What is the Christian Take on "Dating Within (or Outside) Your League"?

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sydlit said:
Recently lost my best friend on these sites. My only friend, in the sense of daily connecting, prayers, sharing lifes ups and downs.No explanation, just gone. I didn't know where God was leading, there was hope of it growing much stronger, this year would have opened up alot of doors, if we could be patient and just support each other as loyal friends, (I didnt want to rush anything, sending things in the wrong direction) I really thought we both wanted the same thing, IF and when God decided. Maybe He already has, because she's gone like we never even met. No email, phone call, pm, post, nothing, and it has ripped me in two not knowing anything.
Is she hurt, or worse? If it were not for about 3000 miles, and other things, I'd be taking my first ever airplane ride just to find out.
But I've also been told to just be patient. (like I have a choice)
But if this is on purpose, i.e., just dropped cold without even a thx for times past, no explanation, well, friends just don't do that, so I'm very disallusioned, and I think I have a right to express that.
I'm just going thru the motions, now.
There's really not much of a reason to continue though,
when everything seems to come up empty.
I can't believe I fooled myself into believing that
this just might be my best year ever,
New mercies I SAW, hopes with the Lord,
a new attitude of letting joy be my strength,
HIS JOY! And hopes to end the loneliness
and isolation I experience nearly every day,
and that could be in a crowded arena,
But so far my best friend has disapoeared,
another close buddy just found out his
sister was just given a couple of months...
he Really loves her, and I'm so sad for
them both, and I came to this site for
comfort and fellowship, which has been hard
to enjoy while constantly being reminded of
how terrible a person I am, and how unfitting
I am to be accepted into a higher category.
This year is 2 days old, and is already becoming
my worst ever...And that's saying something,
since I don't really remember ever having a good year.
I actually can't think of a lasting moment.
I'm just realizing, I'm so down, I can't even think of
one moment that isn't clouded or marred in some way,
ONE happy, untainted thing that I can confidently
take to eternity.
Not really looking forward to day 3,
but maybe 3 strikes you're out will happen.
Now I know Alot of ppl have Alot of problems,
and way worse, so I'll be accused of a pity-party.
I guess that's a christian response to someone
that's hurting, but it doesn't make me feel better.
Just adds guilt on top of already feeling pretty bad.
I spent the last year grieving, missing my little buddy,
my cat of 14 years, and during that time, I was so far
from God, he was my only friend, but it didn't end well,
I feel like I betrayed him in the end,
and I'll never get over that pain.....
tearing for him even now while trying to finish this stupid letter.
Now l'm starting this year trying to get back to God,
Step into joy and light and love,
and I'm finding none of the above.
I guess I'm only getting what I give,
Reaping what I sow, I don't know.
But of course I deserve much worse,
the bible says that Jesus paid for my sins
so I wouldn't have to, but that's making no
sense, I don't know why He would do that.
Because of Him, I'll keep going through the motions
for now, if there's any purpose He has for me,
or someone needs some help somehow,
but I kinda hear Him saying, 'Thanks but no thanks,
don't do me any favors, I'm sovereign God,
I can handle this, I don't really need your help'.
Click to expand...
my brother...you are buying the lies...stand firm...i have loved and lost for many years....sometimes feeling this way...and what i have found was ....my feet were placed on a new path...waiting for me to stop dwelling on losses and defeats...to begin a new adventure...it was up to me to look at this as opportunity or loss..get a kitten...not to replace ..but to renew ...to try again ...count your blessings instead of your losses...we all know that unbelievers can see Gods love through us...so yes He does need you....without the hell here on earth that we endure...that we pull through ...is the only way to witness..because through trials brings wisdom...our strength is built on these times....many new friends and loves who need you are waiting for you to impart the pains you've seen...lived ...and survived...love awaits you....keep your head in the game....rejoice knowing God has His Plan for you...use your faith and you will be surprised at how much He has waiting for you....open your eyes and help a brother or sister....and soon you will get perspective and realize we all have our cross to bear ...reach out and keep moving...things will come to the light and you will see ....lonely is a choice....not a circumstance.... may peace and joy find you soon...no
 
GodIsSalvation said:
No, not helpful at all, but is pretty funny.

