Time pushes forward again. I just lost my job. It was a temporary employment agreement, but still, I cant help but feel like, if I'm going to make it to the top, I'm on my own, and God aint gonna help.
And I've decided...I will continue to push forward in Christ, and put all the nonsense aside. I can state my grievances, but that wont fix the problem. Life still revolves in a circle, and I still must identify my mission in Christ. I still must do the work to push forward. This is life. I can push with my might, but God isn't going to help me. That's just how it is.
I will now look back and fairly reply to those who cared to reply to me (Thank you. May you be blessed in Jesus for giving your time to respond. May he bless you and your families).
kaylagrl: I am here, I am listening, and I am very appreciative of the post you shared, and your sincerity. Thank you.
As for everyone else, It's a battle. We ALL go through it, but perhaps God is the rock upon which we can rest. I'm still waiting on God to reveal his glory to me. I have ceased and stopped all anger against him. It's no use. I cannot win threatening him, so I must WIN by taking action. Money may not be happiness, but let's be REAL...REAL...REAL...'REAL'...for a second, and admit that we ALL need money and resources to live. It is a FACT. I dont care what you say: If you dont pay the bills, you'll be thrown in prison, and worship the LORD in the jail chapel while being threatened by gang members. THAT IS REAL. Keep that in mind.
I will keep pressing to seek Christ more. As I said, I lost my job. I am unemployed, scrambling for unemployment. I can blame God for making me hang on the fringe wire for survival, or I can get proactive and win at life anyway. As I press for Christ, perhaps I will understand truth better. I will not settle for 2nd place. I was born to win, and I shall.
Maybe I need to pray more than I ever have. This statement came to mind:
VioletReigns said:
The reality is, you are a prisoner of Christ (Eph 3:1 - Eph 4:1) No man comes to God unless He calls him. Your struggle is not with anything but your flesh warring against the truth. Your carnal (logical, ego) mind is lying to you. It can't receive from God. You must put on the mind of Christ. That is, you must give up your "wisdom" and analytical thinking (ego, flesh) and realize that you're fighting a losing battle. It is finished. You belong to God.
Fine. I belong to Christ. I do not control a thing. Whatever. Spiritual truth is spiritual truth. I must put on the mind of Christ. I'm already on the brink of financial ruin. Might as well get it over with.
If I pray enough, and get in tune with the LORD, perhaps the mind of Christ will manifest, and my mission can be made clear. I hope all of you reading have a Godly mission to pursue as well.
So taking my eyes off myself and putting them on others will allow me to connect with God. Fine. I will be selfless and focus on serving others. What choice do I have at this point?
God is love. Alright. Fine. Perhaps, as I'm letting go of the rage, I will see what you all mean. The scriptures prove HE IS THE LORD. It's all over Paul's letters. It came out of the words of Jesus himself. Why would scripture be wrong? Then again, when your money is being siphoned out to the pockets of demonic collectors, how can one maintain composure?
When I stated I felt cheated and ripped off, I really do still feel that way. I cannot recall any time in my life God threw me a bone and helped me out. All I know is pain and resentment. The details of my life...summed up, because it would take an 80 page booklet to illustrate my life story so far...
...are all rooted in loneliness, sorrow, pain, muted gray overtones, misery, and struggle. EVERYONE GOES THROUGH THIS. Some of you can relate. MY PROBLEM...is that where some of you found God...I found a tyrant who never cared.
Where you found hope in Jesus, I found my biggest obstacle. Where you found a savior, I found a ball-and-chain around my ankle. Where you found the son of God, I found the weakest force in the universe.
My anger was by my lack of growth...lack of achievement...lack of enjoyment...lack of satisfaction...lack of a childhood...lack of friends...lack of romance with lovely women...and every time I look at the sky, I see Jesus smiling, as if he's happy with my lack of loss. That's what 'I' saw, personally. I wanted to breathe fire at that sky.
That example of Jesus being a prisoner...taking my place on death row...I think to myself "I am not a bad person. You say I was born condemned? Is this some kind of mock trial?". I didn't see a need for me to be saved. I was a kind person. Yes, I was born into sin, but who's the real criminal here...Adam and Eve for eating the fruit, or GOD for making the tree accessible in the first place? I still havent received a satisfactory answer from anyone, from prayer, or from research.
A lot of martyrs were killed for Christ. There must have been SOME reason they died in faith. 11 of the 12 apostles were killed like dogs in his name. What drove them to be so faithful? Is it neuroplasticity? Programming? Faith? Trickery? Stupidity? I cant even tell.
I give and give and give, and I am STILL STUCK IN SQUARE ONE? What does the LORD want? What do I have to give him to appease him? Tithes, volunteer hours at church, talking with new people...WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? Im still broke, I'm still trying to find a career, and Im still lonely. What gives, and why should I care?
Job 38-42 still impacts me, even in my resentment and rebellion. I read it almost every week. God can do EVERYTHING. He can clean up the mess. He can reverse all bad things. He doesn't. People suffer, and I'm convinced he's watching everything unfold on the world eating popcorn on his throne in heaven. I know I'm wrong, but it feels that way.
Corrie Ten Boom was a powerful woman. Her service was a testament to the faith...yet, why does God allow a Hitler to kill six million Jews? It still doesn't make sense to me. I look at God, and my blood boils at his negligence. That's my problem, because God is good regardless, but I cannot say that without wanting to breathe fire or spit acid in anger and disgust.
...I can choose to serve God, and I probably will at this point, forgetting my angst. Gotta bloom where we're planted. If I'm planted in the ghetto garden of hell, I still have to blossom there, while others bloom in the nice woodland neighborhoods, or even the rich estates. I was born and raised in the streets. Understand there is NO EASY WAY TO PRAISE GOD growing up in a derelict ghetto environment. Try living in the hood. Try it. See if your life doesn't get clouded in dark smoke.
But I will rejoice. Rejoicing can make it easier. I will heal the wound, even thought GOD MADE THE WOUND TO BEGIN WITH. Fasting helps too.
To close, Luckysmyle, thanks for being a pal. I knew someone would understand. In fact, one thing you mentioned impacted me emotionally:
Luckysmyle said:
I have seen many Christians who have it all.
Luckysmyle said:
One of the things I have noticed (and is talked about by Jesus) is that God doesn't give us much until we can be faithful with little. Reading your posts I am concerned that you put so much value in monetary wealth that it would destroy you at this point of you were to receive it.
I have also met Christians who have it all...even to the point where...(i will never mention names)...but one man, who is an ordained deacon, makes more money personally in his business holdings a year than most top-tier hedge funds generate in a decade.
Being faithful with little to receive much...I guess I have work to do. God has told me in prayer that until he KNOWS that I will faithfully love him more than any worldy achievement I could ever imagine or desire, he wont give me a penny. Honestly, I look at that and see an impossibly tall order. How can I ever get to that point? What's the process?
To close, folks, I've decide...I am going to take a different approach and be gentler and more temperate. My goal here...is to find the path to lead me to Christ 100%. I know of him, and I believe in his death and ressurection, but he is not in my heart. I hold a spirit of violence and anger that eats at me.
So far, it's becoming clearer: Take my eyes off myself, put them on others, and love God more than the world. I WILL COMMIT TO THAT, even though I have no job now.
Third question: What does God want from people? When does a person get blessed? What does God want first?