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You said that divorce is not an option but I believe that you should seriously consider this. Are there any children involved? Your husband's heart is cold towards you. You are right in believing that you cannot do this by yourself. Considering how short of time you have been married and if there are no children involved I would bring up the matter of divorce to him. Perhaps he would be happier without you being a drag on his busy life.
I'm surprised at you tourist. Paul past on what the Lord commanded, "Let not the wife depart from her husband." Don't you believe that Jesus is Lord?
My guess is that if this man came on the board, he might say there is tension between his wife and she keeps getting upset, and he doesn't know why, and she keeps yelling at him. She thinks she can't get through to him unless she yells. They sound like they are in what Eggerich's 'Love and Respect' book calls 'the crazy cycle.' You can get to a tense point in your marriage where each spouse doesn't feel any love or respect coming from the other, and fall into a rut of reacting in a way that the other partner perceives as a lack of love or disrespect.
Her husband may also think it's normal just to be together without talking, if he's really an introvert.
Biblically, is there any reason at all to suggest divorce? It doesn't sound like they are having a good time right now, but this doesn't sound like some seriously incurable marriage problem. It's not one of the big problems like an adulterous spouse, an abusive spouse, a spouse being a heavy drug user, drunkard, or serious gambling addict.
Clearing the air with a good conversation where they apologize to it may do a lot of good. And probably a skilled counselor could help them with their communication issues if that's the route the choose. I don't see why divorce would even be a consideration with the issues they have, even from a secular perspective.
My guess is that if this man came on the board, he might say there is tension between his wife and she keeps getting upset, and he doesn't know why, and she keeps yelling at him. She thinks she can't get through to him unless she yells. They sound like they are in what Eggerich's 'Love and Respect' book calls 'the crazy cycle.' You can get to a tense point in your marriage where each spouse doesn't feel any love or respect coming from the other, and fall into a rut of reacting in a way that the other partner perceives as a lack of love or disrespect.
Her husband may also think it's normal just to be together without talking, if he's really an introvert.
Biblically, is there any reason at all to suggest divorce? It doesn't sound like they are having a good time right now, but this doesn't sound like some seriously incurable marriage problem. It's not one of the big problems like an adulterous spouse, an abusive spouse, a spouse being a heavy drug user, drunkard, or serious gambling addict.
Clearing the air with a good conversation where they apologize to it may do a lot of good. And probably a skilled counselor could help them with their communication issues if that's the route the choose. I don't see why divorce would even be a consideration with the issues they have, even from a secular perspective.
J
Few things, if anything can teach you how to love as God loves (1Corinthians 13 kind of love) and conform you to Christ like marriage. Especially when it seems"bad". Hardships develop spiritual maturity. This statement is worthy of a lot of contemplation and Biblical study.
On a completely different subject, I can tell you about my experience from my marriage when it comes to romance.
My wife is constantly seeking "romance", to the point that if it was up to her, it would probably be the only thing we do. It doesn't matter how often it occurs, hours later she acts like it's been years and I am uninterested in her. The truth is, on some level it is a turn off to me. Men want to pursue women, not be pursued by women. She goes about it the wrong way and makes it unappealing. Maybe this is true in your situation to some degree.
Also, if people don't feel good about the circumstances in their lives or are physically inactive or have a bad diet, This can really be detrimental to any intimacy. I suggest studying the fruits of the spirit and asking God to conform your heart to them and support your husband more (Satan could easily be at work deceiving/troubling him) and playing "cute"/hard-to-get.
One more thing, it's important to realize that temptations and doubts are Satan directly attempting to deceive and destroy you. One you see the world like this, it is much easier to stand against him. The temptations and doubts become much less appealing
On a completely different subject, I can tell you about my experience from my marriage when it comes to romance.
My wife is constantly seeking "romance", to the point that if it was up to her, it would probably be the only thing we do. It doesn't matter how often it occurs, hours later she acts like it's been years and I am uninterested in her. The truth is, on some level it is a turn off to me. Men want to pursue women, not be pursued by women. She goes about it the wrong way and makes it unappealing. Maybe this is true in your situation to some degree.
Also, if people don't feel good about the circumstances in their lives or are physically inactive or have a bad diet, This can really be detrimental to any intimacy. I suggest studying the fruits of the spirit and asking God to conform your heart to them and support your husband more (Satan could easily be at work deceiving/troubling him) and playing "cute"/hard-to-get.
