Question for previously-married singles

[arwen-undomiel]

Would you have any words to give to singles anticipating or entering into serious relationships/ thinking about marriage? Since you had taken the plunge into marriage, I just wonder if there were things that you could say to your pre-marriage self- what would it be? And if there is advice you would like to give to others?

 

[arwen-undomiel]

I guess this question can be posed also to those who lost a spouse due to illness, and are welcome to reply too

 

[OnThisRock]

The only success I have had, is to really see where they are with the Lord before going any further or dating at all. I have learned just from many hard lessons that many I considered dating said they were following the Lord, but really weren't. I found this out after I felt feelings. That was not good. I am freer now that I know what I don't want. I cannot give any successful advice otherwise. I'm successfully single..... lol....

 

[Jamal]

Why would you want marriage advice from people who are failures at marriage? Do you expect that they learned a lesson? Only blank slates are good at learning. You should be asking advice from people who have had long successful marriages. You should study the Bible and follow its instructions for marriage. I mean really follow it, and not be one of these hypocrites who say they follow Christ but are busy bending and breaking His Word.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Why would you want marriage advice from people who are failures at marriage? Do you expect that they learned a lesson? Only blank slates are good at learning. You should be asking advice from people who have had long successful marriages. You should study the Bible and follow its instructions for marriage. I mean really follow it, and not be one of these hypocrites who say they follow Christ but are busy bending and breaking His Word.

 

[arwen-undomiel]

Note: not a thread to discuss christian divorce/ biblical discussion of.

 

[JesusLives]

I was married from 1972 until 1979 - And I did learn lessons that will help assist me in another go round.

I learned that I should respect my husband and that it would not be a bad idea to actually submit to him.
I learned that when communication breaks down the marriage is OVER.
I learned that if one spouse refuses to go to marriage counseling the marriage is OVER.
I learned I got married way too young (at 17) and that when I grew up my ideas changed too much and instead of us growing together we grew apart.
I learned to live on my own for 35 years and learned I was afraid of commitment.
I learned that I needed to re-learn to trust again and......
I learned that God should be in the number one spot in my life and the life of any future spouse who's name happens to be Jerry in my case.....

So I disagree with a previous poster here that you can learn from failure and usually the lessons learned stick....

 

[Jamal]

I was married from 1972 until 1979 - And I did learn lessons that will help assist me in another go round.

I learned that I should respect my husband and that it would not be a bad idea to actually submit to him.
I learned that when communication breaks down the marriage is OVER.
I learned that if one spouse refuses to go to marriage counseling the marriage is OVER.
I learned I got married way too young (at 17) and that when I grew up my ideas changed too much and instead of us growing together we grew apart.
I learned to live on my own for 35 years and learned I was afraid of commitment.
I learned that I needed to re-learn to trust again and......
I learned that God should be in the number one spot in my life and the life of any future spouse who's name happens to be Jerry in my case.....

So I disagree with a previous poster here that you can learn from failure and usually the lessons learned stick....

Respect and submission is right.

Recognizing when a marriage is over isn't the same as learning what makes a marriage works.

You weren't married too young. The divorce rate has to do with the values and fitness of the people involved, not their ages. The only relevance age has is that people who fornicate through partners don't have official divorces when their relationships end. And, when they get too old, ugly, tired, and used-up to fornicate around any more, then maybe they can get married without an almost guaranteed divorce.

 

[tourist]

Why would you want marriage advice from people who are failures at marriage? Do you expect that they learned a lesson? Only blank slates are good at learning. You should be asking advice from people who have had long successful marriages. You should study the Bible and follow its instructions for marriage. I mean really follow it, and not be one of these hypocrites who say they follow Christ but are busy bending and breaking His Word.

You start with a blank slate and you often end up with a messy chalk board. The critical element of a successful marriage is to have God to be the centerpiece. The bible only provides the framework but you still have to live your life and manage your marriage. The bible is does not provide a step by step approach in making each and every decision. You are implying people are incapable of learning from their mistakes and to apply this knowledge and wisdom to their everyday activities. There are not too many long successful marriages and even fewer that would have those capable and willing to offer advice.

 

[JesusLives]

Respect and submission is right.

Recognizing when a marriage is over isn't the same as learning what makes a marriage works.

You weren't married too young. The divorce rate has to do with the values and fitness of the people involved, not their ages. The only relevance age has is that people who fornicate through partners don't have official divorces when their relationships end. And, when they get too old, ugly, tired, and used-up to fornicate around any more, then maybe they can get married without an almost guaranteed divorce.

I understand the first part of what you have written but don't understand your paragraph as it is written in a confusing manner to me.... But I would rather have tried and failed than not to have tried at all at marriage. My former ex passed away this March and I am free to marry. Don't think fornication has anything to do with anything as I was a virgin first go round....So really don't understand what you are talking about.

 

[tourist]

Respect and submission is right.

Recognizing when a marriage is over isn't the same as learning what makes a marriage works.

You weren't married too young. The divorce rate has to do with the values and fitness of the people involved, not their ages. The only relevance age has is that people who fornicate through partners don't have official divorces when their relationships end. And, when they get too old, ugly, tired, and used-up to fornicate around any more, then maybe they can get married without an almost guaranteed divorce.

