Should Christians Who Are Struggling With Porn Be Considered Ineligible For Marriage?
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S
If a woman can handle having a husband who does that good for her. I would never choose to marry somebody with that problem, been there and done that one. If he can't be happy with who he's married to I don't need it. It's a slap in the face. But that's how I feel because I know what it is like being in a marriage like that.
A poll conducted by "one of the world's most visited Christian websites" indicates a surprising number of Christians are getting addicted to pornography.
"The poll results indicate that 50% of all Christian men and 20% of all Christian women are addicted to pornography.
The group defines "addicted" as applied to pornography as use on an ongoing basis.
"We are seeing an escalation to the problem in both men and women who regularly attend church," said Bill Cooper, President of ChristiaNet.com.
"No one is immunized against the vice-grip clutches of sexual addictive behaviors," reads a release issued by the site. "The people who struggle with the repeated pursuit of sexual gratification include church members, deacons, staff, and yes, even clergy."
How many Christians (especially) men can honestly say, "whenever I am tempted to lust, I NEVER give in." I have 100% conquered that sin. No problem?
If David, who was “a man after God’s own heart,” and many other strong men and women of faith yielded to sexual temptation, it could happen to any of us. Pornography may be the new addiction of this new century. Researchers are finding that when people indulge in porn, they release powerful chemicals in their brain and body. Mark Kastleman, author of The Drug of the New Millennium, said, "There are a growing number of therapists and psychologists who are saying that this is as addictive as cocaine," or alcohol, or even heroin. He explained that, when people view porn, "It causes the brain to release what we call endogenous drugs or endogenous chemicals. 'Endogenous' meaning 'produced from within.' So where cocaine or alcohol seek to mimic the brain's natural chemicals, pornography releases the real deal. And so we have things like adrenaline, epinephrine, ACTH."
Due to our fallen nature, we will have to deal with the temptation to lust until we die. The temptation to lust will come in many forms including ungodly sexual appetites; and there are lusts, such as the lust of power, fame or position. We must rely on the power of the Holy Spirit inside us to overcome lust every day. No matter the form of lust we face, we can be assured that we have a High Priest and Advocate with the Father who "understands every weakness of ours" and "was tempted in every way that we are. But He did not sin" (Hebrews 4:15; 1 John 2:1). 1 Corinthians 6:18 says to flee sexual immorality! I can tell you that the first step in giving up porn addiction is that you have to REALLY WANT TO GIVE IT UP! Those addicted to porn need to pour out their heart to Jesus and ask Him for the power to give it up. We can't simply suppress this sin in our own strength and give it up solely in our own power.
"The poll results indicate that 50% of all Christian men and 20% of all Christian women are addicted to pornography.
The group defines "addicted" as applied to pornography as use on an ongoing basis.
"We are seeing an escalation to the problem in both men and women who regularly attend church," said Bill Cooper, President of ChristiaNet.com.
"No one is immunized against the vice-grip clutches of sexual addictive behaviors," reads a release issued by the site. "The people who struggle with the repeated pursuit of sexual gratification include church members, deacons, staff, and yes, even clergy."
How many Christians (especially) men can honestly say, "whenever I am tempted to lust, I NEVER give in." I have 100% conquered that sin. No problem?
If David, who was “a man after God’s own heart,” and many other strong men and women of faith yielded to sexual temptation, it could happen to any of us. Pornography may be the new addiction of this new century. Researchers are finding that when people indulge in porn, they release powerful chemicals in their brain and body. Mark Kastleman, author of The Drug of the New Millennium, said, "There are a growing number of therapists and psychologists who are saying that this is as addictive as cocaine," or alcohol, or even heroin. He explained that, when people view porn, "It causes the brain to release what we call endogenous drugs or endogenous chemicals. 'Endogenous' meaning 'produced from within.' So where cocaine or alcohol seek to mimic the brain's natural chemicals, pornography releases the real deal. And so we have things like adrenaline, epinephrine, ACTH."
