Women, when a man is truly interested in you...

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LOLOKGal

LOLOKGal

Senior Member
#1
Nov 13, 2015
774
89
28
#1
I recently read the following and wanted to get your take on it. Thank you. :)

When a man is truly interested in you, there will be no need for you to do the pursuing. Men are born to pursue women. Yes, you can pursue a man if you want to, but in most cases that's just an obvious sign that he's not into you. It's not natural for a man to sit back and let the woman do all the work. For a man who claims to like you to sit back and allow you to do all the calling, texting, dating arrangements, talks about the future etc., it's pretty obvious where you stand in that man's life. When a man really wants you, you won't have to chase after him like he's some celebrity who barely has time for a fan. You will be his priority.
 
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coby2

Guest
#2
#2
LOLOKGal said:
I recently read the following and wanted to get your take on it. Thank you. :)

When a man is truly interested in you, there will be no need for you to do the pursuing. Men are born to pursue women. Yes, you can pursue a man if you want to, but in most cases that's just an obvious sign that he's not into you. It's not natural for a man to sit back and let the woman do all the work. For a man who claims to like you to sit back and allow you to do all the calling, texting, dating arrangements, talks about the future etc., it's pretty obvious where you stand in that man's life. When a man really wants you, you won't have to chase after him like he's some celebrity who barely has time for a fan. You will be his priority.
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Yes but who does the first step doesn't say much. I know enough great married couples where she did it.
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#3
Jun 30, 2015
25,470
13,784
113
#3
Wow. I'm tempted to get popcorn for this one, but it's early and I haven't had breakfast! Btw, my comments are directed at the quote in the OP, not at the OP herself. :)

I'll note off the top that the whole quote presents a false dichotomy: that either a man does all the pursuing, or he does none of it. This is seldom the reality, and so it gives a false picture of extremes and tends toward polarization rather than intelligent discussion.

If there were clear scriptural truth stating that men were born to pursue women, I might have a different take on this. I simply don't see that in scripture, so it looks like it is merely a cultural idea (and a bad one at that). Abigail and Ruth would certainly contrast that idea.

What I see in the culture is that women who match a certain type are pursued, and those who don't, complain that men are shallow for pursuing the women who do. This is a double standard, and I think it is ridiculous. If you aren't being pursued, don't blame the men who don't pursue you. Women might want to feel worthy of being pursued; I understand this. I suspect though that the underlying desire is to feel valued and appreciated for who they are at least as much as for how they look.

The single men I know don't care for being rejected; I certainly don't. Putting all the onus on the men to do the pursuing is like standing on a pedestal and saying, "Spend your time, energy and resources chasing me, and I will decide on a whim whether you are worthy of me." No thanks. Get off the pedestal and show some mutual interest. Don't do all the pursuing, but don't expect him to either. It can be both ways, just like most things in a healthy relationship.
 
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coby2

Guest
#4
#4
Dino246 said:
Wow. I'm tempted to get popcorn for this one, but it's early and I haven't had breakfast! Btw, my comments are directed at the quote in the OP, not at the OP herself. :)

I'll note off the top that the whole quote presents a false dichotomy: that either a man does all the pursuing, or he does none of it. This is seldom the reality, and so it gives a false picture of extremes and tends toward polarization rather than intelligent discussion.

If there were clear scriptural truth stating that men were born to pursue women, I might have a different take on this. I simply don't see that in scripture, so it looks like it is merely a cultural idea (and a bad one at that). Abigail and Ruth would certainly contrast that idea.

What I see in the culture is that women who match a certain type are pursued, and those who don't, complain that men are shallow for pursuing the women who do. This is a double standard, and I think it is ridiculous. If you aren't being pursued, don't blame the men who don't pursue you. Women might want to feel worthy of being pursued; I understand this. I suspect though that the underlying desire is to feel valued and appreciated for who they are at least as much as for how they look.

The single men I know don't care for being rejected; I certainly don't. Putting all the onus on the men to do the pursuing is like standing on a pedestal and saying, "Spend your time, energy and resources chasing me, and I will decide on a whim whether you are worthy of me." No thanks. Get off the pedestal and show some mutual interest. Don't do all the pursuing, but don't expect him to either. It can be both ways, just like most things in a healthy relationship.
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It counts for both I think. If it only comes from one Side the other one isn't interested. It can work for a while If the other one hadn't even thought About it, but love is only an easy game If 2 of the people are playing.
 
