WHY DO WOMEN START WITH THE "JUST WANNA BE FIENDS?"
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Sister, don't know anything about that thread you quoted.......this thread was in answer to the one about why men suddenly disappear.......thought that would be understood......as for the last part.......about God watching, that was simply tongue in cheek.......didn't anyone would actually take it serious.......oh well.......anyway..........God bless.......
BTW: I sometimes use the tongue in cheek God is watching statement, because if you listen to people in your everyday life, church, or your own family, and on Internet Forums such as CC, you would think "do they not understand that God hears every word they speak/post?"
I love it when someone starts a thread titled something like: If Jesus were here today what would..............JESUS IS HERE TODAY..........don't folks know that. Anyway...........sometimes I like to remind folks of this...........BUT IN THIS INSTANCE, it was simply tongue in cheek, nothing more.
Ok, dissertation complete..........
BTW: I sometimes use the tongue in cheek God is watching statement, because if you listen to people in your everyday life, church, or your own family, and on Internet Forums such as CC, you would think "do they not understand that God hears every word they speak/post?"
I love it when someone starts a thread titled something like: If Jesus were here today what would..............JESUS IS HERE TODAY..........don't folks know that. Anyway...........sometimes I like to remind folks of this...........BUT IN THIS INSTANCE, it was simply tongue in cheek, nothing more.
Ok, dissertation complete..........
I like your reply rachel.
Here's my thoughts on it...
1. I've had this happen to me, where I knew a girl wanted more, but I was nice to her as friends and ultimately had to be more direct several times saying just friends, just friends, sister, etc.
2. You also said that a girl may be attracted, but the guy didn't move forward. So she moved on. Do you think if a girl can so easily move on that she wasn't really interested?
3. If a guy is interested in a girl so he is direct so she doesn't move on, but she's not interested in him, doesn't that hurt the potential of actually being friends? Because if like gypsy said she's not that into him yet, but needs time, if he is too direct does that make her skittish?
I'm actually curious on your view points. I think there can be some good communication to take care of these issues, but I'm curious what you all think.
I think sometimes it's possible to communicate too much and lose all the mystery in a relationship. So there is a tension both ways.
C.
Here's my thoughts on it...
1. I've had this happen to me, where I knew a girl wanted more, but I was nice to her as friends and ultimately had to be more direct several times saying just friends, just friends, sister, etc.
2. You also said that a girl may be attracted, but the guy didn't move forward. So she moved on. Do you think if a girl can so easily move on that she wasn't really interested?
3. If a guy is interested in a girl so he is direct so she doesn't move on, but she's not interested in him, doesn't that hurt the potential of actually being friends? Because if like gypsy said she's not that into him yet, but needs time, if he is too direct does that make her skittish?
I'm actually curious on your view points. I think there can be some good communication to take care of these issues, but I'm curious what you all think.
I think sometimes it's possible to communicate too much and lose all the mystery in a relationship. So there is a tension both ways.
C.
Like gypsygirl said earlier, at least it's true for me, that I tend to reign back my interest until I know more about the guy or what his feelings on me are. Well... to an extent. Sometimes my imagination likes to run. Sometimes I feel like a school girl with a crush. I suppose that's not "reigning in my interest", however, I will not invest myself further into it if all I have are surface things. If that makes sense? I've only ever dipped my toes in the water though. I've never been so much as waist deep in liking a guy, so I can only speak from very limited experience when I say that if I find out a guy isn't interested, most of my feelings go away fairly quickly.
This is a good question, because as gypsy and myself mentioned, women tend to take baby steps towards a guy, so if he takes a leap, it may make us skittish. However, if I was at least somewhat interested in them, I think I'd still say yes to a date. I've had friends who weren't interested in a guy before, and they asked them out, but since they weren't necessarily uninterested they still went on that date. One pair of said friends that I know are engaged now, so it worked out for them.
Definitely. There's a fine line between being too direct and not direct enough, on both sides. There's also a lot of factors: How long have they known each other? How long has one liked the other? How deep is their "like" - is it a crush where they could move on, or is it such a deep longing that nothing else besides a romantic relationship will satisfy it?
Good thoughts, C.
