step parenting advice please

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M

MoMMa28

Guest
#1
#1
I've been in a wonderful marriage for 4 years now. His daughter has been such a good girl but here recently she starting to take the wrong path. My husband and I have tried talking to her but all we get out of her is i don't know remarks. She is spreading negative rumors about herself and says she attracted to both genders. She's only 14 yrs old. My husband has tried to keep her on the right path, we got her involved in our church but now she seems to be straying away from us and God. I feel our hands are tied since she lives with her mom and visits us every other weekend. And her mom doesn't seem to be on our side on certain aspects of her life. In scared of her going down the wrong path and getting into trouble. I think of my step daughter like she's my own. I want the best for her. Here lately I don't know how to help her.
 
I

Infusion

Guest
#2
#2
There is an ancient method of parenting that has been long forgotten. It is the only method proven to work. It was used in all lands through out history and just recently, only in anglo USA, has this parenting method ceased. And since then this new generation which is the first to be raising without this parenting method has grown up. And they have grown into a lost generation of weak people with no morals, class, dignity, wisdom, or knowledge on how to live.
This secret method I will now expose to you on this site. What you do is when your kids get out of line, BEAT THEM SO THEY WONT FORGET IT.
 
N

NicoleWilliams

Guest
#3
#3
It’s obvious that you care a great deal for your stepdaughter. I hope you will find some encouragement in knowing that you are not alone – her behavior is extremely common among teens. Have you considered Christian counseling for her? I believe it might help her. Have you heard of the book, The Smart Step-Family by Ron Deal? It has some amazing insights to share. Sending prayers your way! May His ever-present care, provision, and direction be increasingly evident as you look to Him in faith.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
Infusion said:
There is an ancient method of parenting that has been long forgotten. It is the only method proven to work. It was used in all lands through out history and just recently, only in anglo USA, has this parenting method ceased. And since then this new generation which is the first to be raising without this parenting method has grown up. And they have grown into a lost generation of weak people with no morals, class, dignity, wisdom, or knowledge on how to live.
This secret method I will now expose to you on this site. What you do is when your kids get out of line, BEAT THEM SO THEY WONT FORGET IT.
Click to expand...
Lots of stupid things are said on this site. Yours has ranked as one of the stupidest i've seen in a while. Congratulations, you officially have nothing of value to offer.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#5
Mar 13, 2014
42,732
17,196
113
70
Tennessee
#5
You and your husband are doing the right things regarding your daughter. It looks like that she is struggling to find her own identity and this may take a period of time to work out, perhaps several years. Continue to do what you are doing and also try to include her in family prayer and devotion. Glad to have you as a member of our family. Welcome to CC.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#6
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#6
Infusion said:
There is an ancient method of parenting that has been long forgotten. It is the only method proven to work. It was used in all lands through out history and just recently, only in anglo USA, has this parenting method ceased. And since then this new generation which is the first to be raising without this parenting method has grown up. And they have grown into a lost generation of weak people with no morals, class, dignity, wisdom, or knowledge on how to live.
This secret method I will now expose to you on this site. What you do is when your kids get out of line, BEAT THEM SO THEY WONT FORGET IT.
Click to expand...
That's sick.
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#7
Aug 15, 2009
9,745
179
0
#7
There is NOTHING more powerful & effective than prayer. Request prayer for her at church. If your church does it, get in a prayer line & be prayed for in her place. Both you & your husband need to be put on a prayer list. There's no such thing as praying too much. Have special devotions at home & include your daughter in it. She has to be SHOWN that your faith in Christ & relationship with Him is the most important thing ever. She will be hard hearted, but God will honor those that honor Him.
 
NotmebutHim

NotmebutHim

Senior Member
#8
May 17, 2015
2,948
1,627
113
48
#8
I have to admit, when I first saw the thread, I thought the title was "STOP parenting advice please". I was like, "say WHAT???"
:D
 
Z

ZEEK

Banned
#9
Jun 11, 2016
611
7
0
#9
How does your husband feel about it all? I am assuming you have prayed and the Church has prayed.

If he has had enough, send her back to the mother, and let her have the problem.

Else bring her under your roof, ban her from seeing her mother, and try and deal with the problem.

I doubt the second will fly, so probably best to send her back to her mother, and you and your husband move on with your lives.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#10
#10
Infusion said:
There is an ancient method of parenting that has been long forgotten. It is the only method proven to work. It was used in all lands through out history and just recently, only in anglo USA, has this parenting method ceased. And since then this new generation which is the first to be raising without this parenting method has grown up. And they have grown into a lost generation of weak people with no morals, class, dignity, wisdom, or knowledge on how to live.
This secret method I will now expose to you on this site. What you do is when your kids get out of line, BEAT THEM SO THEY WONT FORGET IT.
Click to expand...

Ya, so noooooo !!!! Can you give some serious advice to the OP? Beating a 14yr old will get you jail time.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#11
#11
MoMMa28 said:
I've been in a wonderful marriage for 4 years now. His daughter has been such a good girl but here recently she starting to take the wrong path. My husband and I have tried talking to her but all we get out of her is i don't know remarks. She is spreading negative rumors about herself and says she attracted to both genders. She's only 14 yrs old. My husband has tried to keep her on the right path, we got her involved in our church but now she seems to be straying away from us and God. I feel our hands are tied since she lives with her mom and visits us every other weekend. And her mom doesn't seem to be on our side on certain aspects of her life. In scared of her going down the wrong path and getting into trouble. I think of my step daughter like she's my own. I want the best for her. Here lately I don't know how to help her.
Click to expand...
Its
a tough position when the mother disagrees. The more you push the more she'll pull away. Stay close to her and pray. Its about the thing to do right now.
 
