What does it look like?

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J

Jullianna

Guest
#1
#1
[video=youtube;ffBG7JAvBiw]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffBG7JAvBiw[/video]


We talk about female submission alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the time :eek:, but what should male leadership look like to a woman who is considering him for a husband? Trying to determine whether or not she CAN submit, respect, etc. if and when she becomes his wife? I don't think I've ever seen a thread about this in the forum - only threads about how we ladies are suppose to submit. :) DON'T MISUNDERSTAND PLEASE! :) I just thought it would be nice to talk about the other side of the coin for once. :)

My stepdad was not a godly man until almost the end of his life; however, he WAS a military man, so he did know a lil sumpfin about leadership. He and my mom raised a bunch of children as well. Both of them always said that the best way to lead was by EXAMPLE. The "Do as I say, not as I do" method won't cut it. I found this to be highly effect and true in raising my son, so I've always viewed being "led" by a spouse in the same way...but that's just me.

So...

MEN: What does it look like from a male perspective?
LADIES: What does it look like from your perspective?

What does scripture say it looks like from God's perspective?

Please try to play nice and stay on topic. Thank you! :D

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N

Nicee

Guest
#2
#2
"Love your wife ..." is more demanding than respect. You can respect someone but not love that person. ill say no more but like you I want to see what guys say. It going to get interesting in here.
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#3
#3
I really don't really know but I'm learning what godly leadership looks like. I think following Christ, wanting to grow in intimacy with Him, seeking first the kingdom of God - these things are all good starting points. If you're walking in Christ's footsteps, He who was and is both warrior king and servant, you can't go wrong. Of course that takes great effort, dying to one's self daily and rising to new life in Him who is Life, but it's so very important. In order to be a good leader, you need to be a great follower. You need to be humble and have a teachable spirit. You need to look to God first and repent often, but also to learn to walk in His grace and laugh often.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#4
#4
Nicee said:
"Love your wife ..." is more demanding than respect. You can respect someone but not love that person. ill say no more but like you I want to see what guys say. It going to get interesting in here.
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Yeah...I've always found it interesting that God calls men to LOVE their wives, but only calls women to RESPECT their husbands in scripture.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#5
#5
Tintin said:
I really don't really know but I'm learning what godly leadership looks like. I think following Christ, wanting to grow in intimacy with Him, seeking first the kingdom of God - these things are all good starting points. If you're walking in Christ's footsteps, He who was and is both warrior king and servant, you can't go wrong. Of course that takes great effort, dying to one's self daily and rising to new life in Him who is Life, but it's so very important. In order to be a good leader, you need to be a great follower. You need to be humble and have a teachable spirit. You need to look to God first and repent often, but also to learn to walk in His grace and laugh often.
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Sure sounds like a great example to me :)
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#6
#6
From my own experiences and those of people around me though, I'd say respect = love to men and love = respect to women. Maybe God knows more than we do about such things and that's why the Bible is written as it is? :)
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#7
#7
Tintin said:
From my own experiences and those of people around me though, I'd say respect = love to men and love = respect to women. Maybe God knows more than we do about such things and that's why the Bible is written as it is? :)
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THAT is extremely insightful, my friend.
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#8
#8
Thanks so much, my dear sister! Maybe I do have some godly wisdom in me after all.
 
N

Nicee

Guest
#9
#9
Jullianna said:
Yeah...I've always found it interesting that God calls men to LOVE their wives, but only calls women to RESPECT their husbands in scripture.
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It's because naturally females are lovers. Male/Female made up who God is.
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#10
#10
Nicee said:
It's because naturally females are lovers. Male/Female made up who God is.
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More accurately, male and female identities reflect the loving, complex and multifaceted nature of God. We're made in His image.
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#11
Jan 15, 2011
6,058
3,370
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#11
Tintin said:
From my own experiences and those of people around me though, I'd say respect = love to men and love = respect to women. Maybe God knows more than we do about such things and that's why the Bible is written as it is? :)
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By your reply I can't help but wonder if you've read this book.

