step parenting advice please

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Z

ZEEK

Banned
#21
Jun 11, 2016
611
7
0
#21
Well pound to a penny Mum is the root cause of the trouble....

"So what did you do at Dad's?"
"Well, we went to Church"
"Oh, that crackpot ---ian Church"

What do Dad and Step-Mum do?

What do they do if they have other children?

Do they let little Miley wreck everyone else's upbringing?

The girl is 14, Dad doesn't have any real authority.

Give Miley an ultimatum, my way or else....anything else will be strife, and money for the therapists...
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#22
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#22
Zeek a 14 year who's Dad says, well can't deal with you anymore so I'm shutting you off until you behave, is setting this child up for disaster. Yes seriously put your foot down if she's awful around other siblings but cutting her out isn't the answer. I've seen it done. Mom or Dad can't deal with the teen drama anymore so Mom or Dad says, no more! That child is left feeling unloved and unwanted and it makes things so much worse. I'm no psychologist but this girl needs all the support she can get.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#23
#23
Infusion said:
There is an ancient method of parenting that has been long forgotten. It is the only method proven to work. It was used in all lands through out history and just recently, only in anglo USA, has this parenting method ceased. And since then this new generation which is the first to be raising without this parenting method has grown up. And they have grown into a lost generation of weak people with no morals, class, dignity, wisdom, or knowledge on how to live.
This secret method I will now expose to you on this site. What you do is when your kids get out of line, BEAT THEM SO THEY WONT FORGET IT.
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Number 1 reason Dad pulled out the belt for me. The Rule: Do not go to Bell Lake until you can swim."

I didn't forget the rule. (50 years later and I still remember. lol) I didn't like to get the belt. I still went to Bell Lake. The only thing I focused on was "don't get caught."

Yeah. Really? Meh on how successful your suggestion is.
 
Z

ZEEK

Banned
#24
Jun 11, 2016
611
7
0
#24
Yes, I have a feeling you are right Fenner. Thank you for correcting me.

I will pray for Momma28 and the whole family.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#25
#25
ZEEK said:
How does your husband feel about it all? I am assuming you have prayed and the Church has prayed.

If he has had enough, send her back to the mother, and let her have the problem.

Else bring her under your roof, ban her from seeing her mother, and try and deal with the problem.

I doubt the second will fly, so probably best to send her back to her mother, and you and your husband move on with your lives.
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Ugly? Did you change your mind after reading this one?

Zeek? How do you think the courts handle who gets to keep the children? The one who steals the child from the ex-spouse wins? Not in the USA.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#26
#26
MoMMa28 said:
My husband feels the same way I do scared for her and wants the best. We don't not approve of her choosing to like girls, but we love her any way. She does live with her mom on a regular basis we just get her every other weekend. My husband wants to be apart of her life and guide her in the right direction. We have put her on prayer Chains. I don't try and be her mom, I know she has a mom, not a good one in my opinion but I try to be her friend and let her know in there for her, but she don't talk to me, no one really, unless its her friends and the ones we've met are no good. We told her mom to have her stop contact with the friends that are no good for her, no sure if she actually listened.
Thanks for all your advice and prayers. She is a good girl goes to school gets good grades, she has never really disrespected me, but she has her mom and dad. But here lately she's become more lazy really slacking on her hygiene and now spreading bad rumors about herself and stating she's bisexual.
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I am reading this in hopes someone can help you. AND in hopes of learning myself.

I had the same problem, except the daughter was 17 by the time she entered our lives again. (His life again. My life for the first time. TOUGH first marriage.) I don't want to discourage you. I just know how tough the situation is.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#27
#27
Sounds to me that not giving her so much attention over the behavior would be a good step.
Your husband should sit down with her, explain, without pushing or preaching, his point of view and overall disagreement with her choices. That way she knows exactly where he stands. And even if she already knows, still do this, because the next part is pivotal. Next he should tell her he loves her and though he disagrees with her choices nothing will change his love for her.
Then treat her normally. You're not going to force a hormally charged 14 year old, going through some obvious self esteem issues, to comply with your moral stances.
This is the age where kids begin figuring out their own beliefs, rather than just accept their parents beliefs. It is a scary time for a parent. And there's a good chance the teen may end up making some regretful choices. But the more she is dictated as to what to believe the more she will resist. And that will grow worse as she gets older.
Live the gospel out with her. Honesty and unconditional love. You may not be able to prevent her from making bad choices now, but you can model and express a better way for her to compare it to. That way as she continues figuring out her ever changing belief system over the next few years you give her compelling actions and attitudes to consider.
It's likely not the ideal answer you wanted to hear, but sometimes what's wise and what you want are not the same thing.
There are no guarantees.
 
Z

ZEEK

Banned
#28
Jun 11, 2016
611
7
0
#28
Depleted said:
Ugly? Did you change your mind after reading this one?

Zeek? How do you think the courts handle who gets to keep the children? The one who steals the child from the ex-spouse wins? Not in the USA.
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Read the post **edited**
 
Last edited by a moderator:
M

MoMMa28

Guest
#31
#31
My husband has sat down with her and told her this isnt the path he wanted for her, but he loves her anyway. We do not treat her any different. We try to give her as much attention as we can because I believe the main reason she is acting out is lack of attention from her biological mom. Buts that my opinion. We are doing our best to guide her right without pushing her away. We tried to get her to come live with us permanently but she choose not to because we make her keep up with her hygiene. I guess that's way to strict for her.
Thanks for everyone's advice and prayers. I'm just worried that this only the beginning of the trouble she fixing to find if she continues down this path. I hate to be negative about it, maybe I'm making a big deal out of something small, but I can see where this will lead to if she dint shape up.
 
M

Monnieloves

Junior Member
#33
Dec 6, 2016
15
0
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#33
I know what its like to have a 14 year old daughter and I also know what it's like to be a 14 year old step child. It's difficult to have consistency when the parents are not on the same page. She's lucky to have you in her life. I know first hand how much teenagers rebel against authority figures. Have you and your husband considered having a meeting with her mother to discuss possible steps to steer her away from a destructive lifestyle. I applaud you for getting her involved in the church. Another suggestion is to have a youth pastor of your church speak with her. I will be praying that GOD turns her heart to desire his will in her life.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#34
#34
Depleted said:
Ugly? Did you change your mind after reading this one?

Zeek? How do you think the courts handle who gets to keep the children? The one who steals the child from the ex-spouse wins? Not in the USA.
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No. Was i supposed to? If so, i guess i failed.
 
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