Why Does "I Think I'm Gay" Get Such a Different Reaction From "I Am Obese"?

[jennymae]

Re: Why Does "I Think I'm Gay" Get Such a Different Reaction From "I Am Obese"?

Seoulsearch, I think you are onto something in post #37. People dont like dealing with their own sins. We need to pinpoint a sin not many is suffering under because then we dont need to be dealing with ourselves. None of us likes to see an ugly face in the mirror, but we're thriving on our sinful neighbor.

 

[VioletReigns]

Re: Why Does "I Think I'm Gay" Get Such a Different Reaction From "I Am Obese"?

I was once an alcoholic. Though I don't doubt for a second AA is helpful to many, it did not help me. Abstaining from it did not take the intense desire to drink away from me. Hearing preachers preach against it didn't help me. People condemning me didn't help. Family & friends pleading with me didn't help me. Hurting myself and others and the shame of it didn't help me. Nothing helped me. Nobody helped me.

The last thing I remember is sitting on the sofa with my head in my hands crying to Jesus and saying, "There is nothing in me capable of keeping me from drinking. Lord, I give up." I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was without hope... except for Christ. The next thing I knew, I was no longer an alcoholic.

How did God do it? How did He change my thinking? How did Jesus take the desire away from me? How did the Lord make me new? How did He heal me?

I only know that when I finally came to the conclusion that I had nothing in me to change myself, as soon as I admitted defeat, the battle was over. As soon as I said, "Lord, I'm not able", Jesus showed me He was able.

We need to stop condemning people and telling them to change themselves, that they aren't worthy to come to Jesus as they are. We need to stop pointing fingers at specific sins and start proclaiming that our entire lives are in His hands. Just because I no longer drink alcohol doesn't make me better than someone who says they're an alcoholic. Jesus didn't deliver me from alcoholism - He delivered me from thinking I'm still in the flesh.

We're being conformed into the image of Christ Jesus, from glory to glory, day by day. He is stripping from us layer upon layer of the false perceptions we have of ourselves. We are a new creation in Jesus Christ, that is the reality right now. And each day we see it clearer and clearer as we walk in Him and surrender to Him our own efforts to change ourselves.

the Lord said to rest in Him and don't be anxious. To believe Him that He is making us saints. And we only come to that conclusion when we finally admit our flesh holds nothing but defeat.

 

[seoulsearch]

Re: Why Does "I Think I'm Gay" Get Such a Different Reaction From "I Am Obese"?

Seoulsearch, I think you are onto something in post #37. People dont like dealing with their own sins. We need to pinpoint a sin not many is suffering under because then we dont need to be dealing with ourselves. None of us likes to see an ugly face in the mirror, but we're thriving on our sinful neighbor.

I loved this!!!

"You must spread some rep around before giving it to JM again..." GRRR.

Jennymae, I need to "hire" you as one of my official CC Translators! You seem to really "get" what I'm trying to say and are explaining things a lot better than I am!

I grew up in the church all my life and so I am very sensitive to the criticism that "Christians are all hypocrites." I very much understand why people think this.

This could be seen as a personal flaw, but for myself, I watch carefully to see others handle criticism themselves before deciding whether or not to take to heart what they have to say. If they tell me what they think I need to change in myself but yet I know would not be receptive to anyone else telling them what they need to change about themselves, I know they are not a good match for me. It's not that I'm the best at receiving criticism, but I do know that I want to choose to learn from others who do so well.

Because the world thinks of Christians as people who tell everyone else how to follow the rules but don't follow the guidebook themselves, I think it's very important for me as a Christian to be transparent about some of my own struggles and, if possible, give someone a feeling of, "We're all in this together," rather than, "I'm earning points with God today by preaching to the evil sinners" without acknowledging our own evil sins as well.

I'm not very good at listening to those who always have an answer... But it's always for someone else, and never themselves.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Re: Why Does "I Think I'm Gay" Get Such a Different Reaction From "I Am Obese"?

I loved this!!!

"You must spread some rep around before giving it to JM again..." GRRR.

Jennymae, I need to "hire" you as one of my official CC Translators! You seem to really "get" what I'm trying to say and are explaining things a lot better than I am!

I grew up in the church all my life and so I am very sensitive to the criticism that "Christians are all hypocrites." I very much understand why people think this.

This could be seen as a personal flaw, but for myself, I watch carefully to see others handle criticism themselves before deciding whether or not to take to heart what they have to say. If they tell me what they think I need to change in myself but yet I know would not be receptive to anyone else telling them what they need to change about themselves, I know they are not a good match for me. It's not that I'm the best at receiving criticism, but I do know that I want to choose to learn from others who do so well.