This is a good question, because as gypsy and myself mentioned, women tend to take baby steps towards a guy, so if he takes a leap, it may make us skittish. However, if I was at least somewhat interested in them, I think I'd still say yes to a date. I've had friends who weren't interested in a guy before, and they asked them out, but since they weren't necessarily uninterested they still went on that date. One pair of said friends that I know are engaged now, so it worked out for them.
Definitely. There's a fine line between being too direct and not direct enough, on both sides. There's also a lot of factors: How long have they known each other? How long has one liked the other? How deep is their "like" - is it a crush where they could move on, or is it such a deep longing that nothing else besides a romantic relationship will satisfy it?
Good thoughts, C.
There's no formula to make any woman interested -- sometimes, women just aren't interested in you, particularly. Some women will be, and some women won't, and how many women that is often depends, a bit depressingly, on;
1. How physically attractive you are.
2. How much money you make.
3. How confident you are.
4. How your personality clicks (or doesn't) with hers.
5. Your temperament.
6. Your sense of dress.
7. Your clarity of speech.
8. Your general health (whiteness of teeth, whiteness of eyes, complexion).
9. Your height.
10. Your body proportions/muscle size.
11. Your exuberance/attitude/ability to take control or be dominant.
12. Her own anxieties, insecurities, worries, personality type, thoughts, temperament, conditioning, likes/dislikes.
13. Your personal taste in women.
Generally, when someone says ''Let's just be friends'', and there was some romantic interest beforehand, it means that she did like you romantically and saw some potential, and now does not see you romantically because you did not live up to her expectations. When that happens, I generally tell myself ''her expectations are obviously much too high, and I did not get a chance, nor did I stand a chance''.
I've given up on women for the most part, to be honest.
1. How physically attractive you are.
2. How much money you make.
3. How confident you are.
4. How your personality clicks (or doesn't) with hers.
5. Your temperament.
6. Your sense of dress.
7. Your clarity of speech.
8. Your general health (whiteness of teeth, whiteness of eyes, complexion).
9. Your height.
10. Your body proportions/muscle size.
11. Your exuberance/attitude/ability to take control or be dominant.
12. Her own anxieties, insecurities, worries, personality type, thoughts, temperament, conditioning, likes/dislikes.
13. Your personal taste in women.
Generally, when someone says ''Let's just be friends'', and there was some romantic interest beforehand, it means that she did like you romantically and saw some potential, and now does not see you romantically because you did not live up to her expectations. When that happens, I generally tell myself ''her expectations are obviously much too high, and I did not get a chance, nor did I stand a chance''.
I've given up on women for the most part, to be honest.
Physical attraction from chemistry comes in its most intense form when there is physical attraction (from good looks and how a person carries themselves) prior to any conversation happening, providing the conversation is even a little stimulating. For instance, when two people see one another and think ''wow that person is very attractive'' it usually not only leads to a conversation where both parties are more actively involved and willing to conversate, but it augments and intensifies any romantic/conversational/emotional chemistry that comes to be.
It's quite easy for two people who see each other and are attracted on a purely physical level, to create more physical attraction and chemistry when they eventually do interact. However, relationships can't really exist well on pure physical attraction where there is not much emotional/psychological/conversational connectivity.
An example -- I met a woman about eight months ago and had passing conversations with her -- I loved her smile, her relaxed demeanor, how she carried herself, and found her pretty. I know she felt similarly. Her and I had conversations together and ended up forming a relationship. About two months ago I had realized that she was closed off somewhat, not very attentive, not very affectionate. I found myself feeling unsatisfied and eventually I started to believe I just wasn't good enough in her eyes to warrant her affections. I broke it off, and she didn't resist. IN fact she said ''I think we'd be better as friends''.
Currently, she has met a man who by my reckoning is more purely physically attractive than I am, who seems more confident, more cultured, who is more well off than I am and whom she smiles and blushes a lot around. She gives him a lot of her time and attention and they now have a thing. She has told me in the past ''I'm just not the affectionate type who has a lot to say'', but she is that type of person with him.
They have better chemistry than her and I did, and I won't say it's purely from physical attraction, but her level of physical attraction to him (''Oh that man is good-looking'', that type of attraction) is obviously superior to the level of physical attraction she had to me, and I think that makes it a lot easier for the both of them to have superior chemistry and conversation.
