Asian Women

[QuestionTime]

Greetings,

I hope I can word this with sufficient eloquence so as not to offend...

In my work life I have had the pleasure of being co-employed with several Asian women. I have found them to be so wonderfully kind, non-judgmental, always friendly and very hard working. Most noticeable to me is that these women - specifically new immigrants - have grown up in a culture where men are highly respected.

I have found that North American women - in general - do not have the same respect for men that these Asian women have. North American women - in general - often do not have the same desire for quality work, and are often highly judgmental. If they sniff out a man and find that his position in life or confidence level is not equal to hers, they will often treat that man as an inferior.

To conclude, I present a question to the male readers of this thread specifically. Am I unique in this, or have any of you other men noticed these qualities in Asian women?

Quest (I'm Caucasian)

 

[Vidy]

It's not just Asian women, it's just non-American women. American women have grown up on "independence" and refuse to be told what to do by ANYONE under ANY circumstance. Just today in class, my sub was talking about how she sometimes goes out in public in a miniskirt, and someone said "Does he say anything to you about that?"

She responded- "Heck no, he KNOWS better than to tell ME what >I< should and shouldn't wear!" Shortly afterwards, all the girls in the class echoed back, "You got that right, girl!" and "You're right, I wouldn't take that from MY man!"

I was like "0_o" at this. Are women really so independent that they refuse to even listen to their husband's opinions? And if they do listen, do they not even care how he feels about the decisions they make? Sure, it's happened the other way around before with abusive husbands, but this new attitude in girls is becoming an acceptable standard.

Heck, my girlfriend is even under the new standard a little bit... I can't tell if she's naturally not, but being pulled into it, or if she naturally is and trying to remain relatively submissive, but either way, it's not good =S lol

 

[Meiberry]

i u EVER get with a woman....with the objective of being "respected" at all times...the only fool in to relationship will be u

 

[QuestionTime]

i u EVER get with a woman....with the objective of being "respected" at all times...the only fool in to relationship will be u

Whoa!

Actually Meiberry, I already know some very wonderful Christian couples who do somehow manage to respect each other - at all times.

Take care.

Quest

 

[QuestionTime]

It's not just Asian women, it's just non-American women. American women have grown up on "independence" and refuse to be told what to do by ANYONE under ANY circumstance. Just today in class, my sub was talking about how she sometimes goes out in public in a miniskirt, and someone said "Does he say anything to you about that?"

She responded- "Heck no, he KNOWS better than to tell ME what >I< should and shouldn't wear!" Shortly afterwards, all the girls in the class echoed back, "You got that right, girl!" and "You're right, I wouldn't take that from MY man!"

I was like "0_o" at this. Are women really so independent that they refuse to even listen to their husband's opinions? And if they do listen, do they not even care how he feels about the decisions they make? Sure, it's happened the other way around before with abusive husbands, but this new attitude in girls is becoming an acceptable standard.

Heck, my girlfriend is even under the new standard a little bit... I can't tell if she's naturally not, but being pulled into it, or if she naturally is and trying to remain relatively submissive, but either way, it's not good =S lol

Oh no she didn't!

lol, I can see I hit a nerve with this thread!

Any other guys out there with anything to add?

Quest

 

[Vidy]

You didn't really hit a nerve =P But I think it's interesting that just today I had an experience involving this subject lol. But yeah, it's not just Asians. If you go to any country where women aren't "free," then you'll get a respectful woman. This doesn't necessarily mean they have to be enslaved and abused either, just not "free independent don't need anyone else" free =p

 

[QuestionTime]

This doesn't necessarily mean they have to be enslaved and abused either

We most certainly aren't promoting enslavement and abuse.

Quest

 

[Vidy]

Most definitely not. I don't want women to be oppressed in any way. But as a man (well, if you count 17 as a man), even though my personality is generally timid and submissive, I WANT to be the leader. I will not force, I especially will not promote evil, but I will lead and direct and use good judgment, and as long as I'm using good judgment I expect to be followed. Of course, I want the woman to be able to have a say in things, and I will consider her opinions and give her room to prove me wrong too ~_o

 

[Matthew]

I haven't worked with any Asian women but your observations of North American women, are, I think in line with the negative elements of the feminist movement.

In countries where it has really taken hold some women, over a long period of time have begun to go from one extreme to another, having struggled for equality there is now a desire for the kind of supremacy that men had, which is the kind that neither gender should have.

In some respects the feminist movement has been really good in getting women better support and the chance for succesful careers and to be leaders in industry etc....but in some cases the idea of 'girl power' has gone too far and some women behave as badly as many men sadly still do.

I guess in some countries the madness hasn't set in and there is a more even situation where not everyone sees a discussion on how you're dressing to be an attempt to suppress freedom of choice.