Because the world thinks of Christians as people who tell everyone else how to follow the rules but don't follow the guidebook themselves, I think it's very important for me as a Christian to be transparent about some of my own struggles and, if possible, give someone a feeling of, "We're all in this together," rather than, "I'm earning points with God today by preaching to the evil sinners" without acknowledging our own evil sins as well.

I'm not very good at listening to those who always have an answer... But it's always for someone else, and never themselves.

​I will rep jennymae for you, seoul..

 

[Olerica]

Re: Why Does "I Think I'm Gay" Get Such a Different Reaction From "I Am Obese"?

I was once an alcoholic. Though I don't doubt for a second AA is helpful to many, it did not help me. Abstaining from it did not take the intense desire to drink away from me. Hearing preachers preach against it didn't help me. People condemning me didn't help. Family & friends pleading with me didn't help me. Hurting myself and others and the shame of it didn't help me. Nothing helped me. Nobody helped me.

The last thing I remember is sitting on the sofa with my head in my hands crying to Jesus and saying, "There is nothing in me capable of keeping me from drinking. Lord, I give up." I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was without hope... except for Christ. The next thing I knew, I was no longer an alcoholic.

How did God do it? How did He change my thinking? How did Jesus take the desire away from me? How did the Lord make me new? How did He heal me?

I only know that when I finally came to the conclusion that I had nothing in me to change myself, as soon as I admitted defeat, the battle was over. As soon as I said, "Lord, I'm not able", Jesus showed me He was able.

We need to stop condemning people and telling them to change themselves, that they aren't worthy to come to Jesus as they are. We need to stop pointing fingers at specific sins and start proclaiming that our entire lives are in His hands. Just because I no longer drink alcohol doesn't make me better than someone who says they're an alcoholic. Jesus didn't deliver me from alcoholism - He delivered me from thinking I'm still in the flesh.

We're being conformed into the image of Christ Jesus, from glory to glory, day by day. He is stripping from us layer upon layer of the false perceptions we have of ourselves. We are a new creation in Jesus Christ, that is the reality right now. And each day we see it clearer and clearer as we walk in Him and surrender to Him our own efforts to change ourselves.

the Lord said to rest in Him and don't be anxious. To believe Him that He is making us saints. And we only come to that conclusion when we finally admit our flesh holds nothing but defeat.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!!!! God bless you so very much!! Thank you for posting this!

 

[Hellooo]

Re: Why Does "I Think I'm Gay" Get Such a Different Reaction From "I Am Obese"?

I think it's very important for me as a Christian to be transparent about some of my own struggles and, if possible, give someone a feeling of, "We're all in this together," rather than, "I'm earning points with God today by preaching to the evil sinners" without acknowledging our own evil sins as well.

I read an article by a woman who shares her experience with having a husband who struggled with a sex addiction (reaching out to other women online, porn, etc) and she mentioned the to turning point in their healing was when she realized it was THEIR issue, not just his, which really spoke to me. How quickly do we see Christians counseling others with 'you deserve better than that' instead of figuring out ways to carry each others burdens.

I had more thoughts on the original question, I'll come back once I'm not restricted to posting from my phone, but good question, seoul

 

[Lynx]

Re: Why Does "I Think I'm Gay" Get Such a Different Reaction From "I Am Obese"?

For some reason this whole thread reminds me of a time many years ago when the president was caught having an affair. As I recall the voting public basically told him it was okay with them because it was his life, and as long as it didn't affect the economy they were cool with it. These same voting public are the ones who raise such a hue and cry over... oh, smoking, abortion, handing out condoms in school, all kinds of things. But this sin was different because it didn't affect them personally - they still had their jobs in their nice home towns, it didn't imping on their comfort zones.

The thread also reminds me of a song about different sins being judged different...

[video=youtube;rqIlnE-_TgU]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqIlnE-_TgU[/video]

The point of the whole song is summed up in the line that starts "Here's a question I shall pose..."

 

[Dino246]

Re: Why Does "I Think I'm Gay" Get Such a Different Reaction From "I Am Obese"?

Seoulsearch, I appreciate your diligence in keeping this thread on topic. I hope I've understood your question properly...

I think we respond to the sins of others with differing levels of compassion because we haven't experienced all things in our own lives. Let me unpack that.... I used to think that divorced people had sinned, period. Now as my own divorce is pending, I have far greater compassion for people who are struggling in their marriages or who have gone through a divorce. I now see that there are understandable reasons why people divorce (not necessarily justifiable, but understandable). Some of the reasons people have are sinful, some are responses to sinful behaviour. Neither makes divorce 'good' but also neither makes the divorced person any less needful of grace and compassion.

