RELAX!
- Thread starter Grace-Like-Rain
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Getting back on topic, it might have something to do with the fact that you are a mom and have children you are always looking out for. That probably does something to play into any default tendencies you have to look after other people. That's what you are used to doing. My mother tells me that moms never stop acting like moms.
I apologize if I'm repeating any of the answers already given, but I must say that since I've had the great honor of meeting Grace in person, I'd like to give a little first-hand experience as to why I think you (Grace) feel this way.
Grace, you are ALWAYS looking out for other people. You're always trying to make sure everyone ELSE in the room is comfortable, and I think that might be why you don't feel relaxed yourself. You purposely go out of your way to check up on and start a conversation with anyone you think might not feel included or left out, and you're constantly roving the scene looking for anyone you can chat up to make more comfortable.
However, when an extrovert (or several) is present, this can totally change the game. Extroverts draw people in with their stories, and you don't have to worry as much about making sure they feel included because extroverts tend to make a place for themselves.
I think you may feel more relaxed around extroverts because you don't have to worry about them as much!!
What does this MEAN? (What does is show about Grace-Like-Rain?)
Just that she is an amazingly caring person who works hard to include EVERYONE, and someone whose mind never strays from taking care of the person next to her.
I am truly honored to have her as a friend.
Grace, you are ALWAYS looking out for other people. You're always trying to make sure everyone ELSE in the room is comfortable, and I think that might be why you don't feel relaxed yourself. You purposely go out of your way to check up on and start a conversation with anyone you think might not feel included or left out, and you're constantly roving the scene looking for anyone you can chat up to make more comfortable.
However, when an extrovert (or several) is present, this can totally change the game. Extroverts draw people in with their stories, and you don't have to worry as much about making sure they feel included because extroverts tend to make a place for themselves.
I think you may feel more relaxed around extroverts because you don't have to worry about them as much!!
What does this MEAN? (What does is show about Grace-Like-Rain?)
Just that she is an amazingly caring person who works hard to include EVERYONE, and someone whose mind never strays from taking care of the person next to her.
I am truly honored to have her as a friend.
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Gypsy, thank you for responding. I was hoping you'd chime in! And yeah... we are SO much alike. You "get" me with all my weird quirks and strange gifts. I'm going to take Catherder's teflon hoodie DIY kit and get started on that right now. (I'm INFJ mostly... the I/E and F/T move around, but the N and J are constant. Ha.)
Seoul, you definitely pegged it for me. (Your gift is understanding how people work, and you are so good at it!) Extroverts don't NEED me to make them feel comfortable. They make themselves comfortable. So my job is done and I can relax. Whew!
All great stuff, people! I probably should say that I'm not like a walking nerve bomb or anything with people. I just have not mastered the deep level of relaxation and comfort that I would like to in group settings or with "uncomfortable" people.
PS. I love that so many of my dear (but CC reclusive) friends popped in here. I've missed all you guys.
(I'm INFJ mostly... the I/E and F/T move around, but the N and J are constant. Ha.)Seoul, you definitely pegged it for me. (Your gift is understanding how people work, and you are so good at it!) Extroverts don't NEED me to make them feel comfortable. They make themselves comfortable. So my job is done and I can relax. Whew!
All great stuff, people! I probably should say that I'm not like a walking nerve bomb or anything with people. I just have not mastered the deep level of relaxation and comfort that I would like to in group settings or with "uncomfortable" people.
PS. I love that so many of my dear (but CC reclusive) friends popped in here. I've missed all you guys.
oh this thread is so rich. Let's see.... I'm kinda reminded of that old joke - how many GraceLikeRain's does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but three more will show up with new light bulbs because they didn't let anybody know their plans.
My vote's on the introvert darlin'.
My vote's on the introvert darlin'.
Thanks gypsy. I took the test but did not score enough to be considered highly sensitive. Very interesting studies being done though.
D
I know I am replying to gracie but riddle me this Gypsy, I totally overshot the criteria. It is supposed to be you answer 14 and you are highly sensitive, I was affirmitave on 17 and I know I am not highly sensitive. That test just has to be fatally flawed. Lol.
Or maybe it's a matter of definition. I do have a very very high level of empathy, I am attentive and aware concerning how other people feel......but just because I know someone feels a certain way does not mean I particularly feel responsible for it. Like, I may know someone is offended or feeling self concious. I tend to view that as their own personal issue though and feel no particular motivation to alleviate it. I will say words of encourgement if I really believe what I am saying & that it will help and the person can benefit from them, but beyond that I just consider it not my sphere of influence.
