Ladies how would you feel?

[6ftmiracle]

Okay this question is for the ladies. So ladies lets just say you were in a relationship with a guy for a year and he was the sweetest guy ever. He was sweet, kind, compassionate, he was god fearing, forgiving, understanding, faithful, honest and very very patient. He was just the most amazing guy to the point where you would send him pictures of wedding rings because you loved him so much. You wanted to spend your life with this man. You told this guy that he was irreplaceable, that nobody compared to him, that you would never leave him over anything. He was just the most amazing guy. You have a temper, insecurities, your always stressed, your depressed, your parents talk bad about you, you have mood swings and this sweet guy your with has been so patient and kind with you through all of that. You have cussed this guy out a numerous amount of times, you catch an attitude with this man but yet he never left you, he stayed with you through all of this and he never left you no matter what you did he always tried to work it out. He loves and cares for you so much. you said things that made him worry whether or not you were being faithful to him and he was texting you from another number to see if you were cheating and you weren't you were completely faithful. you got mad at him for watching you and you cussed him out like a dog and left him over one mistake and when he asked for your forgiveness you didn't give it to him. You wanted him to suffer for doing it. You told your parents that he was watching you and your parents said to
Never contact you again, so you never heard from him. You moved on to another guy. So the next guy you met he wasn't as nice, he lies to you, he cheated on you, and he disrespected you, and then he chose another women over you, and you were hurt over it. You were hurt that you were lied to and cheated on but you still cared about him and wanted to work it out but he wouldn't forgive you he never really cared at all. Then right after that Then the nice guy you broke up with was on tv with a lot of money, a nice guy who would've not only given you anything your heart desired but treated you like the queen you are and made it his mission that you were taken care of and happy. how would you feel ladies?

 

[blue_ladybug]

You really need only post this in ONE forum. I've seen it in at least 2 other forums, AND on a blog. The mods don't really like us to post multiple threads of the same things in multiple forums..

 

[MissCris]

This is probably not a real effective way to go about resolving within yourself the issue you're obviously having...asking a bunch of women who are completely different than the woman in your situation how they'd feel? Also, the majority of the women on this site are Christians and all of the ones I can think of off the top of my head are highly unlikely to ever behave the way the woman in your post supposedly did.

If you're looking for advice, why not just ask for it, rather than trying to figure out how a bunch of complete strangers would feel about a very particular scenario that most of us wouldn't even be in in the first place?

Edit: Also, welcome to CC and I hope you find what you're looking for. I didn't mean to come across so...you know, snappy.

 

[ArtsieSteph]

I will try to be as objective as possible. I am me, not the specific woman you are thinking about, so there is a large likelihood my answer wouldn't have been hers.

(And before I say this all I do say welcome to CC, and hope that you grow closer to God and find some good friends here. )

First off I think that calling from the unregistered number was a mistake I would have thought at that point the man had already given up your trust of me, even if he had suspicions before. At that point even if I would have said "I've been faithful," suspicions at that point would have already been solid in his mind. I would have forgiven this man, but most likely a relationship wouldn't be able to be continued. I want a man to be straight with me, not play games to try and entrap me whether I had done something or not. If I cheated, I wouldn't deserve him, and I would leave for his sake and mine.

If I had gone to the not faithful guy (and didn't know he was unfaithful, because if I found out I would kick that guy to the curb faster than a house on fire), it would most likely be because I was hurt so badly by the first man's breech of trust and be looking for something safe and sure. I would most likely be hurt, angry, and despairing not only over my lost relationship, but for ever choosing the second man. (I only date Christian men, so this sort of behavior would be shocking.)

I admit I would feel a bit jealous over the first man's success, but money isn't what matters. It's trust. Trust, compassion, and love. I would most likely play his betrayal in my head and feel awful. This doesn't mean I wouldn't still care about the first man and hope he was happy, but just that he would trust whoever he ended up with.

 

[6ftmiracle]

One mistake? He's a good guy? You say you only date christian men you didn't say perfect? You would leave a great guy over a misunderstanding? A misunderstanding that could be discussed and fixed. Yes would she be upset yes I agree completely but to leave something good? I disagree with that. He can't earn your trust back because of how good of a guy you know he is?? Your the reason he was suspicious of the behavior in the first place. Not only that he has overlooked everything you have done now you can't overlook one mistake??......sorry but that doesn't sound like a Christian woman.

