Bad Housekeeper,Grounds for Divorce?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#1
#1
So I read this article the other day. I can't find it now to like to but it was one of these bloggers who share about their home,kids and crafts. The do it all mom and wife. I like to get recipes from blogs sometimes. But her article annoyed me quite a bit and so I was wondering what y'all thought.

I don't have children so I don't have the issue of trying to clean up after kids. I do know that trying to stay ahead of kids making messes is pretty impossible. Its just my husband and I and I am a stay at home wife so keeping a house clean is work but nothing I can't handle. So back to the article. This blogger was a Christian and was talking about a husband she had talked to whose wife was a "bad housekeeper" and he was wondering if that was grounds for divorce. He went on to say that when company came she was able to have the house clean but not when he came home from work. He felt like she wasn't making an effort. And so was that grounds for divorce.

This blogger went on to talk to women about keeping their houses clean. She mentioned that she had some sort of chronic illness but that that was no excuse not to keep your kids and house clean. She said it was laziness. I myself have a chronic illness and have good and bad days so that rather annoyed me when she referred to laziness. Then she said her husband told her that if she was having a bad day to please let him know so he could mentally prepare himself when he came home to a not so clean house and having to help with the kids. I'm thinkin what kind of little hothouse flower is this?! It really annoyed me. Like it was such a big deal that the house was messy because his wife was having a bad day health wise. So what say you? Is bad housekeeping grounds for divorce? Just wondering what peoples opinions are.
 
C

coby2

Guest
#2
#2
A lazy demanding guy like that is ground for divorce lol.
 
N

NewWine

Guest
#3
#3
I can only say what was right for my husband and I, and I can't speak for every couple out there. A family is a team. What's that old saying, "there's no I in team"? I was mainly responsible for caring for the kids; I did most of the educating, school events, carpools and driving them to and from events, I did take most of the household chores as well, simply because I was the one who was there the most to handle them.....however.....when we decided TOGETHER that I would stay home to take care of the kids, we never said, it became my job alone to take care of the house. There were days when I would be busy at the school all day, or had a cranky baby, or even had a bad illness day of my own, when the house was the LEAST of my concerns. It was never "filthy" because my husband and I were a team, and if he came home at 8pm and saw me still cleaning, getting things ready for the next day, or whatever, he pitched in and helped. If he didn't like that I had been busy and hadn't been able to get the laundry done, he did it.
He is an adult and knows that he needs clean clothes or that he enjoys eating off clean dishes, so he's willing to take on his own self responsibility and do it. Just like if I see that he is over working outside the house, I will find a way to make enough income to "carry the slack" or find another way to relieve some of his burden. That is just how being one with another works....... in my opinion. It's worked for 25 years for us anyways?
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#4
#4
NewWine said:
I can only say what was right for my husband and I, and I can't speak for every couple out there. A family is a team. What's that old saying, "there's no I in team"? I was mainly responsible for caring for the kids; I did most of the educating, school events, carpools and driving them to and from events, I did take most of the household chores as well, simply because I was the one who was there the most to handle them.....however.....when we decided TOGETHER that I would stay home to take care of the kids, we never said, it became my job alone to take care of the house. There were days when I would be busy at the school all day, or had a cranky baby, or even had a bad illness day of my own, when the house was the LEAST of my concerns. It was never "filthy" because my husband and I were a team, and if he came home at 8pm and saw me still cleaning, getting things ready for the next day, or whatever, he pitched in and helped. If he didn't like that I had been busy and hadn't been able to get the laundry done, he did it.
He is an adult and knows that he needs clean clothes or that he enjoys eating off clean dishes, so he's willing to take on his own self responsibility and do it. Just like if I see that he is over working outside the house, I will find a way to make enough income to "carry the slack" or find another way to relieve some of his burden. That is just how being one with another works....... in my opinion. It's worked for 25 years for us anyways?
Click to expand...

That really sounds like a great family unit you have! That old song "when we all pull together" really is true. Of course Im not talking of a "horders" type home. Just a home that isn't sparkling clean because of children and every day issues. I think you have very much struck the right chord in your home. I really believe that type of attitude is the glue that keeps a family and marriage together.
 
M

Miri

Guest
#5
#5
The problem is some men expect to have a nice neat 9-5 job with annual leave
and an annual bonus, paid sick leave and to be able to stop working and put their
feet up when they get home. After all house work is the little woman's job isn't it.


But they expect their wives to work 24/7 taking care of the house, children, doing the
school runs, taking the children to medical appointments, cooking, cleaning, walking
the dog, taking the kids to football practice, getting up in the middle of the night to
check on a young child and never have a break, never have sick leave, and they think
the occasional bunch of flowers will do.
 
N

NewWine

Guest
#6
#6
kaylagrl said:
That really sounds like a great family unit you have! That old song "when we all pull together" really is true. Of course Im not talking of a "horders" type home. Just a home that isn't sparkling clean because of children and every day issues. I think you have very much struck the right chord in your home. I really believe that type of attitude is the glue that keeps a family and marriage together.
Click to expand...
My mom used to tell me, when I would complain about the house NEVER being as clean as hers, that one day the kids would be grown and the house would get clean and stay clean....then what would I have to complain about....it still makes me chuckle how blunt she was, but she's right.....the kids are grown (not quite fully out but I NEVER see them anymore), my house stays pretty clean, the budget is easier to balance and well I get a bit bored some days. I had to learn new ways to fill my slow times. It's been a great experience.
 
