Do Our Insecurities Keep Us Humble? Or Should We Let Them All Go?

[seoulsearch]

Hey Everyone ,

Lately I've been thinking. Is there ever any reason to hang on to our insecurities? And is it even Godly to do so?

When I read stories in the Bible, I'm always fascinated by the psychology behind the characters--after all, they were real people with real personalities.

David (who eventually became king) was used to women falling for him. Some people don't realize that he had at least three wives, several concubines he abandoned (but had to provide for their entire lives), and one of his wives, Michal, even lied to her father (King Saul) in order to save David's life. And she didn't just lie, she actually made a dummy head, put it in a bed, and convinced her father that David was sleeping (just like the infamous escape from Alcatraz!!!) This woman literally risked her own life for him.

If David ever had insecurities about his swag with women, I wonder if it had all completely disappeared by the time he was gawking at Bathsheba from the rooftop. Sure, she was someone ELSE'S wife. But I have to wonder, in David's mind, was he thinking, "I Can Have Any. Woman. I. Want."? Whatever he thought at the time, it was deeply rooted enough that he went so far as to murder her husband in order to have her for himself.

In my own single life, I have a good friend who's like the big sister that thinks you can do anything. She tells me I can achieve anything in life I go after, and when it comes to dating, she's often told me, "You could have any guy you want."

And every time, I shake my head (with more than a twinge of sadness over the past) and say, "No, I can't. Because I couldn't even have the only one I wanted at the time (my ex-husband)."

This one little insecurity, in my own mind, has somehow morphed into a feeling of, "Why even try? I won't be able to keep him anyway," which I admit is probably a good reason as to why I'm still single. Yes, I realize all guys are not the same. But in my mind, I won't have enough or be enough to keep d him anyway, and so I usually wind up pushing the good guys I meet towards meeting another girl. (A good number of the great guys I met DID find girlfriends and wives, but to tell you the truth, they were all much better matches than I would have been for them, so I really have no regrets.)

I don't want to become overconfident like David.

But yet, I realize my current frame of mind isn't the healthiest either. And sometimes I hold on to those thoughts instead of giving them to God, believing that they will keep me grounded and humble.

* What insecurities do you struggle with?

* Do you ever feel like you're holding on to them, and unwilling to let them go? Why or why not?

* What is the Godly way to deal with such insecurities?

Everyone is welcome to share their thoughts.

I'm looking forward to hearing your answers.

 

[mystdancer50]

David is a complex example of just about everything. Ironically, when it comes to insecurities, I would look at Moses. God used him despite this...yet, at one point, God was going to kill Moses due to his constant harping on his insecurities. So, should we hold onto our insecurities? I'd say no.

There is a difference between confidence and pride. David watching another man's wife, sleeping with her, and then having her husband killed was due to pride, sure, and being where he shouldn't have been (his kingdom was at war, and so should he have been, as he'd been so often before). Consider also the loss of Jonathan, which would have been a loyal friend and wise counselor at his side and may have been able to get through to David where others could not. But, that's all speculation.

The reason I don't think God wants us to hold onto our insecurities is because we are called to do great things in Christ and we are bought with a price. We are not to be prideful, by any means, but we're not to be beaten down and ashamed, either. There is a danger in insecurities, too. The devil seeks weakness and when he finds it, he exploits it. God showed me that when it comes to sexual sin, there are two main tactics: availability and rejection. Through availability, constantly having people interested in you, one finds themselves having multiple partners whereas with rejection, one feels that they will never find love and that no one will ever want them and then, when the devil can see the insecurity is at its peak, Mr/s Right Now will show up and all is lost.

One is accessed through pride, the other through insecurity. The lesson, I believe, is that we need to stop seeing ourselves and start seeing Christ. Yes, I am a flawed and fallen human being, yet I have been bought with a price, can do all things through Christ who gives me strength, and the race is in process, I will run it the best I can.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

I'm of the mind that insecurity is very unhealthy if not dealt with no matter what the specific issue is. We all deal with those in our life but the sooner you work through them and get over them the better off you will be emotionally. The most extreme cases of insecurity can get outrageously out of control. I have seen anorexic young women starve themselves to near skeletons and eat paper instead of food.....people that are nervous around other people in a really anti social way develop that syndrome where they are scared to leave their house or go to the grocery store.

Those are the extremes of course but smaller ones can damage you in their own ways. You just have to accept yourself. The biggest insecurity I ever got over happened to be extreme shyness when I was a teenager. I could still function and all of that and it wasn't so severe I wouldn't leave the house or anything but it caused me a lot of extreeeme emotional turmoil. It was all in my head, was worrying about absolutely nothing for no logical reason.

