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I'm developing a theory on this (mostly based on my perceptions vs. reality) and it goes something like those areas that come easy to us, where we are naturally above average, we have a harder time of conceiving of what average really is because it's hard to imagine not being able to do something that comes so naturally to us.
End result is that we don't know where we are truly above average and so rate ourselves with a lot of averages and below averages, while other people we look at and see their strengths in our weak areas but can't quite imagine that they could be weak on the easy things (the areas we're strong in) so we rate them as average to above average in most things.
So we overestimate others, underestimate ourselves, and feel inferior as a result.
At least that's my theory and I'm sticking to it (at least until someone provides a compelling argument for an alternative view).
End result is that we don't know where we are truly above average and so rate ourselves with a lot of averages and below averages, while other people we look at and see their strengths in our weak areas but can't quite imagine that they could be weak on the easy things (the areas we're strong in) so we rate them as average to above average in most things.
So we overestimate others, underestimate ourselves, and feel inferior as a result.
At least that's my theory and I'm sticking to it (at least until someone provides a compelling argument for an alternative view).
All I know is that for me, I try to excel at things that I love because it makes me feel better about myself. When I proved to myself that I could reach a certain level of skill in photography, drumming, drawing, make the dean's list, achieving a 3.9 GPA in college, etc... it really helps me offset the fact that in other people's eyes I will almost always be seen as slow and weak, unattractive and a failure..
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I recently talked about it with my brother how we always think we can't do anything. I draw maps. He translates. He's really good in it, but others just think they're everything for in fact doing the same. We're like: yeah well it's simple work. I just draw maps. I just translate. But a collegue who did exactly the same work as me blablablablabla it was such responsible work, he needed a raise, he did this, had that quality. They talk so much that you think: wow man I can never do that until they let you, they first won't, only the ones with the big mouth get the jobs and you're like: ehmm okay is this it? This is just simple stupid work. I thought you were so smart the way you talked. You're just as stupid as me lol.
At some point you'll have to decide other people just don't matter. Someone will always have a problem with you, and their opinion can't mean anything to you. Yes, I know it's easier said than done, but if you don't get off this slope, you may never be able to get yourself out of the depression you're in.
Other people's acceptance and approval isn't love.
Maybe I'm normal then. Or at least more normal than I thought, because I don't seem to have very low self esteem. Mind you I don't believe I'm all that and a snocone either, but I also don't think I suck.
Lots of people have expressed how intelligent they think I am though. But if I don't have an inferiority complex, maybe they were wrong.
Actually I'm pretty sure they were wrong. Because most of the people who think I'm so smart, I think they're pretty smart too. I have observed a lot - one of my hobbies is observing people, en masse and individuals - and I've noticed a lot of people are good at certain things and bad at other things. And while some things are automatically tagged by culture as "things a smart person knows how to do" I think my mechanic is smarter than I about my car. That's why I pay him instead of learning how to fix everything about my car myself. By the same token I wouldn't want him tinkering with one of my computers. But some of the things I can do well are things society has labeled "smart person territory." So people think I'm smarter than the average person. (Boy do THEY ever have a surprise coming!)
Lots of people have expressed how intelligent they think I am though. But if I don't have an inferiority complex, maybe they were wrong.
Actually I'm pretty sure they were wrong. Because most of the people who think I'm so smart, I think they're pretty smart too. I have observed a lot - one of my hobbies is observing people, en masse and individuals - and I've noticed a lot of people are good at certain things and bad at other things. And while some things are automatically tagged by culture as "things a smart person knows how to do" I think my mechanic is smarter than I about my car. That's why I pay him instead of learning how to fix everything about my car myself. By the same token I wouldn't want him tinkering with one of my computers. But some of the things I can do well are things society has labeled "smart person territory." So people think I'm smarter than the average person. (Boy do THEY ever have a surprise coming!)
