Opinion on praying for that someone special

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Txroads

Guest
#21
#21
PoetMary said:

It's not animosity. It's pragmatism. Most people define themselves to be "nice." This can be problematic when it comes to looking at uncomfortable, messy, or ugly sins in our lives. "But I'm a NICE person!" we say. So we advertise as "nice" all the while being unethical. Then other people end up saying things like, "Yeah, the NICE GIRLS all have unrealistic expectations," never bothering to evaluate that just because someone claims nicety doesn't make them good or ethical.

The same is true for all these self-reporting "nice" guys that get left behind. Lots of them aren't particularly nice or ethical. When relationships fall apart because of their lack of ethics or their underlying disdain for women, they don't self-examine and realize, "Wow! I'm really not all that nice." They just keep on telling the same story about how the problem is all these women who chase after bad boys

Here's the reality. If I must choose between a man who proclaims nicety, but who harbors hidden bitterness and meanness and a man who is an "out and proud" chaos guy, I'm going for the chaos guy. You know what you're getting up front, and they're probably a bit more exciting than the "nice" guy who'll spend months criticizing and chipping away at you so you fit some ideal in his head.
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Maybe "nice" was the wrong word to use.. I've had the most amazing examples of relationships growing up and the advice behind them....15 year marriages, 20 and 30 year marriages... It's something to see a 70 year old couple still walking around holding hands.. It's a fight to keep relationships going in today's time and its a fight just to start one.. But this is what I learned; always put God in the middle.. Never be afraid to say your wrong... You can be right or you can be happy (be happy)...never go to bed angry... Love is the strongest thing there is.... If your not trying to put your significant other first you better check yourself.....
 
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coby

Guest
#22
#22
PoetMary said:

It's not animosity. It's pragmatism. Most people define themselves to be "nice." This can be problematic when it comes to looking at uncomfortable, messy, or ugly sins in our lives. "But I'm a NICE person!" we say. So we advertise as "nice" all the while being unethical. Then other people end up saying things like, "Yeah, the NICE GIRLS all have unrealistic expectations," never bothering to evaluate that just because someone claims nicety doesn't make them good or ethical.

The same is true for all these self-reporting "nice" guys that get left behind. Lots of them aren't particularly nice or ethical. When relationships fall apart because of their lack of ethics or their underlying disdain for women, they don't self-examine and realize, "Wow! I'm really not all that nice." They just keep on telling the same story about how the problem is all these women who chase after bad boys

Here's the reality. If I must choose between a man who proclaims nicety, but who harbors hidden bitterness and meanness and a man who is an "out and proud" chaos guy, I'm going for the chaos guy. You know what you're getting up front, and they're probably a bit more exciting than the "nice" guy who'll spend months criticizing and chipping away at you so you fit some ideal in his head.
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True, a lot of times I don't trust it if someone calls him or herself nice, but I think if someone is really nice he or she can also finish last or get into a bad relationship because they're so nice and the bad ones are simply more attractive or bold. Just recently I saw this lovely sweet girl, young, really good looking and a dog rescued her from her abusive relationship, so that's her friend now. I can't help but think the nice guys thought she was too good looking and they had no chance so they didn't approach her and the abusive jerk took advantage of her. Well at least she found a nice dog now.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#23
Mar 13, 2014
42,574
17,040
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#23
I strongly believe in praying for someone special and then one day God introduced me to my future wife. Happily married now.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#24
Mar 13, 2014
42,574
17,040
113
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Tennessee
#24
Txroads said:
Maybe "nice" was the wrong word to use.. I've had the most amazing examples of relationships growing up and the advice behind them....15 year marriages, 20 and 30 year marriages... It's something to see a 70 year old couple still walking around holding hands.. It's a fight to keep relationships going in today's time and its a fight just to start one.. But this is what I learned; always put God in the middle.. Never be afraid to say your wrong... You can be right or you can be happy (be happy)...never go to bed angry... Love is the strongest thing there is.... If your not trying to put your significant other first you better check yourself.....
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I agree totally with what you have written. Yes, the most important thing is to place God in the middle.
 
