Need advice for my marriage

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
F

Fb1973

Guest
#1
#1
I have been married for almost 1 year and I am considering divorce. I will give a chronological account of why I am considering divorce.
1. 26 days after we got married my husband asked his ex girlfriend to send him "pictures" of herself when she said no he said well what about seeing each other in person. I did not find out about this until about 2 months later.
2. My husband's best friend prior to our marriage was a woman. I never met her until our wedding. After almost 2.months of marriage he asked if he could spend a day alone with her. I suggested that I get to know her better before they did that. This caused a constant 2 week long argument that ended in physical violence on his part. He has told me I would never be more important than her and if I couldn't handle that I should leave. He has since stopped talking to her but it took 3 months in counseling to get him to do that.
3. At just over 4 months of marriage he hit me again over the same female. He went to jail which is what started the counseling. I did leave buy after 3 months of counseling I went back.
4. Now my issue is that I can't get over all the pain he caused me emotionally and I truly want to.
Any advice would be appreciated I am truly lost on what to do. I do have an appointment with our counselor. I would just like some insight from someone who might have gone through something similar.
 
serpentdove

serpentdove

Banned
#2
May 18, 2017
510
2
0
#2
Fb1973 said:
I have been married for almost 1 year and I am considering divorce.
Click to expand...
Mal 2:16

Fb1973 said:
I will give a chronological account of why I am considering divorce.
1. 26 days after we got married my husband asked his ex-girlfriend to send him "pictures" of herself when she said no he said well what about seeing each other in person. I did not find out about this until about 2 months later.
2. My husband's best friend prior to our marriage was a woman. I never met her until our wedding. After almost 2 months of marriage he asked if he could spend a day alone with her. I suggested that I get to know her better before they did that. This caused a constant 2 week long argument that ended in physical violence on his part. He has told me I would never be more important than her and if I couldn't handle, that I should leave. He has since stopped talking to her but it took 3 months in counseling to get him to do that.
3. At just over 4 months of marriage he hit me again over the same female. He went to jail which is what started the counseling. I did leave but after 3 months of counseling I went back.
4. Now my issue is that I can't get over all the pain he caused me emotionally and I truly want to.
Any advice would be appreciated I am truly lost on what to do. I do have an appointment with our counselor. I would just like some insight from someone who might have gone through something similar.
Click to expand...
Take martial arts and learn to defend yourself. Do not have children. Jer. 16:2
 
F

Fb1973

Guest
#3
#3
Thank you already did the self defense training and own and know how to use a gun. I'm not afraid if him. My problem is getting over the emotional pain.
 
F

Fb1973

Guest
#4
#4
We have both been married before and have adult children. We are in our 40's.
 
serpentdove

serpentdove

Banned
#5
May 18, 2017
510
2
0
#5
Fb1973 said:
Thank you already did the self defense training and own and know how to use a gun. I'm not afraid of him. My problem is getting over the emotional pain.
Click to expand...
Your bridegroom loves you. Wait for him. Is 2:22, Jer 31:3.
Today is the last day of spring (Song 2:1-17). Give him your faith.
 
F

Fb1973

Guest
#7
#7
We have both been married and divorced. We were both left by spouses that cheated.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#8
Mar 13, 2014
42,739
17,199
113
70
Tennessee
#8
Your husband is physically abusive and if he has not cheated on you yet he is actively considering it. Seeing as you only have a year invested in this marriage my counsel is to divorce this leech and not look back. I hope there are no children involved. I have said a prayer for God to give you clarity of thought on how to best proceed in moving forward with your life.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#9
#9
serpentdove said:
If you're both already married why are you
marrying again? Rom. 7:2, 3

See:

Divorce & Re
marriage: A Position Paper by John Piper

Recommend reading:

The Divorce Myth by J. Carl Laney
Click to expand...
Seems an irrelevant question. They are already married. Past tense. Done and over with. So why not offer something useful instead if what you've been offering?
.

