Should Christians Who Are Struggling With Porn Be Considered Ineligible For Marriage?

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cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
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#21
well I would have to disagree with these therapists and psychologists in saying that watching porn is just as addicting as heroin, alcohol,cocaine, a lot of people have died from these drugs they become so addicted to it that if they don't get it they can die from the withdraws. I've never heard of anybody dying from withdraws of not looking at porn, the chemicals in drugs damage the neurotransmitters in the brain thus can lead to long term dependence of them because of the body and brain being addicted to the drug. I've never heard of people who watch porn can cause damage to the neurotransmitters of the Brain. These explanations of addiction to porn from these doctors surely aren't seeing the issue in real facts about addictions to drugs. in my opinion watching porn addiction and drug addiction are two different animals but no doubt though both equally of no good at all of coarse. The chemicals the brain releases naturally for the natural high so to speak in the body, they can be released within all of us from sky diving,listening to music, surfing etc. So of the addiction to porn it is a personal choice in doing so people become addicted to lust sex etc. not by the changing of brain chemistry but of changes in thoughts and values.
So I take it you never saw or heard the TED talk about your brain on porn and how they're seeing many young men with basically Porn induced ED. I don't know if it falls under damaged neurotransmitters, but it's definitely damage to something.

Talk is called "The great porn experiment" given by Gary Wilson at TEDxGlasgow and it's quite interesting and a great argument for anyone who wants to give up porn.
 

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
Apr 27, 2011
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#22
Although I understand the whole looking at another person thing, I do actually kinda think thats making it into more than it is, or at least it could bse depending on the situation.

Like, I hate to get to adult here, but like many people I deal with the temptation of masturbation, and anytime I end up giving in, not matter how hard I try not to, Ill have perverted thoughts along with it. And of course that means there will be other human beings in my thoughts : / Id I were married would this be considered an act of cheating?

Although I would consider to be cheating, though : p Its definitely not the right thing to do. But at the same time I can kinda understand someone who deals with the issue of pornography. If they were watching it for one specific person, like looking for porn that featured that one person exclusively, I would definitely say theres more to it. But at the same time, someone who just deals with watching it in general, it may not be for a specific person, but just the act of watching it.

Its still not right or anything, but I dont think its totally right to say they are looking for another person.

No, they're not looking at it for anyone other than themselves. Just like with any other drug, porn is selfish. It's making the individual feel better in some way, shape, or form, and it's excluding all others. Much like any addiction a porn addiction starts out for one reason and continues for another. It does alter brain chemistry but it also alters emotional chemistry in many forms. It's the emotional damage that can be life long, not the physical. And perhaps the biggest problem is a porn addict being able to see how their actions are indeed damaging them and the people around them. Since porn is so mainstream in the secular world, and it's prolific in the church, neither side wants to talk or deal with their legal drug.

Is looking at porn cheating? To me, yes because my mate is seeking out another female besides me. So are emotional affairs, so is constant, repeated flirting of a sexual nature, etc. When a spouse seeks out another to fulfill and gratify a sexual and emotional need in someone else, it's cheating.


If people would admit to themselves why they're looking at porn the world would be a different place.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#23
Well, often the reasons for starting and the reasons for continuing change. And the reasons for starting can even vary depending on a persons situation.
 
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BeyondET

Guest
#25
So I take it you never saw or heard the TED talk about your brain on porn and how they're seeing many young men with basically Porn induced ED. I don't know if it falls under damaged neurotransmitters, but it's definitely damage to something.

Talk is called "The great porn experiment" given by Gary Wilson at TEDxGlasgow and it's quite interesting and a great argument for anyone who wants to give up porn.
well your assumption is wrong for you don't know me to assume that because I don't watch porn...
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,425
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#26
well your assumption is wrong for you don't know me to assume that because I don't watch porn...
My assumption was there were data and trends out there that you didn't know about. I don't even know what this post is supposed to mean other than someone is feeling like pretending to discuss or argue a position by saying "No you're wrong, you don't know me." If I wanted that I'd go to Monty Python's argument clinic.
 
B

BeyondET

Guest
#28
My assumption was there were data and trends out there that you didn't know about. I don't even know what this post is supposed to mean other than someone is feeling like pretending to discuss or argue a position by saying "No you're wrong, you don't know me." If I wanted that I'd go to Monty Python's argument clinic.
It was point blank no doubt
 

AsifinPassing

Senior Member
Jul 13, 2010
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#29
Hey Everyone,

Since my original thread has been actively resurrected (sorry, wisebeardman!), I'm going to take a post I just added to the current discussion in that thread and use it as the basis for a spin-off discussion:




What are your thoughts?

Forgive me, Kim.., I'm not sure that I'm qualified to answer (and am also piggy backing responses to other statements apart from your own), but I do appreciate your thoughtfulness and willingness to approach the various aspects of life and people. ^_^

Jeremiah 17:9 says that a person's heart is deceitful above all else, and desperately wicked. Depending on translation, it asks who can really know or understand it, and The LORD says in the next verse that He does. (He also says that in 1 Samuel 16:7.)