Due to our fallen nature, we will have to deal with the temptation to lust until we die. The temptation to lust will come in many forms including ungodly sexual appetites; and there are lusts, such as the lust of power, fame or position. We must rely on the power of the Holy Spirit inside us to overcome lust every day. No matter the form of lust we face, we can be assured that we have a High Priest and Advocate with the Father who "understands every weakness of ours" and "was tempted in every way that we are. But He did not sin" (Hebrews 4:15; 1 John 2:1). 1 Corinthians 6:18 says to flee sexual immorality! I can tell you that the first step in giving up porn addiction is that you have to REALLY WANT TO GIVE IT UP! Those addicted to porn need to pour out their heart to Jesus and ask Him for the power to give it up. We can't simply suppress this sin in our own strength and give it up solely in our own power.
U
On fb I'm part of a secular anti-porn group. They often Encourage people who are married/dating someone struggling with porn to not leave their mate.
I will be quite surprised to see if there are many who say yes in here. And most do I wonder how many would actually live it out.
Among Christians it seems a bad thing to call out sin and emphasize grace... Until you pick out a spouse. Then it becomes your responsibility to hold that persons every sin to light and reject them if any one sin is too bad. Women in particular (at least from what I witness) are taught this. Women no longer are taught to stand by their men, to be supportive and encouraging.
A perfect case in point, my love for Cara. She has issues that make her more difficult that most sometimes. She has sin, as we all do. Yet no matter her sin, or how difficult she can be at times, I love her just the same. I accept her for all she is, good and bad.
Yet, on the other hand, she has not given me the same grace. Rather than stay with me and support me in the areas I'm coming up short, in an attempt to help build me up, she instead takes a step back and waits for me to fix things in my own.
I don't say that to bash her or make her look bad. I think that attitude is pretty common anymore.
So I would say if they are struggling, actively wanting to quit and showing it, then they are still eligible.
Of course each person has their own personal standards of what they consider something they can handle. Personally I would have a very hard time moving forward with a struggling drunk than a struggling porn addict.
I will be quite surprised to see if there are many who say yes in here. And most do I wonder how many would actually live it out.
Among Christians it seems a bad thing to call out sin and emphasize grace... Until you pick out a spouse. Then it becomes your responsibility to hold that persons every sin to light and reject them if any one sin is too bad. Women in particular (at least from what I witness) are taught this. Women no longer are taught to stand by their men, to be supportive and encouraging.
A perfect case in point, my love for Cara. She has issues that make her more difficult that most sometimes. She has sin, as we all do. Yet no matter her sin, or how difficult she can be at times, I love her just the same. I accept her for all she is, good and bad.
Yet, on the other hand, she has not given me the same grace. Rather than stay with me and support me in the areas I'm coming up short, in an attempt to help build me up, she instead takes a step back and waits for me to fix things in my own.
I don't say that to bash her or make her look bad. I think that attitude is pretty common anymore.
So I would say if they are struggling, actively wanting to quit and showing it, then they are still eligible.
Of course each person has their own personal standards of what they consider something they can handle. Personally I would have a very hard time moving forward with a struggling drunk than a struggling porn addict.
B
Researchers are finding that when people indulge in porn, they release powerful chemicals in their brain and body. Mark Kastleman, author of The Drug of the New Millennium, said, "There are a growing number of therapists and psychologists who are saying that this is as addictive as cocaine," or alcohol, or even heroin. He explained that, when people view porn, "It causes the brain to release what we call endogenous drugs or endogenous chemicals. 'Endogenous' meaning 'produced from within.' So where cocaine or alcohol seek to mimic the brain's natural chemicals, pornography releases the real deal. And so we have things like adrenaline, epinephrine, ACTH."