You have to love your neighbor as yourself. People tend to forget that under lined part. God doesn't want us to be prideful, boastful, and completely without self reflection obviously, but he sure doesn't want us going around beating ourselves up for no good reason either.

Being confident and assertive won't turn you into David, promise. David was a King and had a looooot of power, I think anyone would have to deal with ego issues when they get that much power. I don't think that is really comparable to your personal situation honestly.

 

[Tinkerbell725]

I just started reading the book The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee. Few insights from the book are appropriate for your post. Our insecurities are rooted in fear which is clearly a deception of Satan. To feel good about ourselves we were programmed to believe that we must meet certain standards and we must be approved/accepted by certain others. And that those who fail are unworthy of love and deserve to be blamed and condemned. And that we are who we are, we cannot change and we are hopeless. All these are lies from the devil and they are dangerous beliefs because of the inescapable consequences they bring.

Our source of significance should be God's love for us. He has given us complete security and challenging purpose that are not based on our own abilities. They are based on His grace and the power of His Spirit. Yes, Christ wants us to be intense and ambitious, but not about our success or status. If we understand His forgiveness and acceptance, we will be intense about the right things:Christ and His cause, and we will be free to enjoy His love.

As to getting any man you want, yes you can but its not always about what you want because not all that we want are good for us. God knows and wants what is best for us. Sometimes we chase the wrong things because they are attractive to the eyes or the world classify them as worthy but if you look closely they lack true value or they are empty.

 

[MollyConnor]

I have many insecurities. They have been with me since birth, I believe. I mostly deal with insecurity about my looks, my academics, my social skills, my work, the way I drive, my skin color...everything! It's honestly quite ridiculous. A couple of years ago it got to the point where I didn't want to leave the house for church or school or anything! I was too anxious.

It's gotten better with time though. I just regret the years I've missed. I hate that I'm very scared socially and wish I could be friendly like some of the really sweet people I know. There's been a few people that have made me feel really good about myself and I dream of the day where I could be that way with others too. That is my goal.

I don't think it's Biblical for us to live with insecurities. God loves us and wants us to live a life where we know our worth. Kim, you should know this! Don't let the enemy make you think negatively about yourself. You're an amazing and wise woman of God! And you're cute as a button! Why wouldn't any man want you? You need to keep telling yourself that and block everything the enemy throws your way.

To everyone: As someone who has missed out on a lot, from high school prom to years of my youth, don't let insecurities get in the way of your goals. I know it's easier said than done, but you don't want to wake up one day and think "where has the time gone?"

 

[zeroturbulence]

[video=youtube;L0MK7qz13bU]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0MK7qz13bU[/video]

 

[Lynx]

Really seoulsearch? You were thinking about this at two in the morning?

Much has been said about the need to shed insecurities. I think I should add a voice of caution, in favor of caution, because it is important to know the difference between insecurities and limits. Every person has limits, and wise is he who knows his limits (as someone wiser than I once said.)

For example, I know some people who can sing well but never, ever sing on stage at church because, "I'm not really that good." That is insecurity. Then there's my pastor who is a great man, but he couldn't carry a tune with a pair of pliers, a bucket and a tarp. When he says he can't sing he is not being insecure, he is just being honest.

Speaking of my pastor: Although I personally think I'm every bit as good at preaching as he (we get that ability from the same source after all) I think he is the better choice for pastor for multiple reasons. One of the most important is, he has more patience with people. I freely admit I don't have the patience to listen to someone complain, for the 17th time, when I'm thinking "You really need to just grow up and get over it" but I know saying that would only cause more trouble - I don't have that kind of patience. I also have no experience with construction work, which you seem to need frequently when maintaining a church. And I'm single, which might be a liability as a pastor - a married man with a family is inherently less vulnerable to rumors that people might start. All around I'd say my pastor is a much better man to be pastor at my church than I. That's not insecurity, that's just fact.

Now I could ignore this fact, make waves and try to get myself elected as pastor. I don't think I would make it in because we all like the current pastor and think he is doing a good job, but if I DID make it in that would be a very bad mistake because I would not do nearly as good a job at being a pastor.

Insecurity is born from fear, but also from pride - I'm afraid people will see me mess up, which would be mortifying! And some people hide their abilities and never use them because they don't want to make a mistake in public. But sometimes you also have to be honest with yourself and understand what you can and cannot do. And sometimes that is harder - and more damaging to pride - than overcoming insecurities.

