But nowhere here does the Hebrew writer say Esau was eternally lost.
Information we have about Esau AFTER he sold his birthright and lost the blessing that was given to Jacob, Esau said he would slay Jacob (Gen 27:41), Jacob fled from Esau (Gen 27:43,44), Later, Jacob agreed to meet with Esau (Gen 32:3-6). WHen the two brothers met in person and instead of slaying Jacob, Esau "ran to meet him (Jacob), and embraced him, and fell on his neck, and kissed him: and they wept." (Gen 33:4) Esau repented of slaying Jacob with the two forgiving each other. Jacob and Esau lived together and both were so greatly blessed the land could not bear them both (Gen 36:7) so the Lord blessed Esau by giving him Mt Seir to live (Deut 2:5) having destroyed the Horims before Edom so they could possess the land (Deut 2:22)
It feels to me like you are asking a deeper, more personal question than whether Esau was lost, while the Hebrews scripture is giving a more general illustration to the church of what it means to refuse the voice of God. The condition of heart is the important thing here, more so than the do's and don'ts: it is the lack of heart towards God, and the lack of understanding of His heart, that would identify in us or in Esau a lack of sonship. The heart that loves God seeks to please Him in all his ways. Clearly while we still stand in the flesh we will understand that this flesh has other ideas than to please God. But in our hearts and minds we want to please Him, though the flesh overtake us with a number of transgressions.
Fortunately for us, Jesus being the spotless Lamb of God, He was able by His willing sacrifice to be the blame and the punishment for the things we continuously do in the flesh. This doesn't mean those things are made clean to do, but that the price was paid once, for all....and that our hearts are washed.
I believe it is only the children of God who truly want to please their heavenly Father. What it is to be chastised as a child of God is a different thing to knowing the
wrath of God which is able to end our hope of eternal continuance. If we are children of God we know Him more intimately, and we have His heart and mind because of Christ in us, the Hope of glory. We have crossed from death to life. There is therefore now NO condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
Cannot walk after the Spirit unless we have the Spirit; cannot have the Spirit of God unless we are born again.
We can't know for sure what God did with Esau, but we can know for sure that whatever it was, it was just.