Hello Singles!
It's been a typical 2 weeks in Seoulsearch's World of Online Dating. You know how it goes... a view from an 84-year-old... then a view from an 81-year-old who keeps creeping my profile without saying anything...
And then, maybe... Someone my own age? A seemingly nice guy a few years older than me wrote a very thoughtful, considerate message in which he asked several questions about some things I'd written in my profile. I'm always thankful to have anyone even READ my profile, let alone ask me about it. We exchanged messages for a few weeks (I limited my messages to about half a page, believe it or not) but this was because he would write replies of a similar length and detail.
Until... he asked me why I wasn't in a relationship and I told him I just hadn't met the right person or it wasn't God's timing, and that I'm more into just meeting people and if something happens along the way, great. We'd also had an interesting exchange about experiences with Asian culture, work situations, and moving. I wrote another half-page or so that talked about all these really neat things we seemed to have in common.
I was more than disappointed when his only response to everything I had written was, "Why aren't you into romance and relationships? Don't you have any kind of sex drive at all? You're still young, aren't you?" (And yes, this is on a Christian site.)
Now, with as long as I've been in the dating game, NOTHING should shock me, but somehow, some off-the-wall response always manages to sneak up on me. (I told him, "Out of everything I wrote, that's all you could think to ask me?" I asked him not to write me again and blocked him as a precaution.) And this is a man in his mid-40's. I wanted to be open-minded and compassionate, because I understand those feelings are hard to deal with, and I'm not someone who shies away from tough topics. However, the fact that he completely ignored EVERYTHING ELSE I had taken the time to write is what made up my mind that this would never go anywhere.
I understand sex is important, especially to men (and if someone says I'm stereotyping, I apologize.) But it also made me feel as if this guy saw the only purpose of seeking a relationship was because one's sex drive is in the driver's seat, leading the race. And it made me feel like nothing more than a finish line he was looking to cross.
If we're all honest, I think most people, single or not, have times when sexuality can be a struggle. But if one is honest with his or herself, is it their heart, or their sexuality that's leading them to work so hard at finding someone? And I'm NOT saying this to condemn anyone. We have all kinds of threads here asking if it's better to marry than burn with passion.
Here are some questions that were going through my head:
* If someone is looking to find someone primarily because of their sexual feelings, what's the best thing to do as far as dating?
* Should they be honest and upfront about their feelings? "I'm looking to have feelings for someone and marry them as soon as possible because my sex drive is overwhelming."
* Should they stay out of the dating game altogether until they believe God has helped them overcome it?
* Should they just go ahead and date anyway, hoping somehow that everything will work out for the best, without telling the person what's driving them most? Should they just hope that somehow through dating or finding someone, the temptations will be overcome, or that they will find someone to marry as soon as possible in order to try to meet the desire?
I would personally rather have someone tell me upfront and be honest with me, even if it makes the situation complicated.
And, I'm also writing this thread for those who are new to online dating, because these are some of the questions you might get asked. I've had similar comments made to me before, and when I try to explain my stance, sometimes the person will say something like, "Well, I'm a grown adult who doesn't run from sex. It's a part of life."
For anyone out there who is just starting out in the dating world, NO ONE has the right to expect, demand, or bully you into answering these types of questions.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I would love to hear your thoughts.
It's been a typical 2 weeks in Seoulsearch's World of Online Dating. You know how it goes... a view from an 84-year-old... then a view from an 81-year-old who keeps creeping my profile without saying anything...
And then, maybe... Someone my own age? A seemingly nice guy a few years older than me wrote a very thoughtful, considerate message in which he asked several questions about some things I'd written in my profile. I'm always thankful to have anyone even READ my profile, let alone ask me about it. We exchanged messages for a few weeks (I limited my messages to about half a page, believe it or not) but this was because he would write replies of a similar length and detail.
Until... he asked me why I wasn't in a relationship and I told him I just hadn't met the right person or it wasn't God's timing, and that I'm more into just meeting people and if something happens along the way, great. We'd also had an interesting exchange about experiences with Asian culture, work situations, and moving. I wrote another half-page or so that talked about all these really neat things we seemed to have in common.
I was more than disappointed when his only response to everything I had written was, "Why aren't you into romance and relationships? Don't you have any kind of sex drive at all? You're still young, aren't you?" (And yes, this is on a Christian site.)
Now, with as long as I've been in the dating game, NOTHING should shock me, but somehow, some off-the-wall response always manages to sneak up on me. (I told him, "Out of everything I wrote, that's all you could think to ask me?" I asked him not to write me again and blocked him as a precaution.) And this is a man in his mid-40's. I wanted to be open-minded and compassionate, because I understand those feelings are hard to deal with, and I'm not someone who shies away from tough topics. However, the fact that he completely ignored EVERYTHING ELSE I had taken the time to write is what made up my mind that this would never go anywhere.
I understand sex is important, especially to men (and if someone says I'm stereotyping, I apologize.) But it also made me feel as if this guy saw the only purpose of seeking a relationship was because one's sex drive is in the driver's seat, leading the race. And it made me feel like nothing more than a finish line he was looking to cross.
If we're all honest, I think most people, single or not, have times when sexuality can be a struggle. But if one is honest with his or herself, is it their heart, or their sexuality that's leading them to work so hard at finding someone? And I'm NOT saying this to condemn anyone. We have all kinds of threads here asking if it's better to marry than burn with passion.
Here are some questions that were going through my head:
* If someone is looking to find someone primarily because of their sexual feelings, what's the best thing to do as far as dating?
* Should they be honest and upfront about their feelings? "I'm looking to have feelings for someone and marry them as soon as possible because my sex drive is overwhelming."
* Should they stay out of the dating game altogether until they believe God has helped them overcome it?
* Should they just go ahead and date anyway, hoping somehow that everything will work out for the best, without telling the person what's driving them most? Should they just hope that somehow through dating or finding someone, the temptations will be overcome, or that they will find someone to marry as soon as possible in order to try to meet the desire?
I would personally rather have someone tell me upfront and be honest with me, even if it makes the situation complicated.
And, I'm also writing this thread for those who are new to online dating, because these are some of the questions you might get asked. I've had similar comments made to me before, and when I try to explain my stance, sometimes the person will say something like, "Well, I'm a grown adult who doesn't run from sex. It's a part of life."
For anyone out there who is just starting out in the dating world, NO ONE has the right to expect, demand, or bully you into answering these types of questions.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I would love to hear your thoughts.