your heart type of stuff, but nothing bad/frequent enough to scare them off. But yet they just leave you in the dust.

I have had this happen in almost every friendship I've ever had, as well as any semi-romantic relationship as well. It just doesn't make any sense. I'm trying to find any of my character flaws that could be scaring people off, but I'm just not seeing it?

Do you have this happen to you, and what do you do to find lifelong friends/partners who will stick with you till death? I'm obviously not looking in the right places it seems.
 
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MisterHarmony

Senior Member
#2
Jan 31, 2014
129
2
0
#2
Hey brother. Yes I understand the situation. I am sorry that this happens. From what I gather it has to do with following Christ. When you are full of truth and love, people of the world do not fully understand / accept you. I've also had situations like this.
I don't think you are doing anything wrong to make this happen. I believe you are maintaining your integrity and others who don't care to maintain theirs are threatened (for lack of a better term) by yours.
I think its because they don't believe in Christ.
 
L

Lecrae

Guest
#3
#3
MisterHarmony said:
Hey brother. Yes I understand the situation. I am sorry that this happens. From what I gather it has to do with following Christ. When you are full of truth and love, people of the world do not fully understand / accept you. I've also had situations like this.
I don't think you are doing anything wrong to make this happen. I believe you are maintaining your integrity and others who don't care to maintain theirs are threatened (for lack of a better term) by yours.
I think its because they don't believe in Christ.
Click to expand...
This could definitely be the case. Most of the people are self proclaimed Christians, but don't really show it.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#4
Aug 13, 2014
26,691
8,928
113
#4
I could tell you what happened to the missing people... but I signed a non-disclosure agreement and the government would send hit men after me if I told you.

<.<

>.>
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#5
Oct 11, 2013
14,554
2,174
113
#5
I had this happen with a girlfriend of mine once. My life was a wreck I mean a real train wreck and she stuck with me through thick and thin but then when I became a Christian she didn't want to have anything to do with me. It was the strangest thing as my life got back on track and had improved vastly from the mess I had been. She said she didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. I'll never know why....it makes no sense to me at all.

I wasn't cramming religion down her throat either.....only God knows why it ended this way.....

You haven't done anything wrong just make new friends and keep moving forward and pray for the ones that have left as we all need prayers. God is with you and He will work things out just trust in and rely on Him as He knows the desires of your heart.
 
A

Angelique

Guest
#6
#6
Ive recently had this happen to me. I had an amazing friend for two years. We loved and worked together for two years. Loved and laughed. They told me a few weeks ago that they really enjoyed me and enjoyed the time we spent together. They said they loved the way I saw life different and loved how I loved people. I told them its easy when its Gods love you extend to people. They said goodbye and I havent seen or heard from them again. I was heart broken, but I realized rejection maybe Gods way of protection. Protecting us from those that may block our paths to Gods will and purposes.
 
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MisterHarmony

Senior Member
#7
Jan 31, 2014
129
2
0
#7
To reflect on what JesusLives posted, I think when people avoid Christians its usually more to do with their personal hangups with God and not necessarily your interaction with them. I believe people choose to hate God with false reason or 'without a cause'.
So Jesus says 'a disciple is not above his teacher' if a teacher was excluded, his disciples will be even more so. I think this is why some will say 'I don't dislike God, just Christians'. But we are children of the Christ, so those who do not accept us as believers in turn don't accept Christ.
Does this make sense?
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#8
#8
A few points.
Seems the most common response is 'well, you're a Christian'. While that Might have something to do with it, i'm doubtful that this is Always the reason and only reason. This is just spiritualizing the issue. But, in reality, there is no real evidence that this is the case. And if it is the case, why doesn't it happen to more Christians more often?
If it's happening to you it could be that you are picking people who behave like this. Not on purpose, of course, but it's quite common for people to continue to pick people with certain characteristics or qualities. The same way an abused woman will continue picking abusive men.
Or, perhaps, there is something you do or say, or even through body language, that runs them off. The reality is, all of us are speculating, and no one here can say we know the answer. The best chance you have at the truth is to hear it from the person. But, since these people aren't answering you, it's tough. Maybe give them some time, then send a message telling them that you aren't trying to reconnect, but just want to know what the issue was, and that if they could answer you'll leave them alone again.

I do want to make a comment to one thing you said, though.
and you know for a fact that you didn't say anything to upset them
Click to expand...
You can't know this for certain. You don't always know what a person finds upsetting. Many people have some sort of trigger that sets them off, and often times keep it very private. While it's highly unlikely all of these people leave because you've set off their trigger, but it's impossible for you to know that, in every case, you said or did nothing to upset them. I can't count the times i've said something to someone that hurt or upset them and i had no clue. Or has happened to me, when the other person had no clue.
 
