How do I reject the shy guy without hurting him?

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Luckysmyle said:
I'm pretty sure this guy has been interested in me for a few years, but just recently he seems to be making an effort to flirt more. He is a nice guy but other than church I really don't see that we have much in common. Do I say something before he asks me out? And how do I go about that without hurting him? Is Facebook (PM) a good idea (so that he can save face)? We only ever hang out at group events so I worry that doing it in person may end up being hard on him.
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Corner him and say: I'm not interested.

And put a restraining order on him. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life. Besides, it belongs all to Jesus.

Your body. Your soul. Your spirit. All to Jesus.

Forever...

and ever...

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Luckysmyle said:
Some people are so eager to please others that they don't share their true feelings on a subject. I have no desire to walk on someone, but I am not a mind reader and have no desire to be so. An example of this would be asking them where they want to eat and they always select your favorite restaurants, I have no way of knowing if that's what they want or they are just trying to please me. It is fine if it is just some of the time, but if it's all the time that's not a relationship.

I am in my 30's I know both myself and this gentleman well enough to know I'm not interested.
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I think I've seen this show! Is you name Penny and is his name Leonard?
 
Luckysmyle said:
I've known him for a few years, I know him well enough to say we don't have anything in common outside of church. I know if I were to give him a chance he would be a door mat, I don't want someone I can walk over. I want someone who wants to make me happy, but I also want someone who is willing to stand up to me when I need it.
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Oh brother.
 
Luckysmyle said:
I've known him for a few years, I know him well enough to say we don't have anything in common outside of church. I know if I were to give him a chance he would be a door mat, I don't want someone I can walk over. I want someone who wants to make me happy, but I also want someone who is willing to stand up to me when I need it.
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I'm glad you think so highly of yourself.
 
Luckysmyle said:
Some people are so eager to please others that they don't share their true feelings on a subject. I have no desire to walk on someone, but I am not a mind reader and have no desire to be so. An example of this would be asking them where they want to eat and they always select your favorite restaurants, I have no way of knowing if that's what they want or they are just trying to please me. It is fine if it is just some of the time, but if it's all the time that's not a relationship.

I am in my 30's I know both myself and this gentleman well enough to know I'm not interested.
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Ya,at your age, you need to say it to his face. Your bottom line is your not interested under any circumstances so stay away and when he's around let him know with your body language that you're not interested. Dont engage him and avoid him.If he still doesnt understand you'll have to tell him. At least give him the respect to tell him face to face.
 
It has nothing to do with what I think of myself, but how he treats me. Not sure why knowing how he treats me means I think highly of myself?
 
Thank you all that have given me thoughtful replies. I will leave it alone for now and be very careful of any interaction with him. My thoughts about telling him via Facebook were simply that it may be easier for him than if all of our friends were around, not to make it easier on me and disrespect him. Since you all seem to have the same opinion about Facebook I will not go that route. He is a friend and I hope he will stay one so completely avoiding him is out of the question, besides I believe that to be more hurtful than any type of polite rejection.
 
Luckysmyle said:
Some people are so eager to please others that they don't share their true feelings on a subject. I have no desire to walk on someone, but I am not a mind reader and have no desire to be so. An example of this would be asking them where they want to eat and they always select your favorite restaurants, I have no way of knowing if that's what they want or they are just trying to please me. It is fine if it is just some of the time, but if it's all the time that's not a relationship.

I am in my 30's I know both myself and this gentleman well enough to know I'm not interested.
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Lol I see. Then in that case you being older than me, and probably the shy fellow as well, I would hope he'd be of an age old enough to just accept whatever you say and be friends, if he even asks you out to begin with. Lol, I am kinda shy on stuff like dating women myself, so I gotta support my shy guy fellows out there and say maybe consider to give one a chance if he can muster up the courage to even ask. If you know you don't wanna date him, that's fine too. Whatever it be I hope the best for ya though. Hard situations them dating issues and boyfriend/girlfriend issues. Hoping the best in Jesus for both you and the shy guy.
 
Luckysmyle said:
I've known him for a few years, I know him well enough to say we don't have anything in common outside of church. I know if I were to give him a chance he would be a door mat, I don't want someone I can walk over. I want someone who wants to make me happy, but I also want someone who is willing to stand up to me when I need it.
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Searching4Truth said:
I'm glad you think so highly of yourself.
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Grace-Like-Rain said:
I did not get that impression at all from her posts.
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It's the typical story. She wants a guy who's going to stand up to her bullying. I don't know why but argument and confrontation seem to make humans happy. I think she's doing the guy a favor by not letting him fall into this trap.

No one liked the rejection hotline, even in jest?

Kinda proves my point.
 
RickyZ said:
It's the typical story. She wants a guy who's going to stand up to her bullying. I don't know why but argument and confrontation seem to make humans happy. I think she's doing the guy a favor by not letting him fall into this trap.

No one liked the rejection hotline, even in jest?

Kinda proves my point.
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Look, obviously I don't know the parties involved, and I'd bet that this woman is a sweetheart, but this looks like the classical situation where the female will end up with sorta a jerk, because he might be dominant which, initially, is attractive to her, and in the process the prototypical "nice nguy" that wants only to make her happy will eventually wind up with a very lucky woman.
 
RickyZ said:
It's the typical story. She wants a guy who's going to stand up to her bullying. I don't know why but argument and confrontation seem to make humans happy. I think she's doing the guy a favor by not letting him fall into this trap.

No one liked the rejection hotline, even in jest?

Kinda proves my point.
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There is a big difference between being a bully and having to read someones mind to know if they enjoy something or if they are just doing it to please you. Discussion and disagreement is part of life, bullying would be saying I want it all my way, but if I never get to hear his opinion on things I won't know if I prefer his ideas or leave any room for me to compromise.
 
Luckysmyle said:
but if I never get to hear his opinion on things I won't know if I prefer his ideas or leave any room for me to compromise.
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If you won't give him a chance, you'll never get the chance to know will you?
 
PennEd said:
Look, obviously I don't know the parties involved, and I'd bet that this woman is a sweetheart, but this looks like the classical situation where the female will end up with sorta a jerk, because he might be dominant which, initially, is attractive to her, and in the process the prototypical "nice nguy" that wants only to make her happy will eventually wind up with a very lucky woman.
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I've done the jerk thing and learned my lesson a long time ago. I don't feel like I should date anyone simply because they are a nice guy or because they are Christians. Those are both factors in looking for someone though. As a Christian woman we often get told to just give any nice Christian guy a chance, but there is more to compatibility than simply being nice and Christian.
 
Luckysmyle said:
I've done the jerk thing and learned my lesson a long time ago. I don't feel like I should date anyone simply because they are a nice guy or because they are Christians. Those are both factors in looking for someone though. As a Christian woman we often get told to just give any nice Christian guy a chance, but there is more to compatibility than simply being nice and Christian.
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Yes. There is also the matter of chemistry. Quite important.
 
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