Being an Indian woman, and fearing for my safety is not a one-time thing
I think every Indian woman has faced some form of harassment and have learnt, sometimes the hard way how important it is to be careful.
Every time, I ask God for protection, for the blood of Jesus to cover me, and it has been His hand upon my life and His grace that has kept me safe. He has blessed me and saved me many times.
I have had many bad experiences, more than enough for a lifetime.
The thing that incenses me the most is how most of these were centered around the time I was a teenager.
When I was younger, it felt like the intensity of these things happening were a lot more than what it is now.
I believe some of it might have been innocence that would have attracted some of these predators. It's easier to target young girls and children, because they have no clue how to react!
When you're a schoolgirl and you get such attention, it bewilders you. (I am not talking about solicitations only)
For a while, I wondered what was wrong with me. Since India is also a very conservative society, I didn't even know who to turn to.
Cops are horrible over here. Not only are they slow to respond, rampant with corruption, they also disrespect women.
There are countless rape cases which probably never saw the light of day, because the accused had "connections".
In India, some people have this saying , I am paraphrasing, because I've heard it in another language, "We only want to tease you because you are very cute."
It's like it's your fault for getting unwanted attention from people.
So this is what I did - I cut my hair as short as a boy's and wore loose shirts like men.
It didn't work.
I've come to see it as more of a psychological power struggle more than anything.
It doesn't matter if you're educated or you're good or you're a decent humble human being. A woman is beneath a man according to some people.
Here are some of the incidents that I remember at the top of my head.
1. Walking home from grocery shopping in late afternoon, there were two young men hanging around nearby. They saw me and whistled and made cat calls.
I ignored them and continued to walk on. However within minutes, I noticed that a few other men had started joining them and I saw one of them calling his friends from the nearby buildings. Soon it was a group of 7-8 men, some of them who looked like teenagers but definitely the rowdy kind.
They all were whistling and one of them made a suggestive gesture at me.
I started panicking when I noticed that there was no one else on the road. My hands were full but I was prepared to run and I was prepared to scream.
I continued to walk ahead, ignoring them and then I noticed that this gang of men had started to follow me at a distance.
I shifted one of the bags on my hand and picked up the phone to call my mother. I also made a big show of doing that so that they all could see that I was calling someone.
However my mother was out at that point of time and she wasn't picking my calls. I was also praying that God would save me . I pretended to talk on the phone, just mumbling.
When I looked back, I saw that they had receded and soon I had crossed them.
This wasn't even a lonely place and it was in broad daylight. There have been numerous times when I've noticed I've been followed, but this was by far the scariest.
2. Again a late afternoon and again when I was walking home, but on a main road when a vehicle started following too close behind me.
If I stopped. It would stop. If I moved faster, it would pick up speed.
I took out my phone, took a picture and sent it over to a friend. Then it sped away.
3. I used to travel in a public bus, from some late classes I would take. There was an old man, who was sitting in the women's section and he started calling me "Baby." and trying to strike up a conversation with me.
I was around 15/16 and I just ignored this man. However as we were reaching my stop, I noticed then that there were no other women in the bus but another woman and it was all men.
It was a rainy dark night too. I remember praying to God that my stop would come before hers and that I would not be left alone.
God did answer that prayer for me. When I left, that woman I left back at the bus looked really wistful and afraid. She probably she wished her stop was before mine too.
4. Travelling home in an autorickshaw with a friend at night, from the same classes as these, the rickshaw driver kept asking us how old we were and other personal information.
We both were afraid that he would take us in a roundabout fashion and he did try.
When he finally dropped us, he gestured to me to ask me something.
Again paraphrasing, he asked me, " have you ever played those games that your parents probably play at night? Do you want to play with me?"
I was so disgusted and so repulsed and I had no idea how to respond to that man. I was only 16.
My biggest regret is my lack of reaction but to rear back in shame.
My friend stopped using autos and started going by bus. (Which was not a better experience for me).
I have never been able to tell my parents about these events. I have only relayed this to my friends.