I don't understand so well the struggle with gender preference or obesity because those have not been my struggles. That said, if I recognize that I don't feel compassion, I can ask the Lord for it. He's pretty good about filling in where we are empty!

Sin is sin, though the effects of sin are different. Leviticus 18:24 says that the land ("itself") has become defiled by immoral relations. Similarly, sexual sin is against one's own body (1 Cor 6:18). However, these passages indicate effect, not punishment, and they don't define our response.

It is much easier (but not necessarily better) to feel compassion for someone who recognizes their struggle, admits it is a problem, and seeks help and support, or whose problem is not the result of their choices, than for someone who either denies it is a problem or throws it in your face and dares you to confront them. There is a time to confront, and it isn't "always".

Blessings,
Dino

 

[Olerica]

Re: Why Does "I Think I'm Gay" Get Such a Different Reaction From "I Am Obese"?

I think we have to remember that we are the BODY of Christ.... in that, we're all connected. Each and every sin, in my opinion is the same... because that is what separates us individually from God. And my sin affects the other members of the body because in sin, I am not able to fully function as the part I was created to be. We have an obligation to not be in habitual sin between us and God... AND to our fellow believers. Much like marriage? What I do affects you, and vise versa

Galatians 6:1 talks about GENTLY restoring someone who has fallen into a sinful pattern. Man, with the way some people blast their pet sins, I wouldn't a) be gently restored or b) willing to be vulnerable to such a person and look for accountability.

I think we need to think about how we are handling ALL sin... not just obesity, or homosexuality, or sexual immorality, or lying, or drunken-ness... or sigh... all of them.

 

[VioletReigns]

Re: Why Does "I Think I'm Gay" Get Such a Different Reaction From "I Am Obese"?

I read an article by a woman who shares her experience with having a husband who struggled with a sex addiction (reaching out to other women online, porn, etc) and she mentioned the to turning point in their healing was when she realized it was THEIR issue, not just his, which really spoke to me. How quickly do we see Christians counseling others with 'you deserve better than that' instead of figuring out ways to carry each others burdens.

I had more thoughts on the original question, I'll come back once I'm not restricted to posting from my phone, but good question, seoul

I had friends and family members turn away from me in the past because I was hurting and hindering them with my constant drinking. Although I kept apologizing to everyone and promising I wouldn't do it again, I did not stop drinking and became belligerent and careless. I don't blame them for turning away from me. I was continually messing up people's lives.

As I said previously, nobody could change me. A few members of my family told me they were praying for me and kept reminding me that I was not an alcoholic in the eyes of God and that they didn't condemn me. But they couldn't be around me when I was drinking because I was ugly and destructive when I was drunk.

In the same way, we can't change an addict, whether it be a sex addict, a drug addict or an alcoholic. I would not advise a spouse to allow that destructive force in their home, especially when there are children involved. I believe the best avenue is to set that person free to God and allow them to come to the end of themselves. Only Christ is able to make them new.

The Word tells us, "If the unbelieving depart, let them depart. The believing one is no longer in bondage in that situation for Christ has called us to peace." [Depart in this sense is the same as "departing from the faith" or being unfaithful to your vow] God will never abandon someone struggling with addiction, but we must surrender them to God so that He can change them. As long as we keep reminding them that they are an addict and need help, even if we think we're encouraging them, we're condemning them and are interfering with God's work in their life.

Then we read, "If the unbelieving spouse be pleased to dwell with you, let them stay." Pleased to dwell with you means they are faithful to their marriage vows, they are content with their spouse. Adultery is not being pleased with your spouse. It's being satisfied outside the marriage.

If a husband or wife is struggling with a sex addiction, set them free to God. Believe and pray for them, but don't keep reminding them they need to change. They already know it, their heart already condemns them, the Bible says. So long as the straying spouse knows they're under the scrutiny of their husband or wife to change, so long as their spouse reminds them that there's "an issue", they will feel condemned and unworthy. Which will cause them to fail again and again.

On the other hand, if you give them over to God to intervene and deliver them, you're not in the way. Most people won't let their spouse go for fear of losing them and being alone. They feel like a failure because they can't make their partner love them enough to change. They would rather hold onto their partner and try to change them instead of trusting God. It's heartbreaking when a spouse rejects you for someone else. But if we truly love them, we must let God save this person's life.

