Idk what to do

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Rosesrock

Guest
#21
I never said don't pray about it. But that's already been suggested. They are not mutually exclusive.

Sometimes being corrected is embarrassing or uncomfortable. Still should be done. Discipline isn't all kisses and cuddles.
Disagree, it'sNEVER ok to embarrass a child to disipline. And with all due respect how many children have you raised?
That's counter productive. Love of christ is the answer. Understanding and going to momwith the correct attitude. Everything works for good. There are lessons all over this situation.
And if mom is ok with child's behavior, honestly there's nothing you can do but pray. Sorry but there's no biblical authority in aunt disiplining niece if mom doesnt say so.
 
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Livingforchrist

Guest
#22
I agree, because it is affecting my daughter and I notice the change of behavior in my daughter as well. I know that whatever i do I will come out being the bad one. The worst has been her lashing out on my mom and yet my sister didn't even say anything to my niece. She can be a very sweet girl, but she's also very sneaky and mean. The recording sounds like a good idea.
 
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Rosesrock

Guest
#23
I agree, because it is affecting my daughter and I notice the change of behavior in my daughter as well. I know that whatever i do I will come out being the bad one. The worst has been her lashing out on my mom and yet my sister didn't even say anything to my niece. She can be a very sweet girl, but she's also very sneaky and mean. The recording sounds like a good idea.
Let me know how it goes....
 
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Livingforchrist

Guest
#24
I will post updates. I hope things work out. I never bring anything to my nieces attention until my sister comes home and I talk to my sister alone, so I leave it up to her if she disciples her daughter or not. But I don't see any change so my guess is she doesn't even talk to her about the issues.
 
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Rosesrock

Guest
#25
I will post updates. I hope things work out. I never bring anything to my nieces attention until my sister comes home and I talk to my sister alone, so I leave it up to her if she disciples her daughter or not. But I don't see any change so my guess is she doesn't even talk to her about the issues.
Well living, walk in your sister's shoes. How hard would it be to move to a new place then have to process this kind of info?
Im on your side, honest.
Btw, i couldnt watch my sister's kids ever. Im sorry this is tough, and yes probably a bad influance on your daughter, but that's where your the mom teaching your child. We cant control everything or everyone in our childrens world, but we can teach them God's word and provide guidance.
 
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Livingforchrist

Guest
#26
You're right, and she does have marriage problems as well and problems with her oldest son, he is 17 and he has a bad temper always lashing out at her. It must be hard for her to hear things about her daughter. Thank you for all the advice. Truly helpful and eye opening.
 
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Rosesrock

Guest
#27
You're right, and she does have marriage problems as well and problems with her oldest son, he is 17 and he has a bad temper always lashing out at her. It must be hard for her to hear things about her daughter. Thank you for all the advice. Truly helpful and eye opening.
Id love to hear about how you are. Pm anytime. Hang in there. Remember God's word never returns void.
 
Jan 27, 2015
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#28
Disagree, it'sNEVER ok to embarrass a child to disipline. And with all due respect how many children have you raised?
That's counter productive. Love of christ is the answer. Understanding and going to momwith the correct attitude. Everything works for good. There are lessons all over this situation.
And if mom is ok with child's behavior, honestly there's nothing you can do but pray. Sorry but there's no biblical authority in aunt disiplining niece if mom doesnt say so.
Ad hominem is always fun isn't it?

I've never raised children, but I'm pretty sure I've been raised and am a little closer to those memories than you are, and a little embarrassment is not gonna scar a kid for life. But if you're in the hold their hand and buy them a puppy and call it discipline camp, that's your prerogative.

That was fun, wasn't it?

The Bible actually says spare the rod, spoil the child. Is being spanked not embarrassing? But it's okay, just let God know that people should actually spare the rod, because it might embarrass somebody, and we wouldn't want to do that.

And to think, I didn't even suggest that. Just to record her voice and replay it. *shiver*

She should most definitely show the love of Christ to her niece, as should everyone involved. But I think it's a little bit disingenuous to call it the love of Christ without even so much as a "go and sin no more".
 
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Rosesrock

Guest
#29
Ad hominem is always fun isn't it?

I've never raised children, but I'm pretty sure I've been raised and am a little closer to those memories than you are, and a little embarrassment is not gonna scar a kid for life. But if you're in the hold their hand and buy them a puppy and call it discipline camp, that's your prerogative.

That was fun, wasn't it?

The Bible actually says spare the rod, spoil the child. Is being spanked not embarrassing? But it's okay, just let God know that people should actually spare the rod, because it might embarrass somebody, and we wouldn't want to do that.

And to think, I didn't even suggest that. Just to record her voice and replay it. *shiver*

She should most definitely show the love of Christ to her niece, as should everyone involved. But I think it's a little bit disingenuous to call it the love of Christ without even so much as a "go and sin no more".
No one attacked you at all. And if you took it that way i apologize. I said all due respect, and i completely disagree,
Im pretty sure you just twisted and adding things i didnt even say. Which was more fun huh?
I gave her a biblical answer which i yet to see you do, but like i said i disagree.

