His, Hers, Both, or Neither?

[hoss2576]

I was listening to a talk radio program this afternoon, and they posed and interesting set of questions that I thought would make for a good topic here.

When you get married, will you stay at your church, attend your new spouse's church, possibly split your time between both, or decide to find a completely new church for the both of you? Why would you make one choice over another?

Does it matter?

 

[Lynx]

This goes back to two other threads, the unequally yoked thread and the dating someone from another denomination thread.

Neither, as I recall, were resolved satisfactorialy.

 

[hoss2576]

This goes back to two other threads, the unequally yoked thread and the dating someone from another denomination thread.

Neither, as I recall, were resolved satisfactorialy.

Actually this doesn't have to be the same at all. I mean you can have a couple who are both active in their respective churches and both be in the same denomination. Also, I don't think there is a need for any kind of resolution but rather just insights on how people view the situation if they find themselves in it.

 

[Wormwood]

Wasn't religious dogma the sort of thing Jesus admonished the scribes and Pharisees of His day over (take the six/seven Woes of the Pharisees)? And now denominations divide us in our relationships and fellowship.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

I strongly believe that a married couple needs to go to the same church. I feel like I probably shouldn't marry a man if I wouldn't be willing to attend (or submit to) his church. But overall, it really comes down to details. Where we live, how involved we each are, whether he has children or other family members established at his church, or me at mine. I am also on staff at my church so that would complicate things. So, short answer... I have no idea.

 

[maxwel]

I strongly believe that a married couple needs to go to the same church. I feel like I probably shouldn't marry a man if I wouldn't be willing to attend (or submit to) his church. But overall, it really comes down to details. Where we live, how involved we each are, whether he has children or other family members established at his church, or me at mine. I am also on staff at my church so that would complicate things. So, short answer... I have no idea.

I agree.


Amos 3:3
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

Wasn't religious dogma the sort of thing Jesus admonished the scribes and Pharisees of His day over (take the six/seven Woes of the Pharisees)? And now denominations divide us in our relationships and fellowship.

This thread isn't about denominations or division. Just about whose church to attend. Even the New Testament Christians weren't able to all attend the same church.

 

[seoulsearch]

Great question, Hoss!

I can't tell you exactly what I'd do until I was in the situation.

My Mom became part of my Dad's denomination and church when they married. This was a great source of grief to her Dad, because his family had gone to the same church for forever (literally--it dated back to the 1800's and has a very cool cemetery with headstones dating back to that time period as well.) He was upset that she was marrying and going to another church, but he respected their decision. I was raised in my Dad's denomination but not the same church due to distance.

On the other side of the family, a few years after we lost my Grandpa, my Grandma had a boyfriend for around 16 years. She chose not to marry again (though he would have liked to) because he expected her to take care of all the domestic work (as his wife had done) and didn't want to feel obligated to do so. They lived about half an hour away from each other so when he came to visit her, they'd go to her church. Once a month, they'd go to his.

I'm sure it's another one of those things that every couple must work out. I had a time in my life where I was experiencing a "spiritual growth spurt" and would not want to have left my church. But it's been many years since I've felt that "planted" (mostly because every church I've attended in the past several years has no singles my age, leaving me no one to relate to) and maybe it's because... I'm going to meet a great guy tomorrow and be expected to go to his church!!! (I jest.)

Seriously though... it would be something I'd have to work out with the other person. If I felt at "home" in another place, I admit that it would be very difficult to leave, especially after so much searching.

 

[Wormwood]

This thread isn't about denominations or division.

Specifically, no, you're right. I wasn't trying to derail the thread, Grace. OP brought up denominations in the post prior to mine, and I feel it's a contributing facet.

 

[cinder]

I was listening to a talk radio program this afternoon, and they posed and interesting set of questions that I thought would make for a good topic here.

When you get married, will you stay at your church, attend your new spouse's church, possibly split your time between both, or decide to find a completely new church for the both of you? Why would you make one choice over another?

Does it matter?

Yes. Except maybe on the split time between both answer because I do believe that if you're going to be part of a church you should be there consistently on Sundays. But this is a difficult question to answer since chances are probably good that if I ever meet someone it will probably be through my church, then the question goes away.

 

[Fenner]

Actually this doesn't have to be the same at all. I mean you can have a couple who are both active in their respective churches and both be in the same denomination. Also, I don't think there is a need for any kind of resolution but rather just insights on how people view the situation if they find themselves in it.