One more thing, it's important to realize that temptations and doubts are Satan directly attempting to deceive and destroy you. One you see the world like this, it is much easier to stand against him. The temptations and doubts become much less appealing
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K
Sorry,I disagree.You are surmising too much compared to the story she gave us.She said she has tried to be gentle and speak in the quiet times.Now she's at a level of frustration because that didn't work,now she's yelling.I also disagree that this is not abuse.Clearly the OP is distressed,she feels trapped in a loveless marriage and she can only talk to her husband about the weather! There is a deeper issue and he is alienating her affections.This is 7mons. into the marriage.It isnt going to last going on like this.Just isn't.The deeper issue needs to be unearthed or it will break this marriage.
To Justin it seems your wife has self esteem issues,feeling unworthy and unloved.She needs to fill that with something other than sex.I grew up in a family where a handshake was good as a hug and they say "I love you" on your death bed.My husband is a southerner and is very affectionate yet I still struggle with the same issues your wife has as far as affection.Its not him,I tell him that,it's the way I grew up.If I dont constantly feel love and affection I feel rejected.She has to work through that and you can be a great help to her.
I dont think its a matter of her being more supportive or a better wife.Playing hard to get isn't going to help.He has a reason he's not opening up.When your wife is begging you to share with her and you stay a closed book there is a major issue.In fact I would say to the OP that she should pull away from him.Let him miss her and come looking for her.What happened?She stopped asking me to talk? I'd back way off and let him have his space.See where he goes from there.If he loves his wife at all surely he can sense how unhappy she is.Shoot I dont even know her and I can tell!
C
Thank you all so much, I truly appreciate the advice and I plan on taking most of it. Especially Kayla's. I think I will continue counseling on my own since my husband will not come, be more respectful and tender, and let him have his space. If he comes to pursue me, we will try from there. If not, I will know what he wants.
I also tried to talk to him tonight and told him my plan. I asked him what his plan was or if he had one other than what he's already said, which is that he's simply "trying." He said no, and walked out of the room. So we will see where the next few months will take us. I will be praying a lot.
I also tried to talk to him tonight and told him my plan. I asked him what his plan was or if he had one other than what he's already said, which is that he's simply "trying." He said no, and walked out of the room. So we will see where the next few months will take us. I will be praying a lot.
K
My advice to you? You may not like it. You said, "We constantly argue." It takes two to argue. Do not be quarrelsome on your part, refuse to argue. You said, "Sex feels like a chore." Then you're not loving your husband enough. You say, "There's deadly silence." Implying that he doesn't speak to you, but then you say you guys make small chat. Sometimes people just need quiet time. If its too quiet for you, put on some headphones and listen to some music. It sounds like you want him to talk when you want to, and to say what you want. What if you were him and were not in the mood to talk? I mean you can't control him to cater to your every want. Obviously he's there and he does talk when he's ready.
You said, "I try to tell my husband that I need romance." Romance is a want, not a need. That's like saying I need a banana split, every day, every meal. They don't call it the honeymoon stage for nothing. Sorry, you just can't expect that on a constant basis. And it wouldn't be romance unless it was his idea- not you telling him what to do. Your focus seems to be what can he do for me instead of what can I do for him. You said you tell him to ask you how your day is going, and that nothing happened? That's funny. Nothing happened because no guy likes to be controlled and told what they are to do and say. If it were me, and I felt that way, I might mention it once as a suggestion, but it seems like you are trying to control him to cater to your every want.
The fact that you say you feel alone when he is there and does talk to you, says to me that you are overly needy and clingy. We should be happy in ourselves, and the love of another should just be bonus, icing on the cake. Be cheerful, give him his space, be loving and irresistible, and he will come to you more often, and feel like doing special things for you because you make him happy. Arguing with him all the time, and telling him what to do and say, and responding to him but acting like its a chore to accept his affection, is not going to bring about the results you want. It's hard to hug a cactus. You need to show him more love. The next time he is watching tv and being silent, wash and massage his feet gently, give him a smile or two, and do so silently, then walk away.
You said, "I try to tell my husband that I need romance." Romance is a want, not a need. That's like saying I need a banana split, every day, every meal. They don't call it the honeymoon stage for nothing. Sorry, you just can't expect that on a constant basis. And it wouldn't be romance unless it was his idea- not you telling him what to do. Your focus seems to be what can he do for me instead of what can I do for him. You said you tell him to ask you how your day is going, and that nothing happened? That's funny. Nothing happened because no guy likes to be controlled and told what they are to do and say. If it were me, and I felt that way, I might mention it once as a suggestion, but it seems like you are trying to control him to cater to your every want.
