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What your B/F said could be interpreted in one of two ways:
1. His belief could be a seen as a sweeping indictment of masculinity, meaning that by being born male, one is predisposed to sexual sin.
2. Or that "because a man is going to do it anyway", he can't and shouldn't be held responsible for his actions.
1. His belief could be a seen as a sweeping indictment of masculinity, meaning that by being born male, one is predisposed to sexual sin.
2. Or that "because a man is going to do it anyway", he can't and shouldn't be held responsible for his actions.
K
So....you're saying as a married woman I cant expect to trust my husband or let him out of my sight?! Cause 50% is a pretty high number my friend.Joseph took flight to save his rep. so apparently at least one man in history can turn down a woman.Should a Christian woman dress proactively,certainly not,but there's a thing called self control. The OPs bf clearly has a problem with self control. He's telling her "hey if I was in this position I couldnt resist" Hes at least being truthful,I'll give him that much. But to say that a man just cant resist and its impossible to resist,thats an outright lie and not fair to her.He has an issue and she needs to deal with it BEFORE marriage. Or she'll be the one sitting with the box of tissues alone.
L
Your boyfriend's views should ring caution to you. You really should be prayerful about this relationship. You're dating a man who is giving you the signs that he cannot be trusted. I don't know if you have plans to marry him, but he's basically admitting that if he was in a situation like this, he would fall. You may want to save yourself the grief and back off. Don't brush off these conversations-- take it seriously. You are getting a glimpse of what your future would be like. You deserve someone who wants to honor you in everyway. If he isn't able to do that, they're plenty of men who can. 
Thank all of you again for your encouragements and help, seriously. It's been a tremendous help. Sometimes we can feel "alone" inside a relationship but I know we really are not and the LORD is Whom we cry out to first and foremost. He ultimately fills our cup. He ultimately will comfort us. He loves more than our spouses or family can. He is our EVERYTHING
† Thank you all again. God bless you so much.
A
Thank you for this.... Yes, the honor part speaks volumes and I know it does for him also in regard to "honoring each other". We've already had something from the Lord in regard to "Honor". And it should go both ways, yes. We may or may not speak to a neutral party regarding the matter, we'll see. I can let the main "question" go... or I mean, I can say "I agree to disagree" But yes, getting to the "root" of this was the idea for me. And I believe we have here... and/or I believe my b/f and I have also after further communication.
Thank all of you again for your encouragements and help, seriously. It's been a tremendous help. Sometimes we can feel "alone" inside a relationship but I know we really are not and the LORD is Whom we cry out to first and foremost. He ultimately fills our cup. He ultimately will comfort us. He loves more than our spouses or family can. He is our EVERYTHING †
Thank you all again. God bless you so much.
Thank all of you again for your encouragements and help, seriously. It's been a tremendous help. Sometimes we can feel "alone" inside a relationship but I know we really are not and the LORD is Whom we cry out to first and foremost. He ultimately fills our cup. He ultimately will comfort us. He loves more than our spouses or family can. He is our EVERYTHING
† Thank you all again. God bless you so much.
But I'm nosy. This was an idle nosy, so I really don't need to know and you certainly should NOT do this anymore, but, boy! I really wanted to know what Dr. Stanley would have told you. lol
No! Not even! Don't ever look to find out, because you got the better answer from your guy.
P
No, it's not true, lol. Unless one counts admiring the beauty of another woman who isn't our wife, but that is not exactly the same as committing the physical act. It would have to be lust and that would constitute adultery in the eyes of God, but, I am taking your question to refer to physically committing adultery.
Some of us look at adultery as the worst possible betrayal. I couldn't do that to my wife.
I think all men might be tempted, but I don't think all men would fall to the scenario you present.
I pray I am never tempted in such a situation, but, we can in large part have control over the situations we might find ourselves in. I live by a pretty simple philosophy: I don't want to drown in the ocean so I don't go out on boats. I don't want to die in a tornado so I don't live in Kansas. I hate talking to drunks so I don't go to bars.
