Where Are The Lines Between Gossip and Slander Vs. a Warning or Sharing Information?

[seoulsearch]

This thread that was just created may be a good example of what is being talked about here. Not trying to stir up anything just giving an example.

http://christianchat.com/bible-discussion-forum/122352-word-warning.html#post2286176

This is definitely on-topic and thank you for sharing this.

I admit to always being torn when seeing public announcements about other users.

But if I have a personal experience to share, I usually do. There was another thread similar to this a while back and I was torn about whether or not to post anything, but I did, because up until that time, I never even realized that person was contacting several women on CC with a similar story.

My thinking is, I'll try to present my experience as factually as possible. If the person sees that so-and-so has been doing this to multiple people and still wants to go ahead with talking to/meeting/giving money to that person, that's their decision.

For myself, I'm grateful to know what I'm getting into and appreciate being warned, but I'm never sure what the best way is to go about it.

 

[Lynx]

What Galahad said is a good rephrasing of the basic problem that caused seoulsearch's root question.

The gray areas usually come down to the unseen. Heart. Intent. Motive.

seoulsearch's question is not "is gossip okay?" The question is, "when a friend is going to do something wrong, and warning the friend of an impending mistake requires telling him something negative about someone else, is it gossip? Where is the line between warning someone away from danger and gossip? Is it even possible to draw the line?"

And seoulsearch, you will shortly be getting a bill from the Cat-In-A-Tree Translation Service.

Personally I can't really see where it is possible to make an all-inclusive set of rules to determine when something is legitimate warning and when it is just gossip. It all depends on the people involved, the situations they are in, their respective pasts and what you know of their personalities... and just to muddy the waters further you probably won't know everything about the situation.

I have decided the best thing to do is pray about what to do before, and pray for peace to let it go (whichever way I acted) afterward. All I really can do.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Hey everyone,

This is something I've been thinking of a lot.

What are the boundaries between gossiping about other people... or warning those who might get hurt?

For example:

1. You have a friend who likes Person X. You have another friend who dated Person X, and Person X cheated on them. Do you say anything? (Does it matter how long ago it happened? For instance, what if this was last year vs. ten years ago?)

2. Someone online says they are very excited about talking to Person Y, and likes them a lot. But you happen to know that Person Y... is also talking to a lot of other people (whether in real life or online or both), and you're not sure if that person knows this. Do you say anything?

3. Someone wants to meet or help Person Z (and give them money... whether for personal reasons or for their ministry.) And it just so happens that Person Z has contacted you as well, telling you about their ministry or big problems. They might not be asking for anything directly, but there is a very obvious tone that this person is casting out lines... and it seems to be with the intent that they're hoping someone will indeed offer something eventually. Do you say anything to try to warn other potential victims?

I've found myself in these situations from just about every angle several times...

And I'm always left wondering...

Should I say something? Or would that be considered gossip/slander?

What have your experiences been, and how have you, or would you handle situations like this?

I can learn to close my eyes
To anything but injustice
I can learn to get along
With all the things I don't know

You can surrender
Surrender without a prayer
But never really pray
Pray without surrender

You can fight
Fight without ever winning
But never ever win
Win without a fight..


~taken from the lyrics to 'Resist' by Rush~
​

Like the song says, I can learn to close my eyes to anything but injustice. If someone was a known cheater, would I let one of my friends start dating them without me warning them about him/her? Definitely not. Emotional pain can be as real as physical pain, so my advice is to do your friend/s a favor and warm them. The risk of ruining the friendship is unfortunately something that can't be avoided, but if they can't see that you're just trying to protect them, then the friendship wasn't as strong as it may have seemed.

 

[blueorchidjd]

Intent and to whom.

 

[nw2u]

I don't know if there is a place in the bible that explains the difference and how to handle it. If there is, please post a link or the book, chapter and verses. Thanks.

So, I am only posting because I've had difficulty with this as well. One thing for sure is you can slander, as someone else pointed out. I don't think that is your intention at all. So, I looked up synonyms of the word gossip. One of them is hearsay. I checked the definition of that and basically, it says that if something is not experienced by the one telling the story and/or is...well, here you look for yourself.

Hearsay | Define Hearsay at Dictionary.com

Hearsay Synonyms, Hearsay Antonyms | Thesaurus.com

Gossip Synonyms, Gossip Antonyms | Thesaurus.com

 

[seoulsearch]

What Galahad said is a good rephrasing of the basic problem that caused seoulsearch's root question.

seoulsearch's question is not "is gossip okay?" The question is, "when a friend is going to do something wrong, and warning the friend of an impending mistake requires telling him something negative about someone else, is it gossip? Where is the line between warning someone away from danger and gossip? Is it even possible to draw the line?"

And seoulsearch, you will shortly be getting a bill from the Cat-In-A-Tree Translation Service.

Personally I can't really see where it is possible to make an all-inclusive set of rules to determine when something is legitimate warning and when it is just gossip. It all depends on the people involved, the situations they are in, their respective pasts and what you know of their personalities... and just to muddy the waters further you probably won't know everything about the situation.

I have decided the best thing to do is pray about what to do before, and pray for peace to let it go (whichever way I acted) afterward. All I really can do.

I have to say that one of the great things about writing threads is that you find out several other CC members are actually much better at saying what you were trying to say!!! I've had several "translators" over the years and I appreciate them all. Actually, I'm thinking I shouldn't write threads anymore, but rather, tell them my ideas and ask them to do it for me... (That's a fair warning in advance... Lynx... Violakat... Hellooo... and a few others who seem to "get" what I'm trying to say even more than I do!)

I love everyone's honest and heartfelt answers here and hope you will continue to share. I learn about other people through what they post, and I'm always interested in how different people handle different circumstances.

I know that asking God for discernment is always a key thing to remember... and truthfully, I've been in situations in which I think I felt more convicted about NOT warning a person about something rather than staying silent. I may have been misinterpreting, but I went with what I felt were my convictions at the time.