This pains me to write but.....

[Seeking2Serve]

Without going in to detail I just want to encourage you to keep praying, confessing, forgiving and making your requests to the Lord, trusting the power of God to soften hearts just as He did my husband and I. Just at the point when all hope seemed lost, my hubby cried out to God with all his heart and soul and God intervened that same night and changed my heart. I was in another country at the time when the word of the Lord came to me saying, "I want you to work things out with your husband!" It was a shock and I felt numb to the command at the time but replied, "Ok Lord, I'm willing."

I have heard it said that the word for hearing in the Bible is the same word for obeying. I've also heard it put this way, that if you think you've got a word from the Lord but do your own thing, it's most likely you didn't hear from Him. Drawing from my own experience I would put it this way, that with a command from the Lord comes the ability to perform that which He commands. My husband and I both know that it was the Lord that reconciled us, and in the process made a believer out of my husband.

 

[tourist]

Without going in to detail I just want to encourage you to keep praying, confessing, forgiving and making your requests to the Lord, trusting the power of God to soften hearts just as He did my husband and I. Just at the point when all hope seemed lost, my hubby cried out to God with all his heart and soul and God intervened that same night and changed my heart. I was in another country at the time when the word of the Lord came to me saying, "I want you to work things out with your husband!" It was a shock and I felt numb to the command at the time but replied, "Ok Lord, I'm willing."

I have heard it said that the word for hearing in the Bible is the same word for obeying. I've also heard it put this way, that if you think you've got a word from the Lord but do your own thing, it's most likely you didn't hear from Him. Drawing from my own experience I would put it this way, that with a command from the Lord comes the ability to perform that which He commands. My husband and I both know that it was the Lord that reconciled us, and in the process made a believer out of my husband.

I am glad that you heard the voice of the Lord and choose to act upon that. Welcome to CC.

 

[kaylagrl]

Hello guys. I'm dealing with a pain I despise but brought on myself. My wife and I have been a few years now, I've discussed our issues before on here, however we are really at a breaking point and I'm terrified of losing her. I asked her for some space apart so that we would get our heads right and work on ourselves , while apart my wife seemed to turn into a completely different woman being home with family in a different state. I was shocked and hurt when she expressed that she didn't care about how I felt and she would do whatever she wanted and talk to whomever she pleased, not what I had in mind. Needless to say I eventually grew angry she wouldn't give me the time or day as she was indeed talking with another gentleman, I lost it one night and went out and I did some things that were unfaithful, because I was angry and I allowed sin to to really mess things up. I did not fornicate but went too far I've been so godly sorrowful for my sin and today my wife and I met for the first time she confessed things and so did I. Now she was willing and ready to fix our marriage as I have had a change of heart however when I exposed my sin she lost it and unable to forgive me now.
Guys I am so sorry and regretful and me a man one who never gets emotional and have been balling because I don't want to lose her but I realize I messed up on top of she already thinks I am so horrible which has always hurt me because I can not understand why, I know I have flaws but I'm not a horrible person.
Today she met with a friend she hasn't seen since highschool and exposed all of my dirt to the girl which hurt me a great deal because this has been an ongoing issue. But she doesn't know what she wants now and has threatened to leave me. Earlier she went and hugged me, and me being me tried picking her up to be playful and she pinned me on the bed and tried choking me and it just left me like "Whoa" all I could say was I'm sorry babe and I left the hotel room. She hates me and I don't know if there's anything I can do. I've been praying my butt off. But our actions have consequences.
I truthfully have had a change of heart I once nearly despised her because of little hurts I had allowing Satan to magnify every little thing now that I realize how much I need her and have begged her forgiveness, she just can't, its hard to leave her state now without her but I'm afraid it might come to that.

It took two people to run your marriage off in the ditch and it will take two to dig it out.We can give lots of advice but not council,only to pray. Someone needs to be the hero.Someone needs to give up their rights and say "Im going to roll up my sleeves and work to fix this marriage". You need to go to counseling alone.Tell your wife you know you need to change and you are going for help for yourself.If she agrees to counseling,great but if not you need to go alone.Somewhere along the way you were both in love.You need to find out where that changed and show her you are ready and serious about fixing the marriage. Dont try to convince her of anything,give her her space and work on yourself. She may change her mind when she sees you are serious about change. Right now you are hurting each other its going to take a lot of work to get though the storm,a lot of prayer but others have been in your place before and made it through. I hope you both will find the love you lost and fall in love with each other all over again.

