"Submissive" and Marriage!!

Angelsnow · Jan 14, 2017

What does being "Submissive" look like to men...who are either married...or looking for a wife???

In Regards to??-----

1. Employment?
2. Cooking? (Housekeeping)
3. Child Rearing?
4. Education?
5. Traditional? -- (in what way?)
6. How should a man behave at home behind closed doors?
7. How should your wife (or potential wife) dress and behave at home?
8. Is your wife (or potential) permitted to disagree and say no. (without being punished)
9. Is it okay for her to have goals and dreams that might be different than yours?

Just thought....i'd ask.

Thank you

GBU all....

Just curious to hear the responses!!!!

88 · Jan 14, 2017

It's leadership---------- Love Your Wife as Christ Loves the Church----what woman wouldn' t submit to that...

Angelsnow · Jan 14, 2017

YES!!! i agree!!!

thank you!!

88 said:

PrynceNY · Jan 14, 2017

As long as it's something she enjoys doihg & doesn't degrade her in anyway im fine with it.
50-50 I can cook for her & clean as well.
Raised with respect for others, thankful, not spoiled & taught the word
At least graduated high school, college isn't for everyone which I understand.
Doesn't have to be traditional just be herself
Be herself
Dress in what makes her feel comfortable & what she likes wearing
Yes shes allowed to disgree, I value her opinions
Yes shes allowed to have goals in which I will support her with

Amazing-Grace · Jan 14, 2017

Biblical submission is a willingness to let your husband take the lead and to make final decisions which affect the whole family, which is why it's important to be equally yoked.

Casper72 · Jan 14, 2017

I am looking for a friend / wife but as far as "submissive" goes I am not necessarily looking for that. I want someone that is wanting to be close with our God. Someone who we have equal say in making decisions. I do value others opinions and want input. Not a noncommunication relationship where then you tell me I make all the decisions after I have asked you and you have said you do not care. As far as in the bedroom it is up to those two and what they are comfortable with.

Dino246 · Jan 14, 2017

If/when I marry again, I hope it is to a woman who submits... to Christ.

CatHerder · Jan 14, 2017

Angelsnow said:

First - all these questions are things the couple should discuss PRIOR to marriage, as one's views on leadership and submission may differ from the opinions of another. It would be a good act of leadership for the husband/future husband to initiate the conversation.

I see her money as also my money and my money as also her money. This is not about who makes more. It's about coming to agreement about where the money is going and working as a team.
If the question is about whether she should work at all - well, she may just have to. This is not the same economy as when many "traditions" were set. Now, if he makes enough that she doesn't have to work too but wants to, that's something to discuss.

I see cooking/housework as an extension of provision. Many men won't like this because they see earning money as providing for the family, and homemaking as traditionally the woman's role. But ask the family dog - when he sees the wife come back from grocery shopping and pull a package of red meat out of the bag, SHE is the provider! So true providing encompasses quite a bit, including many of the woman's traditional roles.
As to housework chores, a good guideline would be that whoever works fewer hours at their job should do more of the housework. Job-hunting, schooling, and other such activities are things that should be taken into consideration.

There's that old expression: "Wait 'til your father gets home!" No. The children need to see both parents as disciplinarians. They also need to see that their parents are united in their parenting. Discussions and disagreements regarding private vs. public schooling and time spent with grandparents should be done out of the earshot of kids.

Whose education? Is it vital to the husband's goals? The wife's goals? Does the other party have to make sacrifices to support the spouse attending classes (more housework, more of the child-rearing, making do with less $$). Hopefully, the spouse will be the kind of person who is willing to sacrifice a little for a season to support the other.

Back to the $$ and employment:
I've seen it posted here in CC that if a man only makes such and such, that he is not ready to be married. I call baloney on this. It's more about how one manages money than how much one makes. I know many godly men who are social workers, which often is a low paying job. Other godly men may lose their job with a comfortable income and have to take a lower one because that's what is available. Is he now not qualified to be a husband because he doesn't make a certain amount? Or if he became disabled? Is the man who never had to work because he was born into a rich family better suited to marry than the spiritually mature social worker? There is so much wrong with this thinking.

