ENUFF!!
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Ancilla
Guest
Well, I understand you don't like it when people read that because you're convinced that when you're 28 (or 35) you won't be impatient that God hasn't brought the right person into your life. Or, more likely, you think you'll be married by then because you'd done everything right in terms of putting God first in your life and whatnot. I certainly thought that when I was your age. However, although you don't like it, that's still using the site appropriately.
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Ancilla
Guest
Thanks. See, I have spent YEARS and I do mean years, trying to sort out all this out. By "this" I mean like, dating and courting and marriage and all that. I mean, I used to think that I was the last girl on earth to have a boyfriend and I started going out with my first boyfriend when I was only 14 years 10 months. I wish I'd read I Kissed Dating Goodbye when I was 12 or 13. But it wasn't published until I was 16 and I didn't get my copy until 17. Anyway, I won't get into all that right now. Actually... I will very briefly.
Christian singles have a vastly different opinions on... well, all kinds of things, like is it ok for teenagers to date? Joshua Harris doesn't recommend it, but what about adults? Is it ok to take an active role in looking for the right person??? If so is it ok to look on-line??? If you are single, does that mean that God has choosen singleness for you??? Are you called to be single??? Is a call to singleness even exist????? Do Chrsitians who are waiting for God to bring them the perfect person to marry have unrealistic expectations about marriage??????? Is it ok to admit you don't like being single?????? And the big one: if you marry the one God wants you to marry, does that mean you'll never get a divorce??????????
Well, I've wrestled with this questions (and more) a lot over the past, wow, half a lifetime I guess, and especially in the past seven years. I think I now have a lot of those questions sorted out, thanks to lots of prayer and seeking advice of mature Christians.
Anyway, back on topic, what I'm getting at is this: when I found this website I thought it would be great outlet to share my opions on the above and find out what other Christians have to say them. But, this is not a place to post personal ads.
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incorporatestreet
Guest
did i say anything about using this site inappropriately? no.
i can see how people can get impatient, but that doesnt mean that
they should go around complaining all the time about how lonely they are.
shouldnt you be gods bride/husband and follow him whole heartedly?
yeah im young, and i want to get married young, but if that doesnt happen
ill be fine with it, because god gave me peace about being single and
showed me the good qualities of it. people in todays society think that getting
married leads to happiness and cures all pain, but it doesnt.
i personally feel that you should learn to enjoy being single because you dont
know when youll meet that special someone, so enjoy it and get to know yourself and god better.
but thats just my personal opinion.
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Ancilla
Guest
No, you didn't. It's just that this thread is about not using this site to post personal ads because that's (in our view anyway) using the site inappropriate. People can post things about their singleness that you disagree with, but that doesn't mean they're using it inappropriately.
I don't think anyone here is going around all the time complaining about being single all the time. But, it is, however, nice to go on to a forum and be honest about their struggles with people who are supportive and understanding.
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incorporatestreet
Guest
I'm not saying that they cant post things about being single, ive read a lot of forums on here about being single. I may not agree with what they are saying but thats not going to stop me from posting my point of view on topics either. I've read over ten posts about how frustrated people are that god hasnt brought that person into their life yet. youre right, it is nice to be able to vent about your feelings but i think that at a certain point, should you tell GOD your frustrations and not people?
Hmmmm, I have read through a lot of these posts and it is quite an emotive subject. Some people come on this site in the hope of meeting someone......some don't. Like on most networking sites, christian or not.......people use it for what they want.....that's the fact of the matter.
The majority of people here are here to fellowship/socialise/seek advice/have great discussions about God/have fun chatting with other like minded people and this above anything else is what makes this site so great. You really make some meaningful friendships here. I think that is the important point.....
I think for single people in general (of which some are lonely, some are seeking a relationship) should come on ChristianChat with the mindset to develop a friendship with other christians and not the mindset of 'I want to meet someone, so I am gonna 'PM' every female/male that takes my fancy'.
I think this site should be used with the right motives in mind, as it has been mentioned, there are specific dating sites and ChristianChat is not a 'dating' site. And single people should be able to come on here and not be haressed at times by people seeking a relationship....but it happens and those people should be told that's not what the majority of us are here for.
I think it is totally appropriate/acceptable for singles to express their experiences of being single, just as one might express themselves regarding being married or divorced or any other situation that concerns them. This way others have input into our experiences and can help others to overcome difficulties - such as 'feeling they have waited too long for God to send a marriage partner'...these are real issues, real everyday things that some people struggle with and they should not be dismissed in any way.
Some people cope with their singleness well and feel contented with life and just get on and have fun and don't give it too much attention. For others if it is a real heartfelt desire, something they have always dreamed of etc etc......and they are in their late 20's, 30's 40's, 50's etc and haven't met someone, this can be a real issue for them.
So instead of knocking them down for bringing it up for the millionth time, the single ones that have found contentment in singleness and are able to wait patiently and get on with life....be SENSITIVE to and try and UNDERSTAND the single one who is struggling.
The one who is struggling knows God's word and knows all the things that a single person should do i.e. lose themselves in God, concentrate on what God may be asking them to do while they wait as well as get busy with a hobby,take up a new interest etc......BUT they are still human and still have that longing and of course they do take their struggle to God...BUT it's encouraging to chat things over with people and get advice and find ways to deal with it, so it doesn't control them. It's so helpful regarding ANY subject talked about on this site, when there are others that UNDERSTAND what you are going through and need direction......as more important those that have CONQUERED a certain area of their lives that they subject concerns.