PoetMary

PoetMary

Banned
#25
Nov 25, 2014
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#25
Txroads said:
Maybe "nice" was the wrong word to use.. I've had the most amazing examples of relationships growing up and the advice behind them....15 year marriages, 20 and 30 year marriages... It's something to see a 70 year old couple still walking around holding hands.. It's a fight to keep relationships going in today's time and its a fight just to start one.. But this is what I learned; always put God in the middle.. Never be afraid to say your wrong... You can be right or you can be happy (be happy)...never go to bed angry... Love is the strongest thing there is.... If your not trying to put your significant other first you better check yourself.....
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I get exactly what you mean. My grandparents were married for 51 years, my parents have been married for 50 years. I've known lots of couples who've had long-lasting and loving relationships.

One of the frustrating things about being single (in my view of it) is that there is a segment of the single population that is either not relationship-minded or they're just too screwy. Unfortunately, these people don't wear warning signs. So, it's easy to end up involved with someone who seems okay on the surface only to discover that s/he has some major issues.

This is why I made my comment about not taking it personally. It *is* a disappointment to discover someone was a fraud when they seemed to really know and understand you, and it's hard not to take it to heart. However, if someone is behaving in a way that doesn't seek after God's will (like leaving a believer for a non-believer), then clearly THEY are the problem, not the believer.

I wish I knew why so many really decent people struggle to find a spouse while some real horrors manage to marry (and marry again, and again).
 
Born_Again

Born_Again

Senior Member
#26
Nov 15, 2014
1,585
129
63
#26
PoetMary said:

It's not animosity. It's pragmatism. Most people define themselves to be "nice." This can be problematic when it comes to looking at uncomfortable, messy, or ugly sins in our lives. "But I'm a NICE person!" we say. So we advertise as "nice" all the while being unethical. Then other people end up saying things like, "Yeah, the NICE GIRLS all have unrealistic expectations," never bothering to evaluate that just because someone claims nicety doesn't make them good or ethical.

The same is true for all these self-reporting "nice" guys that get left behind. Lots of them aren't particularly nice or ethical. When relationships fall apart because of their lack of ethics or their underlying disdain for women, they don't self-examine and realize, "Wow! I'm really not all that nice." They just keep on telling the same story about how the problem is all these women who chase after bad boys

Here's the reality. If I must choose between a man who proclaims nicety, but who harbors hidden bitterness and meanness and a man who is an "out and proud" chaos guy, I'm going for the chaos guy. You know what you're getting up front, and they're probably a bit more exciting than the "nice" guy who'll spend months criticizing and chipping away at you so you fit some ideal in his head.
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You seriously don't see underlying animosity in that? Okay. :D
 
PoetMary

PoetMary

Banned
#27
Nov 25, 2014
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#27
Born_Again said:
You seriously don't see underlying animosity in that? Okay. :D
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Probably the same way you don't see the animosity behind your original comment regarding nice girls in pews and double standards. :D
 
Born_Again

Born_Again

Senior Member
#28
Nov 15, 2014
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#28
PoetMary said:

Probably the same way you don't see the animosity behind your original comment regarding nice girls in pews and double standards. :D
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HAHAHAHA Oh no no no no no. LOL Oh my goodness. :D There wasn't animosity in that. How could there be? It was an observation of a factual situation. It was your animosity and distain that caused you to post your opinion on it in the first place. I simply corrected it. You're welcome. :)
 
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coby

Guest
#29
#29
I learned a new word today.
 
PoetMary

PoetMary

Banned
#30
Nov 25, 2014
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#30
Born_Again said:
HAHAHAHA Oh no no no no no. LOL Oh my goodness. :D There wasn't animosity in that. How could there be? It was an observation of a factual situation. It was your animosity and distain that caused you to post your opinion on it in the first place. I simply corrected it. You're welcome. :)
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I'm really not trying to be hateful, but you didn't post any kind of "factual" observations. Facts are provable. You offered no evidence that there's a double standard. Instead, you offered YOUR opinion based on your understanding of the terms and your observations that are purely anecdotal.