I am unclear on what you are trying to say about fornication. When you are married it is called making love and not fornication. At least that has been my experience. It is important for the man to realize that biblical submission of the wife does not mean that this woman is now your personal slave to serve your every wish and desire. Husbands should love their wives and not believe that they are now the slave master. How old does one have to be to not want to or be able to fornicate?

 

[Jamal]

You start with a blank slate and you often end up with a messy chalk board.

Very true. And, a messed up slate or not, erasers are few and far between.

The bible is does not provide a step by step approach in making each and every decision.

The Bible provides values that if kept result in a successful marriage.

You are implying people are incapable of learning from their mistakes and to apply this knowledge and wisdom to their everyday activities.

Yep.

There are not too many long successful marriages and even fewer that would have those capable and willing to offer advice.

There are plenty of long, successful marriages around. If only 1 in 5 marriage are long and successful, that means that if you know just 5 or 6 older people, one of them is in a long and successful marriage. But, it's not really that people need advice, they just need the willingness to accept what is right. But, many people refuse to accept what is right.

 

[OnThisRock]

Hhahahhahaahaha! How did you do this?

 

[zeroturbulence]

Hhahahhahaahaha! How did you do this?

It's a god-given talent.

(I just googled "shocked gif")

post it as a regular image and un-click the box that says "retrieve image..."

 

[seoulsearch]

Would you have any words to give to singles anticipating or entering into serious relationships/ thinking about marriage? Since you had taken the plunge into marriage, I just wonder if there were things that you could say to your pre-marriage self- what would it be? And if there is advice you would like to give to others?

Why would you want marriage advice from people who are failures at marriage? Do you expect that they learned a lesson? Only blank slates are good at learning. You should be asking advice from people who have had long successful marriages. You should study the Bible and follow its instructions for marriage. I mean really follow it, and not be one of these hypocrites who say they follow Christ but are busy bending and breaking His Word.

Arwen, I would have loved to answer your thread.

But obviously, we all need to hear what a perfect and sinless married person has to say instead.

Please, Take It Away, Perfect Married Person!!! You Officially Have The Floor.

We all eagerly await for you to tell us how you've so perfectly followed God's principles and how the rest of us can follow in your footsteps.

My husband moved out without telling me anything about his plans while I was at work. I came home to a house that had been half-emptied out. A few weeks later, I received divorce papers in the mail. The last time he spoke to me was at our court date, and some time after that, came out publicly with the girl he had left me for.

I heard many years later (this was 1999) the he remarried and has children with his current wife.

But I know that won't matter to you.

So please, tell me how I can have a perfect marriage like you.

This is a perfect example of the many times in my life I have wanted to slam the door on Christianity and never look back, even though it's all I've known since the time I arrived into my adopted family.

I would guess that would probably accuse me of coming from a long line of divorces--and that is not true. I am the only divorce within my immediate family. Everyone else, including my younger brothers, have been married anywhere from 8-64 years.

The difference is, their spouses actually wanted to stay with them.

 

[cinder]

Respect and submission is right.

Recognizing when a marriage is over isn't the same as learning what makes a marriage works.

You weren't married too young. The divorce rate has to do with the values and fitness of the people involved, not their ages. The only relevance age has is that people who fornicate through partners don't have official divorces when their relationships end. And, when they get too old, ugly, tired, and used-up to fornicate around any more, then maybe they can get married without an almost guaranteed divorce.

Congratulations. Your arrogance and utter unhelpfulness have set a new record time in getting added to my ignore list.

 

[Loveneverfails]

Hooooooowwwws about....
we ignore that little derailment and continue on with Arwen's lovely thread? I still would LOVE to hear advice from married/previously married folks.

 

[kenthomas27]

Why would you want marriage advice from people who are failures at marriage? Do you expect that they learned a lesson? Only blank slates are good at learning. You should be asking advice from people who have had long successful marriages. You should study the Bible and follow its instructions for marriage. I mean really follow it, and not be one of these hypocrites who say they follow Christ but are busy bending and breaking His Word.

well i'm happy to answer then....

 

[Fenner]

Why would you want marriage advice from people who are failures at marriage? Do you expect that they learned a lesson? Only blank slates are good at learning. You should be asking advice from people who have had long successful marriages. You should study the Bible and follow its instructions for marriage. I mean really follow it, and not be one of these hypocrites who say they follow Christ but are busy bending and breaking His Word.

I for one think someone who's divorced would have some good advice as far as what happened to cause the marriage to fail.

Thank God for you putting everyone who isn't perfect in their place.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

Why would you want marriage advice from people who are failures at marriage? Do you expect that they learned a lesson? Only blank slates are good at learning. You should be asking advice from people who have had long successful marriages. You should study the Bible and follow its instructions for marriage. I mean really follow it, and not be one of these hypocrites who say they follow Christ but are busy bending and breaking His Word.

Part of me just wants to skip over this and not bother replying. But I thought you might like to know that I was successfully married for 16 years, and knew a bit about marriage, but NOW - after watching the death of my marriage - I know MUCH MORE than I could have ever imagined about what it takes to grow and sustain a successful marriage. It absolutely shocks me how ignorant I was about marriage while being happily married.

Only blank slates are good at learning? Spoken like a true blank slate.