 

[MissCris]

One mistake? He's a good guy? You say you only date christian men you didn't say perfect? You would leave a great guy over a misunderstanding? A misunderstanding that could be discussed and fixed. Yes would she be upset yes I agree completely but to leave something good? I disagree with that. He can't earn your trust back because of how good of a guy you know he is?? Your the reason he was suspicious of the behavior in the first place. Not only that he has overlooked everything you have done now you can't overlook one mistake??......sorry but that doesn't sound like a Christian woman.

Oh...I see how this is going to go.

 

[PopClick]

One mistake? He's a good guy? You say you only date christian men you didn't say perfect? You would leave a great guy over a misunderstanding? A misunderstanding that could be discussed and fixed. Yes would she be upset yes I agree completely but to leave something good? I disagree with that. He can't earn your trust back because of how good of a guy you know he is?? Your the reason he was suspicious of the behavior in the first place. Not only that he has overlooked everything you have done now you can't overlook one mistake??......sorry but that doesn't sound like a Christian woman.

Whoa dude... you asked, and Steph is just answering your question about how SHE would feel. We know you're hurting over what happened with your girl, but I don't think the remark about "doesn't sound like a Christian woman" was called for, at all.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Whoa dude... you asked, and Steph is just answering your question about how SHE would feel. We know you're hurting over what happened with your girl, but I don't think the remark about "doesn't sound like a Christian woman" was called for, at all.

​I agree with PopClick.. You DID post this in several places, and asked us ladies how we would feel. You were given an answer, and you disagreed with it. I know your girl hurt you, but don't take it out on us. When you ask for advice or opinions, it's natural that they're going to differ from person to person.

 

[Hellooo]

One mistake? He's a good guy? You say you only date christian men you didn't say perfect? You would leave a great guy over a misunderstanding? A misunderstanding that could be discussed and fixed. Yes would she be upset yes I agree completely but to leave something good? I disagree with that. He can't earn your trust back because of how good of a guy you know he is?? Your the reason he was suspicious of the behavior in the first place. Not only that he has overlooked everything you have done now you can't overlook one mistake??......sorry but that doesn't sound like a Christian woman.

You can't make someone love you, and sometimes if you betray someone, if you cut them deep enough, they can't forget it, even if they've forgiven you.
Does it mean that the relationship is absolutely unsalvageable? Maybe, maybe not.
Bottom line - other people don't owe us anything - you can't do x amount of good deeds to earn someone's love or trust. We're not entitled to someone's affection or attention just because we're "sweet", do nice things, get along with their family, have a perfectly symmetrical face, not a cheating jerk (unlike those other cheating jerks), etc.

 

[ArtsieSteph]

One mistake? He's a good guy? You say you only date christian men you didn't say perfect? You would leave a great guy over a misunderstanding? A misunderstanding that could be discussed and fixed. Yes would she be upset yes I agree completely but to leave something good? I disagree with that. He can't earn your trust back because of how good of a guy you know he is?? Your the reason he was suspicious of the behavior in the first place. Not only that he has overlooked everything you have done now you can't overlook one mistake??......sorry but that doesn't sound like a Christian woman.

I'm going to respond with a few things. First, you asked what my actions and reactions would be. I understand that you disagree, but when you ask for opinions you get them indeed. And I know I personally have issues with trust being broken. A more mature person maybe would be able to come back, but that is not me. I would probably end up hurting that man more by finding myself brining up the issue or having it affect my reactions to him. Also, relationships can be fragile, and "just one mistake" when it's a big one to that girl may be enough to realize as a romantic couple you couldn't really work. And thirdly, I am indeed Christian. I'm not perfect either, nor do I want a man to be perfect. But I want someone I can trust totally.

Finally, dude I hate to say but I believe the guy deserves better too. A relationship that has the other person fearing that their girlfriend will leave/cheat/ect doesn't sound like a healthy one.

 

[JesusLives]

I will tell you straight up that first she is not that into you. How do I know? Because if she was into you nothing would stop her from really loving you. She never really loved the good guy because real love would not have treated the good guy the way this woman did. The good guy needs to understand that she is not right for him and move on and pray to God for a woman who is worthy of this good guy.