P

psychomom

Guest
#7
#7
goodness, our children used to fill the whole living room with Playmobile and Lego villages and beg us not to take them down at night.

so after they went to bed Mark would make some comment about Toys-R-Us having exploded in there (;)) as we carefully stepped through the kids' creations. and they would play with them for days...

now, our youngest is 21, the house is always tidy, and we find we miss the mess more than we could have imagined.
 
C

coby2

Guest
#8
#8
Miri said:
The problem is some men expect to have a nice neat 9-5 job with annual leave
and an annual bonus, paid sick leave and to be able to stop working and put their
feet up when they get home. After all house work is the little woman's job isn't it.


But they expect their wives to work 24/7 taking care of the house, children, doing the
school runs, taking the children to medical appointments, cooking, cleaning, walking
the dog, taking the kids to football practice, getting up in the middle of the night to
check on a young child and never have a break, never have sick leave, and they think
the occasional bunch of flowers will do.
Click to expand...
Yes veeeeeery annoying.
And a guy who knows his wife is mentally ill and expects her to do all that, while even normal ones don't have to do it alone, lol let him go to counselling so the counsellors can beat him up.
 
E

ember

Guest
#9
#9
funny how some folks can justify their fear of reprisal from a controlling person by telling them self their behavior is normal

 
C

coby2

Guest
#10
#10
ember said:
funny how some folks can justify their fear of reprisal from a controlling person by telling them self their behavior is normal
Click to expand...
You have to be a bit nuts for that. Normal women just feministically tell him to clean up his stuff and suck the dust. Hey it's weekend. Take care of your own kids.
 
E

ember

Guest
#11
#11
coby2 said:
You have to be a bit nuts for that. Normal women just feministically tell him to clean up his stuff and suck the dust. Hey it's weekend. Take care of your own kids.
Click to expand...

well a grown man should clean up his 'stuff'...I ain't your mama

but I think it's about partnership...my husband will vacuum if I have other things going on...lol with our pack of dogs, we clean on an ongoing basis anyway....I cut the grass sometimes...sometimes he does it...

he's not too good at dishes though...haha...but great around the house...can fix about anything and has patience

look, the way I see it, you have to want to make things work in order to make them work

if someone thinks a messy house is reason for a divorce? I think that's an excuse and they just want out
 
C

coby2

Guest
#12
#12
ember said:
well a grown man should clean up his 'stuff'...I ain't your mama

but I think it's about partnership...my husband will vacuum if I have other things going on...lol with our pack of dogs, we clean on an ongoing basis anyway....I cut the grass sometimes...sometimes he does it...

he's not too good at dishes though...haha...but great around the house...can fix about anything and has patience

look, the way I see it, you have to want to make things work in order to make them work

if someone thinks a messy house is reason for a divorce? I think that's an excuse and they just want out
Click to expand...
Yes or he's a controlling neatfreak who really thinks that's the most important thing in life. I read the op wrong btw. I thought she had a mental illness, but she had a chronic illness. That's just..
Some women love to clean up. Know one, he works and she cleans up the whole day through. She loves it and he doesn't mind working so much. He likes that. But this guy, I'd just teach my kid this if I were her:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xI189E_xA3s
 
E

ember

Guest
#13
#13
hey you know? if everybody's happy in their assigned roles, let er rip

I can always find an excuse not to dust...even weeding LOL!

oh what a world!
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#14
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#14
Let the lazy dog work a little harder, or get a better job so he can hire a maid.
 
Sirk

Sirk

Banned
#15
Mar 2, 2016
8,896
113
0
#15
Being bad at something and not even trying are two different things. In the case of my ex it was a continual quest to obtain more things not to take care of. All there was was aquisition. If you're buried under stuff you probably have more than you need or more than you are able to maintain.
 
C

coby2

Guest
#16
#16
Sirk said:
Being bad at something and not even trying are two different things. In the case of my ex it was a continual quest to obtain more things not to take care of. All there was was aquisition. If you're buried under stuff you probably have more than you need or more than you are able to maintain.
Click to expand...
I was buried under kid's toys recently. My brother came over when I was at the office and I came home: 4 bags full of filth and toys from under the couch and everywhere and everything was sparkly clean. He once left a letter saying: you have won the pig of the year cup!
I'm so happy that I'm single. I was exhausted then literally from cleaning up every crumb. Freedom to make one big mess! Yes!!! Kids love it too.
 
C

coby2

Guest
#18
#18
I visited someone I knew from school. It was so neat and tidy, so someone said: Wow it's so clean! Who cleans up here, you or your husband?
We hire a maid, she said.
My sister is lucky. She's messy and married a messy guy she met in a messy students' home. Most happy couple I've ever seen. Never fights over if it's clean or not. They both couldn't care less.
 
Sirk

Sirk

Banned
#19
Mar 2, 2016
8,896
113
0
#19
The way to conquer your stuff is to have a routine. The rewarding things you like to do come after you finish your routine. If the things you have bury you it's because you are living in fear/escape mode.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.