What's ironic is you're response to me shines a bunch of light on your advice, thanks for that
 
Jan 27, 2015
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#30
Livingforchrist, if it would make it any less uncomfortable, only let your sister hear it and she'll decide how to proceed when it comes to her own daughter.

Who knows, maybe one day she'll be around to hear for herself.
 
Jan 27, 2015
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#31
No one attacked you at all. And if you took it that way i apologize. I said all due respect, and i completely disagree,
Im pretty sure you just twisted and adding things i didnt even say. Which was more fun huh?
I gave her a biblical answer which i yet to see you do, but like i said i disagree.

What's ironic is you're response to me shines a bunch of light on your advice, thanks for that
It sure doesn't. Don't pretend to act innocent now. You intended to discredit my suggestion by calling into question if I had raised any children. But if I had suggested something you agreed with, you wouldn't have even considered whether or not I've raised children. That shows in the fact that you've asked no one else here whether or not they've raised children. Just coincidentally the person that you disagree with.

I'm not dense. Don't act as if.

I've agreed earlier that she should pray and share the love of Christ, yet I have not agreed to anything Biblical? So it's Biblical when you say it, but not when I agree to it? Yeah, okay.

You are forgiven, go in peace. (i.e. I accept your apology.)
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,939
9,690
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#32
You're right, and she does have marriage problems as well and problems with her oldest son, he is 17 and he has a bad temper always lashing out at her. It must be hard for her to hear things about her daughter. Thank you for all the advice. Truly helpful and eye opening.
Alot of people have marriage problems. Not all of them allow their kids to run their lives as your niece and nephew so obviously are doing. Sounds like she thinks if she turns a blind eye to their behavior and let them get their way, then problem solved.. Your sister refuses to see the truth that her kids are walking all over her and becoming little deviants..
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,939
9,690
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#33
Your niece needs to be held accountable for her actions. Maybe hearing how awful she sounds on tape will be enough to adjust her lousy attitude.. People tend to become humbled when embarassed or ashamed of something they've done that others point out to them. MM's suggestion of playing the tape to your sister first is a good one. Better yet, play it to your niece and sister at the same time. Then you can have a little pow wow on how to have each of you handle the situation..
 
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Livingforchrist

Guest
#34
That is true, she's so different on how she treats her kids, with her daughter she's one way and with her son she's another. There's definitely a preference going on that's very obvious. Maybe my nephew has resented how the attention shifted since his sister was born? Maybe that's why he acts the way he does. And my niece is over spoiled. (Sigh)
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#35
Hi everyone, I need some advice. My sister just came from another state recently and brought her 2 kids to live with us. They have been here for about 8 months, and I love it because the last time I saw her was 8 years ago, so were all happy that she's here. I love my niece and nephew but I'm a little disappointed with their behavior. My nephew is always nice with me he just argues with his mom, and that's not my issue so I hardly get in between. But I babysit my niece because I stay home with my 2 kids and she's not what my sister thinks, and I feel horrible because she's the apple of my sisters eyes. She's 7 and my daughter is 4 and she likes to watch disney channel movies, where teens kiss and my sister allows it. Personally I don't think they should watch that specially because my daughter is always behind her my daughter looks up to her always trying to mimic her. The worst is that once she stole 500 dollars from my brother (her uncle) and she didn't say anything when she saw us looking for them, the only reason I found out she took it was because my partner my cousin was going towards the restroom and he saw her with money and she hid it quickly and smiled. She lied when we asked them until after a while she said "maybe I saw money somewhere" and she took it out from a different place then where she originally placed it. But the worst was when my mom asked her to get up from a recliner where she was sitting to cover it so the kids won't get it dirty and she got so angry when my mom put down cover on the recliner she threw it and hit my mom with a key chain and threw pillows at her. My mom told her to tell her mom when she comes home but she never did, until recently I told my sister but she didn't tell her anything. Yesterday she told everyone my daughter says lots of bad words, of course she didn't say it in front of us, she said it when we were gone, but my mom told me when we got home and I asked her "does my daughter say bad words to you?" And she said I never said that but my mom was there and she said "you did, you just told your mom and I the other day" and she said "well maybe once" mind I say I've never heard my daughter say any bad words, she said maybe one or two when she was little but we corrected her behavior and haven't heard any since. She's also always yelling at my daughter and she bosses her around. Idk what to do, in front of us and her mom she's the sweetest girl, but behind our backs and when her moms not home she's something else, but even in front of me she acts sweetly but I've heard what she tells my daughter and how she talks to her. She even told her she's going back to her home country and my daughter told her "but you don't have to go you can stay with us" and she "but I want to go" and then she tells everyone my daughter told her to go back to her own home country. Since I babysit I always catch them having these conversations, and my niece doesn't notice me listening. I haven't spoken to my sister, because she probably won't believe me and she will probably also do nothing about it and think I'm out to get them. It's very difficult I know she's a child, but it's hard when her mom doesn't correct her faults. What can I do, so my daughter doesn't get influenced by her? One time it was horrible, I was going downstairs and I heard them coming in from the garage her and my daughter and I heard my niece say "if you tell anyone I won't be your friend anymore" and I told my sister what I heard because I was shocked and it turns out she lied right to my sisters face, my niece said "we were playing dolls in the garage" and when I asked my daughter she said "well we went outside to see the pool" and when I told my niece in front of my sister she confessed to it. And they know they're not supposed go out there and my daughter never went to the backyard alone. One time I suddenly hear my daughter crying and I come running and my niece says "I don't know why she's crying" and I take my daughter to another room and ask her and she says "my cousin kicked me in my butt" and I waited I until my sister came home to ask my niece and once my sister got home I asked and she said " well I thought it didn't hurt her and I wanted to wake her up because she was asleep" and I don't believe that because my daughter stopped taking naps a long time ago. I'm sorry for the super long post. I'm just venting don't know what to do. I love my sister and her kids but it's getting to a point where I'm stressing out. I don't leave them alone at all, this happens so fast. While I use the restroom or feed or change my 10 month old, or when I'm cooking. I'm sorry for my rant, but I'm so saddened about it. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
I had trouble reading the wall of text too, but I skimmed. Basically, it sounds like you forgot your role in all this. You are your daughter's Mom. So, if you don't want your daughter watching kissing, your niece can't watch it or can watch it with her private TV as long as your daughter isn't with her (of course, if niece doesn't have private TV, oh well, guess she can't watch it under your roof.)

