You're Such a Flirt

[hoss2576]

Have you ever been talking to someone and the thought cross your mind, "Are they flirting with me? Geesh, if this is flirting, they are awfully bad at it." As I sat in singles chat I wondered that the other night watching a few CC'ers interact. To be honest and not to knock some of my brothers in the faith (especially because I fall into this group), but I mean their flirting skills were cringe worthy. I admit never seeing someone use "Hey babe, you look like a 5 point Calvinist" as a line yet thankfully.

So I began to think about this. What makes a good flirtation, and are most people able to spot when they are being flirted with?

So I have a slew of questions.

Are you able to realize when you are being flirted with? What makes a good flirt to you - is it just added attention or maybe a well placed compliment? Do you find it more difficult to distinguish when someone is trying to flirt with you online due to the lack of nonverbal cues? How do you handle unwanted flirting? What has been your worst experience with flirting?

 

[blue_ladybug]

I don't mind being flirted with, UNLESS the person doing the flirting starts getting annoyingly flirtatious. Then, that's usually when I tell them I have to go (if I'm on here) or I just tell the guy I'm not looking for a relationship so don't waste your time flirting with me. LOL.

Speaking of flirting, hoss, your bulldog just stuck his tongue out at me. Does that mean he likes me? Oh my, what to do..lol

 

[DuchessAimee]

There's worldly flirting and then there's Christian flirting. The two overlap some, and in the right context are one in the same, but it all depends.

For me, I can easily recognize worldly flirting. It tends to not be hidden or awkward. I realize it's not always true, but in my experience it usually is.


Christian flirting seems to be stunted, almost like people are scared. Which I understand to a point. The church hasn't handled certain parts of relationships very well and has flat out created a fear model.


If someone is flirting with me and I want to, I'll flirt back. Sometimes I'm completely obtuse and I miss the fact someone actually IS flirting with me because I don't see myself as any great treasure. However, if someone is flirting and I'm not interested, I won't lead them on. It doesn't matter if it feels good, I won't return the gesture. It's cruel, even if the person flirting with me is someone I don't think I'll meet up with again. How do I know that for sure? I don't know that I won't run into them again at church or the grocery store or my friend's birthday party. I'm kind, but not flirting tone, physicality, or the like. Leading someone on just so you can feel better about yourself is seriously messed up. And if that's you, I think you and Jesus need to have a conversation.

 

[JesusChica1991]

LOL I know there is a difference between teasing and flirting...and just being polite and flirting. Usually the people that can't tell the difference are either desperate or just really don't know the difference because they are taught that all of them are the same thing

 

[Nicee]

Me personally flirting doesnt mean much to me. I started it way when i was young. I never use "Hey babe" or something like that. I just get to know the person and compliment her on her character. Girls have flirted with me but it alway about my character and how i represent myself.

 

[Ho11y]

Christian flirting?? Now that's just awkward.

If a guy i don't really know is flirting with me, i don't respond to it. If there is someone i like who happens to like me as well, then flirting is a good thing. That is the only time i'm okay with it. I generally have no respect for men/women who flirt with everyone. You can't take those type of people seriously.

In my opinion, the worst type of flirting is when a guy you've just met start's calling you ''babe'' or any other name other than your own. That's got a real creeper vibe to it.

 

[Riv]

I don't think we need to over complicate this. there is nothing wrong with expressing interest in someone you know and feel that they could be a potential spouse but there is a clear line between expressing interest and being lacivious.