 

[Dan58]

The OP said he did not fornicate with the woman; he did say he did some things that were unfaithful and that things went too far For a lot of people this is still going to seem like cheating. Also, some people are going to view withholding that information as a problem. It will actually be even harder to disclose at a later time when things are better, because who wants to risk it at that point? Now they will know if they are truly able to work toward forgiveness or not.

Good point

"That was cold, mean spirited, and unnecessary."

Im not sure thats where he was coming from. Did he say that or is this your opinion?
I took it as just coming clean. Whats cold, mean hearted and unnecessary is omitting truth. God sees it as calculated continual ongoing sin because there will always be a secret between the one whom is to him as the church is to Christ. !

Yes, perhaps I'm reading the situation wrong. It just seemed odd that he was praying for his marriage one minute and out on the town the next minute. When you reveal information that causes your wife to strangle you, I just can't see how that's helpful. Bottom line is that his wife was seeing another man during their separation too.. Makes me wonder if either of them are very sincere about making the marriage work? I'm guessing there are deeper seeded problems causing these problems?

 

[Rosesrock]

Know what Brody, Here's the thing. You come you write you leave.
You've gotten some great advice here and I"m baffled and you not screaming this stuff to the Lord. You sent her away, You did some things. You are hurt. You you you.

Go to your pastor, pray like you've never prayed before and get off the internet trying to put a marriage back together. This is God's work. Not an internet site fixer upper. Sorry if this sounds harsh but I don't see you trying to fix anything but things just spiraling out of control.

God is not confusion.

 

[Rosesrock]

Good point



Yes, perhaps I'm reading the situation wrong. It just seemed odd that he was praying for his marriage one minute and out on the town the next minute. When you reveal information that causes your wife to strangle you, I just can't see how that's helpful. Bottom line is that his wife was seeing another man during their separation too.. Makes me wonder if either of them are very sincere about making the marriage work? I'm guessing there are deeper seeded problems causing these problems?

Absolutely...there is. I get cloudy thinking during a time of trial. or crisis or strongholds of satan's attacks. But....if someone is THAT sincere in getting things straight the very first place to go is WHOLEHEARTEDLY to the Lord. Giving ground to Satan takes time to give, and a lot more time to get back. Not gets replaced over night. there's no quick fix to these things.
counseling.......not validation on a chat site.
Thing is OP comes and posts several threads about the same situation. If he wanted "real" help he needs to go to "real" spiritual guidance and no offense to anyone here because peeps are a blessing.....but something like this...yeah heavy counseling.

 

[Brody]

Yes, God can handle our confessions, but his wife obviously didn't take it very well. They were separated when this incident occurred, so it seemed counterproductive to bring up this negative happenstance while trying to mend a marriage. I suspect 'Brody' is somewhat controlling? To paraphrase, he wrote; "I was shocked and hurt when she wanted to talk to whomever she pleased, not what I had in mind..She was indeed talking with another gentleman.. I lost it one night and went out..because I was angry". He wanted to get even and teach her a lesson (controlling). Imo, his confession was for the same purpose, not to be honest, but to demonstrate the consequences of "What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander". He didn't like her talking to other guys, so what's fair is fair, retribution was in order and he made sure she knew that he wasn't just waiting on the sidelines while he played the part of a cougar. It was just my impression that it was not so much an apology, but a "You did that, well I did this scenario".



I agree with being honest, but as you said, there's a time and a place.. When your marriage is on the rocks, you need to pick your battles carefully. The wife seemed to be coming around until he told her that he nearly cheated on her. Probably not what she needed or wanted to hear at that time? It served no purpose but to hurt her and drive her away. And the bottom line is that he didn't cheat on her, but just the fact that he was thinking about it was enough to send his wife packing. You tell a person the truth when they are in a position to handle it, not in the midst of a fragile marriage that's disintegrating. But who knows, she may have reacted the same way even if he had waited a year? It just seemed insensitive to me for him to tell her that he nearly cheated on her during their brief separation. That was cold, mean spirited, and unnecessary.

I hear you man but I actually confessed to my wife my faults first. I sat her down and apologized and apologized some more and after doing so I brought up what I did very slowly because I felt convicted the entire way to her. She wanted details and more details although I did not give her much details I explained what happened because its the right thing to do man how can you see that? Trust me I tried to avoid it. Controlling? Dude let your wife go out and you're worried you too would try and figure out a way to deal with that hurt man, controlling has nothing to do with this situation my man. My wife was too busy accusing me of things as I was exposing myself then after I confessed my faults she told me about this guy. Secondly I tried to avoid this however I had no choice but to tell her then and there because had she come back and I told her then, at that point she could find another reason to be angry because didn't tell her when she was home. If that makes sense to you. Trust me I wanted to avoid this, but I couldn't.