 

[JustWhoIAm]

Hey Everyone ,

Lately I've been thinking. Is there ever any reason to hang on to our insecurities? And is it even Godly to do so?

When I read stories in the Bible, I'm always fascinated by the psychology behind the characters--after all, they were real people with real personalities.

David (who eventually became king) was used to women falling for him. Some people don't realize that he had at least three wives, several concubines he abandoned (but had to provide for their entire lives), and one of his wives, Michal, even lied to her father (King Saul) in order to save David's life. And she didn't just lie, she actually made a dummy head, put it in a bed, and convinced her father that David was sleeping (just like the infamous escape from Alcatraz!!!) This woman literally risked her own life for him.

If David ever had insecurities about his swag with women, I wonder if it had all completely disappeared by the time he was gawking at Bathsheba from the rooftop. Sure, she was someone ELSE'S wife. But I have to wonder, in David's mind, was he thinking, "I Can Have Any. Woman. I. Want."? Whatever he thought at the time, it was deeply rooted enough that he went so far as to murder her husband in order to have her for himself.

In my own single life, I have a good friend who's like the big sister that thinks you can do anything. She tells me I can achieve anything in life I go after, and when it comes to dating, she's often told me, "You could have any guy you want."

And every time, I shake my head (with more than a twinge of sadness over the past) and say, "No, I can't. Because I couldn't even have the only one I wanted at the time (my ex-husband)."

This one little insecurity, in my own mind, has somehow morphed into a feeling of, "Why even try? I won't be able to keep him anyway," which I admit is probably a good reason as to why I'm still single. Yes, I realize all guys are not the same. But in my mind, I won't have enough or be enough to keep d him anyway, and so I usually wind up pushing the good guys I meet towards meeting another girl. (A good number of the great guys I met DID find girlfriends and wives, but to tell you the truth, they were all much better matches than I would have been for them, so I really have no regrets.)

I don't want to become overconfident like David.

But yet, I realize my current frame of mind isn't the healthiest either. And sometimes I hold on to those thoughts instead of giving them to God, believing that they will keep me grounded and humble.

* What insecurities do you struggle with?

* Do you ever feel like you're holding on to them, and unwilling to let them go? Why or why not?

* What is the Godly way to deal with such insecurities?

Everyone is welcome to share their thoughts.

I'm looking forward to hearing your answers.

Mostly imposed. I get tired of hearing people complain that they can't get through to me to make me serve their own selfish ends, and i get tired of being a whipping post because God (not people, though they helped) told me who i was and i refuse to let go of it (it's an obedience/persecution issue). Like whatever people perceive my flaws to be must be my flaws in a controlled situation (conspiracy).

Even the fact that i hear so much complaining about myself in the community and go to express how i feel (since it's made to be about me a lot of the time under the table) and then get called out for complaining is scapegoating. Been dealing with it all my life. Yes, i actually burn all the calories i eat (i walk a lot when not online or what have you), even though i eat like a horse LOL. But i must be a glutton according to the community because i eat til i am satisfied... =/

So they are not insecurities as much as awareness of foul play (highly tuned sense of discernment) and resulting unwillingness to play ball as per my calling and the situation itself. Imposed false 'visions' from the community, being under constant surveillance... xD

Regarding females? God will say when, i'd wager, but i need secure housing first. Not people making suggestion IRL based on what was just posted on facebook, networking via text message to try to crack me open and other such garbage, but the actual voice of the Spirit.

So my only real insecurity here is that people actually are so ignorant as to continue to treat me as if i am stupid and worthless when all the evidence denied points to the contrary, and that i will die following what i know to be true without producing offspring because i refuse to allow my children to be abused like i was, or to be at risk of being fed to a dragon (literally).

 

[JosephsDreams]

I have wondered the same thing myself, and have never really come with a answer. I was very confident in my 20's and thirties. I still have confidence, but not like before. So I have wondered why.
What happened that I have some doubts about myself in some areas? If I am identified with Christ Jesus, how can that be?
This is a very good topic. If the OP keeps coming up with topics like this at 2 in the morning, readjust your sleep schedule so your up at that time.

 

[seoulsearch]

Really seoulsearch? You were thinking about this at two in the morning?

Oh c'mon, Lynxsus... What ELSE is there to think about at 2 in the morning besides the deep philosophical things of life???

Well... that, and the fact that I'm craving a ham sandwich.

If the OP keeps coming up with topics like this at 2 in the morning, readjust your sleep schedule so your up at that time.

Thank you so much, Joseph! But if you ask some of the posters who've been around here for a while... they'll tell you that unfortunately, my mind never seems to shut off and so I'm thinking of things like this pretty much 24/7. It's both a blessing and a curse.


