As for money, God has always provided for our needs, just as he said he would.
"And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:19
The crucial part of this verse, is distinguishing between "wants" and "needs." I don't need to be rich. I need to wake up with a roof over my head, and food to eat. But truly, as my husband and I learned to distinguish between wants and needs, God has blessed us with a comfortable life, in so many ways.
As for healing, the WoF was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I was prayed for over and over for healing from Rheumatoid Arthritis, during which time I was not properly diagnosed and hence not on the right medication. My WoF friends condemned me for not having enough faith, for resisting God, for harbouring bitterness and unforgiveness, and hiding willful sin. (Oh yes, then there was the leader of this group, ordained by Kenneth Copeland - she got breast cancer, claimed healing, refused treatment and died about 10 months later - that really upset me more than anything!)
5
So there I was, in absolute agony, and my Christian friends were adding to my burden in a way much worse than Job's comforters. The depression that hit me was overwhelming, and it took several years of walking away from God (although he never walked away from me!) to finally start reading the Psalms under the prompting of the Holy Spirit.
My bad theology just heaped guilt and ruin upon my life. I thought I was the only person who was suffering and hurting. But God showed me so many things from his Word. I was not alone in suffering and depression. There were so many in the Bible who cried out for deliverance from God, trusting him when their prayers were not answered.
This verse was the turning point in renewing my walk with God, and in beginning a transformation and understanding that God was using EVERYTHING for our good and for his glory.
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
But this verse in Psalms was the beginning of starting to feel like God understood, and that many had been in my place. That suffering is common to humanity.
"5 Why am I so depressed?
Why this turmoil within me?
Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him,
my Savior and my God." Psalm 42:5, 43:5
God called me to Seminary, where the study of the Bible was intense. But it did not replace my personal devotions. My health improved on the right medications, but I had the consequences of many years of pain - severe deformities. In 2009 I had my right foot totally reconstructed. It was painful and a failure. I could not walk for 6 weeks. I could not talk, because I had an RA nodule damage my vocal folds because I had to go off medication for the surgery. But I held onto God and this time, he showed me the most amazing verses, and it has given me more hope than any life free of sickness and suffering could ever have done.
"More than that, we rejoice in our suffering, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character and character produces hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out through the Holy Spirit who was given to us." Romans 5:3-5
The last 6 months, since my last med failure have been physically excruciating. At several points, the flares were so debilitating that my husband had to lift me into my wheelchair, push me to the bathroom, lift me on the toilet, then repeat the process to get back to bed. My rheumatologist said he had never seen anyone so bad.
But never during this time did I get depressed. I trusted God, even if I could never find another medicine that worked. I believed God would once again use my suffering and help me to grow as a Christian. God has graciously supplied me with a new med, that seems to be working. I am walking, riding my bike, gardening, and serving in church. But I never demanded this, just prayed that God would be merciful.
I do rejoice in all that I have suffered with this disease, because God has used it to shape, mold me and transform me into his image. And eternity, that will count more than all the health and wealth in this lifetime.
Sorry for so long a post/testimony!