For real though I know first base is kissing. I know home run is marriage. My theory is 2nd base is like moving in together and 3rd base is meeting da parents.
Click to expand...

It's all related to physical intimacy and I'll just leave it at that.
 
sydlit said:
Recently lost my best friend on these sites. My only friend, in the sense of daily connecting, prayers, sharing lifes ups and downs.No explanation, just gone. I didn't know where God was leading, there was hope of it growing much stronger, this year would have opened up alot of doors, if we could be patient and just support each other as loyal friends, (I didnt want to rush anything, sending things in the wrong direction) I really thought we both wanted the same thing, IF and when God decided. Maybe He already has, because she's gone like we never even met. No email, phone call, pm, post, nothing, and it has ripped me in two not knowing anything.
Is she hurt, or worse? If it were not for about 3000 miles, and other things, I'd be taking my first ever airplane ride just to find out.
But I've also been told to just be patient. (like I have a choice)
But if this is on purpose, i.e., just dropped cold without even a thx for times past, no explanation, well, friends just don't do that, so I'm very disallusioned, and I think I have a right to express that.
I'm just going thru the motions, now.
There's really not much of a reason to continue though,
when everything seems to come up empty.
I can't believe I fooled myself into believing that
this just might be my best year ever,
New mercies I SAW, hopes with the Lord,
a new attitude of letting joy be my strength,
HIS JOY! And hopes to end the loneliness
and isolation I experience nearly every day,
and that could be in a crowded arena,
But so far my best friend has disapoeared,
another close buddy just found out his
sister was just given a couple of months...
he Really loves her, and I'm so sad for
them both, and I came to this site for
comfort and fellowship, which has been hard
to enjoy while constantly being reminded of
how terrible a person I am, and how unfitting
I am to be accepted into a higher category.
This year is 2 days old, and is already becoming
my worst ever...And that's saying something,
since I don't really remember ever having a good year.
I actually can't think of a lasting moment.
I'm just realizing, I'm so down, I can't even think of
one moment that isn't clouded or marred in some way,
ONE happy, untainted thing that I can confidently
take to eternity.
Not really looking forward to day 3,
but maybe 3 strikes you're out will happen.
Now I know Alot of ppl have Alot of problems,
and way worse, so I'll be accused of a pity-party.
I guess that's a christian response to someone
that's hurting, but it doesn't make me feel better.
Just adds guilt on top of already feeling pretty bad.
I spent the last year grieving, missing my little buddy,
my cat of 14 years, and during that time, I was so far
from God, he was my only friend, but it didn't end well,
I feel like I betrayed him in the end,
and I'll never get over that pain.....
tearing for him even now while trying to finish this stupid letter.
Now l'm starting this year trying to get back to God,
Step into joy and light and love,
and I'm finding none of the above.
I guess I'm only getting what I give,
Reaping what I sow, I don't know.
But of course I deserve much worse,
the bible says that Jesus paid for my sins
so I wouldn't have to, but that's making no
sense, I don't know why He would do that.
Because of Him, I'll keep going through the motions
for now, if there's any purpose He has for me,
or someone needs some help somehow,
but I kinda hear Him saying, 'Thanks but no thanks,
don't do me any favors, I'm sovereign God,
I can handle this, I don't really need your help'.
Click to expand...





Brother,

Did you know that God is not going to do for you what u can do for yourself. In order to have a friend, you have to be a friend. Stop feeling pity for yourself, this drives people away. Would u want to be around negative people all the time? I would hope not..then think about how u are presenting yourself. U see what you want to see and the devil will capitalize in helping you make a mountain out of a mole hill. U can never go anywhere productive in life by always dredging up the past. Put on the whole armor of God so you can withstand the wiles of the devil. People are not going to be drawn to you. U are creating the total opposite. Get a life and get off of the computer and get involved in real life by helping others. You are only destroying yourself. Stop comparing yourself to others...God has given u what u need by looking unto Him for guidance and happiness.
 
Unfortunately, if you look at Christians across America, our divorce rate is just as high as the rate of the world. So what does this tell you about leagues? Most of us have chosen or are choosing our mates like the world based on sex and appeal. Let God chose you matches...then u will for sure have more in common as long as you stay connected to God who brought you together.
 