Just wanted to tell everyone that I'm finding all the replies to be very heartfelt and sincere--thank you for that!! I love reading your thoughts and when you share a bit of yourselves, you help me learn more about myself as well.

I hope everyone will continue to voice their thoughts!

 

[ntw1103]

[video=youtube;L0MK7qz13bU]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0MK7qz13bU[/video]

 

[ntw1103]

Is there ever any reason to hang on to our insecurities? And is it even Godly to do so?

I do believe it is possible to be humble without being insecure about something. I imagine it can sometimes be the case to be overconfident, and prideful about something, if you've conquered your insecurity about that item.

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7
I think it is important to address insecurities, and figure out the cause of them. There are cases, where the insecurity, is a result of our lack of Trust.
If we are trusting God, we shouldn't be experiencing any insecurities on those topics, or related, and in fact, not many at all. If the Insecurity IS from a lack of trusting God, I think it is very important to work past that.

* What insecurities do you struggle with?

Hmm, good question. This is definitely one in the work place that I deal with: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome
More recently, I've become increasingly aware that I'm extremely insecure when giving people compliments. I'm not sure what the cause of this is, but it is something I've been trying to address.

* Do you ever feel like you're holding on to them, and unwilling to let them go? Why or why not?

No. -- Based on what I said above, I feel that most insecurities are a lack of trust on my part, and that is something I don't want to have.

* What is the Godly way to deal with such insecurities?

Stop worrying, and trust God.
Where is your focus. When you find yourself feeling insecure, What are you focusing on? Maybe, at that point, when you are feeling the insecurity, you need your focus readjusted.

"You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you: because he trusts in you. "Isaiah 26:3

 

[zeroturbulence]

Hey Everyone ,

Lately I've been thinking. Is there ever any reason to hang on to our insecurities? And is it even Godly to do so?

When I read stories in the Bible, I'm always fascinated by the psychology behind the characters--after all, they were real people with real personalities.

David (who eventually became king) was used to women falling for him. Some people don't realize that he had at least three wives, several concubines he abandoned (but had to provide for their entire lives), and one of his wives, Michal, even lied to her father (King Saul) in order to save David's life. And she didn't just lie, she actually made a dummy head, put it in a bed, and convinced her father that David was sleeping (just like the infamous escape from Alcatraz!!!) This woman literally risked her own life for him.

If David ever had insecurities about his swag with women, I wonder if it had all completely disappeared by the time he was gawking at Bathsheba from the rooftop. Sure, she was someone ELSE'S wife. But I have to wonder, in David's mind, was he thinking, "I Can Have Any. Woman. I. Want."? Whatever he thought at the time, it was deeply rooted enough that he went so far as to murder her husband in order to have her for himself.

In my own single life, I have a good friend who's like the big sister that thinks you can do anything. She tells me I can achieve anything in life I go after, and when it comes to dating, she's often told me, "You could have any guy you want."

And every time, I shake my head (with more than a twinge of sadness over the past) and say, "No, I can't. Because I couldn't even have the only one I wanted at the time (my ex-husband)."

This one little insecurity, in my own mind, has somehow morphed into a feeling of, "Why even try? I won't be able to keep him anyway," which I admit is probably a good reason as to why I'm still single. Yes, I realize all guys are not the same. But in my mind, I won't have enough or be enough to keep d him anyway, and so I usually wind up pushing the good guys I meet towards meeting another girl. (A good number of the great guys I met DID find girlfriends and wives, but to tell you the truth, they were all much better matches than I would have been for them, so I really have no regrets.)

I don't want to become overconfident like David.

But yet, I realize my current frame of mind isn't the healthiest either. And sometimes I hold on to those thoughts instead of giving them to God, believing that they will keep me grounded and humble.

* What insecurities do you struggle with?

* Do you ever feel like you're holding on to them, and unwilling to let them go? Why or why not?

* What is the Godly way to deal with such insecurities?

Everyone is welcome to share their thoughts.

I'm looking forward to hearing your answers.

I feel the same way about women. If a woman I'm attracted to seems to give me extra attention I quickly defuse the situation in my mind and tell myself that if she knew all my shortcomings she would run the other way. Then I make sure I play-down all her advances and act like I don't get the message.

One time I really liked this young lady who I met at a club (this was before I knew Jesus) and we hit it off great and she was so pretty and I let myself believe that we could become more than friends and I ended up with her phone number, but I never called her and I ran into her a few weeks later and told her that I'm a lot older than I look and she laughed and said I was funny. I don't know if that meant she didn't care about my age or if she thought I was joking but I never saw her again..

