A non christian and Christian in a relationship or marriage

Dave-1988 · May 1, 2017

Hello everyone,

I am new on this forum and would like some help regarding my situation. I am a non christian in a relationship with a christian woman and currently facing some issues with our interfaith beliefs.

We both first met at work in Thailand in a tech start and have been in a relationship for over a year. When I first met her I really liked her and started to pursue her, I didn't think her religion would have any affect on loving someone who wasn't a believer. I also don't discriminate on a persons beliefs, cultural identity or ethnicity. I consider myself an agnostic but would happily go to a church, mosque or a buddhist temple. Iv'e gone to a few churches with my girlfriend, the Evangelical denomination. And making friends with some of the people who I met at church. We both live together and have done for over a year, without her family knowing. We have had sexual intercourse, she lost her virginity to me. We have also talked about getting married and having kids although I don't want that yet as i'm not in a suitable financial situation.

After living in Thailand for four and half years I decided to go back to the U.K to see my family for a few months. Two months later she came to visit me in the U.K, we spent some time in London followed by a romantic trip to Paris for her birthday. After that she went to LA for two weeks where she is from. Within those two weeks I had hardly any contact with her, I frequently messaged her and tried to call her but on the last week I realised something must be wrong. I was aware that she has some family issues. Her brother is a drug addict and her mother is getting frail and ill because of it. But for the last week she did not call me or message me, she was trying to avoid the situation she knows how upset I would become if something were to happen. I l also know her well enough to know something is wrong, even if she hasn't said anything. I also believe her mother found out about us and that she disapproved of the relationship. She also changed her views towards me when she made a visit to her local church in LA. Maybe the church minister or bible studies had an affect and mentioned how it was a sin to have no sex before marriage.

Well just a couple of days ago I had repeatedly called her to see what was happening, she was upset and crying and said how she had to move back to the united states to support her mother and brothers, this is also A Thai cultural thing. She also said how we're incompatible because i'm a non believer and how it would never work out as we don't share the same values. She said she has to end it because of her relationship with god and her religious values. I would get in the way of that.

BTW I am Thai/British while she is Thai/American, so thats another complication if one of us moves back home to the west.

I'm currently in the U.K at the moment and am thinking wether I should travel back to Thailand to see her one last time or to salvage as much as I possibly can from the relationship. She said that I should not come back and she has decided on ending it and moving back to the states.

I truly want to be with her and I love her very much. I would spend my whole life with her and she has been the best thing that has happened to me. But because of these values it makes it very difficult for us.

I am unsure what to do at this minute in time and would appreciate the help of any of the forum readers would give. If any one has been in a similar situation or is in a interfaith relationship I would love to hear from you. I'm sure there are some church leaders may also give invaluable advice.

Much appreciated

David

kaylagrl · May 1, 2017

Dave-1988 said:

Hello everyone,

I am new on this forum and would like some help regarding my situation. I am a non christian in a relationship with a christian woman and currently facing some issues with our interfaith beliefs.

We both first met at work in Thailand in a tech start and have been in a relationship for over a year. When I first met her I really liked her and started to pursue her, I didn't think her religion would have any affect on loving someone who wasn't a believer. I also don't discriminate on a persons beliefs, cultural identity or ethnicity. I consider myself an agnostic but would happily go to a church, mosque or a buddhist temple. Iv'e gone to a few churches with my girlfriend, the Evangelical denomination. And making friends with some of the people who I met at church. We both live together and have done for over a year, without her family knowing. We have had sexual intercourse, she lost her virginity to me. We have also talked about getting married and having kids although I don't want that yet as i'm not in a suitable financial situation.