His behavior shouldn't be much different than when in the presence of other people. It may be the time to lovingly confront over things said, or money spent, or to have discussions that are not appropriate for other people to hear. The home is also a place to show affections that are not appropriate for public display as well.

I'll use my response for #6 to answer the question about her behavior. As for her dress, she should dress for the occasion. If she is going to do housework and wears sweats and a T-shirt, that's fine. I'm not one for sexy lingerie, as my wife wouldn't be wearing it long enough for me to really appreciate it, but if we were going out, and wore a top or a dress that I've expressed was one of my favorites, I would feel loved and feel like she dressed up for me.

Iron sharpens iron. I would hope that she disagreed with me somewhat. Otherwise I'm just living my life and she is simply tagging along. Where is the fellowship or companionship in that? Can we both disagree and not let our emotions get in the way of us being respectful toward each other? Hopefully, that's the goal.

Of course! Moreover, I think this is healthy. You probably have a lot in common with the other person and enjoy doing stuff together. If this were not the case, you probably wouldn't have gotten together in the first place! But it's also okay to have interests that are not the other person's interests too. The real issue would be are her goals and dreams in conflict with mine? This is when one or the other needs to make a sacrifice. Some couples wait to take a hobby, start a business or develop a skill after the kids are out of the house. Some redirect their passions into something else. The point is to remain godly in these pursuits and not take advantage of the other person.

Lenardzw · Jan 14, 2017

"Husbands love your lives as Christ loved the church..." Its possible the word "submissive" will take on a different meaning when a man truly loves his wife as Christ intended and as Paul meant. i have never believed that parents somewhere bring a girl into this world and then nurture her,love,raise, discipline, teach and invest in their daughter for some guy to come along and make her his doormat or make her subservient to him. A woman doesn't willingly leave her home and family to become "Mrs Blogs" just to become his gofer.

If I marry again,I have no problem with her working and pursuing her career. I don't have a problem sharing chores and cooking (I did this with my ex-wife). Child rearing is our collective responsibility. Our roles will be different but both parents are needed to nurture and raise a child. You'll notice that I'm skipping some. Still giving those some thought...

Traditional? I'm still trying to work out what that means. Whose traditions? Does she have to be docile and pliable doing all chores and always agreeing with her (very fallible) hubby to be traditional? No mind or thoughts of her own? I doubt it. I want someone with a mind of her own. Someone who can challenge me to be a better man. I don't really care how she dresses. As a Christian wife it will be reasonable to leave this to her. I'd rather she brings up her goals and dreams and we discuss them and see how these as well as my own fit into our family life. Can we incorporate them and make them work? What adjustments would we need to make. Are we willing to pay the cost? I'd rather have this than a wife who is resentful some 14 years later when she feels let down and like she's made all the sacrifices for the marriage.

DCrawshawJr · Jan 14, 2017

Ooh! I like lists!

1. Employment?

Let her work. I see no problem with that. I just hope she can still spend quality time with the kids.

2. Cooking? (Housekeeping)

Well, the Bible does have that theme of the wives managing the house. Still, if a man wants to cook and clean from time to time, let him do it! I see no sin in that.

3. Child Rearing?

Both parents should raise the children, although it is best if there is one person who is mostly at home for the kids. Again, I see the woman doing that.

4. Education?

Hmm...home school vs. public school. Some say public school is evil, some think it's all right. I'm a little neutral when it comes to that, since I heard both sides. Oh wait, wrong question. Uh, I think both parents are responsible for the child's education, whether with home school or sending them to public school...or even a Christian private school.

5. Traditional? -- (in what way?)

Tradition? What tradition? As long as we're following the Bible, it doesn't really matter what tradition you uphold.

6. How should a man behave at home behind closed doors?

As long as it's not a sin, however he wants. Same with the woman.

7. How should your wife (or potential wife) dress and behave at home?

At home? As long as she's dressing modesty, she can wear pretty much whatever she wants. Now, if it's just my wife and I, in our bedroom, by ourselves, she can wear or not wear clothes. As far as behavior, as long as it's not a sin, she can behave how she wants.

8. Is your wife (or potential) permitted to disagree and say no. (without being punished)

She can disagree with me, and if I ask her to sin, of course she should say no! As long as she's adhering to the Scriptures.

Now, as for punishment, are you talking about me punishing her? What? Is that my job? I highly doubt it, but correct me if I'm wrong.

