Truth, Love, and interacting with people

GaryA · Apr 8, 2015

Just to make sure you understand...

This statement:

has to do with the "suggested apparent mind-set" - based on the "missing words" of this statement:

and does NOT have anything to do with this statement:

I was saying that you are not old enough to be "forgetting" part of what you are wanting to convey -- like some of us older folks have been known to do at times...

PopClick · Apr 10, 2015

GaryA said:

I knew what you meant. I'm not old enough to be confused by your post.

GaryA · Apr 11, 2015

PopClick said:

Yet young enough to...

PopClick said:

haha

jn4mw · Apr 11, 2015

There are things that you learn about effective communication that either people don't know or don't use while online. It is probably a combination of the two. One of the biggest and most effective things that I have found is the idea of not using the term "you" when saying someone is doing something wrong. Apparently by saying that you do this or you are this it puts the other person on defense and they are less likely to hear what you are actually trying to communicate.

Also it seems that often times people do not actually wish to understand the other persons perspective, but rather assert their own. To have a real debate, not a fight, you have to be able to understand where the other person comes from and have an accurate idea of what they believe in order to counter that belief effectively. This would also likely end a lot of arguments a lot faster considering many times people are actually arguing the same thing just in different ways (very irritating).

Lastly I think we all need to really consider what we put on these websites. We represent God especially to non-believers who don't have their own experiences to draw on. When we post things we should consider if God would be pleased and how someone who doesn't know Christ would view it. I am not saying that we do not speak the truth for fear that people won't be happy about it, but rather consider how we deliver that truth and how we are treating each other as brothers and sisters in Christ.

MultilingualMessenger · Apr 11, 2015

cinder said:

That it's really hard to do. Sometimes it feels like walking on eggshells. I'm not a hand-holder and I don't tiptoe around people's feelings, so it's kinda tough sometimes for me to speak the truth and still sound loving, despite my intentions. I honestly don't know if I've ever been successful at this whole "truth in love" thing. At least the truth part is not a problem for me, so that's a start! Just gotta get people to feel the love... <3

cinder said:

No, but I'm thinking of a time in particular when it was actually more loving to not speak a certain bit of truth right at that time, so I didn't, and the conversation stayed civil. Another time, I spoke the truth in love and not much later, the other person ended that part of the conversation. So that's how that went. But I don't feel bad about it really, because I was polite and straight-forward with it.

cinder said:

I think sometimes I overcompensate for not being a sugar-coater. I have certain friends who if we were to talk about a certain topic, I would think of ways to tell the truth in a subtle, ambiguous way, so that they will interpret it the way they want to, but I still told the truth. But I know very well that from their mindset, it will be taken another, even opposite way. But I told the truth and didn't lose a friend in the process. It absolves me of any guilt from not telling the truth, but avoids confrontation.

Buuuuut I honestly don't think that's a good way to go about things...doesn't really help the other person. They just think you're cosigning, when you're really not. Technically they receive the truth, but if you know they will receive it totally differently anyway...what is the point of that?

So that leads me to this understanding: the way you word the truth, though it is the truth, still can lead someone astray or let them continue in sin. And then that would be a sin on your part too. (Andddd now that I know, I gotta repent.)

Ay ay ay.

cinder said:

Becoming better at not verbally clocking a person in the eye with the truth, but not watering it down to the point where it's so diluted that they can take it however they want and continue with no change. I guess I can practice here?

psychomom · Apr 11, 2015

cinder said:

i wanted to address this (since i don't often do a good job at the rest of that stuff

).

i met my friend Suze 29 years ago...we were both young Christians.
one evening, riding home from a homeschool meeting together, we were chatting.

i don't remember how the conversation went, but Suze suddenly stopped us.
she said, we are straying into gossip, and gossip is a temptation for me.

although we both were in that danger, Suze said "for me".
she didn't lecture me on the evils of gossip, though she could have.
she didn't point out my "beam", though it was mine.

that pulled me up short like no lecture could have.
Suze raised her hand and said, i struggle with this.
thank God. ♥

secularhermit · Apr 11, 2015

I hope this may serve me:

[video] http://youtu.be/afvT7g7--Lk [/video]

Lynx · Apr 11, 2015

psychomom said:

"Oh you'll never hear one of us repeating gossip
So you'd better be sure and listen close the first time "

I usually don't say anything when other people are gossiping around me, but I am very sensitive to gossip myself. When my parents broke up there was a lot of gossip about my mother. As a beneficial side effect I have always been hyper aware of when I myself am straying into gossip, and I have always paid particular attention to WHY I am saying something about somebody.

Jeff_56 · Apr 11, 2015

Lynx said:

the sword yahshua hamashiach - messiah savior king friend judge -
brought
instead of peace
as he said,
separated family from family, friends from friends, neighbors from neighbors,

much 'like' (corrseponding) to in th eOT when brothers went through the camp and PUT TO DEATH BROTHERS, directly, immediately, without hesitation >> WITH A SWORD(or other) PUT TO DEATH brother and sister and husband and wife and father and son and daughter >> whoever was GUILTY OF FORNICATING ,
they put them to death then and there , in person, directly, AND GOD BLESSED THEM FOR IT AND MADE THEM PRIESTS.

