Hey Singles,
A young man made a comment a few days ago that really bothered me: "Yeah... I've been trying to talk to Shelly (not her real name)... but she's such a ho. All the girls around here are just big whores."
For the sake of privacy I don't want to give too many details about the situation, but what I do know is that this particular young man would really, really, REALLY like to have a girlfriend and has talked about that fact quite often. And the young lady he was talking about, for whatever her reasons may be, is just not interested in him. (I wanted to ask him, "If Shelly and all the girls here are of so little value in your eyes, why are you working so hard to try to make one of them your girlfriend?")
I've seen this happen time and time again: Person X likes Person Y. Person X tries to ask Person Y out, but Person Y just isn't interested, for their own reasons. Person X then says vicious things to Person Y or about Person Y to other people.
To be completely honest I don't hear it as much from women ("Wow, I just tried to flirt with him and he totally ignored me... What a male whore!"), though I do know women have their own ways of doing the same thing. I'm not saying women don't do the same, I'm just saying that maybe I hear more men talk about it because men tend to ask women out more than women ask men out (at least, it seems that way around here.)
I have also been in dating chat rooms where, if a person of another color is rejected, he or she will claim that the other person is racist. (Um... that could be a possibility... but maybe it also has to do with the fact that your initial attitude is the assumption that everyone is against you to begin with.)
Worst of all, I hate seeing people play the "You're Not All That" card in order to try to manipulate someone into giving in to what they want.
In my own life, I recently faced a situation in which several people were trying to fix me up with someone I just wasn't interested in. I don't want to go into that person's life details, but they have a lot going on in life, including some things that firmly go against my own personal morals and values.
Now I hear things such as, "Kim is just mean," "She thinks she's too good for anyone else," and, "No one is good enough for her." There are probably worse things that have been said that just haven't gotten back to me yet.
So sorry to disappoint the masses. Have I mentioned I can be a bit stubborn? And this is one of the times when I'm standing my ground and not budging, no matter what people have to say. I haven't always done so, and at least one of my relationships was a cave-in to peer pressure (I've been told for years that I think I'm too good for anyone and that I should "just give so-and-so a chance"... One time I did, even though the entire situation made me deathly uncomfortable... But my friends told me I was being a big snob, and so I gave in. And it was pure hell the entire time.)
I understand that rejection is hard to deal with. I also understand that some people who try to play matchmaker can have good intentions. But it really bothers me that people are so offended by rejection that they resort to heartlessly insulting the other person. If the person they had their eye on is really that terrible, why on earth did they try to talk to them in the first place?
Not that I haven't had my own bad reactions when faced with rejection. I guess for me, when I was younger, I'd take it more as a fault in myself than the other person.
Questions to ponder:
* How do you react when someone insults you just because you're not interested?
* Do you tend to cut people down who reject you? What is a more constructive way to deal with rejection?
* If you hear someone cutting down another person for rejecting them, what is something you could say to turn the situation around?
A young man made a comment a few days ago that really bothered me: "Yeah... I've been trying to talk to Shelly (not her real name)... but she's such a ho. All the girls around here are just big whores."
For the sake of privacy I don't want to give too many details about the situation, but what I do know is that this particular young man would really, really, REALLY like to have a girlfriend and has talked about that fact quite often. And the young lady he was talking about, for whatever her reasons may be, is just not interested in him. (I wanted to ask him, "If Shelly and all the girls here are of so little value in your eyes, why are you working so hard to try to make one of them your girlfriend?")
I've seen this happen time and time again: Person X likes Person Y. Person X tries to ask Person Y out, but Person Y just isn't interested, for their own reasons. Person X then says vicious things to Person Y or about Person Y to other people.
To be completely honest I don't hear it as much from women ("Wow, I just tried to flirt with him and he totally ignored me... What a male whore!"), though I do know women have their own ways of doing the same thing. I'm not saying women don't do the same, I'm just saying that maybe I hear more men talk about it because men tend to ask women out more than women ask men out (at least, it seems that way around here.)
I have also been in dating chat rooms where, if a person of another color is rejected, he or she will claim that the other person is racist. (Um... that could be a possibility... but maybe it also has to do with the fact that your initial attitude is the assumption that everyone is against you to begin with.)
Worst of all, I hate seeing people play the "You're Not All That" card in order to try to manipulate someone into giving in to what they want.
In my own life, I recently faced a situation in which several people were trying to fix me up with someone I just wasn't interested in. I don't want to go into that person's life details, but they have a lot going on in life, including some things that firmly go against my own personal morals and values.
Now I hear things such as, "Kim is just mean," "She thinks she's too good for anyone else," and, "No one is good enough for her." There are probably worse things that have been said that just haven't gotten back to me yet.
So sorry to disappoint the masses. Have I mentioned I can be a bit stubborn? And this is one of the times when I'm standing my ground and not budging, no matter what people have to say. I haven't always done so, and at least one of my relationships was a cave-in to peer pressure (I've been told for years that I think I'm too good for anyone and that I should "just give so-and-so a chance"... One time I did, even though the entire situation made me deathly uncomfortable... But my friends told me I was being a big snob, and so I gave in. And it was pure hell the entire time.)
I understand that rejection is hard to deal with. I also understand that some people who try to play matchmaker can have good intentions. But it really bothers me that people are so offended by rejection that they resort to heartlessly insulting the other person. If the person they had their eye on is really that terrible, why on earth did they try to talk to them in the first place?
Not that I haven't had my own bad reactions when faced with rejection. I guess for me, when I was younger, I'd take it more as a fault in myself than the other person.
Questions to ponder:
* How do you react when someone insults you just because you're not interested?
* Do you tend to cut people down who reject you? What is a more constructive way to deal with rejection?
* If you hear someone cutting down another person for rejecting them, what is something you could say to turn the situation around?