After living in Thailand for four and half years I decided to go back to the U.K to see my family for a few months. Two months later she came to visit me in the U.K, we spent some time in London followed by a romantic trip to Paris for her birthday. After that she went to LA for two weeks where she is from. Within those two weeks I had hardly any contact with her, I frequently messaged her and tried to call her but on the last week I realised something must be wrong. I was aware that she has some family issues. Her brother is a drug addict and her mother is getting frail and ill because of it. But for the last week she did not call me or message me, she was trying to avoid the situation she knows how upset I would become if something were to happen. I l also know her well enough to know something is wrong, even if she hasn't said anything. I also believe her mother found out about us and that she disapproved of the relationship. She also changed her views towards me when she made a visit to her local church in LA. Maybe the church minister or bible studies had an affect and mentioned how it was a sin to have no sex before marriage.

Well just a couple of days ago I had repeatedly called her to see what was happening, she was upset and crying and said how she had to move back to the united states to support her mother and brothers, this is also A Thai cultural thing. She also said how we're incompatible because i'm a non believer and how it would never work out as we don't share the same values. She said she has to end it because of her relationship with god and her religious values. I would get in the way of that.

BTW I am Thai/British while she is Thai/American, so thats another complication if one of us moves back home to the west.

I'm currently in the U.K at the moment and am thinking wether I should travel back to Thailand to see her one last time or to salvage as much as I possibly can from the relationship. She said that I should not come back and she has decided on ending it and moving back to the states.

I truly want to be with her and I love her very much. I would spend my whole life with her and she has been the best thing that has happened to me. But because of these values it makes it very difficult for us.

I am unsure what to do at this minute in time and would appreciate the help of any of the forum readers would give. If any one has been in a similar situation or is in a interfaith relationship I would love to hear from you. I'm sure there are some church leaders may also give invaluable advice.

Much appreciated

David

Any advice I could give you would not like. Really if you have no interest in becoming a Christian you need to let her go. She is going to have to live with the guilt and consequences if she continues the relationship. If you continue there will be more and more issues as you go along.If you have children would you want them to know about God? Would you take them to church? and if you did and you are not a believer how do you explain to your kids ? It really is best to let her go. She was wrong to start a relationship with an unbeliever in the first place. And she knows this. I see only heartbreak in the future because your views are so far apart. Its nothing against you,its just that you are walking different paths. The way you're going will just be filled with conflict ahead. I would let her go and find someone with beliefs closer to your own.

PrynceNY · May 1, 2017

Hello Dave, do you have any intention of becoming a christian. i'm sure she loves you but it probably hurts her knowing the path that you are on. This life is only temporary as you want to spend your life with her she probably wants to spend eternity with you. That will only happen unless you accept Christ as lord. There are many families with loved ones who don't share the faith and it hurts them immensely because they know where they will end up if they don't change.

preacher4truth · May 1, 2017

Dave-1988 said:

Hopefully she's repented of her sin before God. Perhaps God will bring you to repentance and faith as well.

OwzK · May 1, 2017

Dave-1988 said:

Hello everyone,

I am new on this forum and would like some help regarding my situation. I am a non christian in a relationship with a christian woman and currently facing some issues with our interfaith beliefs.

We both first met at work in Thailand in a tech start and have been in a relationship for over a year. When I first met her I really liked her and started to pursue her, I didn't think her religion would have any affect on loving someone who wasn't a believer. I also don't discriminate on a persons beliefs, cultural identity or ethnicity. I consider myself an agnostic but would happily go to a church, mosque or a buddhist temple. Iv'e gone to a few churches with my girlfriend, the Evangelical denomination. And making friends with some of the people who I met at church. We both live together and have done for over a year, without her family knowing. We have had sexual intercourse, she lost her virginity to me. We have also talked about getting married and having kids although I don't want that yet as i'm not in a suitable financial situation.

After living in Thailand for four and half years I decided to go back to the U.K to see my family for a few months. Two months later she came to visit me in the U.K, we spent some time in London followed by a romantic trip to Paris for her birthday. After that she went to LA for two weeks where she is from. Within those two weeks I had hardly any contact with her, I frequently messaged her and tried to call her but on the last week I realised something must be wrong. I was aware that she has some family issues. Her brother is a drug addict and her mother is getting frail and ill because of it. But for the last week she did not call me or message me, she was trying to avoid the situation she knows how upset I would become if something were to happen. I l also know her well enough to know something is wrong, even if she hasn't said anything. I also believe her mother found out about us and that she disapproved of the relationship. She also changed her views towards me when she made a visit to her local church in LA. Maybe the church minister or bible studies had an affect and mentioned how it was a sin to have no sex before marriage.