Too many members of both genders simply wish to have power over the other for the sake of their own ego or to rebel against being opressed in some way in the past, it's sad but common.

 

[Pheonix]

The common mistake that people, especially women these days, make is that when the bible talks about the man being the head of the house, its not about power. Its about responsibility. If a woman can't respect the man in her life then what is the point in being married. Just live your life as a single person. Live in a degenerate fashion. If on the other hand if you care about the other person respect them, the same goes for men as well.

Love and respect your spouse/significant other. Value their opinion, and sometimes you may have to defer to their mind. That goes for both genders.

 

[seoulsearch]

Very interesting thread.

Being an Asian woman raised by Caucasian parents... with brothers who married Asian women from traditional Asian households... I have to add a few observations. (My ex-husband was Caucasian/Filipino. I love to tell people that my family is half-Asian... and the Asians are taking over... and I joke with my parents that I will someday have to marry a white guy to restore the racial balance to the family.)

Asian women in traditional backgrounds are generally taught to be more submissive and, in some ways, subservient, than many traditional American women. One of my sisters-in-law fights that notion tooth and nail, as it was an excuse to overlook abuse in her household. She respects my brother very much, and they love to joke about the issue. (I was with them for dinner once and she had on a pirate-like, "peasant" blouse, to which my brother told her, "Bring me my dinner, woman!" She playfully slugged him. ) He also affectionately calls her, "The Anti-Asian."

My other sister-in-law is much more "traditional" and submissive. I was once with them in a situation in which my brother pretty much insulted her and instead of telling him that he'd hurt my feelings, she went to the restroom and cried. I promptly told her, "Don't you let him act like that, you stand up for yourself and tell him why he upset you!!"

If I had to rate myself, I would say I am middle-of-the road, as I know my place as a Christian woman is to serve my future husband as a helpmate, in the hopes that he will love, respect, and want to help me as well. But, I have no problems standing up for myself and stating how I feel about any given issue.

The other thing I really hate is stereotypes about Asian women--I am often misread as my father's much-younger mistress... or as my grandfather's mail-order bride (no joke about this--people have even had the nerve to ask.)

It is also very sad to me that many places in Asia are also the most popular for things such as child and human trafficking, as the submissive aspects of the culture are toted as a very high "sellling point."

 

[JoyBelle]

This stereotype is so painful to me. I have been overlooked and misjudged as a Caucasian woman by Caucasian men because of the prevailing thought that we are all ungodly, unfeminine, and unsubmissive. Please brothers don't base your interest on the outward things, but on an individual woman's character.

 

[seoulsearch]

I must also add that one of my personal amusements has been, throughout the years, the guys who will tell me, "Oh, I just love Asian girls."

To me, it's very much akin to proclaiming one's love for, say, a certain breed of dogs: "Oh, I just LOVE schnauzers!"

But, maybe that's just me. I know they mean well, but when you hear it so many times...

I also work with a young, white guy who once told me, "Hey Kim, do you know what a H-Asian is?" I thought he said, "Haitian," so I replied, "It is someone from Haiti?"

And he said, "No... duh... a H-Asian is a 'hot Asian', and that's what I'm going to call you from now on."

Um... I suppose it's better than being called an U-G-Asian? (Ugly Asian?)

Hmm. I'll have to think about that one.

 

[iliveforHim]

In my family it's common knowledge that the men hit their wives. It's disgusting. My mother was a brave woman to have left my father when she was pregnant with me. I shudder to think what would've happened if she had conformed to the norm 38 years ago, and stayed in the marriage. She was stronger than many women of her time, because in our country, divorce was just NOT DONE. I grew up with a step-dad who NEVER laid a finger on my mother, therefore, the mind set that I would be submissive or allow any one to hit me, was just never in my radar.

We're not Aisan, we're from Latin America, and it just boils my bubbles and chaps my hyde to see any woman being subservient to any man. There is also the culture where women are expected to walk (I think) 10 steps behind the man...goodness...no disrespect meant, but, I have never understood why women are inferior and expected to stay behind...

So, QuestionTIme, I know you wanted input from guys, but I wanted to give my two cents... After all, I am woman in Christian Chat, hear me give my two cents...

 

[greatkraw]

a lot of aussie guys end up with Philipino brides
also korean , chinese etc

these girls are happy to settle for ordinary aussie guys

while the aussie girls want good income + good personality + good looks + excitement

I have rarely known a woman to get into a management position who did not then exclusively hire women rather than the best qualified

 

[Ashton]

Asian women have that stereotype assigned them probably because there is some truth behind it. On the other hand Chinese women can be very strong because they have to be. They are treated like men. No one will hold the door open for them. No man will go out of his way to show a Chinese lady courtesy. But if you ask us men what we want in our women I will tell you this: 1. an understanding heart, 2. beauty, 3. humility, 4. inner strength without authoritarianism and 5. godliness. In my experience American women have fit #2 only on a patchy basis. Everything else they miss the mark on. If you ask me if I wanted a beautiful, humble, Christian asian bride or an authoritarian, defensive, vain American feminist, what do you think my response would be?

