The Role of the Woman
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Anyone saying how women "get everything" in a divorce is crap. THOSE women are the ones who filed first and got good attorneys while their husbands tried to represent themselves in court. If a man gets the attorney and the wife represents herself, then SHE is going to get screwed over.
It all comes down to the attorneys, and the legal world is a "boys club" except in some progressive pockets. Any objection that soon-to-be-ex-wives have is chalked up to being "emotional mothers"; and abuse allegations are rarely, if ever, believed.
Of course every state has different laws, and each county has different dynamics within their courts so we can find stories backing up either side.
I'll agree that an abused man is almost always going to get shafted, and anyone who decides not to get an attorney in divorce proceedings is going to get steamrolled in court. And single moms garner more sympathy from charitable organizations, but we are also more targeted in hate-filled tirades as seductresses out to destroy innocent men's lives and wallets.
The truth is that divorced and single moms are more likely to end up in poverty while men are more able to quickly recover as though they never lost anything. Women usually end up bearing the brunt of the child rearing. Sure, about 19% of the men's salary will go to child support; but they get a free pass for the time, energy, and emotional cost it takes to raise that child. They also get to have less cost-of-living expenses, not worry about the commute to day care or the cost of baby-sitters if they want to do something other than work and go home, and generally have more free time for relaxation and self-improvement. All of the monetary and physical toll of that extra room, electricity, food, gas, wear-and-tear on the car, time spent doing homework, trips to the doctor/dentist/tutor/barber, keeping the kid in clothes that fit and are clean, and incessant reminders to brush hair/teeth or finish homework/chores--it adds up beyond what the 19% covers. And in Texas at least, there is a cap on that 19% so if the ex husband earns real money, it's not shared with his kid.
My kid and I are stuck with debt that his dad racked up. We lived paycheck to paycheck until I had to quit working 9 to 5 to address my son's learning issues. We live in home that I am grateful for but needs a lot of repairs and in a neighborhood that we'll call "ghetto-adjacent." His dad is debt free, lives in a gorgeous big house, and won't pay for a dime over child support. Any clothes or gifts that he buys for my kid aren't allowed to come home with him. He has replaced us with a new wife and a new kid in a new house in an upper class neighborhood. If this is a feminist system, it's a pretty bad one.
It all comes down to the attorneys, and the legal world is a "boys club" except in some progressive pockets. Any objection that soon-to-be-ex-wives have is chalked up to being "emotional mothers"; and abuse allegations are rarely, if ever, believed.
Of course every state has different laws, and each county has different dynamics within their courts so we can find stories backing up either side.
I'll agree that an abused man is almost always going to get shafted, and anyone who decides not to get an attorney in divorce proceedings is going to get steamrolled in court. And single moms garner more sympathy from charitable organizations, but we are also more targeted in hate-filled tirades as seductresses out to destroy innocent men's lives and wallets.
The truth is that divorced and single moms are more likely to end up in poverty while men are more able to quickly recover as though they never lost anything. Women usually end up bearing the brunt of the child rearing. Sure, about 19% of the men's salary will go to child support; but they get a free pass for the time, energy, and emotional cost it takes to raise that child. They also get to have less cost-of-living expenses, not worry about the commute to day care or the cost of baby-sitters if they want to do something other than work and go home, and generally have more free time for relaxation and self-improvement. All of the monetary and physical toll of that extra room, electricity, food, gas, wear-and-tear on the car, time spent doing homework, trips to the doctor/dentist/tutor/barber, keeping the kid in clothes that fit and are clean, and incessant reminders to brush hair/teeth or finish homework/chores--it adds up beyond what the 19% covers. And in Texas at least, there is a cap on that 19% so if the ex husband earns real money, it's not shared with his kid.
My kid and I are stuck with debt that his dad racked up. We lived paycheck to paycheck until I had to quit working 9 to 5 to address my son's learning issues. We live in home that I am grateful for but needs a lot of repairs and in a neighborhood that we'll call "ghetto-adjacent." His dad is debt free, lives in a gorgeous big house, and won't pay for a dime over child support. Any clothes or gifts that he buys for my kid aren't allowed to come home with him. He has replaced us with a new wife and a new kid in a new house in an upper class neighborhood. If this is a feminist system, it's a pretty bad one.