However, if you're prepared to offer up evidence of the study conducted that indicated that "nice girls" in pews are given latitude that men in pews are not given, I'll gladly read these sources.
 
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Txroads

Guest
#31
#31
I did not mean to cause all this fuss..... Holy cow....
 
PoetMary

PoetMary

Banned
#32
Nov 25, 2014
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#32
Txroads said:
I did not mean to cause all this fuss..... Holy cow....
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You didn't cause any fuss. It's pretty common for people to call their opinions "facts" and the opinions of others are "just opinions." A lot of people don't really distinguish between their own thinking and facts.

I don't know about Born Again, but I'm not upset. I'm actually amused.
 
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Txroads

Guest
#33
#33
Oh it's interesting.... To say the least.... It is something to see how comments on this site really take off.... Lol.. Lol
 
Born_Again

Born_Again

Senior Member
#34
Nov 15, 2014
1,585
129
63
#34
PoetMary said:
You didn't cause any fuss. It's pretty common for people to call their opinions "facts" and the opinions of others are "just opinions." A lot of people don't really distinguish between their own thinking and facts.

I don't know about Born Again, but I'm not upset. I'm actually amused.
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At least we are equally entertained. Why are you so hung up on that one comment about pew dwelling double standards? What happened to you?
 
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coby

Guest
#35
#35
Never sit in a pew. Always dance in the front with big huge banners and flags so noone can see the text of the songs.
 
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jeremyPJ

Guest
#36
#36
I've read all this kind of stuff and avoided the obvious, but I can't do it anymore.

Let's face it, nice girls tend to just sit there and feel uncomfortable while the shady bad girl gets up and about and takes your attention away. all we ever hear is how nice guys only pay attention to the bad ones...it's because they want attention.

And after they've got their taste of it, they move on to something different. They've probably done this all of their lives, and it's worked brilliantly. Nice gals should hold themselves just as responsible as nice guys or bad girls...if you want something you have to put yourself in position to be noticed. Go say hi to that guy you really like, ask him if he'd like to go to that meeting you're going to tonight, it sounds like fun! Or that group of folks at church that go out to eat afterwards, ask him along, or ask him what he's doing later, you might be surprised! You have to take some chances too! In this day and age we are all equals per feminism, so go take your share!
 
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PoetMary

PoetMary

Banned
#37
Nov 25, 2014
942
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#37
Born_Again said:
At least we are equally entertained. Why are you so hung up on that one comment about pew dwelling double standards? What happened to you?
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I'm not hung up on it. I originally pointed out that it was based on an understanding of the terms that was different from my own. As the conversation went on, you began to take personal pot shots and engage in illogical statements (ad hominems). I'm was trying to discuss a topic. You seem rather determined to make me the topic. And while that's flattering, it lends no actual credence to your original statements...which, btw, are still not factual.
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#38
Dec 7, 2013
403
2
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#38
I liked the idea of this thread as well as the replies.

What I do not like are the personal pot shots as well as the drama.
 
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coby

Guest
#39
#39
tourist said:
I strongly believe in praying for someone special and then one day God introduced me to my future wife. Happily married now.
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I did that for my nephew, he met her within a month and is 20+ years happily married. I prayed: but it must be a nice one or otherwise just let it lol. Prayed for my ex who was chatting with a woman that was no good for him. Lord please send the right one. Two weeks bingo.
I always have more faith for others lol.
 
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Txroads

Guest
#40
#40
coby said:
I did that for my nephew, he met her within a month and is 20+ years happily married. I prayed: but it must be a nice one or otherwise just let it lol. Prayed for my ex who was chatting with a woman that was no good for him. Lord please send the right one. Two weeks bingo.
I always have more faith for others lol.
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I'll take some of that faith from you.. In everything not just relationships... Lol
 
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