Hey Everyone,
I was hoping to stagger these threads over a week or so, but due to time constraints I'm just going to go ahead and post this now.
We've already talked about "dating within our league" and unrealistic expectations, so now I'm wondering--if you have been part of a dating service (especially online), do you tend to attract the same kind of people in both everyday life and cyberspace?
I grew up in the same general area for most of my life, but a while back, I lived in a very different area across the country. I remember thinking, "Will people perceive me any differently than the people I've grown up with all my life? Will I be part of a different 'crowd'"?
Here's what I've found--socially, I'm as consistent as a flat line, no matter where I go or who I run into. I'm always seen as "the church girl", "the one who thinks too much and asks too many questions," and, to the party people, "B.O.R.I.N.G." Now granted, I'm not complaining. There are much worse reputations to be had.
But I've also found that even since I was a teenager, I always attract the same kind of men: 1. those who are many decades older, 2. those who are going through a crisis, and 3. the sweet, wonderful, guy-next-door types whom I adore, but we always wind up being just friends (and the guys involved often get married in the meantime.)
One of the fascinations with online dating seems to be the question as to whether or not someone can "move up in the ranks" and be able to date someone "in a higher league"--which in some cases, leads to the fake profiles and catfishing. I've also known some married people who are secretly on dating sites because they want to "see what's out there" and "see what I can attract", because they are hoping to find an "upgrade" from their spouse. Whether people are honest about who they are or not, online dating seems to be seen as a way to "move up" the romantic and social ladder.
I believe that one of the things that's saved me from falling into the clutches of a total catfish is knowing whom I attract. In all the years I've been on dating sites, I've had 3 men contact me who made themselves out to be CEO-types and had ridiculously handsome profile photos (personally, I never trust model-quality photos--I've heard too many bad stories and have never known of anyone who turned out to be real.) Two turned out to be catfish (one was courting several other girls, which is how I found out), another was married, and the third was honestly way beyond my league (if he was who he said he was) and wasn't afraid to let me know it.
I know who I am. And I know that whether in real life or online, I don't attract models or moguls (that's not a put-down in either direction, it's just a fact and part of knowing who you are), so if someone who puts up a front appears to be any of these things, I will take him at his word, but I will also be... extremely cautious.
I'm getting to a point where I won't let my heart budge much until I met the person in real life--and it would have to long enough to be sure they are who they say they are.
And so, dear readers, I'm curious: do you attract the same kinds of people online as you do in real life?
It doesn't have to be just potential dates--what about friends, mentors, or people you relate to? If you seem to attract different groups of people through different social medias, why do you think that is?
I was hoping to stagger these threads over a week or so, but due to time constraints I'm just going to go ahead and post this now.
We've already talked about "dating within our league" and unrealistic expectations, so now I'm wondering--if you have been part of a dating service (especially online), do you tend to attract the same kind of people in both everyday life and cyberspace?
I grew up in the same general area for most of my life, but a while back, I lived in a very different area across the country. I remember thinking, "Will people perceive me any differently than the people I've grown up with all my life? Will I be part of a different 'crowd'"?
Here's what I've found--socially, I'm as consistent as a flat line, no matter where I go or who I run into. I'm always seen as "the church girl", "the one who thinks too much and asks too many questions," and, to the party people, "B.O.R.I.N.G." Now granted, I'm not complaining. There are much worse reputations to be had.
But I've also found that even since I was a teenager, I always attract the same kind of men: 1. those who are many decades older, 2. those who are going through a crisis, and 3. the sweet, wonderful, guy-next-door types whom I adore, but we always wind up being just friends (and the guys involved often get married in the meantime.)
One of the fascinations with online dating seems to be the question as to whether or not someone can "move up in the ranks" and be able to date someone "in a higher league"--which in some cases, leads to the fake profiles and catfishing. I've also known some married people who are secretly on dating sites because they want to "see what's out there" and "see what I can attract", because they are hoping to find an "upgrade" from their spouse. Whether people are honest about who they are or not, online dating seems to be seen as a way to "move up" the romantic and social ladder.
I believe that one of the things that's saved me from falling into the clutches of a total catfish is knowing whom I attract. In all the years I've been on dating sites, I've had 3 men contact me who made themselves out to be CEO-types and had ridiculously handsome profile photos (personally, I never trust model-quality photos--I've heard too many bad stories and have never known of anyone who turned out to be real.) Two turned out to be catfish (one was courting several other girls, which is how I found out), another was married, and the third was honestly way beyond my league (if he was who he said he was) and wasn't afraid to let me know it.
I know who I am. And I know that whether in real life or online, I don't attract models or moguls (that's not a put-down in either direction, it's just a fact and part of knowing who you are), so if someone who puts up a front appears to be any of these things, I will take him at his word, but I will also be... extremely cautious.
I'm getting to a point where I won't let my heart budge much until I met the person in real life--and it would have to long enough to be sure they are who they say they are.
And so, dear readers, I'm curious: do you attract the same kinds of people online as you do in real life?
It doesn't have to be just potential dates--what about friends, mentors, or people you relate to? If you seem to attract different groups of people through different social medias, why do you think that is?
-
1
- Show all
If I'm attractive (in cyberspace) at all, it's a mystery to me.