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[h=1]Willie Carson of Houston, Texas has had his wages garnished for some 13 years because he was erroneously included on a girl's birth certificate[/h]
Read more: DNA proves man isn't girl's father but he must pay support anyway | Daily Mail Online
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook
- The girl's mother has now written to authorities and now Carson's 401K is no longer frozen and he no longer must pay child support
- However, Texas law requires Carson must still pay his $21,000 unpaid support and any interest accrued after the termination date
Read more: DNA proves man isn't girl's father but he must pay support anyway | Daily Mail Online
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook
That's an example of the Office of the Attorney General being poorly run and inefficient. I can guarantee you that just as many moms are being screwed over as dads are. It took 6 months for them to finally process our new orders last year. I spent several days on the phone, a couple of days in their offices, and eventually called random people at the exes employer until I found someone to process the withholding order for us (no exaggeration). Basically, I had to do their job for them.
E
No I do not believe I am. Your response, generates this:Thank you for standing up for me here. And the problem with that response, is that it indicates a personal attack when none was made. cmarieh does not want to have an actual discussion...she would like to simply accept and then defend the op which is indefensable
It does not matter what her feelings are...neither God nor the devil are going to care...now God cares about her personally, but He will not allow His word to be twisted to mean something it does not mean no matter who feels bad or wants to use it as an excuse
JF...you appear to be doing one on one counselling here...which is fine and appropriate IMO...but this is a general thread for anyone here to reply in..and I am actually still writing with regard to the op..I am not picking on someone or taking feelings into disregard.
It does not matter what her feelings are...neither God nor the devil are going to care...now God cares about her personally, but He will not allow His word to be twisted to mean something it does not mean no matter who feels bad or wants to use it as an excuse
Ok 1) you're being a little harsh. I can understand you saying this to someone with thicker skin but from what I have seen she's not that great with words and she seems a little sensitive (that was just the impression I got) so consider your audience. You can say the same thing in a completely different way.
2) I see what you are saying about submission and I agree with you but like I said, consider your audience. You will be much more effective if you do.
Cmariah,
Submission does not mean you don't get a voice. I think it's admirable that you submit yourself to everyone but don't hurt yourself or think badly of yourself in the process. If you feel called to submit to everyone go for it but please do so in a healthy manner.
Also don't let your future spouse make ALL the decisions by himself. Not only is that not fair to you but that puts a MASSIVE burden on him. If he decides not to take it seriously you could be in real trouble. If he does take it seriously he could easily get worn out from the constant pressure and anxiety. Yes, men have feelings too. They also get anxious. You have a brain so use it. I would suggest reading the book of Esther. She used her brain and was very blessed for it. You can use yours too. Now don't be like "my way or the highway" but you can be like "I'm sorry I don't agree with you. let's work to come to a decision we BOTH agree on." There's a thread in the family forum called "listening time" that I think would do you good.
2) I see what you are saying about submission and I agree with you but like I said, consider your audience. You will be much more effective if you do.
Cmariah,
Submission does not mean you don't get a voice. I think it's admirable that you submit yourself to everyone but don't hurt yourself or think badly of yourself in the process. If you feel called to submit to everyone go for it but please do so in a healthy manner.
Also don't let your future spouse make ALL the decisions by himself. Not only is that not fair to you but that puts a MASSIVE burden on him. If he decides not to take it seriously you could be in real trouble. If he does take it seriously he could easily get worn out from the constant pressure and anxiety. Yes, men have feelings too. They also get anxious. You have a brain so use it. I would suggest reading the book of Esther. She used her brain and was very blessed for it. You can use yours too. Now don't be like "my way or the highway" but you can be like "I'm sorry I don't agree with you. let's work to come to a decision we BOTH agree on." There's a thread in the family forum called "listening time" that I think would do you good.
A
What's harsh and extreme is blaming me for another person's feelings. Am I responsible for everything anyone I meet feels? No. Am I responsible for the behavior of everyone I know? No.
But do you blame men for everything a woman feels, thinks, and does (unless you consider it positive, of course, because you're hypocritical that way and exercise a double standard)? Apparently, yes you do.
My guess is that she has issues inside of her with being unmarried in our present married-centric Christian culture that have zero to do with me.
It may take two to tango but we did NOT tango rendering your idiom false.
Hey I know, using your logic, let's release all the criminals from prison because they aren't responsible for their criminal feelings and criminal behaviors. It's obviously someone else's fault.
But do you blame men for everything a woman feels, thinks, and does (unless you consider it positive, of course, because you're hypocritical that way and exercise a double standard)? Apparently, yes you do.
My guess is that she has issues inside of her with being unmarried in our present married-centric Christian culture that have zero to do with me.
It may take two to tango but we did NOT tango rendering your idiom false.
Hey I know, using your logic, let's release all the criminals from prison because they aren't responsible for their criminal feelings and criminal behaviors. It's obviously someone else's fault.
