For the most part, the reason I'm not doing so well is my job. My coworkers are nice and the job itself isn't terrible. But... I'm constantly feeling like I'm wasting my life. I'm not doing anything different than before I got a job. Except now, I'm making money while wasting my life. In a lot of ways I'm more depressed now than I was before I got my job, though you couldn't tell my parents that. They wouldn't believe me, or they would try and say some cliche Christian thing about enduring things for a season, or this is just the process of becoming an adult... sorry, but NONE of that helps.
And with the current emotional state I'm in, that just makes me feel WORSE. Because if this is how the rest of my life is going to be, some miserable purgatory-like state, why would ANYONE want to live?
TO make matters worse, I have not found a home church. Two months later, I've still not found a church to get involved and connected with. But I got scheduled to work today. I managed to get to an early morning service, but here's the thing - I barely kept awake enough to go to church and proceed to go to work. And today...I had a 5-hour shift. and it was basically a 5-hour long rush hour. I honestly cannot do this again. Even if that means quitting and not giving them their 2 week notice.
I've gotten the feeling I need to move on from this job already, even though I've only been there since February...but already I know I need to move on from this. With every passing day I just feel worse. I know I could do better and be better. But right now, punching in and scanning groceries and smiling as some people act like you're lesser because you work at a grocery store is my new normal.