The fact that you say you feel alone when he is there and does talk to you, says to me that you are overly needy and clingy. We should be happy in ourselves, and the love of another should just be bonus, icing on the cake. Be cheerful, give him his space, be loving and irresistible, and he will come to you more often, and feel like doing special things for you because you make him happy. Arguing with him all the time, and telling him what to do and say, and responding to him but acting like its a chore to accept his affection, is not going to bring about the results you want. It's hard to hug a cactus. You need to show him more love. The next time he is watching tv and being silent, wash and massage his feet gently, give him a smile or two, and do so silently, then walk away.
C
Kathy, you clearly are not one to give advice, as if I were to do only what you suggested, I would get walked all over forever. Believe me, I've catered to him and I take care of him and try to love on him more than you can comprehend, and you putting all the blame on me makes me wonder if you even read the post. You sound like you have some bitterness issues you need to talk to someone about.
M
The husband sounds a bit like me actually! Although my thing was not getting angry, it was retreating emotionally, worse in some ways. Also i did not know how to respond to her cries for help.
Right from the start of my marriage i was starting to be affected emotionally by the lack of sex (which i caused). i tried very hard to be noble about it and not let it bother me, i felt like i must be a bad person to have those feelings.
Chattykatty3 It may well be the case that your husband deep down does not believe he is a good person? This will be very hard for him to understand let alone admit, it could even lead to depression if that is not already the case.
I would recommend researching depression and see if anything rings true?
Right from the start of my marriage i was starting to be affected emotionally by the lack of sex (which i caused). i tried very hard to be noble about it and not let it bother me, i felt like i must be a bad person to have those feelings.
Chattykatty3 It may well be the case that your husband deep down does not believe he is a good person? This will be very hard for him to understand let alone admit, it could even lead to depression if that is not already the case.
I would recommend researching depression and see if anything rings true?
K
Wow Im so surprised how many are telling the OP she just needs to be a better wife.Kaycie I'm afraid your advice does more harm than good.Telling her to wash his feet,smile and walk away? Here is a quote from ChattyCathy ..." I've tried to get his attention or affection by offering silent massages, trying to talk about life, wearing lingerie, working hard around the house, cleaning his truck, reminding him how attractive he is to me, and even trying to bond by asking him about stock stuff. I mean seriously? Still she's the problem? She's still not being a good enough wife? Wow!
Yes it takes two to argue,it also takes two to communicate! If he would open up and communicate she wouldn't be arguing.Communication in a marriage is a must,without it the relationship is over. She has calmly told him what she needs,she's asked him his needs and done her best to draw him out and engage him.How could you say she's selfish and controlling? They aren't talking,only about the weather,no ones needs are being met,she has told him she's hurt and she needs him to try harder.To that you say shes not loving her husband enough? Come on. He's not talking,at all. Its not a matter of him needing quite time.He's not doing his part as a husband.Whatever his issue is he needs to get help and change before he loses his marriage.This is 7mons into the marriage.There should not be this many issues this early.
I dont know if you've been married before but to say romance is not a need but a want is just wrong.Both a man and a woman need to feel intimate and close.Sex without romance,that close tender feeling,is no different than going to a prostitute.You're doing it purely to satisfy the physical body.That is not love.Sex between a married man and woman should be filled with love and tenderness.It should bring them closer and satisfy both their needs.Romance is as important as communication in a marriage.Nothing ChattyCathy has said would make one think she's trying to control him and thats the problem in the marriage.
ChattyCathy has been clear that they do not communicate.That they only talk about mundane things.Like two strangers on a bus,shooting the breeze.Thats not being clingy and I so hate that term used against women.Its like saying she just emotional,shes a woman after all.Its a put down.Its not clingy,especially after 7mons. of marriage,to want to communicate with your husband and have romance.I've been married 4mons.My husband comes in the door through the garage in the basement.He greets our dogs and yells up to me "hey baby,what are you doin? how was your day?" If he didn't do that I'd be thinking one of two things 1) he's sick,I better get down there. 2)did I upset him in some way? better ask if I did. Seven months from now,seven years from now I'd expect the same thing.Its our routine.If something changes we need to talk and get help if we need it.