 

[BruceWayne]

If my insecurities didn't keep me humble, nothing would.

But, it's good to work toward moving on from insecurities(not that it's an easy thing to do). Maybe they can keep you humble, but that's not the kind of thing I want to be humbled by. I don't think it's good to let them drag you down or prevent you from doing what you want to do. It's better to be free from things like that.

 

[DuchessAimee]

Insecurities are another form of pride. If you're not the best at something, you're the worst.


Basically, the enemy, your pride, your flesh, and society set us up to feel bad about yourselves or a given situation. Most of the time, it's either the enemy or our pride.

For those of us who don't really care what people think about us, our "friends" and society tend to hit us harder. They're bothered by the fact that we simply DON'T CARE what everyone thinks at any given time, and their pride is hurt because of it. Certainly, we should care what others think because don't we realize how important they are?! How their opinion matters? Nonsense! All my life people have been upset with me because I don't care about their opinions. Their feelings, their pride was hurt and insulted because I didn't seek their counsel or I said what I wanted when I wanted. Personally, I can't be bothered by EVERYONE'S opinion. How could I? There are too many thoughts, and too many people are wrong. I can't and won't listen to everybody. I have a gift of discernment and I use it.

Now, don't get me wrong, I have insecurities. It's mostly with my looks. I don't think I'm all that good looking, but what's a girl to do?

 

[cinder]

Well I definitely agree with the thoughts about negative pride ( believing you're terrible at everything or always putting yourself down isn't humility) and knowing your limits. But a third aspect of the conversation I would want to bring up is having an accurate perception of normal or average. I often don't and that usually leads me to underestimate my abilities and overestimate everyone else's. Good example was this past week I got together with a few of my former "bosses" from the time when I was overseas. And I sit there with the "what's on paper" in my head so if you ask me if my project was successful I'd say moderately, we didn't complete what was on paper as the model for a proper project, but we did complete enough for it to be useful as a training tool and it's being used. My boss tells me that my project is an unqualified success because we actually produced something useful. And I struggle a lot with the ideal versus reality.

I'm usually unwilling to lower high standards, but I am learning the value of grace and that I need to become more accepting of the fact that I'm a mere mortal and not superwoman. And I'm also learning to start believing public consensus on some things so that if everyone else say I did great, maybe I should just accept it and admit I did great. (And if everyone else says I'm wrong maybe I should find out the reasons they're saying that).

As for those who say you can have any guy you want.... ummm shouldn't the guys get some say so about it? And unfortunately there are plenty of guys who don't want a truly good woman (as in so good she's not going to sit there silently while he does stupid stuff). But if all else fails, I think we'd be great little old lady housemates when we get to that point (many many years from now of course).

 

[JustWhoIAm]

I tend to overcompensate sometimes because there are issues that I'm quite passionate about and i see people planting weeds actively in the garden (That's how people get hurt. I'm overprotective sometimes of... the innocent, I just see a lot of bad things going on in society, been a victim to a lot of it and have seen others falling prey). So, off I go on a debate tangent and next thing you know, someone or a few someones get offended because we have a disagreement.

That's an insecurity I have, personally. That I have to do better, be stronger, go faster, work harder because the enemy is alive and well even in our churches and I feel like if i can push a little harder I can win a little more even though it can be offensive to people... Because I see where society has been headed and where it's heading now...

There are a lot of hurting people out there and if i can just use my passion for the good to help turn things around...

Ugh. My intent is not to be malicious but there's a lot of evil hidden in this world of ours.

 

[seoulsearch]

As for those who say you can have any guy you want.... ummm shouldn't the guys get some say so about it? And unfortunately there are plenty of guys who don't want a truly good woman (as in so good she's not going to sit there silently while he does stupid stuff). But if all else fails, I think we'd be great little old lady housemates when we get to that point (many many years from now of course).

I should clarify that I personally never adopt the attitude of "being able to get anyone" I might be interested. It was just an example that I used in this thread. The friend I mentioned in the original post has a lot more faith in me than what's actually realistic .

Someone also just pointed out to me that people probably don't want to list their insecurities in public, which is a great point. I didn't intend for anyone to feel they had to spill anything too personal about themselves, but you are certainly free to share.

And Cinder, as far as being roommies... Let's just make sure we get TWO rocking chairs so we don't have to fight over just one.

 

[JustWhoIAm]

BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

"I can't even buy a pack of smokes..."

 

[Addison]

I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one.