 

[Brody]

mariage is not about you. It is not about what you want in the relationship. This is not about you !
Relationship is about god and the team (your wife and you).

Did you aplogize for the right things to her, without the "but you did also ...".
Did you pray and try to find out, gods will for the way your relationship should turn ? Or are you only thinking in ways, of what do you want it to be. With should turn, i do not mean yes or no, I mean, the immanent future, where to take counseling, how
to talk with your wife (not to her, together with her and with an open mind).

You hurt her and you hurt your marriage, by wanting to "safe the relationship (2 People working/talking together)" by being alone each of you (1 person here, the other operson there).
You hurt her, by then trieing to tell her, how to life that seperate life (where you told her before that you want to think/live/develop without her interferiance.) That is exactly what she did, fullfill your wish.
You then hurt her, by asking her to come together again and when she did (because she loved you), you went and hurt her again, by doing what you accused her of doing.
Of course there is a lot of hate for the things you have done. You went and played a very crul game with the person, that god
gave you as a part of yourself and whom you were given to, to honor love and protect.

I hear you but YESSSS!!!! That is all I've done all weekend, was apologize and apologize like I've never shown my wife more vulnerability in my life and all she has done the entire time is throw in NY face EVERYTHING she thinks I'm not to everything I've done wrong! Dude this hurts when I keep trying to make it right with her!

 

[Brody]

Without going in to detail I just want to encourage you to keep praying, confessing, forgiving and making your requests to the Lord, trusting the power of God to soften hearts just as He did my husband and I. Just at the point when all hope seemed lost, my hubby cried out to God with all his heart and soul and God intervened that same night and changed my heart. I was in another country at the time when the word of the Lord came to me saying, "I want you to work things out with your husband!" It was a shock and I felt numb to the command at the time but replied, "Ok Lord, I'm willing."

I have heard it said that the word for hearing in the Bible is the same word for obeying. I've also heard it put this way, that if you think you've got a word from the Lord but do your own thing, it's most likely you didn't hear from Him. Drawing from my own experience I would put it this way, that with a command from the Lord comes the ability to perform that which He commands. My husband and I both know that it was the Lord that reconciled us, and in the process made a believer out of my husband.

Thank you.

 

[Brody]

Know what Brody, Here's the thing. You come you write you leave.
You've gotten some great advice here and I"m baffled and you not screaming this stuff to the Lord. You sent her away, You did some things. You are hurt. You you you.

Go to your pastor, pray like you've never prayed before and get off the internet trying to put a marriage back together. This is God's work. Not an internet site fixer upper. Sorry if this sounds harsh but I don't see you trying to fix anything but things just spiraling out of control.

God is not confusion.

Point Taken. I haven't had time to come back because I've been working on saving my marriage with my wife communicating and praying with her. maybe I'm wrong for coming on here.

 

[Brody]

Good point



Yes, perhaps I'm reading the situation wrong. It just seemed odd that he was praying for his marriage one minute and out on the town the next minute. When you reveal information that causes your wife to strangle you, I just can't see how that's helpful. Bottom line is that his wife was seeing another man during their separation too.. Makes me wonder if either of them are very sincere about making the marriage work? I'm guessing there are deeper seeded problems causing these problems?

I hear your point bud but I simply just got weak. Frustrated and hurt I felt alone man and I just wasn't thinking straight I mean it honestly felt like no matter how much I prayed I saw no change in myself or situation so although no excuse dude I just fell short bro. I suck man smh

 

[Dan58]

I sat her down and apologized and apologized some more...Dude let your wife go out and you're worried you too would try and figure out a way to deal with that hurt man, controlling has nothing to do with this situation my man.

I think it may be wise to let go? Just the fact that she wants to go out on you reveals her heart. If my wife went out on me, I wouldn't be apologizing, I'd have a suitcase packed for her and throw her out.

I hear your point bud but I simply just got weak. Frustrated and hurt I felt alone man and I just wasn't thinking straight I mean it honestly felt like no matter how much I prayed I saw no change in myself or situation so although no excuse dude I just fell short bro. I suck man smh

Nothing wrong with being alone, so don't be so afraid of that. You seem extremely insecure, and this crazy situation isn't good for either of you. [video]https://youtu.be/LoNXsne8exg[/video]

 

[Dan58]

That is all I've done all weekend, was apologize and apologize like I've never shown my wife more vulnerability in my life and all she has done the entire time is throw in NY face EVERYTHING she thinks I'm not to everything I've done wrong!