I know a couple like that, the Husband attends my church, his wife goes to a Catholic church. She comes to almost all of our functions and he goes to her churches too. They've been married a long time and seem happy.

 

[Pipp]

I completely agree with Grace like Rain

 

[gypsygirl]

good question!

factors like involvement, responsibilities and perhaps even whether one is far more content than the other seem like important considerations.

also, i have a general theory for decision making and resolving conflict that i like to use in any scenario, and this one certainly could apply.

which person cares the most? meaning, who feels this outcome more? i have been using this argument for a long time now, when grandparents moved in with me.

even though it was my first house, and i really wanted to have my kitchen exactly as i wanted it, i quickly realized that the organization and details of what we did differently would have FAR more impact on my grandma than on me. at that time, it was a lot easier to simply compromise knowing that i was sparing her much more discomfort, pain, difficulty that i would be feeling were the opposite outcome decided.

i would venture to say that one person of the two is going to have far greater depth of feelings on the matter. those concerns should be weighed heavily and then a decision can be made together.

also, i agree that they definitely should have ONE home church. but i do think it would be sensitive and considerate to make an effort to visit and occasionally attend events at the old church (the church that was abandoned in favor of the alternate) so that those relationships can be maintained (or even expanded upon, as a couple).

 

[Kaycie]

It matters extremely to me. I won't even date a guy who does not follow the same doctrine I do (which is the doctrine of Christ only).

 

[Loveneverfails]

My fiancé and I are actually discussing this right now. It's important for us to go to the same church, and we're on the same page doctrinally, so now we just need to pick a church. Until recently I'd been completely prepared to begin attending his church after we get married, but as of very recently I've started to be disturbed by some of the teachings (not anything mentioned in the services, but things written in the books out out by their denomination's publishing company). They're bothering my fiancé too, even though he grew up in that denomination. So now we're both researching their doctrine in-depth and have meetings planned with my pastor and elders from his church. If we can't be comfortable at his church, we may just go to mine instead.

I do believe that if two people can't agree on which church to attend TOGETHER, it's not a good sign.

 

[Fenner]

Neither my Husband or I were really raised in a denomination. My Mom was always Baptist and Dad Catholic. I knew in my heart that although my Mom would have loved for me to go to a Baptist church, it wasn't were I wanted to be and I know God wasn't calling me there. Catholic church I thought about, I was baptized Catholic, confirmed, but I really didn't feel God sending me there either. I used to walk by this Presbyterian church in our neighborhood, everyday. Finally asked my then Fiancee, would you come check this place out with me. That's how we became Presbyterian.


I've always thought it would r been nice to have been brought up in a church but neither of us had that pressure on us to chose a family denomination. I'm just going to say this, you should do what feels right for you. If my Husband ever started attending a fanatical church were they rolled in the aisles and had TV cameras everywhere I wouldn't go. Go were GOD leads you.

 

[AAAPlus]

For us, we met and got to know each other at church. We just continue to go to the same church we've been going to

Best way to do it IMO.

 

[Roh_Chris]

When you get married, will you stay at your church, attend your new spouse's church, possibly split your time between both, or decide to find a completely new church for the both of you? Why would you make one choice over another?

I am not sure because I don't know the future. I will first have to figure out a church for myself. It comes down to who I meet and which church she goes to.

Does it matter?

I think it depends on the couple and the churches they are attending. In the end, it is a love triangle between God and the couple, not between the church and the couple. Don't we have different parents and are still happy together in a relationship? So as long as they are united in God and are happy with the churches they go to, attending different churches should not be a problem.

 

[Test_F_i_2_Luv]

I was listening to a talk radio program this afternoon, and they posed and interesting set of questions that I thought would make for a good topic here.

When you get married, will you stay at your church, attend your new spouse's church, possibly split your time between both, or decide to find a completely new church for the both of you? Why would you make one choice over another?

Does it matter?

I'm not dead-set on going to a particular church on a particular block in a particular city at this point in my life. I'm open to investigating/experiencing/observing different facilities.

That aside, the woman who decides she wants to put up with me for life will be very aware of my Charismatic beliefs. She, then, won't try to get me to go to a church that is hostile to the gifts of the Spirit.

 

[ArtsieSteph]

I think it matters a lot what church you go to. That being said I love my church and don't want to leave it, but rather than turn it into a "yours or mine" battle I would suggest us trying to find a new one.