Ahwatukee

Ahwatukee

Senior Member
#12
Mar 12, 2015
11,159
2,376
113
#12
Good morning Kaylagrl!
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#14
Mar 13, 2014
42,732
17,196
113
70
Tennessee
#14
Infusion said:
There is an ancient method of parenting that has been long forgotten. It is the only method proven to work. It was used in all lands through out history and just recently, only in anglo USA, has this parenting method ceased. And since then this new generation which is the first to be raising without this parenting method has grown up. And they have grown into a lost generation of weak people with no morals, class, dignity, wisdom, or knowledge on how to live.
This secret method I will now expose to you on this site. What you do is when your kids get out of line, BEAT THEM SO THEY WONT FORGET IT.
Click to expand...
I sincerely hope that you are not a parent. What proof do you have that beating your children into submission is the only proven method of parenting? Your perception of proper parenting is horrible. I have zero tolerance when it comes to abuse, especially children. Your advice is deplorable.
 
N

NewWine

Guest
#15
#15
The problem is, you are not her mom. I am not saying this in a mean way, it's just a fact. You've said how her mama feels, but not how her daddy feels about all of this. This child has two mama's with two different ways of parenting, which is confusing to her, add this on top of typical 14 year old girl drama, and now she's stressed, so she's acting out. Have her dad and mom get together to talk her about anything serious she's doing (sex, drugs alcohol.....the norms), and the rest leave it to God.

Be there for her, don't allow her to disrespect you (in the same way you wouldn't let anyone else disrespect you) but unless her mama is completely out of the picture, stop trying to mother her.

If the way we act at 14 determined our lives, we'd all be in trouble.
Peace!!
 
M

MoMMa28

Guest
#16
#16
My husband feels the same way I do scared for her and wants the best. We don't not approve of her choosing to like girls, but we love her any way. She does live with her mom on a regular basis we just get her every other weekend. My husband wants to be apart of her life and guide her in the right direction. We have put her on prayer Chains. I don't try and be her mom, I know she has a mom, not a good one in my opinion but I try to be her friend and let her know in there for her, but she don't talk to me, no one really, unless its her friends and the ones we've met are no good. We told her mom to have her stop contact with the friends that are no good for her, no sure if she actually listened.
Thanks for all your advice and prayers. She is a good girl goes to school gets good grades, she has never really disrespected me, but she has her mom and dad. But here lately she's become more lazy really slacking on her hygiene and now spreading bad rumors about herself and stating she's bisexual.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#17
Feb 21, 2014
70,951
9,701
113
#17
Completely disregard the advice that Infusion has given here. Beating your kids only gets you arrested, and it makes the kids despise you and then they act out even more. Others here have given good advice. :) Just pray for her and let her know that you're there for her.


Infusion said:
There is an ancient method of parenting that has been long forgotten. It is the only method proven to work. It was used in all lands through out history and just recently, only in anglo USA, has this parenting method ceased. And since then this new generation which is the first to be raising without this parenting method has grown up. And they have grown into a lost generation of weak people with no morals, class, dignity, wisdom, or knowledge on how to live.
This secret method I will now expose to you on this site. What you do is when your kids get out of line, BEAT THEM SO THEY WONT FORGET IT.
Click to expand...
 
Z

ZEEK

Banned
#18
Jun 11, 2016
611
7
0
#18
Really the forum should help you Momma with a prayer thread.

It sounds like this young lady would be much better with you than her natural mother.
 
H

HisHolly

Guest
#19
#19
I would say be a steady flow of love, calm love, not panicked concern... She more than likely knows opinions about the lifestyle so bringing it up will just cause her to harden against you... She needs to find herself.. Not advocating no boundaries but try to understand why she feels she needs this way of life.. could be a phase or maybe something from early on started it.... I went through it and adopted it as who I was but God knew what I was created for and showed me.. Pray and wait is all you can do
MoMMa28 said:
My husband feels the same way I do scared for her and wants the best. We don't not approve of her choosing to like girls, but we love her any way. She does live with her mom on a regular basis we just get her every other weekend. My husband wants to be apart of her life and guide her in the right direction. We have put her on prayer Chains. I don't try and be her mom, I know she has a mom, not a good one in my opinion but I try to be her friend and let her know in there for her, but she don't talk to me, no one really, unless its her friends and the ones we've met are no good. We told her mom to have her stop contact with the friends that are no good for her, no sure if she actually listened.
Thanks for all your advice and prayers. She is a good girl goes to school gets good grades, she has never really disrespected me, but she has her mom and dad. But here lately she's become more lazy really slacking on her hygiene and now spreading bad rumors about herself and stating she's bisexual.
Click to expand...
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#20
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#20
ZEEK said:
How does your husband feel about it all? I am assuming you have prayed and the Church has prayed.

If he has had enough, send her back to the mother, and let her have the problem.

Else bring her under your roof, ban her from seeing her mother, and try and deal with the problem.

I doubt the second will fly, so probably best to send her back to her mother, and you and your husband move on with your lives.
Click to expand...

Yeah that's a great idea, ignore it and let her Mom deal with all of it, that's going to help. The Dad is her parent and this kid is confused and needs both parents. You don't turn your back on your kid because they have issues. I hope that didn't happen to you.

To the OP it sounds like she's struggling with depression and maybe anger, any way she could see a counselor?
 
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