Sorry, your advice was just so wrong me.To blame her and say she's not being a good wife.Doubtless they both have things they may need to change but she cant make him do his part.Relationship takes two.If he's not willing to go to counseling,he's the one who stopped going,if he's not willing to change then he should have stayed single.Its time to grow up,be a man and take responsibility as a husband.If my husband isn't happy he doesn't have to tell me,I sense it. Usually its the stress of work or paying bills but he tells me "oh its just..." even to the point of if we are not being romantic at times he'll say he's sorry but hes so tired from work,or he's not feeling good about his body because he's gained a few pounds.He gives me something to work with.He doesn't leave me guessing and stressing and worrying about whats wrong in the relationship.He tells me,and we've had some of the best talks about our feelings and grown closer because of it.
I hope ChattyCathy that things improve for the two of you.I think counseling would be the best way but if he's unwilling its tough.I think pulling away may be your best bet.If he comes looking it give you the opportunity to tell him once again what you are needing.If he doesn't come looking I think I would go to him and say "Is there another woman?" that may be a wake up call for him to understand how his neglect is making you feel.I'm not a councilor,just from different books Ive read.I hope you find the answer to these issues very soon.Bless you.
Yes it takes two to argue,it also takes two to communicate! If he would open up and communicate she wouldn't be arguing.Communication in a marriage is a must,without it the relationship is over. She has calmly told him what she needs,she's asked him his needs and done her best to draw him out and engage him.How could you say she's selfish and controlling? They aren't talking,only about the weather,no ones needs are being met,she has told him she's hurt and she needs him to try harder.To that you say shes not loving her husband enough? Come on. He's not talking,at all. Its not a matter of him needing quite time.He's not doing his part as a husband.Whatever his issue is he needs to get help and change before he loses his marriage.This is 7mons into the marriage.There should not be this many issues this early.
I dont know if you've been married before but to say romance is not a need but a want is just wrong.Both a man and a woman need to feel intimate and close.Sex without romance,that close tender feeling,is no different than going to a prostitute.You're doing it purely to satisfy the physical body.That is not love.Sex between a married man and woman should be filled with love and tenderness.It should bring them closer and satisfy both their needs.Romance is as important as communication in a marriage.Nothing ChattyCathy has said would make one think she's trying to control him and thats the problem in the marriage.
ChattyCathy has been clear that they do not communicate.That they only talk about mundane things.Like two strangers on a bus,shooting the breeze.Thats not being clingy and I so hate that term used against women.Its like saying she just emotional,shes a woman after all.Its a put down.Its not clingy,especially after 7mons. of marriage,to want to communicate with your husband and have romance.I've been married 4mons.My husband comes in the door through the garage in the basement.He greets our dogs and yells up to me "hey baby,what are you doin? how was your day?" If he didn't do that I'd be thinking one of two things 1) he's sick,I better get down there. 2)did I upset him in some way? better ask if I did. Seven months from now,seven years from now I'd expect the same thing.Its our routine.If something changes we need to talk and get help if we need it.
Sorry, your advice was just so wrong me.To blame her and say she's not being a good wife.Doubtless they both have things they may need to change but she cant make him do his part.Relationship takes two.If he's not willing to go to counseling,he's the one who stopped going,if he's not willing to change then he should have stayed single.Its time to grow up,be a man and take responsibility as a husband.If my husband isn't happy he doesn't have to tell me,I sense it. Usually its the stress of work or paying bills but he tells me "oh its just..." even to the point of if we are not being romantic at times he'll say he's sorry but hes so tired from work,or he's not feeling good about his body because he's gained a few pounds.He gives me something to work with.He doesn't leave me guessing and stressing and worrying about whats wrong in the relationship.He tells me,and we've had some of the best talks about our feelings and grown closer because of it.
I hope ChattyCathy that things improve for the two of you.I think counseling would be the best way but if he's unwilling its tough.I think pulling away may be your best bet.If he comes looking it give you the opportunity to tell him once again what you are needing.If he doesn't come looking I think I would go to him and say "Is there another woman?" that may be a wake up call for him to understand how his neglect is making you feel.I'm not a councilor,just from different books Ive read.I hope you find the answer to these issues very soon.Bless you.
K
I did read it, how could I quote you if I didn't read it? I said 'on your part' which implies that I understand that there is another part (him). As Dr. Phil says, there are always two sides to the coin. All I'm saying is that you cannot fight fire with fire, otherwise all you get is a bigger fire. You have to fight fire with the opposite of fire. I get this attitude from the bible- do not overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:20,21) The fact that you are so argumentative with me, and trying to put the focus on my faults, and point out his faults, shows that you are quarrelsome and lack personal accountability and humility. I have no bitterness issues, but you clearly do. And I don't care if you are bitter against me, it would be worth it to plant the seed in your mind and in your heart. That way, when your anger subsides, you just might consider my words and improve and grow. (2 Corinthians 7:9).
