Marriages With Significant Age Differences: What Happens To The Spouse Left Behind?

[christian74]

Preach on, Sister!!!

I certainly don't see myself as having an expiration date.

I do often feel though that many men overlook women after a certain age (unfortunately, that age feels like 35, unless they're 70) because they feel we are "damaged" or "low performance" goods. (I suppose we could ask an entirely different question... If women would shy away from marrying a man on Viagra... but of course, that would open an entirely different can of worms that would probably be "deflated" as soon as it started. And naturally... no pun intended. )

That's a good thing because not only you will know for sure they don't live up to your minimum threshold of what you are looking for, but also they will filter themselves out from your potential pool. And you certainly know it's not how they look at you or what they think of you that determines your value.

 

[christian74]

i have never been all that concerned about age differences (for the most part). the heart loves who the heart loves. i'd rather spend a year with someone whom i consider "the love of my life" than 30 years with someone who i consider "adequate".

as sad as i would be to find myself without him, i am not afraid of being single, either. i'm sure i would be very difficult, but i know God would sufficient for me, somehow, someway.

Ha, beautifully said and agreed.

 

[Roh_Chris]

So violent tonight.

Who to away your chocolate? Was it Lynx? I bet it was Lynx.

*spots the bar of chocolate sticking out of ServantStrike's pocket*

*walks away shaking his head*

 

[ServantStrike]

*spots the bar of chocolate sticking out of ServantStrike's pocket*

*walks away shaking his head*

Dude, you planted that.


I haven't had chocolate in months. Sad, but true. Stupid diet.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

So violent tonight.

Who to away your chocolate? Was it Lynx? I bet it was Lynx.

All I know is

somebody better return it.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

By the way, you guys all know I'm just playin' around, I hope.







Plus I'm just a little unstable







cuz I'm going through menopause.

 

[Shouryu]

There are rumors that your sharpening your utensils would be the true miracle.

Not rumours. Verified facts, sir.

*glances sideways at the Angie*

*remembers that her utensils ACTUALLY ARE sharp now, since she was gifted a brand new knife set for her last birthday*

*inches away slowly*

 

[seoulsearch]

Ha, I love everyone's sense of humor!!!

Gypsy--yup, I had a birthday. Months ago. That has nothing to do with it.

The reason I feel the way I do stems from the fact that older men have made comments to me all my life, starting with a teacher when I was around 12 and he was probably 25. My attitude towards older men was always, "You're supposed to look at me as a little sister, daughter, or granddaughter... not a potential love object."

And I've felt that way my entire life. I am particularly resentful because it usually comes with a truckload of stereotypes about Asian women (even stupid questions such ask, "Is your name 'Mai Ling'"? To which, of course, I want to say something like, "Is YOUR name 'Stupid Idiot'"?)

The other reason I feel the way I do is because in every church/situation I go to, I wind up meeting and getting to know other single women who are usually older (for example, the entire "Single's Group" at my church is all older women) and all talk about being passed up for younger women, which is the same thing I've found on the Christian dating sites as well.

It could just be me or the areas I've lived in, but that's my experience and the point of view I write from.

 

[gypsygirl]

Ha, I love everyone's sense of humor!!!

Gypsy--yup, I had a birthday. Months ago. That has nothing to do with it.

The reason I feel the way I do stems from the fact that older men have made comments to me all my life, starting with a teacher when I was around 12 and he was probably 25. My attitude towards older men was always, "You're supposed to look at me as a little sister, daughter, or granddaughter... not a potential love object."

And I've felt that way my entire life. I am particularly resentful because it usually comes with a truckload of stereotypes about Asian women (even stupid questions such ask, "Is your name 'Mai Ling'"? To which, of course, I want to say something like, "Is YOUR name 'Stupid Idiot'"?)

The other reason I feel the way I do is because in every church/situation I go to, I wind up meeting and getting to know other single women who are usually older (for example, the entire "Single's Group" at my church is all older women) and all talk about being passed up for younger women, which is the same thing I've found on the Christian dating sites as well.

