I am taking a break from CC. Not that I've been on a lot lately, anyway, but that was more of an accidental break. This is a purposeful one. I am broken, too broken for CC right now. "CC is a safe place" yes, yes it is but I feel like all I do lately is complain, or be depressing (as this post goes to show, ha). My heart hasn't been right with God in very long time and tonight I realized some things about myself. About how broken I am and why I continue to stay broken.
The only reason I announce it is because I just ask that in the meantime, you pray for me. I don't like asking for prayer. Sometimes I don't think prayer does anything. But I'll ask for it anyway. My heart is bitter. It is angry. It is lonely and yet fiercely independent, but probably not in a good way (though in some ways yes) but more in a "I DON'T NEED ANYONE, I HAVE to do this on my own because I know no other way that is safe for me", it is fearful. I am a liar, a hypocrite. I do not trust.
I fear that these things will seep out into my posts. I've already typed responses in some threads and then backed out due to the attitude I had behind them.
Maybe this is my physical tiredness talking, my drained emotions talking, or my bone-crushing spiritual weariness talking. So maybe I'll be back tomorrow.
But I felt the need to share this should it...not be a day or three.