"Better to live on the corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife." Proverbs 25:24
"Better to live on the corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife." Proverbs 25:24
Q
My wife and I have been married 8 months, and we act the same as we did while we dated all thru high school, being 20 and 19 when we got married. I am not an expert by any stretch of the imagination, but I am wondering why things went downhill so quick. I do know that in a marriage it takes a partnership and a ton of communication, we had a lot of communication when we moved in together because I had no clue she needed so much closet space. Try things to put that spark back, what did you do before you got married and were dating? Try sending flowers, go to romantic dinner by candlelight, or just go do something totally immature and fun like ride go carts. I do not know how long you dated I would think some of these problems would have shown up while you were dating and not after you got married.
Like I said, I am far from an expert, but being married a short time too, it makes me sad this is happeining to you both, and I pray that you really sit down, find out what annoys you about the other person, and you can work it out.
Like I said, I am far from an expert, but being married a short time too, it makes me sad this is happeining to you both, and I pray that you really sit down, find out what annoys you about the other person, and you can work it out.
Well, it takes two to quarrel. The thing that most surprised my husband early in our marriage, was when he yelled at me, and I gave him the silent treatment back! He jumped to attention, as he thought something was very wrong!
Of course, that won't work forever. My thought is that you need to not respond in anger, but certainly NOT be a submissive doormat. You need personal counseling, and you need marriage counseling.
You also need to really think about your expectations in marriage, as this marriage is not fulfilling them. Find out what your husband's expectations are. Because maybe he is content the way things are, and they will not change if he is.
I think there are lots of good points on this thread. But I do think if you divorce this man, to look for the "perfect" husband, you will find yourself engaging in serial monogamy. Simply because you are a part of the problem, and you will carry it into all your future relationships.
I'm NOT blaming you, but I am saying you have some big issues to work out, since you married him when you were "fighting" all the time. You were willing to marry someone that was not even close to what you dreamed of - but again, part of that is that you probably wouldn't be content even if you were on your own, or with the "perfect" man.
I only say this, as I know where I have come from in marriage. But after 34 years of marriage, I know that staying with a man who goes silent, doesn't like to talk about his feelings or much else besides cars and trucks, (yes, I know, NOT feelings!! LOL) and is radically different than me was the absolutely right thing to do. I would have carried my personal issues into any marriage, instead, I have had a loving and supporting husband to walk beside me as we both worked through the hurts and pains from our past, which were impacting our relationship.
Is marriage perfect? I guess maybe sometimes, but not for most imperfect people. That means that extra effort has to be put in, and sometimes that means staying and praying for someone who is stuck deeply in a huge rut, and they cannot be pulled out. I do believe God will honor anyone's commitment, and make marriage a thing of joy, despite hard times along the way.
God is in the transforming business. Let him transform you, and then see what happens to the marriage!
Of course, that won't work forever. My thought is that you need to not respond in anger, but certainly NOT be a submissive doormat. You need personal counseling, and you need marriage counseling.
You also need to really think about your expectations in marriage, as this marriage is not fulfilling them. Find out what your husband's expectations are. Because maybe he is content the way things are, and they will not change if he is.
I think there are lots of good points on this thread. But I do think if you divorce this man, to look for the "perfect" husband, you will find yourself engaging in serial monogamy. Simply because you are a part of the problem, and you will carry it into all your future relationships.
I'm NOT blaming you, but I am saying you have some big issues to work out, since you married him when you were "fighting" all the time. You were willing to marry someone that was not even close to what you dreamed of - but again, part of that is that you probably wouldn't be content even if you were on your own, or with the "perfect" man.
I only say this, as I know where I have come from in marriage. But after 34 years of marriage, I know that staying with a man who goes silent, doesn't like to talk about his feelings or much else besides cars and trucks, (yes, I know, NOT feelings!! LOL) and is radically different than me was the absolutely right thing to do. I would have carried my personal issues into any marriage, instead, I have had a loving and supporting husband to walk beside me as we both worked through the hurts and pains from our past, which were impacting our relationship.