Babysitter assumes you have the say-so to merit out discipline. If you're not given that responsibility you're no babysitter. Your her maid while her mom is gone. So, talk to sister to make sure that's understood, then... take back your house.

Remember when you were growing up that annoying rule, "You will do as I say as long as you're living under my roof?" Guess whose roof it is now! You are officially given license to use that one for niece and sister. If sister doesn't like it... well, we all know that rule was, in part, to get kids out on their own, so maybe it's time for her to get out on her own, IF she can't stand the rule.

Stand up. Your the Mom. It's on you now. And, yes, to an extent, you are your sister's Mom to until she gets her own place.

There's a reason there is a saying about two women under one roof. Each woman feels it is her domain. Well, it's your domain, so take it back. If sister doesn't like it... well it is much easier to get along with family when we don't live together. lol
 

jogoldie

Senior Member
Mar 20, 2014
1,616
48
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#36
So im reading this thread.........im a mom......and a grandmom........its so unfair to the child to be spoiled.......I think its time for
summer camp......or school.......most churches have them....... your sister needs an outsider to tell her of her childs behavior..........then .....your clear....
the thing is .......children crave....want and need attention.....possitive or negative......matters not.....as long as your interacting....
when the child acts out towards your daughter......you take your daughter by the hand and go do a fun thing together....alone....do it loud...laugh alot......make it seem like she is missing some real fun.......give the
niece something to do alone......dont be mad.....just say......" I dont play with people who are mean.......I only play when your nice to
your cousin".......when she shows good behavior ......then you must follow through......make it fun......let her see how great you can be....
This takes time and patience.....but well worth the outcome......discipline is not always physical......it should go straight to the heart....
not so much the butt....the butt forgets....the heart never forgets.......positive reinforcement.......take yourself and your child.....and your
attention......and she will do what she must to get it back.......and if the only way to get it back is being a good kid.......well.........
and make sure they have a schedule......not only will you knock miss prisses attitude....you will also be showing your daughter how to
handle bullies.......everyone wins.........jmo...........peace ...jo
 
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Livingforchrist

Guest
#37
Sorry about the text, I didn't think of spacing it out. It's actually our moms home. We all lived separately but my mom got a new home and it's big and since we had all been apart for so long she wanted all of us to live together.

It seems it's not working out anymore. You're definitely right, I feel like a maid. It's just very hard to talk to my sister about any misbehavior from her daughter. She won't believe me and she doesn't say anything or take any action. It's exhausting.

My daughter idolizes her cousin, as soon as she wakes up she wants to be with her. It's a tough situation, maybe moving out would be a better alternative. Thanks for the advice.
 
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Livingforchrist

Guest
#38
My niece goes to school, she's in summer vacation. That's the thing with strangers she's perfect, but after spending so much time with her I have seen what she's like.

It's the same with my sister, with her mom. She lies to her and my sister believes her without hesitation. I just find it so difficult trying to raise my daughter the way I want, and her having my nieces influence. She listens to her all the time. She now even started lying to me, which she had never done. She was very honest before and now she lies too.
 
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Livingforchrist

Guest
#39
I just don't know why she's so mean, just earlier my daughter had just showered and she was ready to play and my daughter says to my niece "hold my hand please"
Well my daughter reached for my nieces hand and accidentally touched her arm and my niece lashes out and says "don't touch me!" And she smells her arm, to see if my daughter left a bad smell on her arm because she touched her.
 
Dec 1, 2014
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#40
Buy your sister the Ray Charles Hit "Hit the Road, JACK!" and wrap it up as a gift! Staying together is going to cause a rift anyway...might as well let her know before you lose your sanity.