Your aversion to Christ's water baptism is very telling.
F.F. Bruce: “baptism in the New Testament is always baptism in water unless the context shows it to be something else; that is to say, the word is always to be understood literally unless the context indicates a figurative meaning” (Questions Answered, p. 106).
There is nothing in the context that suggests it refers to "spirit baptism" F.F. Bruce goes on to say "If 'one baptism' here had meant Spirit-baptism to the exclusion of water baptism, it would have been associated with `one Spirit,' and not with `one Lord'." The Epistle to the Ephesians (Old Tappan, New Jersey: Fleming H. Revell Company, 1961), p. 80.
Does 1 Cor 1:14,16 and 1 Cor 12:13 refer to ONE water baptism or TWO different baptisms?