Well just a couple of days ago I had repeatedly called her to see what was happening, she was upset and crying and said how she had to move back to the united states to support her mother and brothers, this is also A Thai cultural thing. She also said how we're incompatible because i'm a non believer and how it would never work out as we don't share the same values. She said she has to end it because of her relationship with god and her religious values. I would get in the way of that.

BTW I am Thai/British while she is Thai/American, so thats another complication if one of us moves back home to the west.

I'm currently in the U.K at the moment and am thinking wether I should travel back to Thailand to see her one last time or to salvage as much as I possibly can from the relationship. She said that I should not come back and she has decided on ending it and moving back to the states.

I truly want to be with her and I love her very much. I would spend my whole life with her and she has been the best thing that has happened to me. But because of these values it makes it very difficult for us.

I am unsure what to do at this minute in time and would appreciate the help of any of the forum readers would give. If any one has been in a similar situation or is in a interfaith relationship I would love to hear from you. I'm sure there are some church leaders may also give invaluable advice.

Much appreciated

David

Uh oh, it will NOT end well, did NOT end well or work out well between me and my ex with me being Christian and her an atheist.

Dave-1988 · May 1, 2017

Well, thanks for the response but only god can judge.

The association between sin and premarital sex is a new Christian idea. The only possible reference to premarital sex being a sin in the Bible is in the New Testament.

Dino246 · May 1, 2017

Dave-1988 said:

Welcome, David...
Just like each of us was (or for other non-Christians, still is), you are considered a sinner by God. The penalty for sin is death... not just the end of earthly life, but no hope afterward either. However, God knew that none of us could ever be worthy of life, so God took care of that Himself by coming to earth as the man Jesus. He died on the cross to pay the penalty for our sin. He was buried, and on the third day He rose, never to die again. By believing in Jesus as to Who He says He is and what He has done, you become a child of God. You will be empowered by the Holy Spirit to live a life that pleases Him.

That all said (because it's important!), I think the best you can hope for without becoming a Christian is that she will eventually either end the relationship, or be deeply disappointed because you don't share her faith. How about joining the family of God, and that way you no longer have a disconnect on your beliefs.

Dave-1988 · May 1, 2017

It can end well and why should it not if one person has a different faith from another? A christian and an Atheist, Muslim and a Jew why do we need to differentiate between peoples beliefs... Please explain why it did not work out? By the way i'm not an Atheist but I accept the possibility that there is a god.

Dave-1988 · May 1, 2017

OwzK said:

It can end well and why should it not if one person has a different faith from another? A christian and an Atheist, Muslim and a Jew why do we need to differentiate between peoples beliefs... Please explain why it did not work out? By the way i'm not an Atheist but I accept the possibility that there is a god.

Dave-1988 · May 1, 2017

preacher4truth said:

Well, thanks for the response but only god can judge.

The association between sin and premarital sex is a new Christian idea. The only possible reference to premarital sex being a sin in the Bible is in the New Testament.

Dave-1988 · May 2, 2017

Dino246 said:

Welcome, David...
Just like each of us was (or for other non-Christians, still is), you are considered a sinner by God. The penalty for sin is death... not just the end of earthly life, but no hope afterward either. However, God knew that none of us could ever be worthy of life, so God took care of that Himself by coming to earth as the man Jesus. He died on the cross to pay the penalty for our sin. He was buried, and on the third day He rose, never to die again. By believing in Jesus as to Who He says He is and what He has done, you become a child of God. You will be empowered by the Holy Spirit to live a life that pleases Him.

