I facilitated a group for abused women in 2004. There were 10 women in the group. It took nearly 6 months before each one admitted they were Christians. In a secular abuse group!
One woman divorced her husband after he shot her and tried to kill her. He was serving time in jail.
One woman was living with a sexually abusive man. She wouldn't give the group details, but she started crying every time she talked about what was wrong in her marriage.
One woman was still with her husband. He would not give her money for food. He bought the booze. Sadly, she did not know with a joint checking account she could cash his cheques and buy food and pay the bills. I set her straight on that one. For the first time, she was not beaten down and cringing, knowing that she could actually feed herself and their son.
Another woman had a physically abusive husband. He would beat her, the children. He would smash the computers, TVs, throw furniture out the window. She called the police repeatedly, and he was thrown out. But she went back to him, because 5 children were too hard to handle on her own.
Another woman was systematically being physically, sexually emotionally abused. And the excuse the husband used was that it was his "right" as a Christian husband to do as he pleased.
And so on... These were the ones that really stood out to me. The others were not as vocal - they were just timid and scared, and beaten down.
So 10 Christian women. Their husbands are all abusive, really evil men in some cases.
The wives divorce, in some cases. They have been sinned against by their abusive husbands. Now they are supposed to remain celibate and have no love the rest of their lives?
Because their husbands were abusive and sinful men?
Seems like the husbands are the ones needing to experience the consequences of their actions, not the wives.
Abuse is a kind of adultery. It separates the bonds between husband and wives. It destroys trust and love.
So why was it not written into the Bible? Maybe because God had other issues he wanted to talk about?
Or maybe adultery is a BIG issue, because the Old Testament is full of examples of prophets calling out Israel and Judah for their spiritual adultery? I just read through the major prophets, and I am reading the minor prophets. It stands out so strongly that spiritual adultery is the reason for the destruction of Israel and the captivity of Judah in Babylon.
"Will you steal, murder, commit adultery, swear falsely, make offerings to Baal, and go after other gods that you have not known," Jer. 7:9
"For they have committed adultery, and blood is on their hands. With their idols they have committed adultery, and they have even offered up to them for food the children whom they had borne to me." Eze. 23:27
"They sacrifice on the tops of the mountains
and burn offerings on the hills,
under oak, poplar, and terebinth,
because their shade is good.
Therefore your daughters play the whore,
and your brides commit adultery.
[SUP]14 [/SUP]I will not punish your daughters when they play the whore,
nor your brides when they commit adultery;
for the men themselves go aside with prostitutes
and sacrifice with cult prostitutes,
and a people without understanding shall come to ruin." Hosea 4:13-15
Since my experience in that group, my heart goes out to abused women who chose to divorce, rather than suffer physical damage to their bodies. My heart goes out to all those who are divorced by their spouses, for reasons not including abuse or adultery. My heart goes out to those whose marriages turned black and ugly, instead of being a place of love, nurture and caring.
While I would agree the divorce rates in our society are too high, perhaps they are unnaturally high for a reason - because men and women are sinful people, and are have lost sight of the living God in their lives.