It could just be me or the areas I've lived in, but that's my experience and the point of view I write from.

happy belated birthday. i only asked because i just noticed that fact last night. for the record, i didn't think it had anything to do with your point of view. : )

well... i don't want to diminish your perspective or viewpoint. what i do know is a lot of people who are single are that way because they do almost nothing to change that fact, and then talk about how they get passed by. and so i should have clarified my point in the previous post by saying IF you or anyone else want to get married, i don't think a woman in her 40s should be concerned about having no prospects (or only questionable men to choose from).

while i can't speak to your treatment as an asian woman, i'm sorry that this has contributed to your outlook as it relates to your prospects for the future. not all men are small-minded and obtuse about such things, and i believe there ARE guys who would appreciate the qualities that make you the person you are. : )

 

[seoulsearch]

Hey Gyps

I always respect your outlooks and wide body of knowledge. I do realize everyone's experience is different. Part of my discouragement also stems from a Christian dating site I'd been part of for years that has chat rooms divided by age groups.

Sometimes I'd hang out in the 50's and 60's room because I wanted to listen the wisdom of elders ... and the men would be trying to PM me... while the women would talk about always being passed over.

I understand and respect that age differences is a highly varied and very personal thing. For me personally, I see my own personal age range as about ten years up or down.

As for being in my 40's and wondering about if I'd ever find someone, well, you have to remember that I was 25 when my husband divorced me and all the good Christian people told me I'd be remarried again in a few years. My last relationship ended when I was about 29, and I'm 41 now. I am a long-term thinker and a realist. If 16 years have passed by, another 16--or more--could easily be gone in the blink of an eye, and I will soon find myself among that group of women in their 50's and 60's who are also all single and have lost hope of even dating, let alone finding a spouse.

And if that's what happens, I'll live. i know my life doesn't depend on finding someone. But of course, it would be nice.

 

[seoulsearch]

P.S. I just had a very sweet CC member ask me, "You mean, you're Asian???!!! What???!!" (Yes, they were joking. )

Well, for as much as I try to pass myself off as a member of the Swedish bikini team... for some reason, that line never seems to work for me.

Oh, the horrors of prejudice and ignorance!!!

(I asked this person if they own a dog. No reason, I assure you... *clicking her chopsticks together*)

 

[wisebeardman]

and I will soon find myself among that group of women in their 50's and 60's who are also all single and have lost hope of even dating, let alone finding a spouse.

im 33 and been there for 16 years..... but I am a guy and not a woman..

 

[hoss2576]

im 33 and been there for 16 years..... but I am a guy and not a woman..

You want to be alone. She doesn't. apples and oranges.

 

[seoulsearch]

im 33 and been there for 16 years..... but I am a guy and not a woman..

Wise, you publicly write that you avoid people in any way, shape, or form, including going grocery shopping at 3 in the morning (which is something I would do too at times, so I do understand.) You also say that you don't give out your phone number or answer, not even for a job.

I hate to tell you, but this GREATLY increases your chances of being, and remaining single...

However, you are not alone. You have all of us and I hope you won't shut us out, either.

 

[seoulsearch]

You want to be alone. She doesn't. apples and oranges.

On some days, I think I might even qualify as a pineapple...

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

I never had any problems getting women until I became a Christian... lol. They ALL loved the bad boy and would do anything I said. But the day I converted and started following Jesus Christ they were like "ahhh bummer." It was a BIG let down for them. No more danger and excitement. No more drugs, sex, and rock and roll. And, of course, you're right that the days turn into weeks then months then years then decades... EOM.

im 33 and been there for 16 years..... but I am a guy and not a woman..

 

[ServantStrike]

All I know is

somebody better return it.

Finger on the trigger... slamming the cylinder shut...

That image makes me cringe.

Mechanical objects deserve more respect than that!

By the way, you guys all know I'm just playin' around, I hope.







Plus I'm just a little unstable







cuz I'm going through menopause.

Cant tell if serious....


Well played.