 

[gypsygirl]

i think flirting is entirely fused with our personality and how we interact with people in general.

i'm quite certain that guys who don't know me have mistaken "me just being me" as being flirtatious, even though it wasn't the case at all. especially if i am making the effort to include guys (and girls) in a group conversation/event and being what i consider friendly and hospitable (including those being left out).

for example, when there is someone new to church, i will usually look for a chance to introduce myself -- which is what i consider being welcoming. to someone who doesn't naturally do those things (such as a shy or introverted person) it probably appears as a more meaningful gesture than how i intend it.

however, i am that way regardless of gender, age, etc. it's just the way i am.

and the same could be said about how feel about chat, often. when someone is new, i don't want them to feel excluded and unwelcome. and frankly that effort to include and welcome someone has been misinterpreted. more than once.

in chat, my favorite way to handle that kind of flirtatious, unwanted, and focused attention on me is to take the pointed questions being asked of me and turning them towards the room. for example, if he asks me a specific question (on mic, in the room), i'll turn it around and say something like, "what about everyone else? i'd love to know what other people have to say about that." and that just naturally takes the focus of me, and gets everyone else in the discussion.

often, i will tend to tell guys who PM me in chat with unwanted attention something along the lines of "i'm sorry, i'm just not terribly good at being able listen and pay attention to several discussions at once -- i'd rather prefer to keep all the discussion inside the room, please". and if they continue to ask me singular questions, i will continue to pitch them to the whole room as discussion. maybe that's indirect, but that usually works well for me.

If someone is flirting with me and I want to, I'll flirt back. Sometimes I'm completely obtuse and I miss the fact someone actually IS flirting with me because I don't see myself as any great treasure.

well, see, aimee, i think that's the cool thing about making a connection with someone.

i'm sure there are plenty of guys who might view me as some hyper, giddy, mildly spazzy, weird, slightly fussy chick who is way too interested in things nobody cares about, and for them, i'm probably just annoying or only tolerable. and that's perfectly fine. i don't think we're supposed to appeal to the masses. at least i don't aspire to that. yet, to another person, with similar or complementary interests, personality, or type, the impression may be very different.

and i believe the same is true for all of us, including you.

in some ways, we're all wired differently, seeking our own sublime, varied in what we enjoy, find fascinating, and engaging. those qualities that catches our attention, what bores us--even repels us. you are perfectly suited for the guys who are seeking the kind of gifts, talents, intelligence and unique value that you were created with and the woman you are growing to become.

oh and one more thing: as christians, we were created in His image, wonderfully designed, fashioned with care and love, intricate and intelligent design for goodness, and for purpose. the fact that you don't see yourself as a treasure is something that i find concerning. sure, we all have our moments of insecurity, and i would love to meet the person who doesn't wrestle with our own self doubt. but as christians, we are called to shed those standards that the world thrusts upon us, because we are new creations.

to our Creator, our Savior, the One Who redeemed and purchased us with the price of His blood, you are are nothing less than a beloved, precious, and worthy treasure.

as your sister in Christ, i have to also say that if YOU really don't believe that, then you're sending a (loud) message too. in a sense, you're rejecting that truth, and perhaps announcing to those around you that you don't believe you're worthy of being loved, or being treasured.

and i say that to everyone else who talks about themselves not being good enough, not worthy, not and otherwise undeserving. you know, the ones that cracks jokes about themselves being unlovable, ugly and the like.

it pains me to hear that sort of thing. really.

because in Christ our value isn't a metric determined by the world, or something that can be ascertained by the world's view of worth.

is it that hard for you to believe that God didn't or wouldn't create someone who would see your beauty, worth, and inherent value as His precious and beloved child?

ok, i went off a bit, and i apologize for the rant. sometimes we all need to take a minute, bible in hand, and re-calibrate what our true worth is based upon. : )

However, if someone is flirting and I'm not interested, I won't lead them on. It doesn't matter if it feels good, I won't return the gesture.

agreed. actually, i don't have it "in me" to flirt with someone i'm not interested in. i can't fake that stuff. either you're fascinating, curious or plain interesting to me. or you're not. and if you're not, i am going to deflect, divert, hide, rebuff, and politely redirect in every way that i can. 99% of guys seem to catch on pretty quickly.