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N

Nicee

Guest
#12
#12
Tintin said:
More accurately, male and female identities reflect the loving, complex and multifaceted nature of God. We're made in His image.
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SAME THING. LOL thanks for clearing it for others
 
N

Nicee

Guest
#13
#13
Tintin said:
From my own experiences and those of people around me though, I'd say respect = love to men and love = respect to women. Maybe God knows more than we do about such things and that's why the Bible is written as it is? :)
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Love=respect for women might be some of the reasons why some women are in an abusive relationship. A man will love his wife but abuse her. Love can be blind. Same goes for men. So when Jesus said that verse. "Love" and "Respect" should be base on how God love and respect us. I just thought about that now.
 
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Tintin

Guest
#14
#14
Nicee said:
Love=respect for women might be some of the reasons why some women are in an abusive relationship. A man will love his wife but abuse her. Love can be blind. Same goes for men. So when Jesus said that verse. "Love" and "Respect" should be base on how God love and respect us. I just thought about that now.
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I don't think a man can truly love his wife but abuse her. He won't be perfect surely, but abuse is another step in the wrong direction.
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#15
#15
Oncefallen said:
By your reply I can't help but wonder if you've read this book.

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No, I haven't read this book. I haven't read many books on relationships at all (I've traditionally been more of a biblical creation, fiction etc. type of guy). Do you recommend it?
 
N

Nicee

Guest
#16
#16
Tintin said:
I don't think a man can truly love his wife but abuse her. He won't be perfect surely, but abuse is another step in the wrong direction.
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Some guys are manipulative. I feel sorry for those wives who are being manipulative.
 
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arwen-undomiel

Guest
#17
#17
I have never experienced proper male leadership in my life- definitely not godly. I think I desire that leadership, but go for the wrong guys and give him the power that won't be directed in a godly way.
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#18
Jan 15, 2011
6,058
3,370
113
#18
Tintin said:
No, I haven't read this book. I haven't read many books on relationships at all (I've traditionally been more of a biblical creation, fiction etc. type of guy). Do you recommend it?
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Highly. My folks (married 45 years at the time) went to a class at their church that went through the book. They said that if they had gone through the same class 45 years ago it would have saved them a lot of heartache over the years.

 
S

ServantStrike

Guest
#19
#19
I'm not sure I can peg down what this looks like biblically other than the fact that neither spouse is their own master any more - they belong to each other.

A good man needs to be willing to give up what he has to support his spouse - provided she does the same. Properly executed, this a pretty even trade. Having someone who has your back and keeps you warm at night is pretty awesome - doubly so if you pray together. But I've seen a lot of sloppy execution.

This usually plays out one of two ways, neither of which is any good. One is that a man will not give anything to his wife - he gets all kinds of new toys and never spends any real time with her. The flip side is I've seen women who spend their husbands poor to the point where they have to work like crazy to keep up with them, or they smother a guy so badly he can't have a day alone.


Rarely have I ever seen a relationship where both parties honestly talk about these kinds of issues before getting hitched. That's leadership right there. A wise man would sit down with a potential mate and talk to her about finances, how time should be spent together (and alone - no one likes to be suffocated), and exactly what roles should look like inside of the relationship. Mange things before falling in headfirst and realizing that the two of you aren't even on the same page. Personally I'd lean towards having this discussion at about the 6 month mark - possibly sooner if things go incredibly well.


It would be incredibly refreshing if a woman ever had this discussion with me though - most likely I'd accelerate things quite a bit and she'd find herself being proposed to within a few months. And I'd say that ladies, if the guy you're into doesn't have this discussion, then drop the bombshell and see how he reacts - it ought to give you an idea of whether or not he's a keeper.
 
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arwen-undomiel

Guest
#20
#20
I think that at least for me, going forward, am taking the stand that leadership is earned through trust. If he shows himself trustworthy, I will decrease/ step back slowly and let him lead.
 
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