Would you tell a friend.......'well you've mentioned this issue too many times.....I am not supporting or encouraging you anymore?'..is that how God treats us? NO.....don't friends stick around and bear with one another and pray it through. I don't think there is anyone on here that has talked this subject to death to warrant that they should not bring it up.........
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Abing
Guest
haha, well like most of 'em said, no rules were broken, so yeah its ok. it's just that --- some people get annoyed with it, so leave it to the public and majority wins.
leave it to the public and majority wins? We have to be careful with that.......if you are meaning what I think you mean by that statement (and please correct me if I have misunderstood you!!!)..........we must be careful that we don't crush people's right to freely express themselves (without breaking the rules of this site) and find comfort, encouragement, advice for things they are experiencing..no matter how annoying it becomes to certain people. Move to another discussion...after you've said your final word about it.
I could get annoyed about something on the other forums on here.........but I just move to another subject, ignore it or if I feel to share something with that person/people, then I do so.....isn't that what all of us do on here?
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Abing
Guest
i meant. if the majority are getting annoyed with it ( even if those ads dont break any law ), then the admin's not gonna decide about it, since its not like |ITS NOT ALLOWED AT ALL| (i myself dont find anything wrong with it), but yeah if it causes somethin not good to the majority of the people here.. then yeah, perhaps just put it somewhere else,
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Ancilla
Guest
Awesome, you had me until
WHAT???? No seriously, WHAT???? I don't understand Christians that think like this. This attitude that having God means you don't need people. God created us to need other people. We often like to deny that need and use the excuse of needing people is somehow devaluing God. The classic example is are the people who have accountability partners or are part of accountability groups, and then they hear from others "I don't need an accountability parnter, I can just be accountable to God. Isn't God enough?" Well, is that really the reason why they don't want an accountability partner? Or like the people who don't go to church because they don't need other people to connect with God? Well, obviously one can connect with God by themselves, but does that make it wise not to go to church? Of course not. See, it's never about whether or not God is able, because we know his power is limitlesss, it's always a matter of whether or not God is willing. It's like if you really need to pray hard about something and then you go pray with you're best friend. It's not that you don't think God is powerful enough to answer your prayer on your own. It's that God said "When two or more are gathered..." for a reason.
But anyway, what I really don't get is why you assume that if someone is psoting their feelings on this forum that they're not praying about it. Acutally I lied, I do know, or at least I have a theory. Am I correct that you think that if everyone was praying about their singleness that they either wouldn't be frustrated or wouldn't be single?
Anyway, I have to go.
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1Corinthians13
Guest
Whoa personal ads? I just saw the word ENUFF and was curious. I miss everything. Yeah this isn't a pickup site for sure. Merry, you know most of the people on the pen pal site wrote their ads in 2006....I wonder if half of them are still living.
you didnt read what i wrote........... let me clarify again...........perhaps you should just ignore it.
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Ancilla
Guest
You're right. I thought you said "how do you know that the singles room WASN'T made for like an e-harmony thing... i mean it does say for singles right." And I was bewildered how anyone can compare this site with eHarmony, because the function and format and everything else are so dramatically different.
Sorry if I jumped to any conclusions.
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incorporatestreet
Guest
im single, and ive prayed and gotten frustrated about it countless times, so i understand where these people are coming from. im not saying that they arent turning to god or praying, but when i was struggling with being single it wasnt until i gave it ALL to god when i started to have peace about it. i know that god will put that one person in my life when the timing is right, could be next week, could be in 10 years.
i agree with you, what i was saying is that we should not just rely on people or our accountability parners to bring us up when we are feeling lonely, because in all honesty people run out of things to say when they have heard the same thing over and over. you can only say and do so much for that person. not saying that anyone is only relying on people, but it happens because we as humans like to throw pitty parties for ourselves when things arent how we want them to be at that moment.
hope that makes sense.
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Ancilla
Guest
No, you understand what it's like to be single when you're 19 or younger, but you don't know what it's like to be even 20 and single let alone 28 and single. I mean, it's like if I went on an internet forum about menopause and said "Stop your whining, it can't be all that bad. I've had nasty PMS before but you don't hear me complaining." They'd say "Whatever, you're 28, you have no idea what we're talking about." So, what I'm saying is you may think you understand, but unless you've been in that same situation, then you don't really understand. Like, my best friend is in OA, and I so I got a book on food addiction out of the library because I just didn't understand. I mean, I know what it's like to have a really terrible day and then pick up some Ben & Jerry's on the way home. But that's something I'll maybe do twice a year. I know what it's like to have an open bag of chips in my appartment and then eat more than I planned. But really, that's a different world from a food addiction. So to advise my friend would be arrogant because I just don't understand. Likewise, she says that diet advise from skinny people really drives her nuts.
Ok this is what you said to Midge on the other thread
"being patient IS tiring. but you need to make sure that you have
an intimate relationship with GOD first, before you can maintain
a relationship with the opposite sex."
Isn't that kind of implying that she's not married because her relationship with God isn't good enough? Do you know how hurtful that is? That's why I came down with so hard on you. I'm quite tolerant of other people's opinions that differ from my own. HOWEVER, when those opinions can hurtful and/or destructive (I think what you said is the former, but not necessarily the latter. I read a book for Christian singles and I think the majority of the advice in it is down right dangerous. But I won't get inot that now) then I'll insit on my making my views known.
I have to go.
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zeromantic
Guest
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Ancilla
Guest
Ok, I'm back.
Good.
So are you saying that if someone gives it all to God that they won't struggle with being single anymore?
Good.
So are you saying that if someone gives it all to God that they won't struggle with being single anymore?
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