In Matthew 5:28, Jesus says that even looking at a woman lustfully is like committing adultery with her in your heart/mind, so that pretty much answers any argument about it being a sin. That said, I don't think most people are overly deluded. Most of us in some form of addiction know that it's wrong, but do it anyway.

It can be both hard to understand and easy to describe, so here's an anecdote in this regard. No one on earth needs a particular kind of food and drink. We only need something enough to nourish our bodies. That said, I know and have seen many men and women who will be tempted by some decadent desert; give in to that temptation; and even then overindulge in it as they revel in the perceived pleasure it brings. However, as tasty as it may be, the ingredients within and continuing indulgence can actually harm their health, grow to limit their abilities, and ultimately, in some cases, shorten their lives.

We know all that, but we eat the cake anyway. That example actually holds true most anywhere in our lives. Without God living inside and changing us, almost all our thoughts and actions are, in reality, entirely selfish, and I believe that selfishness is really the root of all sin.


The thing is....that's easy enough to talk about, but incredibly rare to see people do. I have seen it, but sparingly.

So, Christ, through His death on the cross, offers us the opportunity of grace. We can be forgiven and given a chance to change and grow, even though we don't deserve it. As Paul said, this freedom should not be an excuse to live in or indulge sin, but encouragement we need, with God's help, to resist and even overcome it.

That also said, many of us fight a times, but are not making a habit of being a spiritual soldier against evil both within and without us. We serve other gods. Our moods and mindset and misgivings change day by day, or even change within a day.
as Paul also said, the law of sin and death is surely alive and well in each of us, but thanks to be God that through Christ Jesus we have victory!

That said, it's always a choice. Do we choose Christ? Do we choose ourselves? Do we choose something or someone else? It's a constant choice in each and every place and time.

So, the same is true for marriage or relationships or addictions... What will you choose? What will I choose?

I hope one way to be free from my burden of sin by the power in The Blood, but as Mr John Wesley said, we have both Holy and Unholy affections. Like the Native American Parable of the wolves, the one we feed is the one which will win the fight. I hope to feed God's version of me more and other versions less, but that takes my choosing and God's help.

So, there are consequences to sin and our choices, just like in science there are reactions to actions. What price will we pay ultimately? I don't know. I hope to take Christ's payment in my behalf, but just like you, that depends entirely on what I choose. Everything costs something, and maybe ineligability, damage to myself, damage to my partner or others, and/or several other things could be the price I pay.

I suppose...it just depends on the people in question. I've seen those who overcome through Christ, and I've seen those who don't. I seen relationships, through the pain and struggle, come out beautifully and last, and I've seen them crash and burn. I can't say what will be, but I can say that whatever it is will be either a choice or the result of one.
 
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sassylady

Guest
#30
A well known and respected speaker on Christian tv (yes, there are respected ones) did a program on his show about addictions in America, and it is medically documented that the chemicals released in the brain are addictive as well as damaging to the front part of the brain. (Don't remember all the proper medical terms). There is a type of brain scan that can be done that shows there is actual damage, and the damage from porn is the same as somebody on drugs.
 
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BeyondET

Guest
#31
A well known and respected speaker on Christian tv (yes, there are respected ones) did a program on his show about addictions in America, and it is medically documented that the chemicals released in the brain are addictive as well as damaging to the front part of the brain. (Don't remember all the proper medical terms). There is a type of brain scan that can be done that shows there is actual damage, and the damage from porn is the same as somebody on drugs.
Well that is intersecting from what I've learned and read on is the neurotransmitters are responsible for the pleasure feelings.
which yes I do agree people can get addicted to the natural high people experience there are wordings people use to discribe this some being a thrill junky addicted to the feeling of it. but I will surely read up on how thoughts affect the brain do people thoughts (Really) damage the brain in its ability to function correctly if this turns out to be true then this world has a major issue at hand. but I do know that chemicals will do this because chemicals shut down the natural connection of these receptors. I don't know that much about brain scans the only thing I know of that is they are use them to see the active brain also and where are the location of the signaling when a person is thinking of something or in a physical activity. And brain scan are use to location tumors and damaged areas of the brain but saying that thoughts damage the brain is quite interesting.
 
B

BeyondET

Guest
#32
Huh I stand corrected indeed thank you for that info I've never really give it much thought about thoughts and yes they do effect the brain chemistry I did a real quick search and yea the data is out there. My Lord this is something to ponder on no doubt :)

[h=2]What the word "No" does to your brain[/h]The advancement in brain scanning devices has allowed us to see what happens inside the brain during the different activities humans perform.
An experiment was carried out to find out the impact of negative words on the human brain and here is what happened:
The brain scanning device, which allows researchers to know which part of the brain gets activated when the person gets exposed to a certain stimulus, was placed above the heads of the human test subjects.
Suddenly these humans were presented with the word "no" on a nearby screen and guess what happened?
The brain functions, which includes the electric signals passing through it, were disrupted for few moments.
For the first instance you might think that a temporary disruption wont cause major problems but when you get to know that depressionis usually the result of disruption in brain chemicals you will understand how severe these disruptions can be.
[h=1]How negative thinking affect your brain,mood and body[/h]The experiment was carried out using the word "no"!
Yes, those two letters caused all of the imbalance that happened in the brains of the subjects in the experiment, but what about the other negative words?

