If You Have Someone In the Friend Zone, Why Are You Keeping Them There?

[jeremyPJ]

I think clarity is important, especially among Christians. I mean if someone is really "throwing his bones" (an expression used in my part of the world, that means "working his charm" - think of a "witch doctor" analogy here...), in the hope that he will somehow win her over and she KNOWS that its not working then she should say, "Look this is not going to happen." Its hard telling someone that you are not keen on a relationship, mainly because its a really awkward conversation, but I think its harder for the person to keep hoping when you know that he/she may as well be trying to grow brussel spouts on Mars. Besides the conversation doesn't have to be that awkward: one can say something like, "I will have to warn your future GF about your irritating slurping sound when you drink coffee!" or something...erm.... more tactful.

And if you have worked out that you are friend-zoned, then its time to cut your losses and decide whether or not you want to remain friends while you start behaving like you've got options.

The highlighted part made me LOL! And I totally understand...thanks for the humor.

 

[Mooky]

I think that when considering a future partner ,one has to be on the same page intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, theologically and politically.Or at least a combination of 3 or more of those areas.
People who have been interested in me have been friendzoned after I have discovered that we would not see eye to eye on crucial matters.For example ,if someone does not subscribe to my flavour of Christianity - to me that's a deal breaker because I consider my spirituality to be the most important thing about me.And if we are going to take this journey together - I want to be able to share what I consider to be of inestimable worth.
We also need a common reference point - and if his interpretation of scripture is vastly different to my own - we are going to be at loggerheads.
So there have been times I have been drawn to someone on an emotional level - but was forced to friend zone them because of differences that could not be avoided.

 

[Lenardzw]

I think that when considering a future partner ,one has to be on the same page intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, theologically and politically.Or at least a combination of 3 or more of those areas.
People who have been interested in me have been friendzoned after I have discovered that we would not see eye to eye on crucial matters.For example ,if someone does not subscribe to my flavour of Christianity - to me that's a deal breaker because I consider my spirituality to be the most important thing about me.And if we are going to take this journey together - I want to be able to share what I consider to be of inestimable worth.
We also need a common reference point - and if his interpretation of scripture is vastly different to my own - we are going to be at loggerheads.
So there have been times I have been drawn to someone on an emotional level - but was forced to friend zone them because of differences that could not be avoided.

I agree. I'd like us to be on the same page politically but its not the most essential criterion. I tend to be drawn to women who challenge me intellectually. She doesn't need to have nailed quantum physics (I scraped through high school maths) but I love intellectually stimulating conversation. For me spirituality is vital. The idea that both of us call ourselves Christians doesn't quite tick the box for me. We should share similar beliefs theologically. I once dated someone and found that even though we were intellectually on the same page and we were equally devoted to our faith, it turned out that we weren't in the same area code theologically. So our relationship didn't quite get off the runway.

 

[CatHerder]

Hey Everyone,

Forget "The Twilight Zone".

As singles, the most mysterious place in the universe to us is "The Friend Zone".

* If you have a friend that you're keeping in The Friend Zone, why are you keeping them there?

There is a lady I've been sometimes dating lately that I may be unintentionally giving mixed messages. She can be incredibly fun, but some of my concerns are: she is older than me -outside of my 5 year rule (I know, I know. This reason is a bit shallow), she currently has no direction in her life, she lets people walk all over her and I am afraid that I would too if we were in a relationship.

* What is it about this person that makes them good enough to be a friend, but doesn't quite qualify as "more than a friend'?

see above

* Do you have anyone that you Friend Zoned in the past, but have come to regret it?

No. There was a girl in high school who I considered a friend and had no clue that she was into me. I found that out later. She isn't someone I would be interested in in that way though, so I don't really see this as a missed opportunity that I regret.

* On the flipside, how do you react when someone "Friend Zones" you? Do you tend to accept it, or do you keep working at trying to win the person's affections?

I don't know if this has happened. I don't think I've developed strong feelings for a special gal in a long time.

 

[G00WZ]

I had a friend who was friend zoned because she was having feelings towards me that were not mutual.. She was nice
and everything, but I didn't want to end up using her or hurting her feelings down the road so i had to put her there. Before i came to Christ i probably wouldn't have even thought twice about using her just so i can add more notches to my belt.
I don't regret friend zoning her, and i am sure she will find someone with the same feelings.

 

[spunkycat08]

I have a feeling that the female neighbor that my husband friend zoned in 2011 had self worth issues which caused her to act in ways that someone who does not have self worth issues does not.

 

[17Bees]

As far as friend zoning goes, i'm like the free range chicken. The grass is green and there's plenty of bugs to eat but at the end of the day I'm going to end up on somebody's plate.

I have no idea what that means. I've been reading mother earth magazine. I think I'm genetically modified.

 

[Tinkerbell725]

As far as friend zoning goes, i'm like the free range chicken. The grass is green and there's plenty of bugs to eat but at the end of the day I'm going to end up on somebody's plate.

I have no idea what that means. I've been reading mother earth magazine. I think I'm genetically modified.

At the end of the day, it's night.

 

[Addison]

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[zeroturbulence]

LOL the friendzone's definitely a good source of comedy!

 

[chickwithsticks]

Looking back over dating history I really wish I followed a tighter Christian process in dating where I put everybody in a friend zone at the beginning and as the friendship grew (I learned true character and the soul of the person) I could decide if we were more compatible for a deeper relationship.

Sadly, I entered a few dating relationships where I decided to date this person because they were attractive, went to church (so they "must" have faith insert eye roll here), and appeared to be ambitious etc. Only to find out later they played/danced on the surface of public images. Older and wiser I guess I realized the only way to get to know the truth is through time and "dating" while doing so is problematic. Your vision gets skewed in process or at least mine did.

Probably not popular but I am a fan of the friend zone. Explains why I haven't dated in forever and a day LOL.

 

[Susanna]

I am friend zoning everyone, mainly because I'm crazy and don't want to mess up other people lol. To be honest, most men are friend zoning me as well lol.

 

[CatHerder]

Looking back over dating history I really wish I followed a tighter Christian process in dating where I put everybody in a friend zone at the beginning and as the friendship grew (I learned true character and the soul of the person) I could decide if we were more compatible for a deeper relationship.

Sadly, I entered a few dating relationships where I decided to date this person because they were attractive, went to church (so they "must" have faith insert eye roll here), and appeared to be ambitious etc. Only to find out later they played/danced on the surface of public images. Older and wiser I guess I realized the only way to get to know the truth is through time and "dating" while doing so is problematic. Your vision gets skewed in process or at least mine did.

Probably not popular but I am a fan of the friend zone. Explains why I haven't dated in forever and a day LOL.

This. ▲▲▲▲

This perfectly outlines the Catch 22 of the friend zone.

On one hand, it makes sense to know the person a little before seeing if this is someone you would like to date. Otherwise, your knowledge of them is very superficial (oh, they look cute and they go to church! woot woot! marriage material!!!)

On the other hand, if you like the person as a friend, decide to date, and things don't work out, it could make the friendship awkward, maybe even destroy it. So there is definitely some risk involved.

 

[chickwithsticks]

Cat you are exactly on point. It is a terrible catch 22. There is no great workaround except to have great timing and trust Gods holding the stop watch!!