Criteria Before Getting Married
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Number 4 was embrace Biblical roles for marriage. You say that is a recipe for abuse. So are you saying following the Bible on this issue is a recipe for abuse?
Before the sexual revolution and the feminist movement of the 60's and 70's, the divorce rate was much lower. Fewer children were born out of wedlock. Children had more stable homes. I'm thinking of the situation in the US, but I would imagine Canada was similar.
Where is the research that shows that those who embrace Biblical roles for marriage are more abusive?
Ephesians 4 teaches wives to submit to their husbands and I Peter 3 teaches the same thing, indicating also that wives are to obey their husbands. But Ephesians 4 also tells husbands to love their wives like Christ loved the church. If a man is an unloving, selfish, domineering type, a woman should stay away from him. Number 4 covers that. He's not embracing the Biblical role of a husband.
A small minority of women are abused, in the sense of being beaten, in their marriages. If you define 'abuse' broadly to include not giving her as much money as she wants any times she asks, giving her a 'look', using logic, quoting scripture to her, like some of the feminists in the domestic violence industry do, maybe the number aren't that low. Some people would define a Biblical, loving marriage that reflects the relationship between Christ and the church as 'abusive' if it doesn't fit with their feminist ideals.
I'd advise any Christian young man not to marry a woman who did not think that wives had to submit to their husbands. It's a recipe for trouble. If she's willing to accept the soft arguments that egalitarians put forth to fit with the world's thinking and satisfy her flesh with the idea that she doesn't have to submit to her husband, then she's likely to do the same when it comes to the issue of not divorcing her husband. A woman who doesn't embrace respecting her husband and submitting to him is likely to get into conflict with him. If she 'wears the pants' it's going to be difficult for her to respect her husband, and she may be more likely to be discontent with her husband.
My wife has intellectually embraced the idea of wives submitting to husbands and respecting them, but acting on it has been a struggle, especially some years back. As the Lord dealt with her and she was able to really embrace doing this and living that way, she found a great deal of peace and is a lot happier with our marriage.
It's a theory of mine based on anecdotal evidence, but it seems like whenever there is a post on a forum like this from a man whose wife left him for emotional reasons, she doesn't seem to be the type that embraces submission. Female posters who post things like that rarely seem to be the type who embrace submission. Submissive wives do post about cheating husbands and sometimes abusive husbands. But while finding a spouse, the right route for a woman to take is to avoid sexually immoral and abusive types of men, rather than to go into marriage with a desire to rebel against the scriptures, or theological reasoning to justify not following the scriptures.
Jesus said all authority was given to Him on heaven and on earth-- before sending the apostles into all the world. He didn't say that He did not delegate authority. Why would He tell the apostles all authority had been given to them, and then say 'Go ye THEREFORE....' if He wasn't delegating something?
In the judgment, we give an account for deeds done in the body. I don't see why marriage would be exempted. Wives are to submit to their husbands and husbands. The day of judgment is a good reason to do well in the roles scripture gives us in marriage, not to ignore them.
Before the sexual revolution and the feminist movement of the 60's and 70's, the divorce rate was much lower. Fewer children were born out of wedlock. Children had more stable homes. I'm thinking of the situation in the US, but I would imagine Canada was similar.
Where is the research that shows that those who embrace Biblical roles for marriage are more abusive?
Ephesians 4 teaches wives to submit to their husbands and I Peter 3 teaches the same thing, indicating also that wives are to obey their husbands. But Ephesians 4 also tells husbands to love their wives like Christ loved the church. If a man is an unloving, selfish, domineering type, a woman should stay away from him. Number 4 covers that. He's not embracing the Biblical role of a husband.
A small minority of women are abused, in the sense of being beaten, in their marriages. If you define 'abuse' broadly to include not giving her as much money as she wants any times she asks, giving her a 'look', using logic, quoting scripture to her, like some of the feminists in the domestic violence industry do, maybe the number aren't that low. Some people would define a Biblical, loving marriage that reflects the relationship between Christ and the church as 'abusive' if it doesn't fit with their feminist ideals.
I'd advise any Christian young man not to marry a woman who did not think that wives had to submit to their husbands. It's a recipe for trouble. If she's willing to accept the soft arguments that egalitarians put forth to fit with the world's thinking and satisfy her flesh with the idea that she doesn't have to submit to her husband, then she's likely to do the same when it comes to the issue of not divorcing her husband. A woman who doesn't embrace respecting her husband and submitting to him is likely to get into conflict with him. If she 'wears the pants' it's going to be difficult for her to respect her husband, and she may be more likely to be discontent with her husband.