I don't think so. I know I think a little differently, but I wouldn't not marry a girl because she watched that. Are the people saying yes struggling with something themselves? If we're going to condemn from marriage those that struggle with this, should we do it for every sin/addiction? Where is the line drawn? I would find someone struggling with drinking/smoking much more unfit to marry than someone struggling with porn. I guess it comes down to what each person can tolerate. *shrugs*
Obviously I can't and won't speak to your situation, but for myself, and virtually all other men I've spoken to on this terrible issue say that the wife/girlfriend, and ANYTHING about her, has ZERO to do with a particular man's porn addiction. I absolutely can see how a woman would think it was something about her, and it IS a slap in the face no matter how you slice it.
This DOES need to be discussed more, because as someone has said, there is a great deal of shame the addicted person feels, which only feeds the need for the next fix.
For those with teens/young adult chidren, there is a website that helps with accountability, called cocenant eyes. It gives a full report of someone's online activity, even from their phone, to a responsible person, like a wife or mother.
This DOES need to be discussed more, because as someone has said, there is a great deal of shame the addicted person feels, which only feeds the need for the next fix.
For those with teens/young adult chidren, there is a website that helps with accountability, called cocenant eyes. It gives a full report of someone's online activity, even from their phone, to a responsible person, like a wife or mother.
B
I don't think so. I know I think a little differently, but I wouldn't not marry a girl because she watched that. Are the people saying yes struggling with something themselves? If we're going to condemn from marriage those that struggle with this, should we do it for every sin/addiction? Where is the line drawn? I would find someone struggling with drinking/smoking much more unfit to marry than someone struggling with porn. I guess it comes down to what each person can tolerate. *shrugs*
I don't disagree. That last part was just an example from a personal point of view. I could deal with porn, but I wouldn't be able to deal with drugs/drinking. It would present a bigger issue for me. I don't necessarily think it's fair to take one issue and automatically disqualify them from marriage. It's different for everyone. We all draw the line somewhere.
B
sin can be of mind thought or of action taken but using chemicals is like no other sin for it damages the body's brain chemistry thus the person has to battle the temptation and deal with The change in brain chemistry. I need to rethink differently as i stated about porn addiction being unfit, its stinking thinking possibly Because when you mentioned saying you could deal with a person with porn issues but not marry that person as you mentioned you couldn't in post #6. That statement reminds me of something I use to think some time ago and this can lead to issues.. I've never been married or have kids because I didn't want to get married to a woman who had been married before ending in Divorce or even having kids why because I thought it was proper to marry someone who hadn't had either also,, a most disastrous thought on my part no doubt because now I'm 48 and alone.
M
If you equate porn with cheating, then couldn't the question be written like this...
"Should Christians who are struggling with faithfulness be considered ineligible for marriage?"
I know most would answer yes to that question.
Now you just have to ask yourself, is porn cheating? Does it carry the same consequences as being unfaithful to a partner?
Tough questions to answer but very important nonetheless.
"Should Christians who are struggling with faithfulness be considered ineligible for marriage?"
I know most would answer yes to that question.
Now you just have to ask yourself, is porn cheating? Does it carry the same consequences as being unfaithful to a partner?
Tough questions to answer but very important nonetheless.
Addiction is in your brain, and you can be just as addicted to porn, fast food, or texting as you can to heroin. However, the physical manifestations of heroin dependency are much MUCH worse than that of porn. (Not even going there with the fast food one lol) There is no physical dependency with porn, so you won't start throwing up, screaming, sweating, etc getting un-hooked on porn. But the addiction in one's brain is just as strong.
This seems to me to be a two-part issue: the obvious one about porn, and the secondary one about whether we as believers have the right/responsibility to judge a potential mate before marriage. I'll sidestep the first issue, as I think it has been done to near-death here, but I'll address the second, at the risk of hijacking...
Prior to marriage, each partner should look very carefully, prayerfully, and with the input of trusted others at his/her partner. What issues does this person have? Are their lifestyle, preferences, mannerisms, spiritual life, money habits, family situation, etc. compatible with my own? Can I gladly tolerate the differences? Am I willing to take on their weaknesses, debts, and sorrows? Am I willing to overlook their sins... occasional and habitual? If the answer to any of these questions is 'No', it's better not to marry. This is not condemning the other person but rather circumventing problems. Few women struggle with porn, but I'd probably avoid one who (still) did. Likewise if I had a problem with it, I'd want to get it sorted out before dumping that on a future wife. Perhaps to put it much more simply, have your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-closed after.