9. Is it okay for her to have goals and dreams that might be different than yours?

Yes.

Honestly, we both have brains, so really, if I ever get married, I want our household to be one of freedom, within Biblical bounds.

seoulsearch · Jan 14, 2017

May I offer a big "thank you" to the gentlemen who have posted in this thread...

I can't tell you how encouraging it is to see men who want to be the Godly leaders of households but without being a tyrant or dictator. (My German is kind of rusty... I wouldn't be very good at saying "Mein Fuhrer!" all the time.

)

Thank you for letting us know that the kind of men we women are seeking... really do exist!

God bless.

CatHerder · Jan 14, 2017

seoulsearch said:

May I offer a big "thank you" to the gentlemen who have posted in this thread...

I can't tell you how encouraging it is to see men who want to be the Godly leaders of households but without being a tyrant or dictator. (My German is kind of rusty... I wouldn't be very good at saying "Mein Fuhrer!" all the time.

)

Thank you for letting us know that the kind of men we women are seeking... really do exist!

God bless.

No need to speak German. Just wear this!

88 · Jan 14, 2017

That reminds me of a guy I met at a dinner party that had a black eye----I asked: "how's it going"------fine--I'm trying to teach me wife to submit...

Angelsnow · Jan 14, 2017

I loooved the replies so far. (You are the kind of men (and woman) ...that would be cherished. When the time arrives for love to be knocking at your door. I am amazed at your answers. Touched my heart I just had to say thank you for your honesty and transparency...in your answers. I am completely in awe of you all.

Angelsnow · Jan 14, 2017

Angelsnow · Jan 14, 2017

Calmador · Jan 14, 2017

What does being "Submissive" look like to men...who are either married...or looking for a wife???

In Regards to??-----

I think some general ideas are that the husband is the head of the family.... so different husbands will lead differently. You're only hearing how I'd lead. Another idea I think is clear in proverbs 31 is that she should be of the home, home-oriented.

1. Employment? - I plan on her working only part-time and her being a "full-time" stay at home mom.
2. Cooking? (Housekeeping) - She'll mainly be focused on this. I would help as much as I can.
3. Child Rearing? Same as above
4. Education? - Guessing you mean if she should be? I'd like her to be, but it's not necessary.
5. Traditional? -- (in what way?) - In a biblical way
6. How should a man behave at home behind closed doors? - Like a husband and father
7. How should your wife (or potential wife) dress and behave at home? In modesty and like a Christian woman... also, feminine.
8. Is your wife (or potential) permitted to disagree and say no. (without being punished) - To be clear, she can disagree, but she should submit to my lead anyways. The only reason I see shouldn't submit is if I'm asking her to sin. I don't think I'd ever "punish" her.
9. Is it okay for her to have goals and dreams that might be different than yours? - Yes, but, that shouldn't mean she doesn't submit to me. All dreams and goals should be for G-d, not for our own vanity.

Keep in mind that these are my answers... What I plan for my family.

Angelsnow · Jan 14, 2017

Beautifully said!!!!

Somewhere out there...is a woman who will be very loved by you!!!! I hope you find her soon!!! You'd be an amazing Husband and father!!!

GBU!!!

Calmador said:

What does being "Submissive" look like to men...who are either married...or looking for a wife???

In Regards to??-----

I think some general ideas are that the husband is the head of the family.... so different husbands will lead differently. You're only hearing how I'd lead. Another idea I think is clear in proverbs 31 is that she should be of the home, home-oriented.

1. Employment? - I plan on her working only part-time and her being a "full-time" stay at home mom.
2. Cooking? (Housekeeping) - She'll mainly be focused on this. I would help as much as I can.
3. Child Rearing? Same as above
4. Education? - Guessing you mean if she should be? I'd like her to be, but it's not necessary.
5. Traditional? -- (in what way?) - In a biblical way
6. How should a man behave at home behind closed doors? - Like a husband and father
7. How should your wife (or potential wife) dress and behave at home? In modesty and like a Christian woman... also, feminine.
8. Is your wife (or potential) permitted to disagree and say no. (without being punished) - To be clear, she can disagree, but she should submit to my lead anyways. The only reason I see shouldn't submit is if I'm asking her to sin. I don't think I'd ever "punish" her.
9. Is it okay for her to have goals and dreams that might be different than yours? - Yes, but, that shouldn't mean she doesn't submit to me. All dreams and goals should be for G-d, not for our own vanity.