How is it that Gracie is having these supposedly sensitivite issues, but I scored higher than her and don't care? I am positive she is a more sensitive person than I am. I am often accused of being insensitive actually, and I think it's accurate by most people's definition
Or maybe it's a matter of definition. I do have a very very high level of empathy, I am attentive and aware concerning how other people feel......but just because I know someone feels a certain way does not mean I particularly feel responsible for it. Like, I may know someone is offended or feeling self concious. I tend to view that as their own personal issue though and feel no particular motivation to alleviate it. I will say words of encourgement if I really believe what I am saying & that it will help and the person can benefit from them, but beyond that I just consider it not my sphere of influence.
How is it that Gracie is having these supposedly sensitivite issues, but I scored higher than her and don't care? I am positive she is a more sensitive person than I am. I am often accused of being insensitive actually, and I think it's accurate by most people's definition
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I definitely wouldn't consider you to be insensitive Donkey. Though it sounds like you have a healthier grasp on your responsibility to yourself and others in those situations, which is good.
For me, the sensory things didn't trigger anything for me. Like, caffeine doesn't do a thing for me, either way. I have a higher pain tolerance. I don't consider myself "deeply moved" by art or music. (Ironic, I know.) I don't avoid violent movies. Loud noises don't rattle me really. My "sensitive" issues seem mostly to deal with other people, not environment, if that makes sense?
For me, the sensory things didn't trigger anything for me. Like, caffeine doesn't do a thing for me, either way. I have a higher pain tolerance. I don't consider myself "deeply moved" by art or music. (Ironic, I know.) I don't avoid violent movies. Loud noises don't rattle me really. My "sensitive" issues seem mostly to deal with other people, not environment, if that makes sense?
D
See your second sentence there is foreign to me. I really don't even think like that. When I am hanging out with friends, The thought of having a responsibility to myself or others does not even cross my mind remotely (unless there is a fight or something unfortunate like that going on, threats are different). Its more like I am just there and it is what it is. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable in groups of course, but its usually because the general "vibe" is bad. I hate bad vibes. I am sensitive in that regard. If the place "feels bad", I am out.
Caffeine doesn't trigger anything for me either, thats one of the questions I was a "nay" on. I do get deeply moved by art and music, extremely so if it is a good work....other than that, I pretty much answered no on environmental things too.
I get what you mean, about not being able to relax around people. I have had that problem in my life too....but if I may, it seems to me like its more that Introversive people are just not that pleasurable to be around for you? Like, you can pick up on if someone is feeling uncomfortable or awkward and that bothers you and you try to fix it......but in reality you would just rather be around people who are more extroverted and bring good emotions to the social table so to speak?
Saying you prefer to be around extroverts vs introverts isnt a bad thing if thats what the case is.
Caffeine doesn't trigger anything for me either, thats one of the questions I was a "nay" on. I do get deeply moved by art and music, extremely so if it is a good work....other than that, I pretty much answered no on environmental things too.
I get what you mean, about not being able to relax around people. I have had that problem in my life too....but if I may, it seems to me like its more that Introversive people are just not that pleasurable to be around for you? Like, you can pick up on if someone is feeling uncomfortable or awkward and that bothers you and you try to fix it......but in reality you would just rather be around people who are more extroverted and bring good emotions to the social table so to speak?
Saying you prefer to be around extroverts vs introverts isnt a bad thing if thats what the case is.
perhaps i am misunderstanding your perception of this test, but i'm afraid we're using a common term to describe different things.
this test is a measurement to assess sensitivity as a means of receiving information. let's use the imperfect analogy of antenna, as a means of receiving a signal. remember those rabbit ears that sat on top of a tv set? that's going to only receive a signal that is local. however, one of those giant antennas might pull in signals from across the country (or further). this includes your fives senses, which is part of your perception system. thus, some of us have more "sensitive" receivers that others.
this has nothing to do with showing sensitivity to others, being empathetic, or nurturing others, which is evidence of another form of sensitivity.
i shared this info because people often use empathy as a synonym for perception, and perception systems, which very much speaks to the ability to draw information with your senses and intuition. i hope that makes good sense.
also, this test is flawed too. i think part of the problem is that it provides no real basis for comparison. depending upon who you ask, 3-15% of people are tested (by professionals) as fitting this criteria (highly sensitive). i don't really know you well enough to validate your test results, but this is really a "screening" rather than a true diagnostic. it asks questions that provide the basis for this distinction.
does this make sense?
further, i think people are equating this described situation as evidence of the "other" kind of sensitivity. while i believe angie is indeed a considerate person, i believe the phenomenon she is describing has far more to do with personality, habit, preference and (perceived or otherwise) obligation.
and, as a general rule, it's been my observation that it's the manner in which she (and the rest of us) do the things we do that is more likely to be influenced by our character. of course, as any principle, this isn't without exception.