That all said (because it's important!), I think the best you can hope for without becoming a Christian is that she will eventually either end the relationship, or be deeply disappointed because you don't share her faith. How about joining the family of God, and that way you no longer have a disconnect on your beliefs.

Thank you Dino, What if you were Christian but did not go to church? Maybe a liberal christian or Unitarian universalist? would we then have to disconnect our beliefs..

Dave-1988 · May 2, 2017

PrynceNY said:

Hello there, Yes I have considered on becoming a Christian. But Evangelical or Baptist christianity would be too much for me at the moment. I have gone to church a number of times, i'm interested in the more liberal christian denominations. Thanks.

Dave-1988 · May 2, 2017

kaylagrl said:

Thank you for the response, oh absolutely if we were to have children I would have no problem for them to know god. I wouldn't see a problem with taking them to church but i'd also take them to a buddhist temple, mosque, synagogue etc. As long as they have an understanding of different faiths. They can choose as they see fit to whatever they want their beliefs to be. Well perhaps I believe in god but I disagree with organised religion...

Ah I see, well I have a lot of thinking to do. I don't see why a interfaith relationship should be a problem. I accept her the way she is and I respect her beliefs but it's not the same case for people like me.

Ugly · May 2, 2017

Dave-1988 said:

You are looking at things from Your perspective, not from that as a Christian. You are making no effort to understand, you're just arguing for what you want. Your own responses prove that you aren't as open as you think. This woman's belief have interfered with what you want and you are asking us how to get her to give up her convictions so you can have what you want.
You are showing selfishness and a lack of respect or understanding. If you're doing this now there's a good chance if you married you would do it to her in the future too. Your relationship caused her to do things that is against her beliefs. All I see is all the negatives and hurt your relationship has brought her. But you don't care. You just want what you want. Disregard her convictions and her pain. And you think that's love? Love is not selfish. Love does not disregard what is important to the person you love. You clearly do not know what it means to love or genuinely respect someone. She's better off without you.
It's easy to say you accept and respect what someone believes, but look, soon as those beliefs cause actions you don't like you want to trample those beliefs. Walking it and talking it are very different things.

forgivened1 · May 2, 2017

Dave,
I tried to post earlier but it doesn't appear to have posted... forgive me if got two post from me...
I married an atheist but that I didn't know at the time. Well I sought God for help on what to do- through the Bible He told me to stay for if my non-believing spouse was ok staying with me, then I was to stay and pray-and be kind for in my actions he could be won over.... well 13 years into our marriage and me praying, he gave his life to Christ- no, life wasn't perfect nor happy ever after but because I've been in these shoes- I know that marriage is hard for believing spouses just as much as non-believing spouses. Have you shared with her that you love her and will not be in her way as a Christian and that you will even go to church with her? Faith comes by hearing... Maybe you could begin to read the Bible. Lee Strobel wrote a Book called Case for Christ, that has become a movie. I really enjoyed his wife's book as she was the believer married to the non-believer (even though she became a believer during their marriage.) I am a firm believer in God's will and purpose for our lives- and will be praying for you both to know what that is where you both are concerned relationship wise... best of luck (pursue a relationship with God first and foremost and the will of Him and if it is to be with this girl- to doors will be opened wide and nobody will be able to close them).

Fenner · May 2, 2017

Hi Dave, It sounds like this woman has a lot going on with her family. I don't know if she broke it off because of the family or because of the other. It's a sad story and it's to bad she has to be responsible for adults who are making poor decisions.

Before I was married I dated a Jewish man and an atheist, not at the same time, but eventually those factors were part of why we broke up. They aren't bad people but I guess deep down I knew that I did want to find someone who was Christian.

I wasn't really even that close to God at that point in my life. When the atheist and I broke up I took some time to myself and I did pray because I was so lost inside. I set my mind that I wasn't going to date anyone that wasn't Christian again. I didn't go out seeking a mate, I ended up meeting my Husband through a friend.