To be honest, a great deal of women in my life have subjugated men, played with them, treated their honest advances as disgusting (showing a total lack of understanding in their hearts), been impatient, been fearful and weak on the inside while being offensive and authoritarian on the outside, ripped on men, disrespected them, treated them like objects, acted arrogantly, acted openly flirtatious and seductive in order to feel good about themselves while lowering men to their feet... I live in America. So you can tell my perspective of most American women from this post. I believe - as another poster stated on these forums - that every person should have the chance to start with a clean slate. And I say this in spite of my perspective of American women.

Here's a bit of wisdom I have to offer anyone willing to listen. I once was attracted to broken and defeated women because I was willing to offer my love to help them up and I believed they would not attack me in return. But what I failed to see is that's a result of being broken. If they've been deeply wronged by men who professed to love them then how do you think they'll react to me when I profess to love them? They'll treat me like dirt, and that's exactly what they do. So now I stear clear of broken women. Other women I've felt for have been obese women. I've even thought before that obese women must be better people because they cannot rely upon their looks. Therefore I should consider them as possible mates. However, I've found that obese women have nothing more to offer than the average woman. There is no law in the world that dictates because one person lacks one thing they make up for it in other ways. Consequently I've found that many obese women, likewise broken, have nothing to offer me in spite of my optimistic (and naive) approach. They are human beings. Because they are horribly obese only shows that they have a vice - not a virtue.

I would like to conclude in saying that everyone is different. However, my experience with women has taught me that they are the ones who subjugate and disrespect men and not men who subjugate women. You see, I would have no problem with a woman being subservient to me because I know I would treat her with respect and value her input. But many women would turn right around and call me a monster for even mentioning subservience with regard to women. That is called prejudice. And it's one that's slowly creeping up on my own heart. But I pray that when I meet the love of my life I would be able to treat her with as much respect and kindness as I originally did my ex. Women who serve me make me want to serve and respect them. Women who try to make me serve them make me want to wring their necks. Love conquers. Arrogance divides. It's about time feminists learned this. End of story.

 

[QuestionTime]

"Oh, I just love Asian girls." I know they mean well, but when you hear it so many times...

I guess I'm not alone.

Quest

 

[seoulsearch]

I guess I'm not alone.

Quest

I do think God drops certain preferences in our hearts for a reason.

My youngest brother is Caucasian (my parents' biological child... "the white boy", as I affectionately call him) and, in the few years before he met his wife (who is, ironically, native South Korean, seeing as I'm adopted from South Korea and so is our other brother, but we are not biologically related) said it was in his heart to "marry a beautiful Asian girl", and that's exactly what he found.

My adopted Korean brother married a girl who is Chinese/Vietnamese and from a traditional Asian family as well.

Both of my brothers' future in-laws told my future sisters-in-law to break up with them immediately when they began dating (racial and prejudice issues.) My Korean brother's wife disowned her. My Caucasian brother's in-laws came to accept him as a son, despite language and culture differences. It's been an interesting journey.

As I wrote, my ex-husband was Filipino/Caucasian... and his mother (Filipino) told his sister to stop our wedding (again, race, cultural, and religious issues.) Ironically, he eventually left me for a redhead, and then later married a Japanese girl.

I have a good friend who is white and has always had it in her heart to marry someone black (she is engaged to a great guy from Jamaica.)

And for whatever reason, I've always had it in my heart to marry someone of a different race as well, though I would be open to whatever God had for me (I might need a good shoving though, as I can be a bit stubborn. )

Which is also a hallmark of Asian women, so I'm told.

 

[Sharp]

asian women ring me at work and insist on harassing me using broken english - they're persistent and they don't go away.

whenever i'm on a plane, i ALWAYS somehow sit next to an asian woman, who falls asleep in 2 seconds and i'm constantly jumping over her to get out of my seat.

yes this contribution was not insightful.

 

[seoulsearch]

asian women ring me at work and insist on harassing me using broken english - they're persistent and they don't go away.

whenever i'm on a plane, i ALWAYS somehow sit next to an asian woman, who falls asleep in 2 seconds and i'm constantly jumping over her to get out of my seat.

yes this contribution was not insightful.

*ring, ring*

Sharp!! You go way!! Stop posting in forum, now!! You no help at all!!! *zonks out, falls asleep*

*probably from laughing so hard*