GOD'S WAYS are not man's ways. the world is entirely in sin, in wickedness, under a DEATH SENTENCE TODAY.

very strict. very merciful. very true. very righteous. "right-ruling", perfect justice and mercy.

so too GOD through JESUS separates us(ekklesia who HE has called and chosen) from our sins and from the consequences of sin; from others who would 'kill us' knowingly or not; from others who would make us stumble, or lose faith, or sin grievously in unbelief, maybe even(as many do) walk AWAY FROM JESUS(like the disciples who walked away from HIM, many disciples who gave up in the NT)....

being saved is not a gentle, mild, easy thing.

it is rough, devastating, embarrassing, piercing the heart or soul/ mind,
realizing how much harm was done ---- mostly that JESUS WAS PAINFULLY CRUCIFIED for the sin....

thus being separated from the sin, confessing and repenting and living right, is excruciating and is suffering and is painful

........................................... when it is true. when it really happens in a person's life ....

it is death to the old self. death to self. death to the world and all the things of the world.
(can't keep anything of the world, be friends with it, and also be a friend of GOD)....

it is freeing, and joyful, and righteous, and eternally rewarding in yahshua - all a gift of yahweh;

and accompanied with tribulation and persecution and being hated by the world(family and friends included; when they are not themselves separated unto God in JESUS)....

the so-called 'soft gospel' or 'easy gospel' or 'cheap grace gospel' in the united states is hypocrisy and is a FALSE GOSPEL......

Lynx · Apr 11, 2015

Was I just called a hypocrite? >.>

I'm a Pentecostal and no one has ever accused us of having a soft, easy gospel...

egeiro · Apr 12, 2015

Well, when speaking the truth in love to people, I believe the first and foremost important thing is to look at each and every person through the eyes of Jesus. You want to speak something in love, then you perceive and understand through love, and quite frankly love covers a multitude of sins (1 Pet 4:8). So if you're addressing someone who has sinned or even sinned against you, or is 'wrong', are you looking at them as being one or associated with that sin, or are you seeing them as the new creation they are and may need to be reminded that they are?

God is love (1 John 4:8), and love is also one of the fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5:22), so to deliver truth, it must be released in love. So if it is something that requires biblical back up, then you have the Holy Spirit and the Word (Truth) hand in hand as you come to this person.

So we deliver the truth in that which is love, so now we address love (1 Cor 13:4), which means we deliver it in: patience, kindness, with out boasting and with out pride. We deliver it with out dishonouring the person before us, with out the intention of self-seeking and with out anger. When we deliver in love, we do not hold wrongs against that person.

Usually the reason we are communicating truth is to win someone over to the light of truth. Or you could say, to break down something that is false or wrong. What better way than through love that never fails (1 Cor 13:8)?

I love how Kris Vallotton words it in his book, 'Fashioned to Reign' - "Whenever we apply the Scriptures in a way that is unredemptive, creates hopelessness, reduces a person's destiny or enslaves them, we have missed one of the main points of the Gospel, which is supposed to be abundant life in Jesus Christ."

If we look at scripture, so much of it is dedicated to instructions on how to get along. We are made for relationship with God, and with each other, and so the greatest commandments are fine tuned to these two points: love God with all your heart and being, and love your neighbour as yourself (Matt 22:37). But being in a fallen world, being complicated and fearfully and wonderfully made beings, with unique experiences, traits and personalities, we are inevitably, at times, going to clash and produce tension, but confrontation does not have to equal conflict.

In conclusion: I can say all this and still really suck in this area. If I really sit down and ask for Holy Spirit to help me speak to someone, it goes really well. But more often then not, I am either too soft and side stepping the real topic or I suddenly blurt it out. So, here's to growing to be more like Christ! YAY!

thecreationtutor · Apr 12, 2015

jogoldie said:

I personally take Jesus' term......I will make you fishers of men.....literaly.....to fish is to bait a hook....
to paitently wait for the fish to bite.......then slowly and steadily reel them in........to fish is not done
by clubbing the thing over the head........so I take the slow route......it takes time and some patience......
but I find more people are willing to hear and accept .....when they are not made to feel worse then they already do.....God tells us of seasons.....a time and purpose for all things......and this rings true
for the handling of His children......time to be comforting and time to kick butt.......and always time
for love and understanding......

This would be cool if that's the type of fishing the disciples did - they cast nets into the ocean to see what they would catch

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Truth, Love, and interacting with people

GaryA

Guest

PopClick

Senior Member

GaryA

Guest

jn4mw

Guest

MultilingualMessenger

Senior Member

psychomom

Guest

secularhermit

Banned

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite

Jeff_56

Banned

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite

egeiro

Senior Member

thecreationtutor

Senior Member