RememberTheSabbathDay said:
Unfortunately, if you look at Christians across America, our divorce rate is just as high as the rate of the world. So what does this tell you about leagues? Most of us have chosen or are choosing our mates like the world based on sex and appeal. Let God chose you matches...then u will for sure have more in common as long as you stay connected to God who brought you together.
Click to expand...

Interestingly enough I saw a poll that partially debunked this myth. Among persons who claim to be Christian the numbers are accurate. When they broke it down between persons who are actually active in a church body and those who those who are "cultural christians" the results look very different.

Those who are active in a church body are considerably less likely to end up divorced.
 
Oncefallen said:
Interestingly enough I saw a poll that partially debunked this myth. Among persons who claim to be Christian the numbers are accurate. When they broke it down between persons who are actually active in a church body and those who those who are "cultural christians" the results look very different.

Those who are active in a church body are considerably less likely to end up divorced.
Click to expand...



I would say that it goes deeper than just being active in a church body....its about the loving relationship that constrains us..I know of many active but unhappy Christians that are going through the motions. Eventually they tire and fall away after trying to work their way into the kingdom of God.
 
seoulsearch said:
Then by all means, give Ms. Swift a jingle. :p

I can't wait to hear the hit song and see the next award she wins for it. :D

(Just kidding. I kinda like Taylor for being about as clean-cut as one can get in the business she's in.)

And I can relate. I've dated younger as well as a little bit older. It all depends on the person.
Click to expand...

I can't wait either! :D It'll probably be about how she shook me off then told me we would never ever ever get back together, not even in my wildest dreams.. :rolleyes:
 
RememberTheSabbathDay said:
Brother,

Did you know that God is not going to do for you what u can do for yourself. In order to have a friend, you have to be a friend. Stop feeling pity for yourself, this drives people away. Would u want to be around negative people all the time? I would hope not..then think about how u are presenting yourself. U see what you want to see and the devil will capitalize in helping you make a mountain out of a mole hill. U can never go anywhere productive in life by always dredging up the past. Put on the whole armor of God so you can withstand the wiles of the devil. People are not going to be drawn to you. U are creating the total opposite. Get a life and get off of the computer and get involved in real life by helping others. You are only destroying yourself. Stop comparing yourself to others...God has given u what u need by looking unto Him for guidance and happiness.
Click to expand...
Didn't take long for the big bold letters of condemnation to come out, did it?!
I even mentioned in my post about the calls of 'pity party'
and the 'why don't you go help the less fortunate' guilt trip,
but I wasn't expecting the 'get over it and stop living in the past'
consolation to come crapping out.
GEE! I just lost my best friend over the holidays,
and my buddy's sister just got her diagnosis.
I know it was way back like in last year,
but it was THREE FREAKIN DAYS AGO!
Gosh, Sabbaday, do you ppl let the bodies get cold
before you kick them and throw dirt on them,
or is that the penalty for worshipping on the wrong day?

You have NO idea the things I've been through,
nor what kind of help I may give to others,
nor what abilities or limitations I may have,
nor how I may be feeling physically, mentally,
emotionally or spiritually. But maybe some kind soul
fed you the boot-strap remedy and you got an instant healing,
so you figure it's got to work for everybody
or there's something wrong with them.

Over the last few months, when I've read that someone is hurting,
I've prayed almost immediately for them,
often before they even asked, though I admit
I'm pretty much a rookie, and don't really know
how to pray right, I get very tongue-tied in groups,
and maybe typing and editting isn't really a God-honoring
way to do it, but I usually try to say a kind word as well,
I have ALWAYS offered an invitation to pm to
Anyone that might want to pray or just talk or share a laff,
whatever, and NO, I'm not looking for rewards,
except those given to Jesus for His glory,
for it's in Him we move and breathe and have our very being,
and I can't count how many strangers I've prayed for
these past few months, often at the neglect of family,
aquaintences or myself.

But on a few occasions
when I've expressed having a concern here or there,
well, I can probly count on one hand the times
someone has even OFFERED to pray for me,
let alone actually done it, and not too many pm of support,
though I am grateful for those that have,
(you know who you are, And I don't mean to shrug that off,
some of you out there have shown me TRUE kindness,
which I'm not really used to, and I know I don't deserve,
so thank you thank you thank you!)