Keep in mind that these are my answers... What I plan for my family.

Angelsnow · Jan 14, 2017

I had to respond to your answers.

I am completely and utterly amazed at your insight. Very Very wise!!!

I agree with pretty much all you wrote. You sound like an amazing man. Don't know your story...of your past.
I just think...you will be a true gift to the right woman...when you find her. You just never know..when you will find her. She could be right around the corner from where you live...Or 2 rows back....in the church..you attend. Keep your eyes open.

God Bless You!!!! Always and Forever!!!!

CatHerder said:

First - all these questions are things the couple should discuss PRIOR to marriage, as one's views on leadership and submission may differ from the opinions of another. It would be a good act of leadership for the husband/future husband to initiate the conversation.

I see her money as also my money and my money as also her money. This is not about who makes more. It's about coming to agreement about where the money is going and working as a team.
If the question is about whether she should work at all - well, she may just have to. This is not the same economy as when many "traditions" were set. Now, if he makes enough that she doesn't have to work too but wants to, that's something to discuss.

I see cooking/housework as an extension of provision. Many men won't like this because they see earning money as providing for the family, and homemaking as traditionally the woman's role. But ask the family dog - when he sees the wife come back from grocery shopping and pull a package of red meat out of the bag, SHE is the provider! So true providing encompasses quite a bit, including many of the woman's traditional roles.
As to housework chores, a good guideline would be that whoever works fewer hours at their job should do more of the housework. Job-hunting, schooling, and other such activities are things that should be taken into consideration.

There's that old expression: "Wait 'til your father gets home!" No. The children need to see both parents as disciplinarians. They also need to see that their parents are united in their parenting. Discussions and disagreements regarding private vs. public schooling and time spent with grandparents should be done out of the earshot of kids.

Whose education? Is it vital to the husband's goals? The wife's goals? Does the other party have to make sacrifices to support the spouse attending classes (more housework, more of the child-rearing, making do with less $$). Hopefully, the spouse will be the kind of person who is willing to sacrifice a little for a season to support the other.

Back to the $$ and employment:
I've seen it posted here in CC that if a man only makes such and such, that he is not ready to be married. I call baloney on this. It's more about how one manages money than how much one makes. I know many godly men who are social workers, which often is a low paying job. Other godly men may lose their job with a comfortable income and have to take a lower one because that's what is available. Is he now not qualified to be a husband because he doesn't make a certain amount? Or if he became disabled? Is the man who never had to work because he was born into a rich family better suited to marry than the spiritually mature social worker? There is so much wrong with this thinking.

His behavior shouldn't be much different than when in the presence of other people. It may be the time to lovingly confront over things said, or money spent, or to have discussions that are not appropriate for other people to hear. The home is also a place to show affections that are not appropriate for public display as well.

I'll use my response for #6 to answer the question about her behavior. As for her dress, she should dress for the occasion. If she is going to do housework and wears sweats and a T-shirt, that's fine. I'm not one for sexy lingerie, as my wife wouldn't be wearing it long enough for me to really appreciate it, but if we were going out, and wore a top or a dress that I've expressed was one of my favorites, I would feel loved and feel like she dressed up for me.

Iron sharpens iron. I would hope that she disagreed with me somewhat. Otherwise I'm just living my life and she is simply tagging along. Where is the fellowship or companionship in that? Can we both disagree and not let our emotions get in the way of us being respectful toward each other? Hopefully, that's the goal.

Of course! Moreover, I think this is healthy. You probably have a lot in common with the other person and enjoy doing stuff together. If this were not the case, you probably wouldn't have gotten together in the first place! But it's also okay to have interests that are not the other person's interests too. The real issue would be are her goals and dreams in conflict with mine? This is when one or the other needs to make a sacrifice. Some couples wait to take a hobby, start a business or develop a skill after the kids are out of the house. Some redirect their passions into something else. The point is to remain godly in these pursuits and not take advantage of the other person.

Angelsnow · Jan 14, 2017

Cute !!!....Loved this.

88 said:

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