A
The people being severely screwed over care. Nobody said women were "submissive little housewives" in this thread except you. It's a feminist controlled society, you've got it completely backwards and I can prove it with empirical data (statistics, studies, etc...). Men and women have the same Imago Dei intrinsic value in or out of Christ but in Christ it is ultimately restored rendering it exponentially more valuable. I have yet to see you even allude to the treatment of men other than to blame them for everything you negatively perceive with respect to women both real and imagined.
Misty, i just wanted to tell you i'm sorry for your situation.
it's hard for me to see it as a 'men v women' thing, though.
to me, it looks more like typical human greed and selfishness---sin.
both genders are all too good at those traits.
it's hard for me to see it as a 'men v women' thing, though.
to me, it looks more like typical human greed and selfishness---sin.
both genders are all too good at those traits.
The very fact that I am female in a patriarchal subculture made me more susceptible to abuse and less likely to fight or leave than secular women. Because I don't fit the gender stereotype, I didn't garner the sympathy that society unconsciously gives tinier, quieter, frailer women. I was more at risk to be abused and less likely for it to be noticed.
A
You just keep making false assertions. It's like you're a false assertion generator, and interestingly, they're all aimed at demonizing males and excusing females.
The answer is much less dramatic. She was just one member of a small group fellowship that I attended for a couple of years. I never held her hand, I never bought her a present, I never kissed her, I never promised her anything, etc... Sometimes I would give her a friendly hug and listen to her. That was all.
I live in a county with almost ten million people in which I'm surrounded by millions and millions of people all with their own thinking styles, beliefs, personalities, feelings, etc... and whom are at all sorts of stages in their life. All sorts of scenarios occur here.
Your assertions about me are false and I've corrected them. If you keep making false assertions about me in which you seek to blame me for the behaviors of others then I'm going to call you a liar for the simple fact that you will be lying.
The answer is much less dramatic. She was just one member of a small group fellowship that I attended for a couple of years. I never held her hand, I never bought her a present, I never kissed her, I never promised her anything, etc... Sometimes I would give her a friendly hug and listen to her. That was all.
I live in a county with almost ten million people in which I'm surrounded by millions and millions of people all with their own thinking styles, beliefs, personalities, feelings, etc... and whom are at all sorts of stages in their life. All sorts of scenarios occur here.
Your assertions about me are false and I've corrected them. If you keep making false assertions about me in which you seek to blame me for the behaviors of others then I'm going to call you a liar for the simple fact that you will be lying.
It's pretty extreme for a woman to be like "I love you! marry me!" and it takes A LOT to get to that point so you were either leading her on or you do not know ANYTHING about women.
1) have you ever needed an escort to go to a certian part of town for fear of men?
2) Have you been used or looked upon as an object for another mans sexual pleasures? Did it happen in public? Is it considered socially acceptable for them to do that?
3) have you ever been told that you're not as smart as the other sex?
4) have you ever had to choose between having a family and your career?
5) when was the last time you were told to be quiet? When was the last time you were called bossy?
6) have you ever felt ugly? Like repulsive? have you ever cried yourself to sleep at night because you believe a man will never love you?
7) have you ever been told that you're too emotional?
8) is your gender used as an insult?
9) when was the last time you heard a "man joke" or were "man shamed"
2) Have you been used or looked upon as an object for another mans sexual pleasures? Did it happen in public? Is it considered socially acceptable for them to do that?
3) have you ever been told that you're not as smart as the other sex?
4) have you ever had to choose between having a family and your career?
5) when was the last time you were told to be quiet? When was the last time you were called bossy?
6) have you ever felt ugly? Like repulsive? have you ever cried yourself to sleep at night because you believe a man will never love you?
7) have you ever been told that you're too emotional?
8) is your gender used as an insult?
9) when was the last time you heard a "man joke" or were "man shamed"
JF and AoK:
It's becoming increasingly clear that you two come from very different backgrounds and from opposite genders, even different generations. Of course you are going to look at these issues from completely different angles and process the information using different criteria. As far as scriptural understanding, I don't think you are as far apart as you may seem to be.
But your experiences in your particular parts of our culture are nothing alike. I think we would do well to not make suppositions for each other since our social circles seem to not overlap.
It's becoming increasingly clear that you two come from very different backgrounds and from opposite genders, even different generations. Of course you are going to look at these issues from completely different angles and process the information using different criteria. As far as scriptural understanding, I don't think you are as far apart as you may seem to be.
But your experiences in your particular parts of our culture are nothing alike. I think we would do well to not make suppositions for each other since our social circles seem to not overlap.
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