People are all the time trying to fix the other person or change the other person into what they want or think they should be. I don't know maybe both parties are the pretty/good looking people and infatuated with each other but this is not real love it is fake. 1 Corinthians chapter 13 tells us what real love is if this is not your way to love or her way to love either one or both need to grow up and learn to love this way. It took me 59 years to learn this so you are not alone in learning to love this way I needed to grow up too. Not sure I am there yet. But I know that I do love the man I married in this way now and have God as in the first place in our relationship where He belongs.

Time to move on and find a godly woman would be my advice and I'd pray about it too first and make sure I was ready to find her.

 

[AbbeyJoy]

Just move on God has other plans for you....

 

[Tintin]

As a man, I feel you should stop posting your thread everywhere and looking for the answer, when you know the answer. You stuffed up, sure, but if your picture of your lady love is accurate, she doesn't seem to be someone who would opt for a healthy relationship. Seek God's face in all of this.

 

[cinder]

The picture you paint is extremely biased. I don't think you can know that she thought this guy was so wonderful and kind and patient. Nor can you claim to know her motives unless she specifically stated them to you (and even then there's probably more to the story).

The questions that need to be answered here (not to us necessarily but to think through and resolve the situation) are:

1) What on earth does nice guy like about moody, rude, untrustworthy girl? Why does he "love and care" for her so much? There are too many people out their with a savior complex who develop attachments out of wanting to help someone make their life better or ease their suffering or just they can't stand to see anyone hurting and feel they have to do something to make it stop. That's not romance and to try to add all the expectations of reciprocation that are part of romance to that situation will only breed resentment.

2) What are the underlying issues that cause this girl to prefer the company of a guy who treats her poorly to a guy who treats her well? Sounds like this girl has a lot going on and might not be capable of having a healthy romantic relationship with anyone until she gets some other things sorted out and worked out.

Best advice. It's time for the guy to accept the fact that she gets to make her own choices and she isn't choosing him. He can still pray for God to bless and heal her, but if she knows who and what he is and has decided not to choose him, then there's nothing he can really do about that and it's time to move on. And no, this has never been about just one action or incident, that's just the tip of the iceberg and probably a convenient excuse.

 

[ServantStrike]

One mistake? He's a good guy? You say you only date christian men you didn't say perfect? You would leave a great guy over a misunderstanding? A misunderstanding that could be discussed and fixed. Yes would she be upset yes I agree completely but to leave something good? I disagree with that. He can't earn your trust back because of how good of a guy you know he is?? Your the reason he was suspicious of the behavior in the first place. Not only that he has overlooked everything you have done now you can't overlook one mistake??......sorry but that doesn't sound like a Christian woman.

One mistake that's seriously creepy. It shows trust issues, insecurity issues, communication breakdown, and boundary issues. It's enough to put the nail in the coffin of any relationship that isn't grounded well enough.

Look it's just not cool to stalk any one, but especially not your girlfriend. You're supposed to have conversations like mature adults.

No stalking, ever - just hide and seek, and don't forget to yell ollie ollie oxen free.

 

[Shouryu]

Look it's just not cool to stalk any one, but especially not your girlfriend. You're supposed to have conversations like mature adults.

The OP makes no indication of either party's age in the post, nor on the profile. Presuming that they are mature adults is more of a rash assumption at this point...

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

The picture you paint is extremely biased.

This.

This.

This.

 

[Roh_Chris]

This.

This.

This.

What?


I see what you did there!

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

What?


I see what you did there!

There won't be any reasoning with this person, because he already feels strongly that he is a wonderful person, his ex-girlfriend is a terrible person, and while she doesn't really deserve him he wants her back - or is just upset at the injustice. I don't really think there's much we can help with here.

 

[violakat]

Question, when you say watching, are you talking like setting up hidden cameras, watching through windows, and following her everywhere just to make sure she's not cheating? Because if that's what you are talking about, then we are not only talking about a stalker but also a control freak who could become a potential abuser, as these are signs. And yes, not only would I drop this so called nice guy, (whose not a nice guy, by the way), but also slap a restraining order on him so fast, he wouldn't see what hit him.

I've had a few friends who have been stalked. And one who nearly lost her sister because the stalker confused her with her sister. All because of jealousy.