And I try to avoid ever being alone with a woman except for my wife. Even if nothing happened, we are not even to give the appearance of evil, right?
God bless.
Some of us look at adultery as the worst possible betrayal. I couldn't do that to my wife.
I think all men might be tempted, but I don't think all men would fall to the scenario you present.
I pray I am never tempted in such a situation, but, we can in large part have control over the situations we might find ourselves in. I live by a pretty simple philosophy: I don't want to drown in the ocean so I don't go out on boats. I don't want to die in a tornado so I don't live in Kansas. I hate talking to drunks so I don't go to bars.
And I try to avoid ever being alone with a woman except for my wife. Even if nothing happened, we are not even to give the appearance of evil, right?
God bless.
L
Thank you also. That was my line of thinking also - "I think all men might be tempted, but I don't think ALL men would fall to the scenario you present."
If ALL men did fall at that scenerio, it would be worse I think in this world - more chaos, more broken families. Jesus Christ our Lord can give strength in those situations. It's honest to say one could be tempted, but I don't agree every one would fall. Besides, recently a thought came to me. There are thousands of strip clubs in the USA alone where that scenario is right there. Not every man falls there, even the ones who are not born again in our Lord Jesus Christ.
In any case, this again may cause a break up as apparently - by my asking this of other brethren here, I have too much "pride" and am very "prideful". He "thinks" I tried "one up" him on the discussion, which in my mind that was not what I was trying to do at all. For me, it was prideful of him to say such a thing and I was VERY cautious of it. I didn't like it one bit. I wasn't tryting to be prideful, I was aghast that he said it and wanted to know if I was loosing my mind!!!H
How can he know what "ALL" men could do? It's a sweeping generalization and I do lose respect for sweeping generalizations anyhow. If the Lord has taught us anything, is that each soul and life story is different, unique, and He cares for all of us. Weaknesses in different areas.
If anything, my coming here to ask of others probably hurt his pride as he wants me to look to "him" I think. I never meant to hurt him in that way. However, I'm protective in a sense of the "body" and to me his belief that "ALL" men would fall is a sort of "accusation" of the brethren to speak, and I have no place for it, as that is NOT encouraging. It is NOT loving, and there is no proof of it. Again, different weaknesses in different areas.
As you can tell, now again I'm a bit upset as he's now saying how many issues we have, after he has asked me to marry him - many many many times, and now that we "may not be ready for marriage". As he put it. I'm just so deeply hurt that I ever believed him when he asked me to marry him over and over again. I'm probably more mad at myself for believing. But when we disagree, "we are not ready for it". Then why ask ever to me to marry? I just feel stupid to believe and I'll be 1000000000% more guarded (even more guarded than before) if a man ever proposes to me again. In my mind I was guarded..I hadn't even dated someone for at least 5 years before he came into my life!!.. But apparently I was not guarded enough if he's going to break up with me "again" after proposing. I'm not saying I've not had my weak moments, I've messed up too, I've not treated him 100% how he deserves to be treated. I sincerely am sorry for those times, and I ask for forgivness. But most men know woman are the weaker vessel. I'm not saying that as an excuse, but my goodness GIVE ME SOMETHING TO BELIEVE IN. GIVE ME THE SOLIDNESS THAT JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD GIVES US. GIVE ME SOMETHING TO REST AND TRUST AND HOPE IN FOREVER, if you plan on proposing to me. Am I having too high an expectation for the man who asks to marry me? Does it not say in His Word the husband love his wife as Christ loves the church? But apparently, everything is on "me" in this relationship.
That's just hurt coming out I know, sorry, but thank you for anyone who just "listens" to my babbling. And I'm typing probably to no one in particular, (LOL) but I'll know soon enough if he's breaking up with me. I cannot talk to him about this as he will have no ear, he will have no compassion or understanding of my thoughts or hurts or feelings on this.
God bless you's. Thank you again.
Thanks again all for listening.
.