Prior to marriage, each partner should look very carefully, prayerfully, and with the input of trusted others at his/her partner. What issues does this person have? Are their lifestyle, preferences, mannerisms, spiritual life, money habits, family situation, etc. compatible with my own? Can I gladly tolerate the differences? Am I willing to take on their weaknesses, debts, and sorrows? Am I willing to overlook their sins... occasional and habitual? If the answer to any of these questions is 'No', it's better not to marry. This is not condemning the other person but rather circumventing problems. Few women struggle with porn, but I'd probably avoid one who (still) did. Likewise if I had a problem with it, I'd want to get it sorted out before dumping that on a future wife. Perhaps to put it much more simply, have your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-closed after.
Although I understand the whole looking at another person thing, I do actually kinda think thats making it into more than it is, or at least it could bse depending on the situation.
Like, I hate to get to adult here, but like many people I deal with the temptation of masturbation, and anytime I end up giving in, not matter how hard I try not to, Ill have perverted thoughts along with it. And of course that means there will be other human beings in my thoughts : / Id I were married would this be considered an act of cheating?
Although I would consider to be cheating, though : p Its definitely not the right thing to do. But at the same time I can kinda understand someone who deals with the issue of pornography. If they were watching it for one specific person, like looking for porn that featured that one person exclusively, I would definitely say theres more to it. But at the same time, someone who just deals with watching it in general, it may not be for a specific person, but just the act of watching it.
Its still not right or anything, but I dont think its totally right to say they are looking for another person.
Like, I hate to get to adult here, but like many people I deal with the temptation of masturbation, and anytime I end up giving in, not matter how hard I try not to, Ill have perverted thoughts along with it. And of course that means there will be other human beings in my thoughts : / Id I were married would this be considered an act of cheating?
Although I would consider to be cheating, though : p Its definitely not the right thing to do. But at the same time I can kinda understand someone who deals with the issue of pornography. If they were watching it for one specific person, like looking for porn that featured that one person exclusively, I would definitely say theres more to it. But at the same time, someone who just deals with watching it in general, it may not be for a specific person, but just the act of watching it.
Its still not right or anything, but I dont think its totally right to say they are looking for another person.
This seems to me to be a two-part issue: the obvious one about porn, and the secondary one about whether we as believers have the right/responsibility to judge a potential mate before marriage. I'll sidestep the first issue, as I think it has been done to near-death here, but I'll address the second, at the risk of hijacking...
Prior to marriage, each partner should look very carefully, prayerfully, and with the input of trusted others at his/her partner. What issues does this person have? Are their lifestyle, preferences, mannerisms, spiritual life, money habits, family situation, etc. compatible with my own? Can I gladly tolerate the differences? Am I willing to take on their weaknesses, debts, and sorrows? Am I willing to overlook their sins... occasional and habitual? If the answer to any of these questions is 'No', it's better not to marry. This is not condemning the other person but rather circumventing problems. Few women struggle with porn, but I'd probably avoid one who (still) did. Likewise if I had a problem with it, I'd want to get it sorted out before dumping that on a future wife. Perhaps to put it much more simply, have your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-closed after.
Prior to marriage, each partner should look very carefully, prayerfully, and with the input of trusted others at his/her partner. What issues does this person have? Are their lifestyle, preferences, mannerisms, spiritual life, money habits, family situation, etc. compatible with my own? Can I gladly tolerate the differences? Am I willing to take on their weaknesses, debts, and sorrows? Am I willing to overlook their sins... occasional and habitual? If the answer to any of these questions is 'No', it's better not to marry. This is not condemning the other person but rather circumventing problems. Few women struggle with porn, but I'd probably avoid one who (still) did. Likewise if I had a problem with it, I'd want to get it sorted out before dumping that on a future wife. Perhaps to put it much more simply, have your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-closed after.
