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Alas, I did not.
My entire dating experience has pretty much consisted of having a few conversations, getting to know the person, and then realizing (and it was often mutual) that we had nothing in common or were not compatible in any way (different ministry interests, life goals, ideas of how to handle family, etc.)
I'm just glad I've learned to avoid some of the mistakes I made when I was younger, which tended to be, get into a huge, long-term, serious relationship and THEN realize we were terrible for each other.
I've also found that there are a lot of challenges as far as getting older when it comes to give-and-take, especially since the people you meet on dating sites always seem to be quite a distance away.
There were several guys on the dating sites who wanted me to move to where they were, learn their languages, take on their culture, adjust to their customs (even when they lived in the USA)... and basically, become a different person. I think that for the right person I would consider it, but it would also weigh heavily on my mind that I would be giving up everything... and what, exactly, were they sacrificing, since they wanted me to change my entire life, and self, for them?
In all my years of being on the dating scene, I can think of only one guy who talked about possibly moving to where I was (and then he disappeared.)
When I was younger, more naive, and more flexible, I would have been more readily open-minded to do that.
But now, as I get older and settled more into a place of being able to meet personal goals, I think more about what both people have to give and sacrifice, and if it doesn't seem like a fairly even score, I don't think I'd be interested.
I've learned, however, as they say, to never say never!
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bravethea
Guest
Dating sites are evil. How about speed dating? Has anyone tried it, even just for fun? Sounds desperate but also exciting. This is really a timely topic since halloween, I mean valentines day is almost here.
Same difference. Both events require wearing a mask.
I have no tales to tell of dating sites because I never found the time to spend on them. There's just too much other stuff to do in life and most of it is much more interesting than dredging through profiles, hoping to find someone.
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Hellooo
Guest
I do a lot of things with my life as well, but I'm also open to having love again. Maybe it won't happen again for me, maybe it does,
but I try to go into experiences with an open mind before dismissing them.
I've dated and befriended people in all sorts of ways...meeting during a class, through other friends, church events, while on the job, during travel, watching a show.. I understand why many are hesitant about online dating, and trust me, even I'M hesitant while I'm trying this out, but it's just a medium.
but I try to go into experiences with an open mind before dismissing them.
I've dated and befriended people in all sorts of ways...meeting during a class, through other friends, church events, while on the job, during travel, watching a show.. I understand why many are hesitant about online dating, and trust me, even I'M hesitant while I'm trying this out, but it's just a medium.
I met a lady on a dating site in our region - I can't even remember its name. Both were in a neighbouring country. The first was a really great lady but we just didn't have that connection when we met in person. She was in a neighbouring country.I travel there often so I scheduled to meet her and spend some time with her on one of my trips. We spent a pleasant afternoon together but didn't really connect. We became friends instead.
A second lady contacted me some months later. She was on the other end of the continent but traveled a lot because of her work. We met in Johannesburg after Christmas that year and attended a new years eve service. WE really liked each other but were at different places with our careers and other aspirations. She was globe trotting at the time and I was still rooted in my country trying to grow in my vocation. We decided that a friendship was the way forward at the time. We still are great friends.
Some of my other experiences were less than savoury (and lo, they were many) but I still can't help feeling like the "guardian of the friendzone."
That said, I must admit that I never did put any effort into my profile, apart from a couple of pictures and a brief description. I registered, created a basic profile then shelved the site and got on with life. Not a great way to connect with people. i suppose the lesson for me was if you want to try online dating sites then REALLY try them. Make an effort. I just didnt.
A second lady contacted me some months later. She was on the other end of the continent but traveled a lot because of her work. We met in Johannesburg after Christmas that year and attended a new years eve service. WE really liked each other but were at different places with our careers and other aspirations. She was globe trotting at the time and I was still rooted in my country trying to grow in my vocation. We decided that a friendship was the way forward at the time. We still are great friends.
Some of my other experiences were less than savoury (and lo, they were many) but I still can't help feeling like the "guardian of the friendzone."
That said, I must admit that I never did put any effort into my profile, apart from a couple of pictures and a brief description. I registered, created a basic profile then shelved the site and got on with life. Not a great way to connect with people. i suppose the lesson for me was if you want to try online dating sites then REALLY try them. Make an effort. I just didnt.
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Haven't been speed dating but I hear it's basically half desperate older women wanting a good time after a few drinks, or men looking for it, or some, some, normal people you have to find. If they match.
I've used dating sites for years with hardly any messages from women. No matter the profile or picture. That's because somewhat normal people like me get overshadowed by the thousands of hot dogs sending drunk or drugged up pics of their vegetables. Or just asking for it. So women probably stop reading after awhile.