To OP
Firstly continue to be cautious of more violence. Peole with tendencies towards violence in a relationship have a low, low rate of change. He's both emotionally and physically abusive.
Second you can't expect forgiveness to happen over night. Forgiveness takes time and effort. Every day you have to choose to forgive all over again. Eventually it will become easier and easier until you grow past it. It may take years.
Also, in situations like this, you still wonder if he is different or not. Only time will tell if his heart and behavior have Truly changed or if it's just an act. So that still needs to be proven to you.
Bottom line just be patient and take active steps to forgive and move on. Also let him prove himself.
 
serpentdove

serpentdove

Banned
#10
May 18, 2017
510
2
0
#10
Fb1973 said:
We have both been married and divorced. We were both left by spouses that cheated.
Click to expand...
And you thought that that made you not married?
Your
marriage is not a legal one as you both already have spouses (Rom. 7:2, 3). You are both serial adulterers (Ro 6:1).

Recommend reading:

The Divorce Myth by J. Carl Laney
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#11
Feb 21, 2014
70,951
9,702
113
#11
Divorce him. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Once an abuser, always an abuser. My ex's many ex-gf's can attest to that..
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#12
Mar 13, 2014
42,739
17,199
113
70
Tennessee
#12
serpentdove said:
And you thought that that made you not married?
Your
marriage is not a legal one as you both already have spouses (Rom. 7:2, 3). You are both serial adulterers (Ro 6:1).

Recommend reading:

The Divorce Myth by J. Carl Laney
Click to expand...
It was made quite clear that they both were married to different spouses and divorced due to infidelity on the part of these other spouses. They are currently married to each other and it's quite legal. Unfortunately, the current husband is physically abusive and if has not done so is contemplating cheating on her.
 
F

Fb1973

Guest
#13
#13
If you don't have any advice to help me then please stop offering condemnation. I don't have to justify my remarriage to you. I was not a Christian when I married and divorced the first time. My God is a just and forgiving God.
 
S

sevenseas

Guest
#14
#14
ouch

how long did you know him before you married him?

so sorry for your predicament
 
S

sevenseas

Guest
#15
#15
tourist said:
It was made quite clear that they both were married to different spouses and divorced due to infidelity on the part of these other spouses. They are currently married to each other and it's quite legal. Unfortunately, the current husband is physically abusive and if has not done so is contemplating cheating on her.
Click to expand...

yeah

he is already cheating on her. his heart is not faithful. he sounds like bad news IMO
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#16
Mar 13, 2014
42,739
17,199
113
70
Tennessee
#16
Fb1973 said:
If you don't have any advice to help me then please stop offering condemnation. I don't have to justify my remarriage to you. I was not a Christian when I married and divorced the first time. My God is a just and forgiving God.
Click to expand...
He is indeed and merciful and compassionate.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#17
#17
Fb1973 said:
Thank you already did the self defense training and own and know how to use a gun. I'm not afraid if him. My problem is getting over the emotional pain.
Click to expand...
There is never a reason to stay with a person that is abusive,whether emotional or physical. My guess is your spouse is extremely immature and has an issue with commitment and remaining faithful. Did you know each other for long before you married? Are you both Christians? If counseling is helping that is great,stay in it even if he does not. If he hits you again,walk. Simple as that. No one has a right to abuse another. But as far as cheating he has an issue that needs counseling to deal with.If he refuses to go that would be another reason to leave IMO, hopefully a separation would wake him up. But you are dealing with a very immature person who is very self centered.I hope things improve between you.
 
F

Fb1973

Guest
#18
#18
We knew each other over a year. The whole time we see dating he never saw his female friend alone and she is the one who mentioned it after we got married. He has realized that any friends either of us have should he supportive of our marriage and not try to tear it down. He has honestly made a lot of progress but I am having a really hard time forgiving the things he did.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#19
#19
Fb1973 said:
If you don't have any advice to help me then please stop offering condemnation. I don't have to justify my remarriage to you. I was not a Christian when I married and divorced the first time. My God is a just and forgiving God.
Click to expand...
Please ignore sepentdove,she just likes to hear herself talk. She throws out verses that have nothing to do with the convo.,makes outrageous comments and condemns people all because she loves the attention she gets. Best thing you can do is ignore her.
 
F

Fb1973

Guest
#20
#20
We have been in counseling since December and it is helping.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.