 

[tourist]

I don't mind being flirted with, UNLESS the person doing the flirting starts getting annoyingly flirtatious. Then, that's usually when I tell them I have to go (if I'm on here) or I just tell the guy I'm not looking for a relationship so don't waste your time flirting with me. LOL.

Speaking of flirting, hoss, your bulldog just stuck his tongue out at me. Does that mean he likes me? Oh my, what to do..lol

Perhaps a few pats on the head and a "good doggie". Oh, toss him a bone now and then too.

 

[Trailblazer]

There's worldly flirting and then there's Christian flirting. The two overlap some, and in the right context are one in the same, but it all depends.

For me, I can easily recognize worldly flirting. It tends to not be hidden or awkward. I realize it's not always true, but in my experience it usually is.


Christian flirting seems to be stunted, almost like people are scared. Which I understand to a point. The church hasn't handled certain parts of relationships very well and has flat out created a fear model.


If someone is flirting with me and I want to, I'll flirt back. Sometimes I'm completely obtuse and I miss the fact someone actually IS flirting with me because I don't see myself as any great treasure. However, if someone is flirting and I'm not interested, I won't lead them on. It doesn't matter if it feels good, I won't return the gesture. It's cruel, even if the person flirting with me is someone I don't think I'll meet up with again. How do I know that for sure? I don't know that I won't run into them again at church or the grocery store or my friend's birthday party. I'm kind, but not flirting tone, physicality, or the like. Leading someone on just so you can feel better about yourself is seriously messed up. And if that's you, I think you and Jesus need to have a conversation.

The Girl/Woman in the video sure gets to the point without playing games.
Triggers how my old responses might have been. REALLY? WOW! You sure know how to get a guys hormones flying.
Convictions came to me shortly after becoming single three years ago. Kind of spooky now, as I am thinking of dating again.

 

[tourist]

Flirting? What dat?

 

[JesusLives]

I dunno...........What is a flirt?

 

[JesusLives]

Once upon a time I flirt
Then some people threw some dirt
Guess some feelings I did hurt
No more will I ever flirt

 

[Trailblazer]

Flirting? What dat?

Them bright green long pants with the dots and stripes look really good on you. I really like them a lot.
They match your hair so nicely

Now as a Christian dating with convictions!
Please do not offer them to me as you stand in front of me. I might have convictions. For I bet you look even better with them off of you. LOL

Am I banned now? Why do I now think that I am in trouble? Did I ignore my convictions? Why do I want to date anyone when I have these kinds of feelings? Should I just stay home, be a hermit. and just Live in the Spirit? I sure wish that I liked drinking more. For I think four bears would be very good for me about now. Maybe just one Vodka and cranberry.
I'm sure glad that I did not go on that date. Maybe tomorrow will go better. For now I am more prepared for dating LOL

This may have gone nice with what post# 7 mentions.

 

[christian74]

I think the ability to flirt or being able to realize someone is flirting with you is something you are born with. I lack both, especially the former since it's just not in me, period. The latter.. I guess I am slightly better at that than flirting because sometimes I look back and wonder if she was flirting with me.

 

[Charcoal]

The Girl/Woman in the video sure gets to the point without playing games.
Triggers how my old responses might have been. REALLY? WOW! You sure know how to get a guys hormones flying.
Convictions came to me shortly after becoming single three years ago. Kind of spooky now, as I am thinking of dating again.

...I thought you were acquitted?

 

[Trinity33]

Lol shoooooooooot! I am a flirt! Love to flirt lol ~bats lashes~ ;-)

 

[Trinity33]

I think the ability to flirt or being able to realize someone is flirting with you is something you are born with. I lack both, especially the former since it's just not in me, period. The latter.. I guess I am slightly better at that than flirting because sometimes I look back and wonder if she was flirting with me.

Yep she is ;-)

 

[wisebeardman]

flirting..... wot?

sounds silly.

 

[Liamson]

Its not rocket science, you either "get it" or you don't.