What can a girl do to get the guy she likes?

[rachelsedge]

Can I just say that it's definitely possible to like someone from a distance, I say that having never really spent one on one (or even small group time) with most of my crushes. However, I was able to see a lot of their personality and character through their interactions with others, the group, etc. even if it wasn't directly with me.

Then again, I get crushes very easily. I'm just saying you don't have to know someone that well to start to like them. *Shrugs*

 

[Kaycie]

I'm in the same boat. I don't know the answer. But until I figure it out I'm just working on being the best me I can be. I am preparing to be the best wife just in case it happens. And if it don't, I still became a better person in the process. One thing I do know now is don't focus only on how you look inside, cause how you look outside is very important as well- it is a physical relationship after all. If you want only a spiritual relationship- then you are stuck in the friend zone. Always look and smell your best. And think about how every day would go with your new husband, would you cook and clean for him? Then you should be in a habit of doing those things now.

 

[biscuit]

So theres this guy I really like, but there are so many things in the way. I don't know if he's even thinking about dating at all let alone thinking about me. We hang out a bit but only in group situations. He's not on facebook much and has an ancient phone of which I don't have the number. How do I get in? How do I become more than just one of many friends but a good friend then how do I go from that to girlfriend?
Im not good at flirting and I don't want to come across as stalker-ish or obsessive. I can never seem to be able to talk to him on my own and just don't know what to do. Help/advice would be muchly appreciated!!!

Louise, we can't help you if you don't provide basic info such as your age and where you met him and etc.

 

[Roh_Chris]

So theres this guy I really like, but there are so many things in the way. I don't know if he's even thinking about dating at all let alone thinking about me. We hang out a bit but only in group situations. He's not on facebook much and has an ancient phone of which I don't have the number. How do I get in? How do I become more than just one of many friends but a good friend then how do I go from that to girlfriend?
Im not good at flirting and I don't want to come across as stalker-ish or obsessive. I can never seem to be able to talk to him on my own and just don't know what to do. Help/advice would be muchly appreciated!!!

I agree with everything that Nick said in post #20.

If you're not good at flirting, don't attempt it. And don't do things like asking his friends for an introduction or anything like that. That creeps out some men. Since you both are on talking terms, I suggest you ask him out for coffee. If the guy is single and he likes your company, he will agree to it. In case you are unsure about spending half an hour in the coffee shop, you can ask him if he wants to grab a quick bite.

Just be aware that we guys are very pathetic in reading a girl's signals. So you will have to be direct with him. And please don't read too much into his actions. If he agrees to go out for a cup of coffee, don't start thinking that he also has a crush on you. He may just be thinking about the coffee.

 

[rachelsedge]

Roh_Chris I know this isn't really the thread for it but I just wanted to let you know that your avatar cracks up!!

 

[Susanna]

So theres this guy I really like, but there are so many things in the way. I don't know if he's even thinking about dating at all let alone thinking about me. We hang out a bit but only in group situations. He's not on facebook much and has an ancient phone of which I don't have the number. How do I get in? How do I become more than just one of many friends but a good friend then how do I go from that to girlfriend?
Im not good at flirting and I don't want to come across as stalker-ish or obsessive. I can never seem to be able to talk to him on my own and just don't know what to do. Help/advice would be muchly appreciated!!!

Talk to him. Laugh whenever he is saying something funny. Smile. Make him wanna contact you. Get yourself an ancient phone to make some common ground...Flash it whenever you get his attention. I think he will notice you then...

 

[Roh_Chris]

Talk to him. Laugh whenever he is saying something funny. Smile. Make him wanna contact you. Get yourself an ancient phone to make some common ground...Flash it whenever you get his attention. I think he will notice you then...

Yes, he will notice you as "that creepy girl who flashes her ancient phone and laughs at all my jokes".

 

[Susanna]

Yes, he will notice you as "that creepy girl who flashes her ancient phone and laughs at all my jokes".

Well, I can't argue on that. You are the man. You oughta know.

 

[Louise31]

+1

Louise, have you asked anyone from said group(s) of yours? That seems like a more suitable starting point if those people know the two of you.

A few of them know that I like him but I feel like it would be awkward to openly say to them. I really like him and I need your help to get him. No?

 

[Louise31]

Why do you like him if you seem to have very little interaction with him?

We see each other a bit just always in group situations. And Ive been able to get to know him through these settings. He's a strong christian and is into a bunch of things I am, he has the most dreamy smile and is cute and funny

 

[Louise31]

Yes he is hot but thats not the only reason

 

[Louise31]

This would be a good suggestion if he didnt already have his own church that hes quite involved in.

 

[Louise31]

I like what you have to say... but sometimes its hard to remember that God knows whats best and has your best interests at heart when picking a man for you and just because I might think that hes perfect dosent mean that he is.
Having said that, any suggestions on how I could 'stick my neck out a bit and become friends'?