But in comparison, this judgementalism
and condemnation from Sabbaday
is much more the norm when I'm down,
and so far this year I am Really down,
so I guess I can expect loads more of
this kind of 'christian compassion'.

I've battled depression a long time,
I've known much more heartache, loneliness,
isolation, outcasting, ridicule, and rejection
than I'd wish on anyone, plus my own regrets
and sins and the enemy,
(And yes, I care about many who deal with grief
and sorrow much worse than mine)
Yet in spite of all that, I fought, really God fought,
for me to get better, and I had hopes
in ways I never had in my life.

But I've lost my best friend here,
I obviously don't have anyone else nearly that close,
I'm feeling pretty alone right now,
hurting pretty bad for others and myself,
the enemy knows it now, too, so I'm pretty vulnerable,
but after reading that heart-warming encouragement
in Sabbaday's post, well, Gosh,
if that's christians for friends, who needs enemies.

But I'm not trying to make you feel bad,
I'm hoping you meant well, at least,
but I guess the bible's right when it says
in the last days the love of many shall grow cold.....
Father in heaven, please help us to love each other
as you would have us, for Jesus' sake, in Jesus' name, amen.
 
Sydlit,

I'm trying to catch up on posts as I dash off to work. I am very sorry about your losses, and I wish I had something more helpful to say and more time in which to say it. I'll have several mindless tasks to accomplish tonight; I will pray for you as I go about what I need to get done.

I can relate to you very well about people disappearing from one's life, as I had a close friend here on CC for a long time in the UK, and, dare I say, I even had a crush on him. We corresponded for many years with no longer than a month going between exchanges and then... dead silence. The last time I heard from him was the spring of 2014, promising he would explain soon, then made the same promise around last Christmas, but I never heard from him again.

One thing we had talked about was the different types of foods we liked and particularly, differences between the types of candy available in the US vs. where he was. I'd sent him candy packages several times on his birthday and various holidays, and we had talked about meeting for a long time, as he said he'd been to the US before.

He had every way to contact me but never did, and I'll never know why. If nothing else, he could have sent a snail mail letter, but to no avail.

I completely understand how you're feeling about that right now, and I'm sorry.

May God heal your heart.
 
I am big time into the league thing, so I don't date outside my league. I follow the Barclays Premier League. If she were not to follow the same League or if she were to follow any of the other leagues like the NBA or the NFL, this would be a deal breaker.
 
*Lynx catches up on the last few posts...

Ahhh, THAT explains it! Now I don't feel so bad about the heckling a certain person has been giving me. At least it's understandable now.
 
melita916 said:
Idk what league I'm in since...

I don't play baseball.

Hehe.
Click to expand...

Lol here in Holland it's soccer and we have teams. My son is a big fan of Ajax and their enemy is Feyenoord. So I was chatting to a guy who was a Feyenoord fan. My son said: No mom how could you do that? I told him: sorry but my son doesn't approve. You'd have to become an Ajax fan.
 
For me it's that connection and of course looks ( I hang my head). I want to just go off "They're a really good person" in choosing someone to date someone, but for me there just has to be that physical attraction. I defiantly can't date anyone that's super into themselves (barf), doesn't seem to be enough room in the relationship for another person if that's the case :p. I want a humble, kind and tender man that oh yes makes me talk funny and walk into walls handsome. ;) Don't fret, the most important, non-negotiable aspect is that he puts the Lord first in all things, dare I say on here that that's one of my biggest turn on's........
 
what!? we were divided into leagues this whole time? Why am i always the last to know these things?
 
My friend,
I've been praying for you since we met. You are a very kind and selfless man. I too know the pain and loneliness of heartbreak. Words can hurt and I'm sad that you experienced that on here. It seems very hard to find the right words to take away your pain, I don't think that there are any....please just know that I am here praying for you morning and evening (let's just say all day) and that I am available to talk anytime, please don't hesitate. Hope's not met are devastating, I know this first hand. God doesn't just make us comfortable but He makes us Comfort-Able...
God Bless you my friend,
 
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