In 1 Corinthians 5 we read about the son in the church who was sleeping with his step-mother. The congregation was told to turn him away and hand him over to his own devices so that God would save his soul. That's what happened to me when I was drinking. Everyone turned away and set me free to come to the end of myself. Praise God for that! \/

 

[Gozinia]

Re: Why Does "I Think I'm Gay" Get Such a Different Reaction From "I Am Obese"?

like a snake devouring its own tail...and comes to the end and stops...and realizes "what was I doing ?" Praise God for your deliverance Violet. I feel what you wrote better explains what I may have been trying to convey...we cannot deliver ourselves from our sin...lest we would get prideful and no longer need God. Similar to Proverbs 30:8-9 We need Christ in everything and for everything.

 

[Mitspa]

Re: Why Does "I Think I'm Gay" Get Such a Different Reaction From "I Am Obese"?

I don't think if or when gays come and ask for help that most Christians that I know or even on this site would be harsh or rude, but would sincerely try to help...the problem seems to arise when folks start trying to get this sin on the approved list of sins...

What would be the reaction if a guy came onto the forum and tried to get his adultery approved...(I don't think folks would be so gentle with him) especially some of the ladies here

 

[TaylorTG]

Re: Why Does "I Think I'm Gay" Get Such a Different Reaction From "I Am Obese"?

What would be the reaction if a guy came onto the forum and tried to get his adultery approved...(I don't think folks would be so gentle with him) especially some of the ladies here

Like that's going to happen.

 

[Mitspa]

Re: Why Does "I Think I'm Gay" Get Such a Different Reaction From "I Am Obese"?

Like that's going to happen.

Nobody is that dumb..thats the point! But yet everyday we get folks trying to approve and promote the gay agenda and then another group that seems to think no one should speak against it..

 

[Lynx]

Re: Why Does "I Think I'm Gay" Get Such a Different Reaction From "I Am Obese"?

And yet gossip is okay in most circles.

Wait it's not gossip, it's... um... "sharing and caring," right. We're talking about that person because we care about him. Yeah, we even put it in religious terms - "You need to pray for him." And then we go ahead and talk about all the things he did wrong, that we "need to pray for" and we go on our way, and we never get around to praying for that guy because that's not what the purpose was anyway. We weren't wanting to tell someone we should pray for him, we were wanting to gossip.


Or what about the guy that is always hanging out anywhere in the neighborhood... except with his own family? But he's such a nice guy! Everybody loves him! Surely we can overlook the fact that his own yard is overgrown, his house is falling in, his kids don't even know him nearly as well as the rest of the town does, his wife spends all her time alone. That's fine by us, we can always count on that guy to be there for us. Never mind that his own family can't count on that.

Some sins are easier to spot from the other side of the fence. Some are harder to admit they are wrong when you're enjoying them so much.

 

[chickwithsticks]

Re: Why Does "I Think I'm Gay" Get Such a Different Reaction From "I Am Obese"?

And yet gossip is okay in most circles.

Wait it's not gossip, it's... um... "sharing and caring," right. We're talking about that person because we care about him. Yeah, we even put it in religious terms - "You need to pray for him." And then we go ahead and talk about all the things he did wrong, that we "need to pray for" and we go on our way, and we never get around to praying for that guy because that's not what the purpose was anyway. We weren't wanting to tell someone we should pray for him, we were wanting to gossip.


Or what about the guy that is always hanging out anywhere in the neighborhood... except with his own family? But he's such a nice guy! Everybody loves him! Surely we can overlook the fact that his own yard is overgrown, his house is falling in, his kids don't even know him nearly as well as the rest of the town does, his wife spends all her time alone. That's fine by us, we can always count on that guy to be there for us. Never mind that his own family can't count on that.

Some sins are easier to spot from the other side of the fence. Some are harder to admit they are wrong when you're enjoying them so much.

Gossip is so overlooked and ignored in most Christian circles yet it has divided communities and brought down churches. Some people love to traffic information so much it becomes their identity and they become addicted to it Without even realizing it. It seems to have become an art form as those who routinely engage in it artfully disguise it under prayer, concern, or seeking guidance to help the subject being discussed.

God clearly addresses gossip throughout scripture and ranks the taming our tongues along side other sins to include sexual immorality and wickedness:

Leviticus 19:16 "you shall not go about as a tale bearer amount your people"

james 1:26 "if anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight reign on his tongue he deceives himself and his religion is worthless"

James goes on to say that no man can tame his tongue without Gods help yet gossip is so serious that unless we are repenting and seeking strength from Him to master our impulse we will answer for this sin along with the other "greater sins" most debated.