Of course this isn't everyone's story and not knowing her or you I can't say if it will work or not. But if she's truly trying to have a better relationship with God she probably wants someone like minded. That could be you someday, I don't know.
Just don't do something your heart isn't in because you want to keep a relationship. Not that I don't wish you to find God and have him in your life. It's that no one can force you into it. That probably won't end well. Best wishes.

Tinuviel · May 2, 2017

She loves you, but because of who she believes God is, she can't have a relationship with you. She told you not to come; she broke off the relationship even though it must have been like ripping her heart out. Don't make that decision harder for her by coming after her.

Magenta · May 2, 2017

Dave-1988 said:

Is that why fornicators used to be stoned to death? You kid yourself.

In the Old Testament, all sexual sin was forbidden by the Mosaic Law and Jewish custom. However, the Hebrew word translated “fornication” in the Old Testament was also in the context of idolatry, also called spiritual whoredom. In 2 Chronicles 21:10-14, God struck Jehoram with plagues and diseases because he led the people into idolatry. He “caused the people of Jerusalem to commit fornication” (v. 11, KJV) and “to go lusting like the fornications of the house of Ahab” (v. 13 NKJV).

King Ahab was the husband of Jezebel, a priestess of the lascivious god Baal, who led the Israelites into idol worship of the most egregious kind. In Ezekiel 16, the prophet Ezekiel describes in detail the history of God’s people turning away from Him to “play the harlot” with other gods.

The word “fornication,” meaning idolatry, is used numerous times in this chapter alone. As the Israelites became known among the nations round about them for their wisdom, riches, and power, which was a snare to them as a woman's beauty is to her, they were admired and courted and complimented by their neighbors, and so drawn into idolatrous practices.

The word “fornication” is used in connection with pagan idolatry because much of pagan “worship” included sex in their rites. Temple prostitutes were common in the worship of Baal and other false gods. Sexual sin of all kinds was not only accepted in these religions, but encouraged as a means to greater blessings from the gods for the worshipers, particularly in the increase of their flocks and crops. From gotquestions.com. More to come

Magenta · May 2, 2017

The Greek word family -porn- is found approximately 147 times in the canonical books of the LXX. It is used predominantly in a symbolic way and stands for turning away from the Lord and getting involved in idolatry. In Jer 31:1-10 both the northern and the southern kingdoms are accused of playing the harlot with their lovers instead of being faithful to the Lord.

However, the terms are also used in a literal sense. They apply to secular as well as to so-called sacred prostitution. Tamar behaved like a prostitute, and Judah regarded her as such. While pregnant she was accused of having played the harlot (Gen 38:13-24). As a widow she had sexual intercourse with a man–in this case with her father-in-law--and that was considered to be fornication.

Daughters were not to be made harlots by their fathers and were warned against fornication (Lev 19:29; 21:9). At Shittim the Israelites had sexual relations with the women of Moab which is called fornication. Another case is presented in Deut 22:13-21. A husband discovers that his wife was not a virgin when the couple married. Again the word family -porn- is used to describe what the woman had done. Obviously, this is a case of premarital sex described with the term“fornication.” The punishment is death by stoning.

There is more to refute what you said https://adventistbiblicalresearch.org/sites/default/files/pdf/Fornication rev (2).pdf

Dave-1988 · May 4, 2017

Ugly said:

Yeah, or how about you and christianity are not looking at it in our perspective. Iv'e made enough effort to understand thank you. You don't understand the extent of the problems to say iv'e caused pain and a disregard to her beliefs.

What if I said that my ex girlfriend (brother) happens to have HIV through his heroin addiction and for sexual intercourse with other men. This has affected the family severely and one big part why we are no longer together. Yes, if the brother's mother and church counselled him better without victimising him and telling him how much of a sinner he is for being a homosexual. Perhaps he wouldn't stray so far away. Yes, it confusing isn't it? If your church and everyone else tells you how much you are of a sinner.

Perhaps that is selfish and disrespectful!

My ex's mother is now moving church, I guess she's afraid on how people will judge her and the son. Shame that, I thought church communities got together to help each other out.

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