Is marriage perfect? I guess maybe sometimes, but not for most imperfect people. That means that extra effort has to be put in, and sometimes that means staying and praying for someone who is stuck deeply in a huge rut, and they cannot be pulled out. I do believe God will honor anyone's commitment, and make marriage a thing of joy, despite hard times along the way.
God is in the transforming business. Let him transform you, and then see what happens to the marriage!
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Kaycie I think you are misjudging ChattyCathy. She is hurt right now and fearful for her marriage.Your post pretty much putting the full fault on her was no help and of course upset her. I think you need to be a little empathetic to where she is coming from. They were going to counseling so obviously there is more to it then she wont wash his feet and smile at him enough.Your advice bothered me so I can imagine how she took it.You dont kick someone when they are down.Nothing she said would make me think she's a quarrelsome wife,just a wife at the end of her rope and looking for answers.Since your advice isn't helping maybe you should just leave her be.She's going through enough right now.
K
When she said that they argue all the time, I thought of my son's gf and how she yells at him all the time. He is just reacting to her because she is so verbally abusive and controlling. If she doesn't get her way she wakes him when he's sleeping and yells at him, then when he falls asleep again she does it again, and again, and again. He doesn't get enough sleep and works a very hard labor job, and it is vital that he is alert. I told her to notice that he never argues with me or his sister because we speak calmly to him. I know that my advice would help her if she took it. And she has, but as soon as things get better she goes back to not controlling her tongue.
No matter what, she said THEY always argue. I've never seen anyone argue with their self, therefore she is PART of the problem, and that as far as it depends on her she should be innocent. All these people who are just telling her what she wants to hear is not going to solve anything. If both of them took my advice there would not be a problem. People go straight to divorce and that sickens me.
No matter what, she said THEY always argue. I've never seen anyone argue with their self, therefore she is PART of the problem, and that as far as it depends on her she should be innocent. All these people who are just telling her what she wants to hear is not going to solve anything. If both of them took my advice there would not be a problem. People go straight to divorce and that sickens me.
Although I'm not married, I do have a friend who is married. And he told me that the first year of marriage was the hardest. It's a period of adjustment, trying to learn each others' boundaries, what to expect and how to make compromises. In my opinion living with someone you've never grown up with like you have a brother or sister would certainly be daunting. At least for a little while. It will take time to get comfortable in this new life. You are two different people with different histories and expectations. Marriage, from what I understand of it, is a commitment that will present great challenges and rewards. Always pray to God and ask others to pray for you, too.
You're both human, and you're both flawed. So don't expect him or even yourself to be anything else. With patience and God's blessing it will work out.
You're both human, and you're both flawed. So don't expect him or even yourself to be anything else. With patience and God's blessing it will work out.
When this would be the case- that ChattyKathy is yelling or all the time arguing towards her husband- a therapist/councilor would have noticed that. Councilors point at patterns. Than her husband probably would agree with counseling since his wife would be addressed. But because he stopped counseling, my bet is that he does not want to change himself. Someone who wants change in the relationship tries everything, the one who does not want to change or does not want to take responsibility, does stick in old patterns.
Second, loosing temper.... is that normal? Think about it....
How is she supposed to work with that?
Second, loosing temper.... is that normal? Think about it....
How is she supposed to work with that?
I think following the advice of your last sentence and then seeing what happens next would be a good indicator of how much the guys loves her or how clueless he really is. Men aren't necessarily emotionally shallow, but most of the time the emotions they feel when left to themselves are pretty much summed up in: calm or contentment. Most of the time, yes, they are pretty 2-dimensional in terms of emotion, so they don't really have a lot to talk about emotionally. And I know women like to talk about emotions more often than men, but it would probably bore men to death to have to explain their emotions or try to expound upon them. I think it would indeed be better for the woman to explain her own and to realize that men are more interested in action than emotion. Maybe that's why he talks about "shallow" things and avoids the "deeper" subjects (presumably those related to emotion). Maybe the "shallow" things are the things that nurture a wider variety of emotions in him. Who knows. I do know from past experience:
1. Having a woman talk to me about a plan or schedule makes me feel like she's an annoying nag, trying to control me (even if I would otherwise use kinder adjectives for her at other times).
2. I often find a conversation solely about emotions is rather one-sided and can get boring, because I don't have a lot to offer in terms of content.
1. Having a woman talk to me about a plan or schedule makes me feel like she's an annoying nag, trying to control me (even if I would otherwise use kinder adjectives for her at other times).
2. I often find a conversation solely about emotions is rather one-sided and can get boring, because I don't have a lot to offer in terms of content.