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Called4Christ

Guest
#5
#5
I'm just sitting here pondering the book of Ruth.
 
azlightsout

azlightsout

Senior Member
#6
Apr 20, 2016
2,151
58
48
#6
LOLOKGal said:
I recently read the following and wanted to get your take on it. Thank you. :)

When a man is truly interested in you, there will be no need for you to do the pursuing. Men are born to pursue women. Yes, you can pursue a man if you want to, but in most cases that's just an obvious sign that he's not into you. It's not natural for a man to sit back and let the woman do all the work. For a man who claims to like you to sit back and allow you to do all the calling, texting, dating arrangements, talks about the future etc., it's pretty obvious where you stand in that man's life. When a man really wants you, you won't have to chase after him like he's some celebrity who barely has time for a fan. You will be his priority.
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I dont agree with this ---
 
azlightsout

azlightsout

Senior Member
#7
Apr 20, 2016
2,151
58
48
#7
Dino246 said:
"Spend your time, energy and resources chasing me, and I will decide on a whim whether you are worthy of me." No thanks.
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I'd rather be single and live for GOD than to go thru that AGAIN ---- i dont wish that life on my worst enemy
 
Sirk

Sirk

Banned
#8
Mar 2, 2016
8,896
113
0
#8
I can think of a thousand things that would make me uninterested in a woman. Where I sit right now, I can't think of a single thing that would.
 
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coby2

Guest
#9
#9
316311a642a6a94bc9c4eb97280a1fee.jpg
.........
 
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biblerahel

Guest
#11
#11
That is the biblical way. Amen sister. I would love to be pursued.
 
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coby2

Guest
#12
#12
biblerahel said:
That is the biblical way. Amen sister. I would love to be pursued.
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The Biblical way is getting some guy who asks you if you can give him a drink and when you also give his camels a drink you may say yes or no to marry a stranger in another country.
 
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DzzRae

Guest
#13
#13
LOLOKGal:

While I can understand the expression behind, 'if the man does nothing; it tells you where you stand with him'. However, I don't fully agree that the man should do all the pursing.

Yet, the prior also could hold some false accusations. Some people {women and men alike} are not comfortable with, good at or have no idea the best way to show 'emotional affection'. It takes learning about each other to know what says 'love' best to each other. I believe one could truly care for and love another, yet it never really come across that way; because they don't understand or know how to express it.

I believe when it comes to relationships of any type; it needs to be give and take. As with all things it is a 'balance act'. After all; if things happen the way it is explained in the post; wouldn't the man in turn feel neglected, unappreciated and possibly not loved by his prospective partner, and then interpret negatively where he stand with her?

Couldn't it just as easily be said that if a woman truly wants to be with a man; she would make him a priority. I would say the clue should come from the evidence of if either is willing to learn the ways of expressing love for the other, and then implement them.
 
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coby2

Guest
#14
#14
DzzRae said:
LOLOKGal:

While I can understand the expression behind, 'if the man does nothing; it tells you where you stand with him'. However, I don't fully agree that the man should do all the pursing.

Yet, the prior also could hold some false accusations. Some people {women and men alike} are not comfortable with, good at or have no idea the best way to show 'emotional affection'. It takes learning about each other to know what says 'love' best to each other. I believe one could truly care for and love another, yet it never really come across that way; because they don't understand or know how to express it.

I believe when it comes to relationships of any type; it needs to be give and take. As with all things it is a 'balance act'. After all; if things happen the way it is explained in the post; wouldn't the man in turn feel neglected, unappreciated and possibly not loved by his prospective partner, and then interpret negatively where he stand with her?

Couldn't it just as easily be said that if a woman truly wants to be with a man; she would make him a priority. I would say the clue should come from the evidence of if either is willing to learn the ways of expressing love for the other, and then implement them.
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You can be shy or not know how to express your feelings, but it still will be obvious. I was first not interested in my ex and very shy. He did all the work, but later it came from 2 sides.
I dated one guy, I initiated contact, then after a while it was okay and then I could always take the train to go to his place, he didn't like traveling by train and if we would marry I couldn't expect him to work. He had a trauma from his last job from 20 years back he laughingly said.
That was quite obvious for everyone, except for me. I thought God had given me a dream and I had pink glasses on.
 
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biblerahel

Guest
#15
#15
So what is the modern way to get a drink to the camels and the stranger?
 
MsSuzanna

MsSuzanna

Banned
#17
Apr 22, 2016
1,218
12
0
#17
Sirk said:
I can think of a thousand things that would make me uninterested in a woman. Where I sit right now, I can't think of a single thing that would.
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pessimistic ever?:eek:
Your heart is not ready. Dont force it. God has alot of work to do:)
 
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DzzRae

Guest
#18
#18
coby2:

Agreed being emotionally closed off does not prevent one from showing their affection, or makes their affection unknown.

However they may not realize (in the beginning) that the initiation of communication, time set aside, and the like are important to the one they are pursuing. As you state it took time for you to feel comfortable to begin being the initiator of the affection.

That is the idea I was trying to get across. ;)
 
JosephsDreams

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
#20
Dec 31, 2015
4,313
468
83
#20
Some of it is cultural. But our humaness eventually and usually supersedes that
 
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