So many years, so few messages. That's the way it is for men unless you have something. Funny, money,looks,body, tattoos, or other. Meh, just my luck women don't like slim men that much.
I've never tried an online dating site because I don't want to get laughed at by women I've never even met. And another thing that concerns me is that popular site which had been taken down by the government because they found out that 99% of the women on there weren't actually real people. (It wasn't a regular dating site... it was for married people to find someone to cheat with. I only knew about it through the news )
)I've never tried an online dating site because I don't want to get laughed at by women I've never even met. And another thing that concerns me is that popular site which had been taken down by the government because they found out that 99% of the women on there weren't actually real people. (It wasn't a regular dating site... it was for married people to find someone to cheat with. I only knew about it through the news
Honestly, I think there are more women that like big guys than skinny ones. Yes, the thousands of fake profiles are annoying.
Same difference. Both events require wearing a mask.
I have no tales to tell of dating sites because I never found the time to spend on them. There's just too much other stuff to do in life and most of it is much more interesting than dredging through profiles, hoping to find someone.
Hmm... reading what I wrote after a few hours, it seems I said something that sounded much different from the way I intended it to sound. I stand by what I said because all I said is technically accurate, but the way it came across was frankly condescending. I apologize for that.
Your reply was dignified and restrained Hellooo, and I thank you for that.
I agree with hello to be open minded. Time is never enough for the endless list of things to do in life but there are also important things that would require time like getting to know someone that could be a potential life partner. And compared to online dating, speed dating is the lesser evil because it is actual human interaction instead of facing a computer.
Online dating or speed dating worked for some people. Obviously it's not for everyone.
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DCrawshawJr
Guest
Let's see...I've been on at least three dating sites, maybe more. I liked OKCupid the best, because of the questions and the algorithm (I'm a math geek!)
I did try eHarmony for about six months (paid for it too), and those were some of the only times when I met an online date in real life. Neither worked out.
But yeah, online dating's not for me. I'd rather meet someone IRL and actually know more about them via their body language. That, and I am also vulnerable to their reading of my body language. It's more mutual respect, I think, than can be found online. That, and we are more free to say "No, I don't want a relationship".
Let me give you an example: I was at a trivia night, and I recognized someone from years ago. Their table said, "Hey, she's single!" Spur of the moment, yeah, I got a little excited. I tried to talk to her, but she just walked away. Weeks later, I went to a church where I met her again. I asked to talk to her, and she set me aside. She explained that she just wasn't "there" yet in terms of dating (I don't know if she meant me or dating in general). I just wanted to apologize in case I offended her. She assured me I didn't. Mutual respect.
I did try eHarmony for about six months (paid for it too), and those were some of the only times when I met an online date in real life. Neither worked out.
But yeah, online dating's not for me. I'd rather meet someone IRL and actually know more about them via their body language. That, and I am also vulnerable to their reading of my body language. It's more mutual respect, I think, than can be found online. That, and we are more free to say "No, I don't want a relationship".
Let me give you an example: I was at a trivia night, and I recognized someone from years ago. Their table said, "Hey, she's single!" Spur of the moment, yeah, I got a little excited. I tried to talk to her, but she just walked away. Weeks later, I went to a church where I met her again. I asked to talk to her, and she set me aside. She explained that she just wasn't "there" yet in terms of dating (I don't know if she meant me or dating in general). I just wanted to apologize in case I offended her. She assured me I didn't. Mutual respect.
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Hellooo
Guest
I tried out a dating app, Coffee Meets Bagel. It's nice because it checks your Facebook (but doesn't use it) to verify you're a real person, and the men make the "first move". It's also local, you can set the radius out fairly far but I only did 30 miles.
Met a real jerk on there, and another guy that I'm still chatting with but just as a friend because I'm not sure I'm interested.
Then again, I am not sure I am interested in dating again in general. Just thought I'd mention that app. What's funny is my mom is the one who told me about it. I think she really wants grandkids.
Met a real jerk on there, and another guy that I'm still chatting with but just as a friend because I'm not sure I'm interested.
Then again, I am not sure I am interested in dating again in general. Just thought I'd mention that app. What's funny is my mom is the one who told me about it. I think she really wants grandkids.
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Hellooo
Guest
Welcome back, Rachelsedge! So nice to see you pop in.
I'll have to check that app out.
(My mom also keeps hinting at grandchildren)
I'll have to check that app out.
(My mom also keeps hinting at grandchildren)
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