"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife" (Proverbs 25:24)

 

[atwhatcost]

Yes, God can handle our confessions, but his wife obviously didn't take it very well. They were separated when this incident occurred, so it seemed counterproductive to bring up this negative happenstance while trying to mend a marriage. I suspect 'Brody' is somewhat controlling? To paraphrase, he wrote; "I was shocked and hurt when she wanted to talk to whomever she pleased, not what I had in mind..She was indeed talking with another gentleman.. I lost it one night and went out..because I was angry". He wanted to get even and teach her a lesson (controlling). Imo, his confession was for the same purpose, not to be honest, but to demonstrate the consequences of "What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander". He didn't like her talking to other guys, so what's fair is fair, retribution was in order and he made sure she knew that he wasn't just waiting on the sidelines while she played the part of a cougar. It was just my impression that it was not so much an apology, but a "You did that, well I did this scenario".



I agree with being honest, but as you said, there's a time and a place.. When your marriage is on the rocks, you need to pick your battles carefully. The wife seemed to be coming around until he told her that he nearly cheated on her. Probably not what she needed or wanted to hear at that time? It served no purpose but to hurt her and drive her away. And the bottom line is that he didn't cheat on her, but just the fact that he was thinking about it was enough to send his wife packing. You tell a person the truth when they are in a position to handle it, not in the midst of a fragile marriage that's disintegrating. But who knows, she may have reacted the same way even if he had waited a year? It just seemed insensitive to me for him to tell her that he nearly cheated on her during their brief separation. That was cold, mean spirited, and unnecessary.

Oh, he cheated on her all right. We're not playing Bill Clinton games on what is and isn't cheating. I do agree with you in most of what you said, except, as a wife, I'd want to know if he even simply kissed another woman while we were separated. Granted, I wouldn't have cheated on him, (and granted we will never separate nor will he give that kiss to anyone but me), but if he did? It's over! He cheated, and he damn well knew it.

 

[atwhatcost]

Know what Brody, Here's the thing. You come you write you leave.
You've gotten some great advice here and I"m baffled and you not screaming this stuff to the Lord. You sent her away, You did some things. You are hurt. You you you.

Go to your pastor, pray like you've never prayed before and get off the internet trying to put a marriage back together. This is God's work. Not an internet site fixer upper. Sorry if this sounds harsh but I don't see you trying to fix anything but things just spiraling out of control.

God is not confusion.

I truly think this is "Dear Diary" to Brody.

 

[atwhatcost]

I hear you but YESSSS!!!! That is all I've done all weekend, was apologize and apologize like I've never shown my wife more vulnerability in my life and all she has done the entire time is throw in NY face EVERYTHING she thinks I'm not to everything I've done wrong! Dude this hurts when I keep trying to make it right with her!

This really has been "Dear Diary" for you, hasn't it? You've been singing your blues since you first joined, and yet THIS was the weekend you became vulnerable to your wife?

And you think you've even touched on making anything "right?" Oi vey!

Assuming you do the same thing to her that you've done to us, I don't blame her for trying to strangle you. Frighteningly, you didn't even hear THAT!

Really really? You keep saying how much you hear everyone. You haven't heard squat. I know how this diary finishes.

"September 2015"
Dear Diary, I don't know what went wrong but she served me divorce papers today. How could she do this to MEMEMEME?"

One suggestion. Get a piece of paper and a well-inked pen. Then go back over all the things you've said since you joined this site and do the tally of person pronouns you've used. If you can do two tallies at once, this second tally should be much shorter. Start tallying how much advice you read, "heard," and then actually did. Honestly? You can use a no-inked pen for that one.

 

[atwhatcost]

"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife" (Proverbs 25:24)

Who is the quarrelsome in this duo?

 

[blue_ladybug]

Who is the quarrelsome in this duo?

Since the verse says quarrelsome WIFE, then it would be the wife..lol

 

[jennymae]

Who is the quarrelsome in this duo?

It is always the other one.

 

[Rosesrock]

Point Taken. I haven't had time to come back because I've been working on saving my marriage with my wife communicating and praying with her. maybe I'm wrong for coming on here.

I see you have the victim/manipulation thing down. I'm so glad that all weekend you've beg and prayed. Stop trying to fix this in your own power. You're not doing anything but wasting your energy. YOU can't fix this. GOD has to