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K
My friend,do yourself a favor and cut him off first.Enough of this.You deserve a man who is willing to be faithful to you.Thats the bare minimum you should expect.He's got a problem,which would be bad if he could admit he has a problem and seek help for it. My husband loves me and I trust him 100%. If you cant trust someone 100% you should even be considering marriage. If you are tempted because you see an attractive womans body you are pretty immature. The fact that he wouldnt stop and think of the memories you've made together,that he wouldnt stop and think how disrespectful it would be to you and how crushed you would be shows he's 100% self centered and focused on what brings him pleasure. You can have sex with anyone if thats all your about. But if you truly love and honor your partner you wouldnt think of it. You'd walk away without a second look.Thats what a real man does. I know it hurts,I had the same situation.Guy asked me to marry him several times but something in the back of my head wouldnt let me say yes. He finally took off and I found out he'd been seeing someone else on the side all along. When my husband asked me to marry him I knew I could trust him 100%. He was the one who told me,when I had told him how the "other one" had treated me "Thats not a man,guys like that ruin it for good men with good hearts. And women wont trust us because they've heard all the promises and lines before." So do yourself a favor and let this guy loose.Let some other woman deal his issues. You wait for the right guy that will choose you EVERY time no matter the temptation.I hope you find the strength to let go and move on.In the end you will be so glad you did.
U
Sounds to me like your bf is expecting to cheat, or already has, so he's tryng to get your mind to accept that it's 'normal' before it happens, or find out it already happened. That way he's off the hook.
Personally I find his words a Huge red flag. He's tryng to justify sin in advance by saying he has no control because no man would have control. Which goes Against the bible. He makes himself the victim so you not only don't get angry with him, but that you would feel sympathy for him for cheating.
He sounds like a huge manipulator to me. If someone I was dating told me, basically, 'I'm going to cheat one day, but I have zero control over it' I'd kick them to the curb.
-I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
-1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
Personally I find his words a Huge red flag. He's tryng to justify sin in advance by saying he has no control because no man would have control. Which goes Against the bible. He makes himself the victim so you not only don't get angry with him, but that you would feel sympathy for him for cheating.
He sounds like a huge manipulator to me. If someone I was dating told me, basically, 'I'm going to cheat one day, but I have zero control over it' I'd kick them to the curb.
-I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
-1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
First of all it is a generalized statement...Not every single man would fall for a woman because some are gay and don't want women. Secondly I believe there are enough REAL Christian men out there who could resist and I site Joseph in the Bible as one of them when he ran away from Potipher's wife trying to seduce him giving the servants the day off and Joseph ran away from her.
So there are men out there with integrity and know how to be faithful you just have to search for them.... maybe you should go and look for one....As what your boyfriend said would make me question his mindset on being faithful to you...and not looking for an excuse to possibly stray.
So there are men out there with integrity and know how to be faithful you just have to search for them.... maybe you should go and look for one....As what your boyfriend said would make me question his mindset on being faithful to you...and not looking for an excuse to possibly stray.
Also guys who start accusing you of things are usually projecting their indiscretions on you..... So too many issues and sometimes guys propose to keep you on the line.... I see you are mature and we can be preyed upon because we are older and some see us as an easy mark....
Keep to your high standards and find a man who will treat you with the love and faithfulness you deserve without accusations....Life is too short you don't need him or them.....
Keep to your high standards and find a man who will treat you with the love and faithfulness you deserve without accusations....Life is too short you don't need him or them.....
If youre heart is set on right, it is /not/ that hard to say no to the temptation of sexual immorality.
If any man tells you that being a man makes this that difficult, they are using this as an excuse to do what they want. Any man could say no, if his heart was merely set on doing what is right over what is pleasing to him. Thats all that it takes.
It /really/ is not some horrible struggle that the secular world wants you to believe it is :/
If any man tells you that being a man makes this that difficult, they are using this as an excuse to do what they want. Any man could say no, if his heart was merely set on doing what is right over what is pleasing to him. Thats all that it takes.