What about cursing? Swearing? or even worrying?
Those negative words and habits keep your brain's functions disrupted on the long term and can result in severe long term complications.

If you think negatively all of the time, if you read negative news all the time or if you worry often then you are at a severe risk of experiencing brain disruptions that can cause all kinds of unwanted emotions.
Negative thinking is not just a bad thing but its a destructive habit that can ruin your brain, body and overall health on the long term.
[h=2]How to think positively?[/h]Most people who try to become positive thinkers do it the wrong way and that's why they never succeed. Positive thinking is not magic and you can't just depend on positive thinking then wait for good things to happen but instead your positive thinking should stem from the actions you take.
Lets suppose that you were worried because you believed that you can't find a job, in such a case you might not be able to prevent yourself from worrying or thinking negatively.
Now what you need to do is to start immediately learning new skills that can help you become more qualified. In addition, you need to start sending your CV each day to few more companies.
After few days of doing these actions your mind will automatically be able to think positively since you now have a real plan to base your positive thinking upon.
 
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sassylady

Guest
#33
I wish I could believe that my husband looking at porn and gawking at women had nothing to do with me. I just cannot understand how a man can say he loves you and do that.
 
May 25, 2016
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#34
So I'm guessing you're a doctor specializing in neuroscience with years of study under your belt? I would have to assume so to speak to the ignorance of those who Are trained and Are studying these topics.
Im not going to speak upon the accuracy of the other person's post, but the opinion of scientist and doctors is not the gospel. We all know that science is fallible and many of these same doctors and scientist would also say the bible isn't real.
 
May 26, 2016
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#35
I used to want to marry a guy who was addicted to porn, because you don't have to be afraid they'll let you stand dry for years, since they can't control themselves. But it was disgusting. That guy had the gift to make you feel like a cheap hooker.
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
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#36
I admit I knew nothing about porn till I was taking Pastoral Ministries in Seminary in 2011. In fact, I was shocked and embarrassed to have to take a unit on it, especially because I was the only woman in the class! (It was a required course for my degree!)

But I learned so much, and it has helped me in counseling, and understanding this terrible addiction. We focused on the pastoral aspects - how to help people recover, but also how not to get addicted to porn as a pastor. Because I believe the stats are something like 51% of evangelical pastors view porn at least once a week, and mostly in their offices. More shock and disbelief on my part.

But most of the major denominations have set up counseling sites to help their pastors break free of this. There are whole websites dedicated to helping pastors stop viewing porn.

So if a wife feels bad about her husband viewing porn, imagine how sad God must be that his shepherds are viewing porn. That being said, I pray I have never had a pastor involved in porn. But if he was, I would pray he would get the help to get free. It must be soul destroying to be serving God and have a secret sin like this!

Back when my husband and I were young, porn was not accessible. It was dirty and seamy, and hard to get. My husband has never watched porn and I am glad for that. When pop up window at a car parts site brought a door to a porn site - he came and got me, and showed it to me, and then deleted the link for that site, and never went back there.

That is how many pastors get addicted - they are sitting in their offices, doing research on-line for their next sermon, and up pops a window. And then next time, and so on. I think a pop up blocker is essential. But accountability is the biggest thing to use as a tool against porn. Get a partner to help. Find a group to talk to it about. Some men in our church started an anti-porn support group, and they are really have some good results. I praise God for their willingness to do that.

As for marrying someone addicted to porn, I would never do it. It would be like a slap in the face! I know we all have issues and we have to deal with them and in our marriages, but porn would sap the love out of me. I would always wonder if I was being compared........

I guess this is an important issue and topic. Interesting to read what singles think about this. And praising God again for my husband that I never have to worry about abusing porn!
 
C

Church2u2

Guest
#38
This is really my spouse 's testimony..but when we were dating he watched a lot of porn ..and about 3yrs into our marriage he was still watching it. Well it didn't bother me so much because I knew he wasn't a Christian and so of course he didn't realize that what he was doing was something a Christian shouldn't do. I handled it on my knees (in prayer) and didn't nag him to death about it because it was too late to bring the drama..we were already married.One day he accepted Christ and stopped on his own. I feel like if I would have nagged him then he probably wouldn't have stopped just to prove a point to me.I think that if a woman loves him or if he loved her enough then they could get through anything as a team. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't necessarily think a person should be ineligible for marriage if they watched porn.But that's just my opinion.
 
May 26, 2016
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#39
If he watches porn he wants sex before marriage. Not gonna risk my salvation.
 

violakat

Senior Member
Apr 23, 2014
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#40
The answer to this is ask questions to determine if this is something they are going to fight, or as Creflo Dollar says:

[video=youtube;gLkliZYYR8Y]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLkliZYYR8Y[/video]

Ok, so this isn't about porn, but I think before determine if someone is eligible for marriage, is more then just asking about someone's addiction to porn, drugs, money, TV, Computers, etc., etc., etc ....