B

blueorchidjd

Guest
#9
#9
Haha that sounds like me, I have a tendency to do that to people a lot and let me tell you- it's actually me that has the problem.
At times I feel like I have nothing to offer in terms of friendships so I end up getting depressed and avoiding everyone.
I don't like pursuing friendships because they are a lot of work and a heavy commitment and I feel like my negativity may impact someone else, as well as my sin so I spend a lot of time alone and have honestly gotten used to it.
There may be a few people out there with this explanation and yeah, we have to learn how to conquer it if we wish to allow God's will happen in our lives.
 
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MissCris

Guest
#10
#10
I find it kind of ridiculous that people are blaming this "phenomenon" on being a Christian. While yes, the cross offends, it's not likely that a belief in Christ would cause that many people to scramble for the nearest exist out of your life.

If people were disappearing out of my life that often, I'd be sitting down with myself and taking a long, hard look at how I treat them, how I behave in general, and maybe even have someone smell me to see if maybe I just reek or something.

I don't know, it sounds like a super weird thing, so many people just up and vanishing on you. It happens to all of us at some point, because there are plenty of people who treat friendships and relationships like they're disposable. But almost every friendship ends this way? Really?

Like I said, I'd be examining my own behavior towards others if I were you.
 
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MisterHarmony

Senior Member
#11
Jan 31, 2014
129
2
0
#11
MissCris said:
I find it kind of ridiculous that people are blaming this "phenomenon" on being a Christian. While yes, the cross offends, it's not likely that a belief in Christ would cause that many people to scramble for the nearest exist out of your life.
Click to expand...
Matthew 10:22
You will be hated by everyone because of Me,

Yes, that many people.
 
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MisterHarmony

Senior Member
#13
Jan 31, 2014
129
2
0
#13
OP, please don't doubt your integrity. If the people are running off without explanation, there is clearly something they are being secretive and dishonest about. Especially if they do not say why if you ask what's up. Not to mention its rude and even hurtful to give someone the cold shoulder out of nowhere. Be wise. True Christians, I like to believe, aren't that neglectful.
 
H

Ho11y

Guest
#15
#15
MisterHarmony said:
Lol. What's that look suppose to mean?
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Using a bible verse to support an assumption. You have no idea why these people stopped talking to him, you're just guessing. And like Criss said... it's ridiculous.

Hence the face.
 
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Lecrae

Guest
#16
#16
MissCris said:
Like I said, I'd be examining my own behavior towards others if I were you.
Click to expand...
I guess being nice and humorous is too much to ask for these days? xD

Being an INTJ, I analyze things. A LOT. I pay attention to my body language as well. Being a psychology fanatic, I've studied a load about body language, and my body language definitely won't scare anybody off as I keep it warm and welcoming. I keep a safe distance away from the person, etc. And yeah, the rest you can read in the OP of what I do.

But, after all my analyzing of my body language, hygiene, words/conversations talked about, I still can't come to grips with it.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#17
Mar 13, 2014
42,386
16,874
113
69
Tennessee
#17
MisterHarmony said:
Matthew 10:22
You will be hated by everyone because of Me,

Yes, that many people.
Click to expand...
Good for you MisterHarmony. What has happen to the OP is perfectly natural as his love for the Lord would tend to repel those who don't hold the Lord or the Word of God in high esteem. In the bible it says that the Christian will be hated by the world. Yes, I do agree with you, that is a lot of people.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#18
Mar 13, 2014
42,386
16,874
113
69
Tennessee
#18
Lecrae said:
I guess being nice and humorous is too much to ask for these days? xD

Being an INTJ, I analyze things. A LOT. I pay attention to my body language as well. Being a psychology fanatic, I've studied a load about body language, and my body language definitely won't scare anybody off as I keep it warm and welcoming. I keep a safe distance away from the person, etc. And yeah, the rest you can read in the OP of what I do.

But, after all my analyzing of my body language, hygiene, words/conversations talked about, I still can't come to grips with it.
Click to expand...
Pray for the Lord to send like minded people your way. You are not doing anything wrong as you are on the right.
 
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MisterHarmony

Senior Member
#19
Jan 31, 2014
129
2
0
#19
Your saucy face is pretty rude in that case, so it furthers my faith to believe I have been telling the truth. Are you trying to impress Jesus by giving me a look like that? Its a little hurtful.
What makes you feel that I am guessing and not sharing the Lords wisdom?
Being hated by everyone isn't a guess. Therefore it is applicable to the situation.
I do get the feeling that maybe you are someone who does the same and you don't want to be held accountable for neglect. Is that really what is going on?
'Hated without reason' hmm... I wonder why so many people up and vanishing would be mysterious and without cause.
Without cause is why. I'm not quick to be assessing the behavior of OP. That is the real guess.
 
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