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D
Hmm, interesting. I took another one. I am sure gracie would score high on this one too.
Empathy Quiz | Greater Good
I was trying to find a test that specifically screened for sensitivity to others but couldn't find it. They seem to test only for empathy and use the terms interchangably, but empathy and actually being sensitive to others isn't exactly mutually inclusive. That particular flavor of sensitivity seems to have no tests, at least that I could find with a lazy google. Me suspects if there was one, Gracie, Kim, and yourself would be at the top of the chart. All three of you have that quality going on. Especially you boots, I don't know either of you personally but if I know anything you definitely have the Organizational, make sure everything is running smooth and everyone is comfortable mentality.
Empathy Quiz | Greater Good
I was trying to find a test that specifically screened for sensitivity to others but couldn't find it. They seem to test only for empathy and use the terms interchangably, but empathy and actually being sensitive to others isn't exactly mutually inclusive. That particular flavor of sensitivity seems to have no tests, at least that I could find with a lazy google. Me suspects if there was one, Gracie, Kim, and yourself would be at the top of the chart. All three of you have that quality going on. Especially you boots, I don't know either of you personally but if I know anything you definitely have the Organizational, make sure everything is running smooth and everyone is comfortable mentality.
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thanks. you realize your ability to observe qualities and validate me (and others) reveals evidence of your sensitivity and aptitude toward nurturing others, right? ; p
i'm not sure there will ever be a good test to measure one's concern for others. ultimately, the test would be flawed by one's own bias, i think. who knows.
by the way, i really appreciate that i'll never find you writing a nasty rant about the evils of women. ; p you're a good egg, r.
i'm not sure there will ever be a good test to measure one's concern for others. ultimately, the test would be flawed by one's own bias, i think. who knows.
by the way, i really appreciate that i'll never find you writing a nasty rant about the evils of women. ; p you're a good egg, r.
D
1. Observing facts about people, yea I can do that. I didn't say that to validate you guys though, just stating the obvious. If you feel validated thats great but it was not my intention
2. True dat, you can argue anything you want if you are hell bent on a certain point of view I suppose.
3. I do that all the time. Only feminists though. If your a regular woman you are probably still evil, but generally safe from nasty rants . A good egg eh? Thats a new one. Lol
2. True dat, you can argue anything you want if you are hell bent on a certain point of view I suppose.
3. I do that all the time. Only feminists though
. If your a regular woman you are probably still evil, but generally safe from nasty rants . A good egg eh? Thats a new one. Lol
1. Observing facts about people, yea I can do that. I didn't say that to validate you guys though, just stating the obvious. If you feel validated thats great but it was not my intention
2. True dat, you can argue anything you want if you are hell bent on a certain point of view I suppose.
3. I do that all the time. Only feminists though. If your a regular woman you are probably still evil, but generally safe from nasty rants . A good egg eh? Thats a new one. Lol
2. True dat, you can argue anything you want if you are hell bent on a certain point of view I suppose.
3. I do that all the time. Only feminists though
. If your a regular woman you are probably still evil, but generally safe from nasty rants . A good egg eh? Thats a new one. Lol
this is why you deserve to be crushed under the evil boot of my scrabble prowess. or maybe we'll just take it to the hula hoops. ; p
R
I'm a huge extrovert and have to apologize for smothering. I tend to care have compassion and want to help cause one I'm a mom two because that's my job as a professional labor assistant.
I think it's all apart of growing as a person in relation to different types of people. Boundaries and what we need to be when. Sometimes you have to just figure it out while giving those around you time and space. Sometimes Grace and understanding. Same as what I'd want.
I think it's all apart of growing as a person in relation to different types of people. Boundaries and what we need to be when. Sometimes you have to just figure it out while giving those around you time and space. Sometimes Grace and understanding. Same as what I'd want.