 

[Louise31]

Im 19 he's 21 we met through a christian group on campus at the uni we attend we have a fairly solid group of friends but we've never done anything outside that specific group. Anything else?

 

[Roh_Chris]

Here are some options that I could think of -

1. Do you host any social gatherings at your place? Like a jamming session or a get together of friends? You could invite him for that.
2. How about asking him out for coffee?
3. If he knows you enough, then you could take it to the next level - establish contact with him.

 

[DanielTate]

Give him some roses.

 

[cinder]

We see each other a bit just always in group situations. And Ive been able to get to know him through these settings. He's a strong christian and is into a bunch of things I am, he has the most dreamy smile and is cute and funny

If he's into a bunch of things you are would it be possible to invite him to some sort of event of mutual interest? Something about this thing is coming up and I know you are kind of interested in it too, I'm planning to go would you like to come with me type of thing. It means he doesn't have to think of it as any sort of date but rather doing something of mutual interest with a friend so it takes some of the pressure off.

 

[gypsygirl]

perhaps this is the unpopular answer, but i don't think it's your job (or best interest) to concoct ways to orchestrate the advancement of your relationship with him.

if you know him in a group/social way, and have had opportunities to spend time with him, and he knows you are alive, exist, and are available, the ball is in his court. hopefully, you have exploited these opportunities to ask him questions, share interaction, and listened with interest so that he is aware that you find him interesting and worthy of your attention/focus. you don't need "alone time", or even a lot of time to do that.

you don't know what is going on in his head, his life, or what his priorities are. you don't know if he's interested in someone else right now.

would you rather be responsible for "orchestrating" an opportunity to "trap yourself a man" or be pursued by a guy who finds you worthy of his time and interested in learning more about you?

by the way, i was totally joking about the "trap yourself a man" comment, but seriously, it's always my experience that:

1) you're always best allowing a guy to pursue you, because the timing is right--he's acting on what he wants, and you are assured he's not distracted by a different/peripheral option. women who throw themselves at men forfeit that luxury.

2) if he's a guy that won't pursue, it's either that he's not interested in you, or he's isn't able/capable of taking action on his own --neither of which makes him someone who you should be wasting your time holding out for.

i don't ask guys out. i don't try to "set scenes" up. i don't orchestrate scenarios or perform cartwheels so that he will notice me even more. i just am myself, but use the chances i get to learn more about him, asking questions, and building rapport. that's it.

i know everyone won't agree with me, but if you don't believe that you are worthy of being pursued by a man who finds you to be attractive and worth getting to know better, what does that say about your view of yourself? or his ability to discern what is attractive to him and acting upon it?

 

[Ugly]

2) if he's a guy that won't pursue, it's either that he's not interested in you, or he's isn't able/capable of taking action on his own --neither of which makes him someone who you should be wasting your time holding out for.

Ah, lovely, more ignorant generalizations.

Please note, you've just said every guy, who answered a female asking how to get a guys attention, is wrong. Don't you find it a bit ironic that you feel you know more on the subject that guys?

 

[tourist]

perhaps this is the unpopular answer, but i don't think it's your job (or best interest) to concoct ways to orchestrate the advancement of your relationship with him.

if you know him in a group/social way, and have had opportunities to spend time with him, and he knows you are alive, exist, and are available, the ball is in his court. hopefully, you have exploited these opportunities to ask him questions, share interaction, and listened with interest so that he is aware that you find him interesting and worthy of your attention/focus. you don't need "alone time", or even a lot of time to do that.

you don't know what is going on in his head, his life, or what his priorities are. you don't know if he's interested in someone else right now.

would you rather be responsible for "orchestrating" an opportunity to "trap yourself a man" or be pursued by a guy who finds you worthy of his time and interested in learning more about you?

by the way, i was totally joking about the "trap yourself a man" comment, but seriously, it's always my experience that:

1) you're always best allowing a guy to pursue you, because the timing is right--he's acting on what he wants, and you are assured he's not distracted by a different/peripheral option. women who throw themselves at men forfeit that luxury.

2) if he's a guy that won't pursue, it's either that he's not interested in you, or he's isn't able/capable of taking action on his own --neither of which makes him someone who you should be wasting your time holding out for.

i don't ask guys out. i don't try to "set scenes" up. i don't orchestrate scenarios or perform cartwheels so that he will notice me even more. i just am myself, but use the chances i get to learn more about him, asking questions, and building rapport. that's it.

i know everyone won't agree with me, but if you don't believe that you are worthy of being pursued by a man who finds you to be attractive and worth getting to know better, what does that say about your view of yourself? or his ability to discern what is attractive to him and acting upon it?

You offer a lot of valuable insights from a woman's perspective. Your last paragraph was profound. Outstanding post.