Well the thing is I already called myself a Christian so I wasn't "looking" for anything at that time, and I still looked at the world like most of us are raised to. I really liked the idea for this Jesus guy, but that was only way after seeing my first son born, after seeing my 1st sons birth, I just couldn't deny there was God anymore, don't get me wrong I didn't run out that day a Christian at all, I didn't just go straight to Christianity, but I just felt there was a God after that. Again a completely personal experience I can't really explain or defend in a debate, but I had to go through that first to even get close to what happened later.
Anyway years after that, my son is now 8 and his brother 3 and my life was good. God was blessing me very well. I remember the day of the wreak walking out of my awesome job thinking to myself, "man I am hoping on my motorcycle with my long "Viking braid" that hung halfway down my back heading home to my beautiful wife and two awesome kids, all my bills are paid, all credit card were just paid off, I had any other the material things I wanted big TV, ALL video game systems, any new movies I wanted, I mean I had it ALL. I had accomplished that, I “loved” Jesus but let’s be honest, Jesus isn’t paying the bill’s.
I never made it home that day and woke up in the hospital 2 ½ weeks later with a right arm that no longer functioned. The whole story is posted in here under the testimonies forum for more details but I’m trying to be brief. I was very happy to still be alive…. At first. It’s easy to be happy in the hospital on drugs with people helping you hand and foot, not so easy once you get home. Short of it I ended up with $1,200 as compensation for my arm. I was always the “scrapper” growing up, very arrogant and self-reliant. In my younger day violent and not very understanding, just very angry. All that had changed on my own steam up until this point, I had the family, the job, the security, the toys, I had it all, and now it was ALL gone and I wasn’t even a whole man anymore to do anything about it. I was crushed man and no insurance, or court system, or doctor, or any of this stuff our “advanced society” was supposed to have the answers for could help me. Even worse than that I was a Christian right? Why did this God I claimed to love let this happen to me? I was confused man.
So it got worse and worse until I wanted to die worse than anything else. All I could think about was ending this pain, and I could do it so easily too, I had no feeling in my right (dominate by the way) arm at all. I could cut the wrist and not feel the bite of the blade. There was just one thing stopping me, my two sons. Anything else I could rationalize, my beautiful wife would have no problem finding someone whole to love and take care of her, my family would eventually more on, it would just be a blip on everyone else’s radar. I just had two sons out here that I knew that no one could love and take care of them like their father could. It was my responsibility so I was stuck here wanting to die not understanding why I had to be “stuck” here.
Well this is the part where I hit my knees and call out for Jesus and he makes me feel fluttery and I start quoting scripture to you, LOL, sorry to disappoint.
I did break though, and I did hit my knees crying, but what I said was “World you win, I can’t do it anymore!, I just can’t do it anymore, I QUIT!!!!” And this was where my pride was crushed completely. I have never quit a thing in my life, never let it whoop me, but right then right there I quit life and knew I could no longer do it on my own. Now the best part, I didn’t even realize what happen at first, I just knew I didn’t feel like dying every second, and I was just filled with new energy, a new life, I didn’t know why but I did know it was from God. I remember describing the feeling I had as having a “umbilical cord directly to the Holy Spirit” to people before I realized I had been literally “reborn”. My habits changed overnight too. After a lifetime of LOVING video games that next day I played for about 7 minutes before I turned it off. Not because it was evil or anything like that, I just had my priorities rearranged and had better way to spend that time now, like with my kids. Porn was also something I looked at on a regular basis, what was wrong with that? No one got hurt and these people choose and were paid to do this, what’s the big deal? I pulled up some porn right after this change and all I could think about was, “what lead this girl to do this? What will she tell her kids if they ever find this video? How do her parents feel?”, I mean I just could bring myself to get pleasure of someone’s regrets anymore. Now this isn’t bragging but I never saw anything wrong at all with these things until this change took place, but what would make me change like this so quickly? What would keep me from doing either one of them for more than a year now? It’s been my experience men don’t give up the habits they love for no reason when they don’t even see them as bad. They can’t give it up when they want to more than anything from what I’ve seen in life.
These are the things that proved God is real to me, they have shown me the Christian God of the Bible is the Truth beyond any doubt, but I can’t prove it to anyone, which is why I think it spread like it did because people could see these miracle changes in their own family members and friends. This is why it couldn’t be stamped out. LOL, I could go on and on but, It’s too long already. Thank you for asking and showing interest giving me the opportunity to share. I hope it’s helpful or at least helps you understand where I’m coming from. Trust me it’s taken me the better part of this year to take in that it’s all real, and I called myself Christian before.