It /really/ is not some horrible struggle that the secular world wants you to believe it is :/
[sarcasm font]Yes. It's true. We just can't help ourselves. For the same reason, every woman will blow their bank account on a window display of shoes if she doesn't pass by the store within 10 seconds. It's in their nature. They just can't help it.
It's also 100% the woman's fault if she is dressed too provocatively for the occasion. Any indecent comment or action on the part of the male is really on her.
Oh, and the only male gynecologists who can truly be professional are the gay ones.[sarcasm font]
It's also 100% the woman's fault if she is dressed too provocatively for the occasion. Any indecent comment or action on the part of the male is really on her.
Oh, and the only male gynecologists who can truly be professional are the gay ones.[sarcasm font]
Some of these arguments are being spun off of what if scenarios. Which is silly and pointless.
For instance, if you are in a room alone with a woman and she is incredibly attractive and stripping what would you do. ?!?! seriously.... this isn't even remotely the average encounter that any man would be likely to face. So yeah, if you put most guys in the PERFECT situation for lust to take over....yeah they would prolly fall. AKA the tower of virgins in monty python and the holy grail. Not exactly a Christian appropriate movie but its a great illustration. But these are what if scenarios and therefore should not be used in any sane rational argument.
But anyway, my opinion is that your BF is right in a "what if" sense. And wrong in a realistic sense. But I am a little disappointed that so many people are so quick to tear him down on here. I mean we barely have any understanding of the situation and everyone is yelling "kick him to the curb!".
Simple fact is. Lust is a POWERFUL weakness (oxymoron?) in the average man. But in Christ we always have a way out...as your BF says though...sometimes that way out might be to turn tail and run like a maniac
I think this is why we pray, Lead me not into temptation but deliver me from evil!
For instance, if you are in a room alone with a woman and she is incredibly attractive and stripping what would you do. ?!?! seriously.... this isn't even remotely the average encounter that any man would be likely to face. So yeah, if you put most guys in the PERFECT situation for lust to take over....yeah they would prolly fall. AKA the tower of virgins in monty python and the holy grail. Not exactly a Christian appropriate movie but its a great illustration. But these are what if scenarios and therefore should not be used in any sane rational argument.
But anyway, my opinion is that your BF is right in a "what if" sense. And wrong in a realistic sense. But I am a little disappointed that so many people are so quick to tear him down on here. I mean we barely have any understanding of the situation and everyone is yelling "kick him to the curb!".
Simple fact is. Lust is a POWERFUL weakness (oxymoron?) in the average man. But in Christ we always have a way out...as your BF says though...sometimes that way out might be to turn tail and run like a maniac
I think this is why we pray, Lead me not into temptation but deliver me from evil!
G
Thank you again, everyone. I couldn't add to everyone's rep to thank them,,, so I "liked" the replies. I really do appreciate this.
Also, my b/f emailed me in further discussion of the topic. Here is more of what he said: (Keeping it unpersonal, taking some personal things out - but "on topic"
I think he is saying he is surprised I didn't know that ALL and EVERY man have this problem. That is not the case, I've guessed that every PERSON has struggles in different areas. I know there are temptations for men, but in this case scenario, he is saying "they WILL give in" if they don't flee. I guess I really don't agree like most of you here. I just want to make the point so he'll see. It's not "just me" thinking that.
So..... in reading that also... again I'm open to any correction needed on my behalf or thinking in this area.
And thank you again
Also, my b/f emailed me in further discussion of the topic. Here is more of what he said: (Keeping it unpersonal, taking some personal things out - but "on topic"
I think he is saying he is surprised I didn't know that ALL and EVERY man have this problem. That is not the case, I've guessed that every PERSON has struggles in different areas. I know there are temptations for men, but in this case scenario, he is saying "they WILL give in" if they don't flee. I guess I really don't agree like most of you here. I just want to make the point so he'll see. It's not "just me" thinking that.
So..... in reading that also... again I'm open to any correction needed on my behalf or thinking in this area.
And thank you again