I have witnessed heartbreaking destruction caused by gossip not against me but against my previous church home and believe it to be among the sharpest tool used in spiritual warfare. Mastery over my own tongue remains highlighted in all my prayers to my Father.

 

[secularhermit]

Re: Why Does "I Think I'm Gay" Get Such a Different Reaction From "I Am Obese"?

And the end, it´s made ppl stronger (but turmoiled)

 

[seoulsearch]

Re: Why Does "I Think I'm Gay" Get Such a Different Reaction From "I Am Obese"?

I don't think if or when gays come and ask for help that most Christians that I know or even on this site would be harsh or rude, but would sincerely try to help...the problem seems to arise when folks start trying to get this sin on the approved list of sins...

What would be the reaction if a guy came onto the forum and tried to get his adultery approved...(I don't think folks would be so gentle with him) especially some of the ladies here

Like that's going to happen.

Actually... (sorry Siberian, that was for you! ) I've seen this in the threads A LOT over the years here from both men and women. Lots of people who are separated or say they haven't lived with their spouse for months, etc. but they don't seem to realize that they are still actually married... and they're dating someone else... and looking for approval.

Lynx and chick, LOVED your example of gossip--excellent points!!! Sometimes when people are convicted of gossip and complaining all the time... They find they have nothing left to say! (I've been there.)

 

[PoetMary]

Re: Why Does "I Think I'm Gay" Get Such a Different Reaction From "I Am Obese"?

I don't think that fat people really get a free pass in the Western church. I've seen plenty of people presume that someone is a glutton simply because they are overweight (which may or may not be true). Remember, there are lots of slim gluttons in the world. Additionally, I've seen plenty of Christians take verses out of context (You are the temple of the Holy Spirit, for example--ironically, a verse about sexual purity) and use those to beat up on fat people. So far, Westboro Baptist hasn't gone after fat people yet...but give them time.

Ultimately, it's about a failure of empathy.

Seoulsearch expressed that she can *empathize* with many of the struggles that LGBT folks have faced because she's been through it too (issues of feeling like an outsider, being misunderstood by others, etc.).

But here's how empathy works. If I'm going to sit with you in your pain, I have to connect with a similar pain within myself. Lots of people don't want to make that (re)connection. They prefer to run to pleasure and avoid pain. So, it's easier to stand at the edge of someone's abyss yelling down bible verses to them, than to crawl down with them to help them out.

And the thing about it is, we can ALL empathize with issues of belonging, wondering if we're attractive and what makes us attractive, concern about if we will ever really be loved, worry that if people really see who we are that they won't love us anymore. These are things that lots of LGBT people struggle with. Who among us hasn't felt like an outsider in some situation? Who hasn't felt that sting of shame that made us wonder if we were actually lovable? With the exception of psychopaths, these are common to the human condition.

I've never been divorced, but I've walked several friends through divorce. I've never had a miscarriage, but I've empathized with friends who have. I've never cheated on a partner, but I've cried with people who have.

I think part of the reason that so many Christians fail to empathize with homosexuals is because the struggles really hit us at our own core concerns about shame, love, and belonging. People don't want to reconnect with their own feelings of shame, or remembrances of being rejected, or their current fears that they don't fit in, so they pull out the doctrine stick and start beating. But they're really trying to beat back their own negative feelings. In other words, they make it about THEM. They don't put on the shoes of the other and take a little stroll.

If people fail to show loving empathy to others trapped in ANY kind of sin, it's a SPIRITUAL failure. It's failing Jesus. Basically it's trying to force the person to alter their experiences to suit our feelings. It's taking the limited human way instead of adopting God's view.

 

[Mitspa]

Re: Why Does "I Think I'm Gay" Get Such a Different Reaction From "I Am Obese"?

Actually... (sorry Siberian, that was for you! ) I've seen this in the threads A LOT over the years here from both men and women. Lots of people who are separated or say they haven't lived with their spouse for months, etc. but they don't seem to realize that they are still actually married... and they're dating someone else... and looking for approval.

Lynx and chick, LOVED your example of gossip--excellent points!!! Sometimes when people are convicted of gossip and complaining all the time... They find they have nothing left to say! (I've been there.)

I have not seen it...and I think you understand my point? You guys would tear a fellow to small pieces if a guy was trying to justify his adultery or abuse against his wife. But somehow those who speak against this whole gay agenda thing are not showing the compassion some of you think should be shown? I don't buy it