Girls would you give a guy a chance that struggles with porn as a boyfriend?
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Gotta disagree with you on this. A person can struggle again with addiction. Just like (some) alcoholics do. They lick it for awhile, then something triggers that craving. I still get depressed every now and then, not as badly as it was a few years ago, but those thoughts creep in every now and then. Especially when I had sciatica last year, I admit that I wondered how many Dilaudid it would take to off myself and be free of that worse-than-hellfire agony.. :/
Both parties always bring baggage into relationship. Hence how I said, EVERYONE has a hurt, habit, or hang up. The difference? Are you letting that hurt, habit, or hang up consume you? Or have you already gotten past it, or are working to get over it? Like I said, there's a difference between asking someone to fix it, and being transparent with the person and acknowledging "Hey, this is an issue I am dealing with. But I am going to work on it and get some help for it." Would you rather have a person be up front and honest about it, or try to hide it out of fear of embarrassment and rejection?
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See for me that's exactly what I look for in a person. Not because of selfish reasons but because I want someone with that personality who would help anyone they can. Just like God/Jesus Does/Did. They go to those suffering and hurting and help. They don't judge or point out flaws they live by example and just love and help.
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My sponsor is 20 plus years clean with drugs and alcohol. You know how he introduces himself in CR? "Hi, my name is blank (not gonna say his actual name) and I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ that STRUGGLES WELL with drugs and alcohol, and LEARNING to struggle well with lust". See, drugs and alcohol aren't a problem for him anymore. Hence, how he is well with them. The lust thing is something new, and an area he has been working on to get over. That is just one example of many.
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I would think it's a bigger risk being with someone who would only want you for who you are if you're not struggling with something. What if your with them for years then something happens and you have to struggle with it then? They just walk out on you? Life is unknown. Pain happens. Life happens. If someone's not willing to be with me now over things I'm actively working on fixing for myself and for God then I wouldn't want to be with them anyways (it be porn or anything). I want someone who's caring, understanding, and will see the good in me despite my flaws just as God does and tries to be an example of his love.
I'd rather they be honest about it, BUT what if they chicken out and DON'T get help? Then I'm stuck in a relationship which possibly could be destroyed by their addiction. Haven't you ever read the plethora of porn threads in the Family forum, where people their own or spouse's addiction ruined/is ruining their relationship?
I think it's really important to read what the op actually. He asked if girls would give someone that struggles with porn a CHANCE. Nowhere did he ask if women would be willing to fix the problem for him, nor do I even think that is what he was implying. If I was seeing a woman or was getting close to, I would want her to be up front with me with something she struggled with. Rather than possibly finding out down the road. With my ex, she had mental illness. I knew that. I didn't realize how severe until something in her past caused her to relapse with it, and it ultimately ended our relationship. It's better to know ahead, rather than find out later.
At least BEFORE they get into a relationship with an addict, they know (hopefully) what they will be in for, should they get married. I'm not saying a person with an addiction, or tonload of problems isn't a good person. It's just a load that I personally wouldn't want to take on. People with addictions need professionals, not a well-meaning partner who tries in vain to "fix it" for them.
You can't go into a relationship thinking "what if he doesn't get help". That's basically saying "I have no trust and don't believe you can overcome it". You'd be letting fear take over you, rather than giving him an opportunity to get help for it. You know how AA started? Two alcoholics met, and it grew from there. Now, it is the epitome of self-help recovery groups, and where other groups like Narcotics Anonymous, Sex Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, and many others were able to start. It's people that struggle with the same problem meeting to get over it together. Sometimes, only an addict can relate to an addict.
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If you can't handle it personally that's fine, everyone is different.
But sometimes all someone needs is love and support to get through something. Any professional will tell you that someone struggling needs good support systems. If my guy had a issue he was struggling with but actively working on it wouldn't be a vain attempt to be in his life. Because id be help, support, and love. not a fix.
But sometimes all someone needs is love and support to get through something. Any professional will tell you that someone struggling needs good support systems. If my guy had a issue he was struggling with but actively working on it wouldn't be a vain attempt to be in his life. Because id be help, support, and love. not a fix.