My wife has intellectually embraced the idea of wives submitting to husbands and respecting them, but acting on it has been a struggle, especially some years back. As the Lord dealt with her and she was able to really embrace doing this and living that way, she found a great deal of peace and is a lot happier with our marriage.
It's a theory of mine based on anecdotal evidence, but it seems like whenever there is a post on a forum like this from a man whose wife left him for emotional reasons, she doesn't seem to be the type that embraces submission. Female posters who post things like that rarely seem to be the type who embrace submission. Submissive wives do post about cheating husbands and sometimes abusive husbands. But while finding a spouse, the right route for a woman to take is to avoid sexually immoral and abusive types of men, rather than to go into marriage with a desire to rebel against the scriptures, or theological reasoning to justify not following the scriptures.
Jesus said all authority was given to Him on heaven and on earth-- before sending the apostles into all the world. He didn't say that He did not delegate authority. Why would He tell the apostles all authority had been given to them, and then say 'Go ye THEREFORE....' if He wasn't delegating something?
In the judgment, we give an account for deeds done in the body. I don't see why marriage would be exempted. Wives are to submit to their husbands and husbands. The day of judgment is a good reason to do well in the roles scripture gives us in marriage, not to ignore them.
K
Im sorry it didn't work out but her answer sounds like what mine would be just because Im sarcastic.lol I dont know though...I mean people know what the right answer is.Not a very hard test.Some people are really good manipulators.They pay a lot of lip service but when the rubber meets the road,see nothing but the tail lights.I dated a guy that constantly said to me "I'm not going anywhere,Im a good guy!" We weren't dating long when he wanted me to agree to marry him.I always found a way to laugh it off.Then suddenly he took a job on the other side of the country temporarily.Last thing he said "I'll be back,I promise,nothing will change." In under three months he was living with a woman.It took his mother and brother to break that to me.He wasn't man enough to.Action is what counts.Words are empty,action is the proof of what you say.
I saw an independent film once about a man who had gotten engaged. His friends were telling him about another friend of theirs whose wife left him, and asked how he could know if she really loved him, etc. So, after they talked him into it, he came up with this series of tests to test her love. He filmed her while another man flirted with her while waiting for their date. Then he became obsessed with these tests.
One test was to have a friend of theirs break into their house (they were living in sin) and hold them at gunpoint and see if she would offer her life for his. He offered, 'Shoot me, not her.' She didn't say anything.
My wife and I were watching it. We were both in agreement. A man should be willing to take a bullet for his wife. He's supposed to love his wife like Christ loved the church and died for her. But I wouldn't expect a woman to be willing to take a bullet for me. That's an unreasonable requirement, IMO, to ask of a potential wife. If there is one bullet, I'd let my wife live. It makes sense. I've got a life insurance policy and she can raise the kids if I'm gone.
If my wife were willing to die to save my life, I guess that would be fine. But I'd also want her to be practical about it. There is no use risking her life if it means the kids don't have a parent to raise them.
One test was to have a friend of theirs break into their house (they were living in sin) and hold them at gunpoint and see if she would offer her life for his. He offered, 'Shoot me, not her.' She didn't say anything.
My wife and I were watching it. We were both in agreement. A man should be willing to take a bullet for his wife. He's supposed to love his wife like Christ loved the church and died for her. But I wouldn't expect a woman to be willing to take a bullet for me. That's an unreasonable requirement, IMO, to ask of a potential wife. If there is one bullet, I'd let my wife live. It makes sense. I've got a life insurance policy and she can raise the kids if I'm gone.
If my wife were willing to die to save my life, I guess that would be fine. But I'd also want her to be practical about it. There is no use risking her life if it means the kids don't have a parent to raise them.
The Bible tells husbands to love their wives and tells older women to teach younger women to love their husbands. My list would work for arranged marriages as well, if those arranging were aware of the criteria. Not everyone in every culture dates until they feel like they are in love and then marries.
It's kind of a given in western culture that people will also feel 'in love' before getting married, or define their relationship as 'being in love.' (and if they break up they will say, "I thought we were in love, but maybe we weren't.)
But a lot of people have this foolish idea that if they feel a certain way, their relationship will be good and they will live happily ever after. That's not turning out too well in our society, with the divorce rate as high as it is. Before two people 'fall in love' if one of them sees that the other is not a good potential spouse, that person can decide not to pursue this type of relationship further.
It's kind of a given in western culture that people will also feel 'in love' before getting married, or define their relationship as 'being in love.' (and if they break up they will say, "I thought we were in love, but maybe we weren't.)
But a lot of people have this foolish idea that if they feel a certain way, their relationship will be good and they will live happily ever after. That's not turning out too well in our society, with the divorce rate as high as it is. Before two people 'fall in love' if one of them sees that the other is not a good potential spouse, that person can decide not to pursue this type of relationship further.