Obviously these things (pure physical attraction) aren't the be all and end all, but it's definitely a lot easier for chemistry to flourish when there is intense physical attraction to begin with, than it is for a relatively less attractive man to have chemistry with a woman.
That kind of thing is obviously difficult for a lot of men to accept in various ways, or at least it is for me -- I know some other men for whom it is difficult too. It bruises the ego, there's a certain kind of demotivation that comes with it, and as always when you have feelings for a woman and you come to realize that your are inferior to someone else in her eyes, there's a personal hurt there, a very violent punch in the testes, metaphorically. It's heartbreaking, and it makes me feel like, at least in a woman's eyes, I am a checklist who will always be compared, like a tally-system, to what other men have when stacked up against what I have.
I feel like the power of veto most often sits in the woman's lap, and as society accepts the commercialization of both men and women more and more, this kind of thing happens more and more. A man is what a woman sees as potentiality, providing he meets her expectations when compared with an idealism of ''what my perfect man is''.
The more we are commercialized, the harder it is to form genuine romantic relationships.
Just to end, I believe this doesn't just happen to men, women feel the effects of this culture shift too -- women generally, simple have more power usually to ''accept'' or ''reject'' the man, since men are most often expected to be the initiators and the responsible, culpable party in relationship scenarios. Hence why I no longer feel relationships can provide me with any substantial amount of romantic, emotional, or psychosexual satisfaction. I don't feel like investing my time and energy into women is positively rewarding anymore. On the contrary, it has come to be emotionally and physically exhausting.
It's quite easy for two people who see each other and are attracted on a purely physical level, to create more physical attraction and chemistry when they eventually do interact. However, relationships can't really exist well on pure physical attraction where there is not much emotional/psychological/conversational connectivity.
An example -- I met a woman about eight months ago and had passing conversations with her -- I loved her smile, her relaxed demeanor, how she carried herself, and found her pretty. I know she felt similarly. Her and I had conversations together and ended up forming a relationship. About two months ago I had realized that she was closed off somewhat, not very attentive, not very affectionate. I found myself feeling unsatisfied and eventually I started to believe I just wasn't good enough in her eyes to warrant her affections. I broke it off, and she didn't resist. IN fact she said ''I think we'd be better as friends''.
Currently, she has met a man who by my reckoning is more purely physically attractive than I am, who seems more confident, more cultured, who is more well off than I am and whom she smiles and blushes a lot around. She gives him a lot of her time and attention and they now have a thing. She has told me in the past ''I'm just not the affectionate type who has a lot to say'', but she is that type of person with him.
They have better chemistry than her and I did, and I won't say it's purely from physical attraction, but her level of physical attraction to him (''Oh that man is good-looking'', that type of attraction) is obviously superior to the level of physical attraction she had to me, and I think that makes it a lot easier for the both of them to have superior chemistry and conversation.
Obviously these things (pure physical attraction) aren't the be all and end all, but it's definitely a lot easier for chemistry to flourish when there is intense physical attraction to begin with, than it is for a relatively less attractive man to have chemistry with a woman.
That kind of thing is obviously difficult for a lot of men to accept in various ways, or at least it is for me -- I know some other men for whom it is difficult too. It bruises the ego, there's a certain kind of demotivation that comes with it, and as always when you have feelings for a woman and you come to realize that your are inferior to someone else in her eyes, there's a personal hurt there, a very violent punch in the testes, metaphorically. It's heartbreaking, and it makes me feel like, at least in a woman's eyes, I am a checklist who will always be compared, like a tally-system, to what other men have when stacked up against what I have.
I feel like the power of veto most often sits in the woman's lap, and as society accepts the commercialization of both men and women more and more, this kind of thing happens more and more. A man is what a woman sees as potentiality, providing he meets her expectations when compared with an idealism of ''what my perfect man is''.
The more we are commercialized, the harder it is to form genuine romantic relationships.
Just to end, I believe this doesn't just happen to men, women feel the effects of this culture shift too -- women generally, simple have more power usually to ''accept'' or ''reject'' the man, since men are most often expected to be the initiators and the responsible, culpable party in relationship scenarios. Hence why I no longer feel relationships can provide me with any substantial amount of romantic, emotional, or psychosexual satisfaction. I don't feel like investing my time and energy into women is positively rewarding anymore. On the contrary, it has come to be emotionally and physically exhausting.
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